F TROOP Fridays: "How to be F Troop Without Really Trying" (1966)

 

F TROOP Fridays: Number 41 

F TROOP: "How to be F Troop Without Really Trying" (ABC-TV/Warner Brothers 1966)  Season Two, Episode 2; Original Air Date: September 15, 1966.  Starring Forrest Tucker as Sergeant Morgan O'Rourke, Larry Storch as Corporal Randolph Agarn, Ken Berry as Captain Wilton Parmenter, Melody Patterson as Wrangler Jane, Frank deKova as Chief Wild Eagle, Don Diamond as Crazy Cat, James Hampton as Bugler Hannibal Dobbs, Bob Steele as Duffy, Joe Brooks as Vanderbilt.  Guest Stars: George Tyne as Major Bradley and Les Brown Jr. as Lieutenant Harrison.  Written by Arthur Julian.  Directed by David Alexander.

Major Bradley is the latest visiting officer to ride into Fort Courage.  Inspection?  Hardly. F Troop has been ordered to train their own replacements, G Troop.  The entire squad is being transferred to Bloody Creek, with the exception of one N.C.O. who will remain: Corporal Randolph Agarn.  

This news is poorly received by all: Agarn doesn't want to be left with a bunch of strangers, Jane and Wilton don't want to be separated by distance, and O'Rourke surely doesn't want to be away from his lucrative side hustle (though, unbelievably, this isn't even brought up until Act II).  An order is an order, however, and this is one time Uncle Sam seemingly won't be deterred by any shenanigans.

After The Singing Mountie opened F TROOP's sophomore season with a bang, the second color entry is a huge letdown.  The weakest of the 36 segments to date, How to be F Troop Without Really Trying is almost completely incongruous with everything that preceded it--surprising since it was written by the most prolific of the show's writers, Arthur Julian.  The single biggest issue is the complete impotence of Sergeant O'Rourke, heretofore the man who ruled while Parmenter reigned.  

More fun than the audience is having, that's for sure

Much like Bilko at Fort Baxter a century after him, O'Rourke was the real mover and shaker at Fort Courage.  When we met him in Scourge of the West, he'd already eliminated two Captains and a Major before Parmenter arrived (two desertions, one nervous breakdown) and gave him his "Great White Pidgeon"--the perfect C.O. for O'Rourke Enterprises.  Presidency of that Enterprises paid well enough that a General's pay would be a salary reduction, and threats to the Sarge's business were eliminated one by one--be they from a quartet of visiting Majors (including one from the Bengal Lancers!) or from empowered members of Parmenter's esteemed military family.  He might be temporarily bowed by each obstacle presented, but O'Rourke was never surrendering his highly profitable side hustle meekly.  

That Sergeant O'Rourke is missing entirely from How to be F Troop Without Really Trying.  Previously defending his Enterprises at all costs, he's oddly submissive to this order, deferring to Wilton's formal protest via official channels.  The helplessness might be understandable, but not the apathy.  The Sarge weirdly seems more concerned with the potential breakup of Jane and Wilton than with the loss of his own business until the literal day before the move, when he suddenly realizes he has one.  Even then we get no real subterfuge from the NCO's or their partners, just a toothless threat from Wild Eagle to break the treaty which goes nowhere.  A man willing to sabotage military strategy (to the point of letting the Hekawi take over Fort Courage once!) and even risk being burned at the stake to save his beloved establishment is now ungrudgingly handing the reigns to Agarn and becoming a soldier again.  Hey...who are you, and what have you done with Morgan O'Rourke?

The impression given is that working on Major Bradley is completely useless against this bureaucratic order--one somehow superior to all the others previously faced.  Why then, is it so abruptly overturned by a few seconds of post-Parmenter ineptitude (no worse than anything we've seen previously) by....Major Bradley?  And Sarge does nothing to facilitate the eventual fatal flaw---that incompetent F Troop would produce trainees just as hopeless.  He's already ridden off to Bloody Creek, when in fact this Achilles heel should have been one of O'Rourke's first thoughts, since this was his initial counter to the threat Bentley Royce posed in the aforementioned Phantom Major.  

As for the Vice President, Corporal Agarn's response also lacks his previous greed and ambition.  Before now (Play, Gypsy, Play and Lt. O'Rourke, Front and Center) eager to prove he could provide the brains of the organization just as well as the Sarge, Agarn is also a changed man for the worse.  Yeah, he's always been gentler than O'Rourke, but never to the point of having no heart whatsoever for even keeping the Enterprises going without him.  He's always been a weeper, but an avaricious one.  Until now, that is.  

"I was told you even smoked the peace pipe."

"I didn't inhale!"

