FILM REVIEWS: Best of the Guest Posts

Up and coming: I will be guesting at Rupert Pupkin Speaks yet again.  Rupert's blog is one of my daily reads, and I strongly encourage you to follow the link and take a look.  You'll find lots of leads on the obscure, overlooked, and the very old there.

I'm honored to be invited to participate in Mr. Pupkin's many cinematic compilations, and in the process, I've reviewed many films there for prior guest posts that never made it here to The Horn Section.  Primarily because they're readily available on DVD.  Below is a "best of" compilation from my past Guest Posts there.  Stay tuned for another one soon!  In the meantime, check these out.  And if you'd been reading Rupert's blog all along, you'd have already read these!  Hint, hint.

VALLEY OF THE DOLLS (1967)

(Bad Movies We Love series)

VALLEY OF THE DOLLS has been revered as perhaps the ultimate Bad Movie We Love for 45 years. The differences? The screenwriters didn’t try too hard (I.e. the attempt Ellison and Co. made to create a new, hip OCEAN’S 11 styled language throughout 1966’s THE OSCAR) and we actually saw these performers performing, rather than just telling us how great they are for two hours without giving us any backing evidence. As a result, VALLEY OF THE DOLLS gave us reason to believe that these flawed people are also talented--even if all the signing in the film was dubbed.

Jacqueline Susann’s trashy novel became a trashy movie, but featured far fewer Oscar winners embarrassing themselves than the aforementioned THE OSCAR. The only honorees embarrassing themselves in VALLEY were a horribly miscast Patty Duke and Susan Hayward. The one truly professional performance is from TV journeyman Paul Burke (NAKED CITY), who manages to keep a straight face while squeezing Duke’s face and trying to make the 20 year old actress (playing 26) look “thirty-six” with puffy cheeks and bloodshot eyes from the Dolls and booze. DOLLS’ charm comes from a cast full of TV names, and Barbara Parkins and Sharon Tate are hilariously wooden in contrast to Duke’s hystrionics.  Special mention goes to Martin Milner, who actually appears to be phonetically reading his lines off a teleprompter, even when walking out on Duke’s Neely.

Everyone sleeps with everyone, everyone takes pills, and everyone gets swallowed up by Hollywood. Still, VALLEY OF THE DOLLS has been forgiven, probably because it’s been a consistent money maker while THE OSCAR was a notorious financial flop. No matter, they’re both trashy and overblown and downright lovable.

WILD IN THE STREETS (1968)

(Favorite Film Discoveries series 2011)

Satire about the youth revolution succeeding and putting a President in place who is a younger, urban version of Lonesome Rhodes, only more adept at manipulating The Game. As a matter of fact, he makes the career politicians look like amateurs. Implausible government takeover? Hell, try mathematically impossible.  We're told early on that 52% of the USA is ‘under 25’.  Still, even if the voting age is lowered to 14, that still excludes those 13 and under, which would have to be at least half of that "52%"--26% of the country's population remains at best, right?  Therefore, even if we assume that those aged 14-24 vote for him unanimously, Christopher Jones’ Max Frost still wouldn't have enough votes to win even a three-way race (which would require a minimum of 33.34%.  The 24 year old singing idol Frost also comes across as way too sexist to inspire complete unity, even by the standards of the era.

Okay, so there’s plenty here that is out of the realm of possibility, which means that this satire ain’t exactly  DR. STRANGELOVE.  WILD IN THE STREETS still has its moments, with more thought provoking elements than you‘d expect in a film by AIP.  For example, check out the uncanny foreshadowing of Kent State. Jones, who should have had a bigger career, is much more charismatic than his character. Look for a young Richard Pryor, Kevin Coughlin, Millie Perkins, and Hal Holbrook channeling JFK as the candidate seeking the “youth vote“ and getting far more than he bargains for.

WILD IN THE STREETS is available for viewing on Netflix Instant.  "Max Frost and the Troopers" ended up with a memorable hit from the film's soundtrack, "Shape of Things to Come". 