With complete changes in our characters that normally would never be found outside of a dream sequence, there's little to recommend about How to be F Troop Without Really Trying.  It is historically significant for the above line, a quarter century before Bill Clinton famously used it, and also as the very first example of the "Who says I'm dumb?" exchange that would rival the falling lookout tower as F TROOP's signature running gag.  The rest of the time, this slow moving plot give us lots of ineptitude-fueled slapstick and sappy sentimentality failing to bolster Julian's still-solid wordplay.  Fortunately, O'Rourke and Agarn would return to being their normal materialistic selves in subsequent weeks, thankfully making this dire affair an outlier.  

HOW'S BUSINESS AT O'ROURKE ENTERPRISES?

About to go bankrupt without a whimper, apparently.  We never even visit the saloon and it is as if it doesn't even exist this week.  Strangely, O'Rourke has all that merchandise surrounding him while he sits in the NCO Club while he worries about the fate of the Wilton/Jane romance.  Yes, really.

NUMBER OF TIMES O'ROURKE COULD HAVE BEEN TRIED FOR TREASON?

He did consort with the enemy when he advised the Chief to threaten to break the treaty.  That's still a far cry from actually throwing battles or paying for easily repelled attacks, though, and not nearly as much fun.

WISE OLD HEKAWI SAYING?

Not much wisdom from anyone young or old in this.  Parmenter had a long-winded quote from his father that defended seemingly unjust Army orders, but extra verbiage didn't equal extra wisdom or humor.  

HISTORICAL FACTS:

Agarn asks Duffy to send him a letter Pony Express about his Alamo exploits, with the Private reminding him that it stopped running five years ago.  ("I know that Duffy.")  It did in fact cease operations in October 1861, so apparently How to be F Troop Without Really Trying takes place exactly one century prior to its September 1966 air date.

THE BOTTOM LINE:

The worst installment to date by far and arguably the worst of the entire series.  Other segments that didn't get the show's characters right were usually done by freelancers or first time F TROOP scripters. Writing his 15th episode here, Arthur Julian has no such excuse.  Fortunately, this was not indicative of a new direction.  Sandwiched between The Singing Mountie and Bye, Bye Balloon, How to be F Troop without Really Trying is an isolated dud best skipped over while you are binging IMO.  (1/2 star out of ****)

F TROOP is currently airing weekdays at 9 a.m. Eastern on THE OUTLAW NETWORK. 

Television Review: LOVE THAT BOB: "Bob and the Ballerina" (1959)

LOVE THAT BOB a.k.a. THE BOB CUMMINGS SHOW: "Bob and the Ballerina" (NBC-TV/Laurel-McCadden Productions 1959) Original Air Date: May 5, 1959.  Starring Bob Cummings as Bob Collins, Rosemary deCamp as Margaret MacDonald, Ann B. Davis as Schultzy, Dwayne Hickman as Chuck MacDonald, Sylvia Lewis as Natasha, Lawrence Dobkin as Maestro Bert Prival, Elvia Allman as Sylvia Montague, Marjorie Bennett as Betsy Niemeyer, Larri Thomas as Daphne, Jean Willes as Evelyn Engel, Tammy Marihugh as Tammy Johnson.  Written by Paul Henning and Dick Wesson.  Directed by Bob Cummings. 

Introduction to the LOVE THAT BOB a.k.a. THE BOB CUMMINGS SHOW episode guide is at this link.

Missing out on a beach vacation because her ladies' club is hosting a ballet, Margaret is dismayed to learn the the production of Swan Lake is troubled despite the secured services of director Prival and star Natasha.  The source of the trouble?  Here's a hint: after calling in with a "charley horse" for today's rehearsal, Natasha was observed leaving her apartment with a bearded gentleman.

"If you ask me, the horse is a wolf!"

Yes, the only one making any progress with the temperamental star is Margaret's brother Bob.  Prival bemoans that Natasha has missed multiple rehearsals, and is too pooped to pirouette when she does show.  Prival is ready to resign, but the ladies beg for patience: in a last ditch effort to save the production, they've set a trap to catch the couple and move practices to a top secret location away from El Lobo.

"Stay quiet as mice and we'll catch a rat!"

The second half of Bob and the Ballet, Bob and the Ballerina continues that installment's effort to get back to the show's basics and steer away from the Tammy Marihugh Experiment.  Over a decade before THE BRADY BUNCH crashed and burned with Cousin Oliver, THE BOB CUMMINGS SHOW attempted to introduce a youngster to idolize Bob with the pending departure of Dwayne Hickman to headline DOBIE GILLIS.  The eight episode Tammy arc accelerated the show's diminishing returns both creatively (we were past 150 episodes at this point) and in the all important Nielsens, so Tammy and her aunt are jettisoned to a beach vacation in the first thirty seconds so Bob can get back to horndog mode. And as Tammy exits, nephew Chuck returns--for Act One, anyway.

Finally, after several episodes trying to woo Tammy's widow aunt Evelyn, Bob is back to being our Playboy, sweeping the ballerine leader right off her feet.  "The King" is back in top form: Natasha is miserable when she's missing practices, but her interest level trumps all and Bob's organ is beating Bert's organizing, so to speak.  Since Margaret's culture committee needs its star, Maestro Prival has a lot of backing in his efforts to reclaim Swan Lake's star attraction. 

Womanizing is back on the front burner, Chuck's back at home, Bob is in full lothario mode (just can't wait until the show is over to woo her, can he?) and facing many obstacles to his latest conquest.  What's not to like?  The problems that preceded ersatz domestication remain: creative exhaustion with over 160 episodes in the can and a reduced writing team.  In LOVE THAT BOB's prime years we had a trio or quartet of scripters but Henning and Wesson had to handle the entire 38 episodes for 1958-59 themselves.  The strain shows: while this plot is faithful to the original premise, the execution isn't as crisp as before despite Cummings' disciplined direction.  

Bob and the Ballerina isn't overly reliant on slapstick like a few other fifth season entries, but isn't quite as inspired as the show at its peak either.  Natasha remains "tired, temperamental and uncooperative" when rehearsal is moved, so Bob seems more like a scapegoat instead of the root of the problem.  The denouement seems to open up more problems for Prival--how cooperative will jealous Natasha be working with Daphne now that she thinks the latter has been trying to steal her man?  Bob's comeuppance is based on wrongful accusation; it was always funnier when he crashed and burned under his own hubris.  

NATASHA: These are legs of a prima ballerina!

PRIVAL: Those are legs of Primo Carnera!

Still, there are some terrific lines and sight gags here, and Dobkin is inspired as Prival.  The real Bert Prival started dancing in the 1920's with the Metropolitan Opera and kept his durable L.A. dance studio until 1981.  Dobkin's fictional version is meticulous, enjoying telling off his fickle star when he thinks he has a replacement, and hilariously obsequious once he realizes he doesn't.  He isn't a romantic rival for Natasha, but he sure looks envious at Bob's mastery of her moods.  

The great Sylvia Lewis is still with us at 93, and makes her sixth series appearance after playing an eponymous model during the first two seasons.  Her lifelong friend and fellow dancer Larri Thomas passed through for the only time with this two parter; a shame, she'd have fit right in as one of the many models in Bob's studio and has a funny scene throwing herself at him (Bert's idea).

The retro approach makes this one of the best episodes in the final stretch for BOB CUMMINGS; with only nine episodes to go, we had the return of Tammy (thankfully, no longer a focus) and more "name" stars playing fictionalized versions of themselves (Ken Murray, Harry Von Zell) yet to come in efforts to freshen the humor.  But what worked best for LOVE THAT BOB was simple trust in its original premise, and Bob and the Ballerina offers solid proof of that despite falling short of top tier status. 

WHO WAS BLOCKING?

Outside of Chuck, who isn't given security clearance for the top secret rehearsal location, everyone is trying to stop our boy this time.  

Go away, boy, you bother me!

DID BOB SCORE?

Seems likely from the comments at this episode's outset that he already has with Natasha....see next section:

MOST SUGGESTIVE LINE:

"You can dance one length in your sleep...and a couple more nights like last night and you will!"  

See what I mean?  The mob is successful in stopping Bobby Boy from any repeat performances during this one, albeit through wrongful accusation. For once he isn't two timing!  It also seems like this comeuppance is unlikely to stick for long, Natasha's mood changes early and often. 

THE BOTTOM LINE:

It is great to see LOVE THAT BOB returning to its roots after flirting way too much with domestic conventionality for two months of shows, and Bob's carnal pursuits conflicting with his sister's charitable venture is always a winner.  All that said, inspired scripts like Bob Gives S.R.O. Performance have put up a high bar to clear in that latter area, and while Bob and the Ballerina is a decent, slightly above average effort, Cummings and friends aren't quite all the way back to top form here.  At least LOVE THAT BOB is looking like an adult sitcom again instead of coming painfully close to becoming what it spent four years lampooning.  (*** out of four)

Courtesy of Vern's 16 MM Showcase on Youtube, here's a terrific 16 MM print with original Winston commericals of Bob and the Ballerina for your viewing pleasure.  Yes, it is disabled on this site, so you'll have to click on the link to watch it there:

The WHITE SHADOW podcast with Cosmoetica

 

Yours truly returned to Dan Schneider's COSMOETICA podcast this weekend and also returned to one of The Horn Section's earliest television posts, on the woefully underrated yet fondly remembered CBS series THE WHITE SHADOW, which aired 54 episodes from 1978 to 1981.  COSMOETICA is one of the links I suggest you check out at the bottom of the right side of the page, as Dan has covered a wide range of great TV shows of the past, primarily covering the years 1965 to 1980.

Dan and Harv Aronson of Abstract Sports participated in the discussion with yours truly, in which we reminisce about the critically acclaimed and often prescient CBS series.  In preparation for the podcast, I revisited my Season Two DVD review from back in the day, and binge watched the show.  If anything, it looks even better to me today than it did in 2006.  Or even 1981 for that matter.