HISTORY OF THE WORLD, PART 1 (1981)

(Bad Movies We Love series)

Mel Brooks lost something when he stopped collaborating with Gene Wilder and gave himself more time on-camera after the twin triumphs of BLAZING SADDLES and YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN. The result: SILENT MOVIE and HIGH ANXIETY, both pretty funny but increasingly repetitive and self-indulgent. It was at this point of diminishing returns that Brooks decided to try the sketch movie, a genre that even at its best (KENTUCKY FRIED MOVIE, GROOVE TUBE) is undisciplined by its very nature. From a filmmaking standpoint, HISTORY OF THE WORLD PART 1 is an absolute mess, with the least successful segment (the Roman empire) lasting the longest and the opening segment building little momentum with one clunker after another.

HISTORY is sloppily made with clumsy attempts to tie things together (“Miracle!”), Brooks mugging shamelessly and giving himself a half dozen roles, and (with collaborators like Andrew Bergman, Richard Pryor and Wilder missing) more toilet jokes than ever before. Why on earth does this effort get some love? The second half. No, the narrative doesn’t improve, but Brooks’ Spanish Inquisition by way of Busby Berkeley almost reaches the heights of “Springtime for Hitler”. Then he gives us a French Revolution that is tasteless, childish and very quotable (“Wait for the shake!” “It‘s GOOD to be da King!”). It’s never gets any less slapdash, but HISTORY OF THE WORLD PART 1 finally wears you down and makes the jump from painful groaner to guilty pleasure in its final 45 minutes. “The King and the Piss-Boy” might not quite have the same ring to it as “The Prince and the Pauper”, but Brooks proves that he can’t go wrong even when he isn’t going right. At least that was the case until LIFE STINKS, anyway.


DEATH WISH 3 and ROCKY IV (both 1985)

(Bad Movies We Love series)

November 1985 began with DEATH WISH 3 atop the box office and ended with ROCKY IV’s record setting opening weekend, making it the ultimate month for 80’s action. Both featured iconic action heroes embracing the times and becoming larger than life superheroes. With Paul Kersey’s entire family completely wiped out by his third cinematic adventure, he’ll have to make do by dating a DA young enough to be his granddaughter and avenging an old war buddy who somehow smuggled two Browning machine guns home from Korea (and past the cops’ strict “no gun” policy). Absolutely nothing in DW3 makes sense: Kersey orders rocket launchers and elephant guns through the mail, executes a purse snatcher with the latter to the cheers of an entire neighborhood, and knocks out men one-fourth of his age with a single punch.  In perhaps the biggest stretch of all, Kersey tells us that boiling cabbage “smells wonderful“. A complete riot literally and figuratively from beginning to end, DEATH WISH 3 becomes a little more entertaining with each viewing. The very definition of a Bad Movie We Love.

Paul Kersey singlehandedly reduced New York City’s population by about ten percent in his third outing.  Meanwhile, there’s only one death in 91 minutes during ROCKY IV, but don’t think the 147 to 1 disadvantage in screen deaths makes Balboa’s fourth outing any less outlandish than Kersey’s third. After all, Balboa gets more ripped at age 40 than he ever was before, and does it with good old fashioned lumberjack work and mountain climbing while opponent Ivan Drago needs all the steroids he can get despite being 15 years younger, 70 pounds heavier and 10 inches taller. Gee, if Rocky had only trained in Siberia a decade earlier.

RAMBO aside, Stallone also shows us he’s a pacifist at heart(!), articulating (sort of) that “it’s better for two guys to be killing each other than 20 million” and winning the Cold War singlehandedly. His post fight speech gets a standing ovation from Gorbachev himself! Well, okay, the fake Gorbachev, looking like Frank Drebin just got through with him. More reliant on montages and more exaggerated than ever, ROCKY IV is so high comedy that Brigitte Nielsen’s accent isn’t even one of the 10 funniest things here.

After these antics, both Bronson and Stallone almost sheepishly tried to scale things back with their respective subsequent fifth installments (DEATH WISH 4 was also over the top, but couldn't match DW3--what could?). Still, we can all be thankful these long running franchises simultaneously embraced their inner cartoons for these classic time capsules of Eighties hubris. Watch them as a double feature, and for maximum recreation of the time and place, spin ZZ Top’s “Afterburner” during intermission. 