Anyway, here's the link to the one hour podcast.  On my second visit to Cosmoetica I was able to avoid technical difficulties this time around, so by all means check it out.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KzibTaiAgj0

Back with more reviews soon!

F TROOP Fridays: "The West Goes Ghost" (1966)

 

F TROOP Fridays -- Number 40 

F TROOP: "The West Goes Ghost" (1966 Warner Brothers/ABC-TV) Season Two, Episode 40: Original Air Date October 13, 1966.  Starring Forrest Tucker as Sgt. Morgan O'Rourke, Larry Storch as Corporal Randolph Agarn, Ken Berry as Captain Wilton Parmenter, Melody Patterson as Wrangler Jane, Frank deKova as Chief Wild Eagle, James Hampton as Bugler Hannibal Dobbs, Joe Brooks as Private Vanderbilt, Bob Steele as Trooper Duffy, Ivan Bell as Dudleson, Don Diamond as Crazy Cat.  Guest Star Don Beddoe as Harry The Hermit.  Written by Arthur Julian.  Directed by Seymour Robbie.

Sergeant O'Rourke's latest scheme is arguably his biggest ever, big enough to need two new partners (Dobbs and Vanderbilt): homesteading Paradise Junction, a nearby ghost town.  O'Rourke has inside information that the railroad will soon be passing through Paradise, and the Sarge feels the upside is high enough for the men to legally buy their way out of the army.  It isn't the easiest sale to Agarn, but the two men who aren't benefitting from being Vice President of O'Rourke Enterprises already are ready to try it, and the Corporal follows suit.

"We can make a fortune here!"

"Selling dust?"

It's easy to see holes in the plan right away: Dobbs and Agarn will be the town dentist and doctor, respectively (that's what medical books are for, right?).  "Man of Vision" Vanderbilt will run the hotel while O'Rourke runs the bank.  Doctor Agarn is the largest obstacle once he's clued in by Jane and Wild Eagle that Paradise has literal ghosts roaming the grounds--those of Black Jack Crawford and Maud Fletcher.

As was the case in Captain Parmenter, One Man Army, O'Rourke decides to take his Enterprises into the civilian world.  That was planned as a temporary side hustle, though--this time it's for keeps, with O'Rourke citing the Homestead Act (1862, one would assume) and planning to leave Army life for good.  Attracting people to the abandoned former Paradise hinges solely on the Sarge's inside information on the railroad and it isn't much of a spoiler to reveal that the scuttlebutt has it wrong.

"If we believe in happy hunting ground in the sky, how tough is it to believe in ghosts?"

The President of O'Rourke Enterprises also had much more enthusiastic support from his regular partners in the previous season's venture.  Wild Eagle has zero interest, though it appears his aversion is to offering whiskey on credit rather than the rumored apparitions.  Since there are no residents in Paradise Junction yet, one must assume O'Rourke needs the red-eye advance for the regular saloon while he meets the financial requirements for the application.

"Are you sure Millard Fillmore ain't President?"

Unsuccessful at bringing life to the deserted Junction, O'Rourke does manage to solve the mystery of Blackjack Crawford: he's Harry the Hermit, who seems to be a big reason the town has no other residents.  Not that he needs to scare them away, as he seems more than capable of annoying anyone away who comes near in our few minutes with him.  Delightfully grungy here, ubiquitous character actor Don Beddoe's more than 300 credits included UNHOLY PARTNERS, the MAVERICK episode Rope of Cards, and HONOLULU LU and HOODLUM EMPIRE with Tucker.

With a pencil thin story to hang everything on and a punch line delivered long before the end, the key point of interest for The West Goes Ghost is seeing so many secondary characters in different duds.  Vanderbilt gets more to do than usual (though the "sight" gags are never far away); Dobbs is the nominal adult in the room as his running season two rivalry with Agarn picks up steam; O'Rourke and Agarn's suits from One Man Army look funnier in color (particularly the latter); but Duffy's promotion all the way to three stripes after over thirty years of service seems like it should be a bigger event.  Predictably, the new Sergeant's role model remains Davy Crockett. 

After Agarn's disastrous kitchen foray in Too Many Cooks Spoil the Troop O'Rourke doesn't take any chances--Dobbs handles the cooking in Paradise.  There's a great foreshadowing in-joke after the Bugler names the ingredients of his Louisiana roots-driven dinner: wild rabbit stew, corn fritters, mustard greens and black-eyed peas.  O'Rourke responds by quoting the signature song of Tucker's childhood hero Phil Harris: "and that's what I like about the South!"  Harris was three months away from memorably guest starring in What Are You Doing After the Massacre?  

NUMBER OF TIMES O'ROURKE COULD HAVE BEEN TRIED FOR TREASON:

None; can't commit many military crimes when you're not in the service for ninety percent of the episode.

NAGGING QUESTIONS:

Lots.  Why doesn't Captain Parmenter just show O'Rourke the letter requesting a railroad protection detail--proof that Paradise is being bypassed--instead of the elaborate ruse with Jane?  Why doesn't Harry the Hermit stake a claim to the town, since he claims to have lived there 20 years?  And why is Harry so quick to leave when he feels he has ghostly competition, since two decades seems like a Hell of a commitment to abandon in five seconds?

PROMOTIONS:

In Lt. O'Rourke, Front and Center the Sergeant's temporary commission resulted in equally temporary promotions to Sergeant (Agarn), Corporal (Dobbs), and Bugler (Hoffenmueller).  Agarn and Dobbs join this venture, leaving F Troop with a distressingly thin bench.  Duffy goes from zero stripes all the way to three, and Dudleson gets the bugler nod (he isn't really a downgrade, IMO).  But apparently no one left can fill Agarn's shoes, since there's no temporary Corporal.  Interestingly, the new cannon crew is able to miss the lookout tower, but unable to avoid hitting Jane's general store and the customers in it.

HOW'S BUSINESS AT O'ROURKE ENTERPRISES?

While the Paradise Junction venture yields no profits, one would hope he isn't out the cost of the homestead application yet and that he and the men get their buyouts back after the quick reenlistment.

WISE OLD HEKAWI SAYING?

Some wisdom regarding lending and the aforementioned quote on superstitions, but no literal saying this time.

PC OR NOT PC?

A stereotype is only being played up as an excuse.  Wild Eagle isn't really afraid of ghosts, just of extending credit.  Considering the success of the venture, he's proven right. 

THE BOTTOM LINE:

The West Goes Ghost goes down easy enough during its inevitable journey back to the status quo.  Some good lines by Julian and a rare chance to see everyone either out of uniform or in different positions but this one is awfully slight and seems padded well before the end of Act II.  An average entry at best.  Every Sixties sitcom needed a haunted house or town at least once and F TROOP did their comedy of horrors better with V is for Vampire later in the season.  (**1/2 out of four)  

F TROOP airs at 9 A.M. to 11 A.M. Eastern Time weekdays on The Outlaw Network.

Television Review: LOVE THAT BOB: "Bob's Economy Wave" (1957)

 

LOVE THAT BOB a.k.a. THE BOB CUMMINGS SHOW: "Bob's Economy Wave" (1957 NBC-TV/ Laurel-McCadden Productions) Original Air Date: April 18, 1957.  Starring Bob Cummings as Bob Collins, Rosemary deCamp as Margaret MacDonald, Ann B. Davis as Schultzy, Lyle Talbot as Paul Fonda, Dwayne Hickman as Chuck MacDonald, Lisa Gaye as Collette Dubois, Maxine Gates as Maxine, Ralph Dumke as Leo the Butcher, General Clarence Shoop as Himself.  Written by Paul Henning, Shirl Gordon, Phil Shuken and Dick Wesson.  Directed by Bob Cummings.

Introduction to the LOVE THAT BOB/BOB CUMMINGS SHOW episode guide at this link.

Bob's Economy Wave is an annual occurrence after income taxes are paid each year (note the air date), so let the cost cutting begin.  Challenged to do a better job with the food budget than Margaret is already doing, Bob baffles the family by bringing home what appears to be $100 worth of meat after exiting with a double sawbuck.

Well, $94.50 worth of meat to be exact; a phone call from Leo the Butcher reveals that Bob bartered his studio time ($100 value) photographing Leo's daughter Maxine in exchange for months of prime beef.  Not wanting to give up on his original belt-tightening point, Bob enters into an agreement (overseen by Schultzy) that he will join the rest of them in sticking to a set "allowance"--a contract that may not make it 24 hours once Collette reminds him of their big date that evening.  And speaking of big dates, Maxine arrives for her studio time and proves to be a literal eyeful.

Bobby boy is in full fledged stinker mode from fade-in to fade-out in Bob's Economy Wave.  After the attempted subterfuge on his fair exchange fails he schemes to: fake Margaret out of their agreement with a phony phone call; paint the town rouge with Collette on Fonda's dime; and finally, shift that date with her to steak Chez Moi (by faking a cold).  

"The man of iron is about to be melted, how you say, down?"

Each new ruse blows up in his face, and the faked call creates a bigger misunderstanding by giving Bob a second date that evening--one he'd never set up for himself knowingly.  Bob succeeds surprisingly often during this episode guide--when he does crash and burn it is usually due to his own hubris (Bob Batches It) which often brings the same height of humor we got when BILKO overplayed a hand.  The new wrinkle in Bob's Economy Wave is that our boy never knowingly two times Collette--it really is a misunderstanding.  Bob's deadly sin this time is pride in his thrift.

"Did you photograph her?"

"With a wide angle lens..."