WALK HARD: THE DEWEY COX STORY (2007) 

(Underrated Comedies series)

I realize the past decade has more or less been the Age of Apatow, but yours truly hasn’t really been drinking the Kool-Aid.  To name two examples, I have yet to give KNOCKED UP or THE 40-YEAR OLD VIRGIN a second viewing.  But there is one film in his canon that would make any list of my favorite re-watchables: WALK HARD, a riotous spoof of virtually every music bio Hollywood has produced since 1978's THE BUDDY HOLLY STORY. John C. Reilly is pitch perfect as the titular character, burdened with the responsibility of becoming “double great” for him and his deceased brother (whose death he feels responsible for). 

WALK THE LINE seems to be the biggest inspiration for the first decade of Dewey’s superstardom, but Mr. Cox crosses paths with as many music genres as movie clichés before his STORY ends.  In the process he becomes a Forrest Gump for a half century of popular music from rockabilly to rap, providing one gut busting laugh after another for WALK HARD’s lean 97 minute (theatrical cut) running time.  The satirical targets are varied and inspired: fiftyish Kevin Spacey’s insistence on playing the twentyish Bobby Darin at all life stages during BEYOND THE SEA, Gary Busey and Company winning over an all African-American audience in the Fifties (the aforementioned BUDDY HOLLY STORY), and LSD’s not-so-positive effects on musicians not named The Beatles (i.e. Syd Barrett).  

Through it all, Reilly brings his A-game on and off the microphone. It’s helped a great deal by Apatow’s ceding of the director’s chair to Jake Kasdan, who eliminates some of the former’s usual excesses (even if he includes a few penis jokes too many in the final cut). The director’s cut (23 minutes longer) is even more worthwhile, with some priceless digs at the disco era (including cameos by Patrick Duffy, Cheryl Ladd and Cheryl Tiegs!) that theatre audiences missed.   You’re likely to find a new highlight the first several times you watch, whether it’s John Michael Higgins’ impatient record executive, Tim Meadows’ unconvincing drug warnings, or the life-saving power of blankets. Whether the failure of WALK HARD to light up the box office was poor timing (a Christmas weekend release?) or improper marketing focus, it is a “so dumb it’s smart” classic that certainly ranks as the best spoof movie of the past decade.  My DVD recommendation is to buy the director’s cut.  It isn’t edited quite as well, but you’ll get your money’s worth in the many extras, and the theatrical version is also included.  A great soundtrack too, led by the titlular tune penned by Marshall Crenshaw ("Someday, Someway").

Crush-A-Thon: Marie Gomez of BARQUERO (1970)

This is the Horn Section's contribution to the Jennifer Connelly Memorial Crushathon hosted by our pal Todd at Forgotten Films!  By all means check out the earlier entries in this great idea for a blogathon, which started on Thanksgiving and has contributions from several of us in blogger land.

As always, I am honored to be invited, and I highly recommend checking out the archives at Forgotten Films.  Here is today's post as it appears at the Blogathon there.

I've written about my own celebrity crushes from time to time (Tamara Dobson and Diana Sands, R.I.P.) so for Todd's blogathon I chose another lovely lady who captured my attention way back when but hasn't had her moment in the sun at the Section yet.  Until now, that is.

BARQUERO was a childhood favorite of mine despite being very hard to find for three decades after its 1970 arrival.  Never released on VHS and yet to make it to DVD, this ultraviolent (over a hundred deaths--go ahead, count 'em!) Western barely rated a blip in Maltin's Film Guide and could only occasionally be seen in late night superstation showings.

Once Showtime (and later Encore) began airing BARQUERO regularly around the turn of the century, fans discovered a hidden treasure.  BARQUERO boasted a great cast headed by Leone (Lee Van Cleef) and Peckinpah (Warren Oates) cult favorites and arguably the best late-career role for Horn Section patron saint and 1950's Western icon Forrest Tucker.  The benefit of hindsight also revealed this western's commentary on the Vietnam War that was completely missed by mainstream film reviewers at the time--I could not find one review from 1970 commenting on this.

Lee Van Cleef is a lucky man

Fortunately BARQUERO has become much easier to see on Retroplex, Encore Westerns and (for a time) Netflix Instant in recent years, but we're still waiting on that long-overdue DVD release, something I already covered back in 2006 when I made BARQUERO the very first review here at The Horn Section.  Yes, this was  "Why the Hell isn't this on DVD yet?" Number One.  As you've surely noticed from the leads, this is a guy's movie through and through, complete with requisite eye candy.