And, boy, is this a collapse worthy of the 21st century Miami Dolphins in December.  When the music stops Margaret is dressed up and going out with Paul Fonda, but Collette's date for the evening is the very married General Shoop (his real life wife Julie Bishop is name dropped, so no hanky panky Shoopy!), and despite her fuming once she learns of Bob's (inadvertent, this time!) "two timing" she is thrilled to learn that Clarence is fluent in her native language.  Bob?  His date for the evening is the very eager Maxine, who keeps turning the lights out on him when they're alone and looking at "shy" Collins like he's one of those steaks on the stove. 

"When Bob says he'll get a girl like that (snaps fingers) he means like that!"

Bob's Economy Wave may not offer many love lessons, but it does offer a historical lesson on the barter system.  One could use it as Bob does here to fly under the I.R.S.' radar in the Eisenhower Era.  It took another 25 years before Uncle Sam really got wise to it, with the Fiscal Responsibility Act of 1982 taking this loophole away.  It seems like everyone wins financially: Leo the Butcher is ecstatic with his side of the deal.  Hey, if daughter's happy, momma must be happy too.  Bob's ultimate victory is open to debate, but at least he has yet to cave on his three way family contest at fade-out.

Ease up there Shoopy, Julie Bishop is waiting when you get home

"Parlez vous Francais?"

"Well, not enough!" 

Bob may not be having much mirth onscreen when all is said and done, but the star obviously enjoyed directing this door slammer.  Particularly the second act, which only leaves the maison for two calls.  Suffice to say that the phone was consistently our playboy's undoing, whether the calls were incoming or not.   I guess saving money by getting rid of it is out of the question though.

Maxine Gates was likely best known for her trio of Three Stooges shorts and brought her comedic timing back to LOVE THAT BOB in similar fashion for Bob, the Matchmaker.  This was Ralph Dumke's only appearance here, but he was familiar to McCadden Productions as Mr. MacAfee in a quartet of BURNS AND ALLEN episodes.  In its ninety-third episode overall, LOVE THAT BOB is past its halfway point but solidly in its prime, with its best team of writers (IMO) and director on a roll.

WHO WAS BLOCKING?

Bob blocked himself with his zeal to prove his superior management of the family purse strings in the view of yours truly.  However, the final blow is delivered by "that wolf" Paul Fonda himself, who gleefully informs Collette of Bob's "other date".  The end result was a definite downgrade in his evening's plans.  To be fair, we all know Collette will be back and resuming her rivalry with Shirley Swanson in the future, but as for the present.....

DID BOB SCORE?

With Collette, an emphatic Hell no, and I'll bet old Shoopy could have if not happily married from the looks of things.  But home plate is still available to Bobby Boy if he desires.  He has the house to himself with his consolation prize, and from the looks of things he's going to need that steak dinner, since he'll be calorically depleted from running or being caught.  Possibly both.

Lisa Gaye fresh out of the bubble bath.  You're welcome.

THE BOTTOM LINE: 

After viewing this episode and the riotous Bob and Automation it feels safe to say that Mr. Collins should just lay off the austerity plans for his fam.  In that instance the end result was a swing and a miss with Millie Davis; here, it costs him what seems to be a certain score with Collette DuBois.  Those draconian income tax rates from days of yore would be mined at deadline time a year later in Bob Retrenches, but this episode has higher stakes (Lisa Gaye, gents!) and with them higher comedic peaks, outdated fat shaming be damned.  (***1/2 out of four) 

Bob's Economy Wave was originally viewed on another YouTube account; while my original source for this episode is gone, there is this colorized version still up on YouTube so you can check the episode out for yourself:

GET CHRISTIE LOVE!: Teresa Graves in TV GUIDE, November 30-December 6, 1974

Fifty years ago this week, Teresa Graves graced the cover of TV Guide, two months after the premiere of GET CHRISTIE LOVE!  

"He throws her to the floor.  She gets up.  He knocks her down again.  She kicks him.  She stomps him hard with her foot and uses karate to toss him over her shoulder....Then Time out for Bible Study".  

So begins Richard Warren Lewis' cover story, written some eight months after Miss Graves was baptized a Jehovah's Witness.  Her trailer on set is noted to have a New World Translation of the Holy Scriptures and several copies of Awake magazine rather than the expected "Hollywood trade papers and dog-eared scripts".   

 

Maybe this issue, from July 1974, was one of them

Graves relates spending 100 hours per month (nights and weekends) pioneering for Jehovah, and her agreement with producers guaranteed her a 5 P.M. release once a week for Bible study along with a two day furlough to attend the sect's Dodger Stadium assembly.

It's too bad TV Guide is typically skimpy with the photos, as the only accompanying one is shown above.  Still, we do get a thorough retrospective on Graves' career, with the star apparently time limited (or perhaps reticent) and co-manager Laura Brillstein filling in the blanks for Lewis.  "She played the hippy-dippy girl on LAUGH-IN, but that's not Teresa".  Indeed it isn't, Miss Graves is a non-smoker and non-drinker who lives with and supports her mother.  (This would incidentally also be the case some 28 years later when Graves sadly perished in a house blaze; Graves' mother had recently had a stroke and was hospitalized and thus not at the home when it caught fire in October 2002.)

Manager Laura Brillstein keeps a scrapbook for her client, admitting that "in six years, I don't think she (Teresa) has saved a clipping".  She also admits that "we have no immediate plans for what Teresa is going to do if and then this series is over".  Further, "she has expressed no tremendous desire to be a superstar.  If it happens, it is going to be in spite of  Teresa".  As it would turn out, GET CHRISTIE LOVE! would be her Hollywood swan song: a year after this issue was on the newsstands, Graves had already walked away from showbiz for good at age 27.  

Teresa Graves in VAMPIRA

One can certainly see that coming from reading Lewis' article.  VAMPIRA (playing a titular creature) and BLACK EYE (as a bisexual girlfriend of the lead detective) are cited as two projects Graves had taken pre-conversion but would not have considered after it.  Lewis himself notes the impact on her vehicle: "with the downgrading of violence has come a lessening of the show's original bite".  

To further that thought, Cleveland Amory's review in this issue is POLICE WOMAN, NBC's more successful female undercover officer given a Friday time slot following SANFORD AND SON and new hits CHICO AND THE MAN and THE ROCKFORD FILES.  Predictably, Amory isn't all that impressed with the show, but the review certainly describes the key difference between it and CHRISTIE succinctly.  POLICE WOMAN has "so far given you either rape or prostitution every week, although once in a while, as a special treat, you get drugs!"  Proving that POLICE WOMAN was giving the 10 P.M. audience what it wanted half a century ago, Angie Dickinson and the late Earl Holliman were off to a four year run on NBC.  Meanwhile, the content restricted CHRISTIE was gone by the Spring of '75.   GetTV has run POLICE WOMAN on weekends recently, though it is currently on hiatus. 

This issue (mine is the Cleveland edition) contains a six-page TV Guide insert that you would only see in the heart of the Seventies:  a Happy Hour Mixology with 45 drink recipes plus a Primer of Happy Hour Astrology!  The picture makes it clear, this is your guide to impressing the opposite sex (and presumably, drunkenly getting it on after the Christmas party!).

Yes, you'll have all the answers when inevitably asked "What's your sign?"

And you'll have new fewer than 45 bartending choices, so your odds of being able to mix her favorite just got worlds better.  TV Guide, giving you all your viewing choices AND helping you get laid for the holidays.  But just in case you strike out (maybe you're just the wrong sign?) we've got TV listings for you too!

If you're not reading Mitchell Hadley's weekly vintage TV Guide reviews every Saturday at It's About TV, you should be.  When he does an issue from the 1960's, he compares ED SULLIVAN to HOLLYWOOD PALACE; for his Seventies issues, we get DON KIRSHNER'S ROCK CONCERT versus MIDNIGHT SPECIAL every week.  Following Mitchell's example, I'll do the same:

The Cleveland area has an embarrassment of riches at 1 A.M. early Saturday, first off.  We have NBC's MIDNIGHT SPECIAL going head to head with not one, but two KIRSHNERs.  Check it out:

MIDNIGHT SPECIAL gives us Tom Jones, Chuck Berry and....Kiki Dee???  Ok, two out of three ain't bad, especially when Tom and Chuck do a medley together.  KIRSHNER 1 counters with Felix Cavaliere and Donovan; KIRSHNER 2 gives us Golden Earring, Bloodstone and Jo Jo Gunne.  Neither is a bad option, but SPECIAL wins this battle hands down with two Hall of Famers.  Having said that, check out a third option, WIDE WORLD IN CONCERT, going head to head with Carson an hour and a half earlier:

Kirshner created this monster, which ran on ABC approximately bi-weekly from 1972 to 1975, leaving it to go syndicated with the show bearing his name.  And check out this powerhouse lineup with two Hall of Famers in its own right: Sly and the Family Stone?  The late, great Minnie Riperton?  And Rush, fresh off their first album?  Easily eclipsing both Kirshner shows later that night, and it would create a dilemma if it aired at 1:00.  It's likely that this was one of Rush's earliest shows with Neil Peart, who made his debut with the band on August 11 that year.  Fortunately in this pre-VCR era, you can catch this at 11:30 PM and change the channel to MIDNIGHT SPECIAL right after for a phenomenal Friday night of concerts.  And if you get lucky thanks to your newfound drink and astrology wizardry, you have some great music to make out to.