Mariette Hartley is top billed among the fairer sex, but with all due respect to her, I barely remembered she was in it afterwards.  In the eyes of this young man, the pretty redhead was out va-va-voomed by a wide margin, thanks to the presence of Marie Gomez as Nola, girlfriend of the titular character played by Lee Van Cleef.

In the film Hartley wasn't impressed, telling Travis the Barquero that he'd "never known a real woman" and further asserting that the tomboyish Nola is "half a man".  Come on!  Obviously a bunch of meowing about the competition.  It's easy to see that Hartley's claims are just sour grapes when the busty Latina lass makes her first appearance.  How sexy was Marie Gomez in this film?  Put it this way: I can't stand smoking, but I thought she was smokin' even when greeting us with a cigar in her mouth.

Beyond her obvious attributes, one quickly understands what the taciturn Van Cleef sees in her.  She makes her way through the town of squatters with the same paucity of words the Barquero gives his customers, effortlessly commanding the attention of most of the men ("Take your time" is her response to the overeager blacksmith) and showing palpable disgust with the self-appointed religious leader with a single brief expression.

Not once during BARQUERO's 113 minute running time does Gomez' Nola become a damsel in distress.  Quite the contrary. She handles her impressive rifle as well as any of her manly co-stars, firing quickly and accurately during the shootouts with Oates' mercenaries over Van Cleef's barge.  When the aforementioned religious leader suggests burning the boat and tries to rally support to do so, it's Nola who quickly quells the coup by threatening to shoot him herself.

"She will!" confirms the man to her right.  Judging from the crooked preacher's reaction, he didn't need the echo.  Nola and Travis are bonded by toughness, self-sufficiency and a decidedly secular outlook.

Hartley's husband is the lone settler who doesn't make it across the river, and she offers herself to Van Cleef in exchange for a rescue.  This is an intriguing development: Van Cleef takes Hartley up on the offer....

...and Gomez is cool with it, to the point of bringing him coffee afterwards and smiling knowingly at Hartley when the Barquero returns to her.

Van Cleef might wander from time to time, but he won't leave Ms. Gomez for very long, and her expression tells us that she knew it all along.  Even Mariette Hartley didn't stand a chance against her.

Nola's intriguing and mysterious, and you could say the same for the actress portraying her.  BARQUERO was my first exposure to Marie Gomez, and this preteen sought out other credits for his newfound crush.  Unfortunately I found there were few other credits to peruse, especially in those pre-IMDB days.  (How did we ever live without it?)

A Leonard Sillman discovery who began her career as one of his New Faces of 1962, Gomez soon made her prime time acting debut on DOBIE GILLIS (of all things) in the 1962 episode The Ugliest American.

Uncredited appearances in MARRIAGE ON THE ROCKS and DO NOT DISTURB followed, but her film career really took off four years later with her Golden Globe nominated splash in THE PROFESSIONALS (1966). 

Ms. Gomez became familiar to U.S. television viewers through her popular recurring role as Perlita in NBC's THE HIGH CHAPARRAL (1967-1971), but also guest starred memorably on HONDO, I SPY and THE WILD WILD WEST among others.

Marie in THE WILD, WILD WEST (1967)

Then she vanished after a too-brief five year heyday, with another good big-screen role in Ivan Tors' THE DARING GAME (1968) and then BARQUERO, her last screen credit to date. 

On TV's HONDO (1967)

Marie Gomez' busty figure also made her a popular magazine model during the last half of the swingin' Sixties.

Rockin' it in THE PROFESSIONALS (1966)

I was reminded of her every time I revisited BARQUERO, and the beautiful French-Spanish starlet remained mysterious well into my adulthood, finally resurfacing in 2005 to be interviewed for the DVD release of THE PROFESSIONALS.

THE HIGH CHAPARRAL, 1968

She also made it to the 40th anniversary cast reunion for THE HIGH CHAPARRAL in Studio City, California in 2007.  It was during an interview there that we learned where Marie Gomez had been all these years: mostly, doing charity work for orphans in Mexico and for The Lord's Lighthouse.   Hopefully the near future will bring Gomez' participation in the extras for BARQUERO's long overdue DVD release.

Onscreen, she shone briefly (just eight years) but unforgettably.  She may not be the most mysterious of my childhood crushes any longer, but whether she was brandishing a rifle or just plenty of attitude, Marie Gomez is still one of the sexiest and most memorable.


Still Don't Know Why the Hell they aren't on DVD.....

....but they made my list of VHS Gems over at Rupert Pupkin Speaks!  

Mr. Pupkin started a new series of guest posts, and if you'll peruse, you'll find numerous gems worth seeking out that made it to VHS back in the day, but remain unavailable on DVD.  You know, kinda like we do here one at a time. Except you get multiple leads each post!

My list is Seventies-centric, since I saw so many films from the decades since on the lists of others.  No matter which film era or genre is your fave, you'll likely find something new to seek out on the VHS Gems series.  Thanks again to Mr. Pupkin for the invite! 

And as always while you're there, be sure to check out more of Rupert's finds in other categories.  He's a great source for what is available at The Warner Archive.  Happy hunting, and stay tuned for more reviews here.

Guest Posting "Bad" Movies I Love at Rupert's

It's that time again: guest post time!  Rupert Pupkin Speaks is hosting yet another excellent series of guest posts from film bloggers all over the 'net.  This time, we're all invited to name so-called "Bad" Movies We Love.

Some great lists have popped up already from my fellow film reviewers Paul Corupe, Marty McKee and T. L. Bugg among others; Rupert's hosted over twenty lists already since June, and shared his own as well.  Check 'em all out, you'll probably find a few to add to your "must watch" list.  I know I have.

I'm honored to be invited to share my own contribution today.  Check it out for overblown Hollywood Sixties soapers, late Seventies Skinemax time capsules and some over the top Eighties action.   Nine choice morsels in all.  I regret that space limitations kept me from listing more, but feel free to add selections from our Camp Classics list to round yours out.

I'd like to thank Rupert again for the invitation, a great way to kick off the second half of 2012 here at The Horn Section.  As the late Andy Griffith said in A FACE IN THE CROWD, we're "loaded for bear"!

Ringing in the New Year at Rupert Pupkin Speaks!

Happy 2012 to all of my readers new and old!

Just in case the Mayans are right and I won't get a chance to do it again next year, I have accepted Rupert Pupkin's gracious offer to guest post my favorite older films seen for the first time in 2011.  Last year I provided a list only, without further explanation, but this year I have provided short reviews of a dozen goodies ranging from 1935 to 2010 and from Israel to the African continent to Australia and ending up on Biscayne Boulevard in Miami.  Please check out my musings here:

http://rupertpupkinspeaks.blogspot.com/2012/01/hal-horns-favorite-older-films-seen-1st.html

And while you're at Mr. Pupkin's excellent blogspot, please note that many reviewers shared similar lists with him, including Ned Merrill, Josh Johnson, Lars Nilsen, and B.T.S. Junkie.  Most likely more will be sharing their lists in the coming days.

Happy reading!  And have no fear, Why the Hell isn't THIS on DVD yet? will be back with a new entry very soon.

Film Review: THE CRAWLING EYE a.k.a. THE TROLLENBERG TERROR (1958)

Welcome to The Horn Section's contribution to the 50's Monster Mash Blog-a-Thon at Forgotten Classics of Yesteryear!  This is my very first blogathon in the five years I've been reviewing the overlooked and obscure, and what better debut than a tribute to a bona fide genre standard starring The Horn Section's number one icon?

Be sure to check out the other entries from the online film blogger community during this six-day salute to the classic monsters of the 1950's.  There's 43 participants altogether, and this has been going on since Thursday morning!  While you're there, note that this isn't the first time Nate's hosted a Blog-a-Thon; the Roger Corman showcase from June is also there for your perusal.

So is my site, while you're here. (hint) If you happen to be browsing The Horn Section for the first time, welcome!   Feel free to sign up for notification via email (lower right column) or follow me on Twitter for future reviews and musings.  (hint hint) 

And now, with the commercials out of the way, our feature presentation.......

THE CRAWLING EYE a.k.a. THE TROLLENBERG TERROR (1958 Eros/DCA) Starring Forrest Tucker, Janet Munro, Jennifer Jayne, Laurence Payne, Warren Mitchell.  Directed by Quentin Lawrence.