KIRSHNER might be beaten on Friday by the networks, but shows the power of syndication by having three additional cracks at it on Saturday night at 11:30, going head to head to head with himself on Channels 5, 9 and 35!  We don't have a listing for Channel 35's offering, so if these two lineups don't float your boat you can take your chances with that one.  Channel 9 offers Fleetwood Mac (pre-Lindsay and Stevie), Weather Report and Blue Swede (ooga chaka!)  Channel 5's ROCK CONCERT counters with the Edgar Winter Group and Foghat.  Suffice to say that no matter what your taste you could find some live music to your liking at some point on the weekends.

Speaking of multiple options in syndication, 1974 was a great time to be a GILLIGAN'S ISLAND fan living in Ohio.

  

Yes, that's GILLIGAN going head to head to head with itself at 4 P.M. on channels 6, 13 and 33, and channel 43 wisely avoiding the fray by airing its GILLIGAN a half hour after the chaos at 4:30!  Better still, Channel 24 offered you a fifth trip to the Island at 7 P.M. each weekday!  If you don't like MIKE DOUGLAS, MERV GRIFFIN or GILLIGAN though, your options seem somewhat limited.  Though I could always deal with Charo in 1974:

You could too, admit it!

Getting back to our articles for a minute, it says something that Teresa Graves got the cover over two guys at the peak of their respective powers in December 1974.  First we have Paul Newman, just a week away from hitting theatres in THE TOWERING INFERNO.  His TV venture for the week is narrating The Wild Places for NBC, airing Monday the 2nd and spotlighting America's wilderness areas: a caribou range in Alaska, Utah's Red Rock Canyon and Minnesota's North Woods lakes among them.  Newman likely had a tough go in the ratings against THE ROOKIES and GUNSMOKE though.

And second, John Denver, who got the plum spot of 8 P.M. Sunday night on ABC for his latest special, Back Home Again.  Obviously, he plays that track, sings with guest Doris Day, and of course gets around to "Thank God I'm a Country Boy". 

Dick Van Dyke and George Gobel help supply the comedy, and Denver gets his own showcase article indicating that many more ABC specials are forthcoming.  Indeed there are, one or two annually through 1983.

Competing with Denver is the debut of AMY PRENTISS, yet another female detective making her debut in 1974-75.  Jessica Walter has the title role in this spinoff of IRONSIDE (in its final season) and has a lot going for it: William Shatner guest stars in the debut and it is the newest spoke in the NBC MYSTERY MOVIE.  Alas, both POLICE WOMAN and CHRISTIE LOVE outlast it: PRENTISS airs only three installments and is gone by February.  All is not lost, though: Walter does win an Emmy for outstanding actress in a limited series, beating out Susan Saint James.

My Dolphins beat the Bengals 24-3 on MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL, but the one and only World Bowl, 1974's World Football League championship, takes place on Thursday night at 9 P.M. on Channel 61 with Jack Gotta's Birmingham Americans edging out Jack Pardee's Florida Blazers 22-21.  The Americans led 22-0 going into the fourth quarter but a furious rally by the Blazers comes up a point short.  Thrilling, no doubt, but I always hated the WFL for taking Csonka, Kiick and Warfield from my 'Fins and then folding.  So I probably would do it like Pruitt and watch MOVIN' ON instead.  You can catch it on Tubi and on ION network yourself in 2024. 

Christmas specials won't kick into high gear for another week, but we do have Santa Claus is Coming to Town at 8 P.M. Thursday and Yes, Virginia, There is a Santa Claus at 8 P.M. Friday, both on ABC.

My tough decision of the week comes on Sunday night, with a couple of choice reruns and a personal favorite film colliding at 11:30 P.M. Eastern.  You get Buddy Hackett AND Steve Martin on a TONIGHT SHOW rerun.  Even if Buddy can't be as hilariously blue as he would be on his HBO Special a few years later, it's still gotta be pretty great.  Meanwhile WIDE WORLD repeats an EVENT from earlier (like I said, concerts on TV were incredible a half century ago) recorded during the legendary California Jam on April 6, 1974: Earth, Wind and Fire, the Eagles, and Seals and Crofts!  Jackson Browne joined the Eagles, filling in for Don Felder (whose wife was giving birth).  Just a fabulous lineup, arguably the best overall 90 minutes of live music in a week full of riches.

Marie Gomez (L) making the movie better, as always

And yet, I'm considering a third option: RIO CONCHOS on Channel 11 because my girl Marie Gomez is in it.

And wrapping up this look at TV GUIDE a half century ago this week, I'll take it back to another childhood crush of yours truly, cover girl Teresa Graves, who remains "eternally optimistic" and quotes the Apostle Paul for her closing quote on her way out of Hollywood stardom: "For all things I have the strength by virtue of Him who imparts power to me."   We certainly missed her on the tube in the years to come, but she certainly found something in life more fulfilling to her than superstardom.  

Agent Brillstein might have been about to lose a client, but hardly seems bitter: "She's found something for herself, a very calm, controlled way of life.  Few people can live that way.  She's very lucky."

And we were very lucky she shared her talents for a few years before moving on to her life's calling.  R.I.P.