OUR HERO: By day, a mild mannered scientist hiding his alter ego behind glasses and scholarly reading material

Look! Up from the paper!  It's a bird, it's a plane.....

No dude, it's Janet Munro fainting into your arms!  Time for action!

The glasses come off, the paper vanishes, and out comes the flask!  Mackin' TUCK has arrived!

The Alpine village of Trollenberg has been plagued by a series of fatal accidents on the town's namesake mountain. Numerous climbers have mysteriously vanished without a trace, and the only one who was found had been beheaded.  A static, radioactive cloud near the peak is the common denominator in the deaths and Mitchell, believing alien forces are involved, has summoned colleague Tucker to help.  Psychic sisters Jayne and Munro decide to tag along after the latter experiences a premonition on the train just before Tuck's scheduled stop there.

Called on because he and Mitchell witnessed similar lethal happenings in the Andes years earlier, Tuck is reluctant, for the prior fiasco almost ruined his career.  But a geologist ends up as a second decapitation victim, an experienced climber turns into a dead-eyed zombie with his murderous sights on Munro, and reporter Payne observes all of it.  The otherworldly creatures seem to be better acclimated to the conditions by the minute. With the entire village under assault and secrecy no longer an issue, Tucker takes charge and confronts his painful professional past.

HOW TOUGH IS HE?  We learn that it's cold enough up there to freeze the blankets inside the cabin.....

But Tuck doesn't even need a HAT!  You've had it this time, aliens!!

Unsubtly retitled THE CRAWLING EYE for its U.S. release, THE TROLLENBERG TERROR remains one of the most beloved sci-fi flicks of its decade.  The nostalgia factor goes beyond one's fondness for otherworldly monsters and vintage black and white film.  Pay close attention to the alcohol consumption by the characters:  I'd say on a "drinks per minute" basis it's more than your typical DALLAS episode but less than an average BEWITCHED.  TERROR is more than suitable for inventing drinking games of your own (I recommend the word "cloud" as the trigger to "down it").   Quentin Lawrence's work was an influence on THE FOG and THE MIST (both John Carpenter and Stephen King are acknowledged fans) and the film ended up as MST3K's premiere episode in 1989.

Don't let that last fact fool you, though.  The film has been mocked for decades because of its blatant U.S. title, not a lack of quality.  Director Lawrence builds a genuine sense of dread and is able to successfully hide his low budget until TERROR's final act, when he's forced to employ the best special effects the funding will allow (subpar, to put it kindly) and to finally reveal what's been hiding in that cloud.  There's that word again--that's one gulp if you're playing along.

Glad t'see ya!

While THE TROLLENBERG TERROR is marred somewhat by the late breaking cheese factor, the flaw is nowhere near fatal.  In fact, to modern eyes the shortcomings only add to the fun.  It's also refreshing these days to see a reporter who isn't a sleazeball in his pursuit of the story and actually pitches in willingly at the climax instead of being a hindrance.

Elsewhere, Munro smiles and faints a lot.  Jayne cuts loose with a good scream in the final act but is properly reserved otherwise, and Mitchell looks and sounds Einsteinian.  But it isn't Mitchell who solves the problem--this is Tucker's show all the way.  This was the second of three sci-fi starring roles for the action stalwart in the late fifties, and all were British productions (the third was the rarely seen THE COSMIC MONSTERS, which TCM dusted off just last month).  After playing the greedy, unsympathetic "ugly American" butting heads with Peter Cushing in THE ABOMINABLE SNOWMAN, Tuck gets to play a more traditional hero this time out and delivers one of his most authoritative performances.

On top of that, it seems courageous enough for the guy just to climb up that mountain again after what happened to him in SNOWMAN and AUNTIE MAME. 

 What?  She ended up with the reporter?  You've GOT to be kidding!

Why he's Tuck and you're not: he smoothly moves on to big sis without missing a beat!  "Cigarette?"

"I've got a gal I met on the hill...she won't do it but her sister will...."

So...why didn't I ask: Why the Hell isn't this on DVD yet?

Because it IS--and it has been since 2001.  The release of the widescreen European edition includes interesting liner notes (Tuck admitted he had trouble keeping a straight face when he saw the title monster) and the original U.S. theatrical trailer.