His Morals Stand Alone

In response to a couple of emails, here's that great first season opening for THE MISADVENTURES OF SHERIFF LOBO.

Move 'em out!

Some DVD love for LOBO, anyone?

"Why am I not on DVD yet?"

THE MISADVENTURES OF SHERIFF LOBO/LOBO (1979-1981 NBC/Universal) Starring Claude Akins, Brian Kerwin, Mills Watson. 60 minutes.

"A man of dreams, who guards our things as if they were his own...."

NBC during the 1978-81 Fred Silverman era was notorious for its fiascoes. Spending millions on SUPERTRAIN. Greenlighting the one hit wonder Pink Lady for a variety series. Importing an Australian sitcom notable only for gratuitous nudity, then putting it on the air sans nudity (NUMBER 96). MRS. COLUMBO. HELLO, LARRY. These are the ill-advised, short-lived train wrecks that populate lists of the “Worst TV series of all time”.

But in what I feel is a case of guilt by association, they are often joined on these lists (i.e. TV Guide's) by THE MISADVENTURES OF SHERIFF LOBO, an underrated, funny show that doesn’t deserve the hate.

Claude Akins’ LOBO was a corrupt and menacing bad guy when originally on B.J. AND THE BEAR, but when NBC spun him off into his own series in the wake of CBS' success with THE DUKES OF HAZZARD, he became a rascally money-hungry schemer. This character switch from tough guy to comic (played perfectly by Akins) allowed the producers to combine the chicken fried SMOKEY AND THE BANDIT knockoffs popular at the time with the tried and true conman humor from classic servicecoms like SGT. BILKO and McHALE’S NAVY.

Like BILKO, Sheriff Lobo was stationed in the middle of nowhere (Orly County, Georgia) and his schemes were usually foiled; he’d typically stumble onto a real crime, and have to solve it---often recovering money which he (of course) didn’t get to keep. Like F TROOP’s Sgt. O’Rourke had Cpl. Agarn, Lobo also had a not-too-bright assistant (Mills Watson as Deputy Perkins) providing plenty of pratfalls. Add in more wrecked police cars in Orly County than in Hazzard (yes, really) and plenty of shapely ladies in cutoffs each week and the result was a show that was pretty funny and easy to take. It was about like DUKES would have been if Roscoe had been the main character and as smart as Boss Hogg.

Don’t get me wrong, SHERIFF LOBO was no classic. It was outlandish, slapsticky, silly as Hell. There were episodes involving mechanical sharks, UFO's, "Disco Fever", Larry Storch as a hillbilly patriarch and Dean Martin just passin' through Orly. Still, LOBO was no sillier than the aforementioned DUKES, CARTER COUNTRY, or the "Super Fonz" era HAPPY DAYS. A solid cast helped. Claude Akins was clearly having the time of his life doing knockabout comedy after 30 years of playing tough guy supporting roles. The Akins/Watson comedy team had good chemistry; not quite on the level of Hale/Denver or Tucker/Storch, but funny enough. Brian Kerwin provided the ladies with a heartthrob (needed if you’re gonna compete for that DUKES audience, right?).

THE MISADVENTURES OF SHERIFF LOBO was a pretty popular show when it originally aired, despite a daunting Nielsen test for survival: Tuesday nights at 8 ET, up against ABC powerhouses HAPPY DAYS and ANGIE, which were both top 5 shows the prior season. LOBO actually made some inroads, knocking HAPPY DAYS from 4th to 16th and ANGIE from 5th to out of the top 25 altogether. LOBO had several top 25 showings and became the first NBC show to get renewed in the time slot since 1976 (BAA BAA BLACK SHEEP).

Unfortunately, NBC president Fred Silverman and company couldn’t help but screw almost everything up during their Reign of Error. Interviewed by the New York Times in July 1980, Silverman noted that LOBO rated highly in rural areas but not so well in the urban areas. His solution: change the premise, and move the show to Atlanta!

Great going, Fred.

In the second season opener, the Governor visits Orly County, impressed by the “low crime rate” (actually a result of Lobo’s negligence in filing paperwork). The Guv reassigns Lobo, Perkins and Birdie to the Special Crime Task Force in Atlanta. This could have been an amusing season opener, assuming that he eventually recognized their limitations and that everyone ended up back in Orly after a "very special" hour or two in the big city. Unfortunately, it wasn’t. They were now amongst the city slickers for good.

To make matters even worse, the memorable first season opening featuring Frankie Laine’s hilariously earnest theme song and a 10 police car pileup was changed. In season two, each show opens with the three leads sightseeing in Atlanta to the seriousness of Ray Charles’ “Georgia on my Mind”. Lobo became a country Clouseau, bumbling his way to solving crimes with get rich quick schemes all but forgotten.

The result of this network tinkering was predictable: rural viewers who previously liked the show tuned out, and urban viewers who had no interest in LOBO continued to ignore it. The once-promising show was cancelled after two seasons and 37 episodes.

And so, after a few years of sharing a syndication package with B. J. AND THE BEAR, LOBO largely vanished altogether. Meanwhile, all 7 seasons of THE DUKES OF HAZZARD are out on DVD. Episodes of MRS. COLUMBO pop up to tarnish the otherwise excellent COLUMBO season sets. We’ve even seen the complete PINK LADY AND JEFF series released by Rhino! But no love for LOBO. No Nick at Nite. No TV Land. Not a single DVD.

SHERIFF LOBO didn’t even get that ultimate of measuring sticks, the porn parody. Hmm....The Muff Adventures of Sheriff Loadblow? Featuring Ron Jeremy as Deputy Poke-ins?

But I digress. THE MISADVENTURES OF SHERIFF LOBO deserves a Season One boxed set. It’s been ridiculed in print since the day it aired, but I defy anyone to watch a first season episode and not laugh at least a little. Put it out in time for the 30th anniversary already---if SMOKEY AND THE BANDIT 3 and STROKER ACE are available, then LOBO damn well ought to be.

“Lobo….Lobo…..bring back Sheriff Lobo.”

----Homer Simpson (in his sleep)

Film Review: SAFE IN HELL (1931)

Why the Hell isn't this on DVD yet? -- Number 24






SAFE IN HELL (1931 First National Pictures) Starring Dorothy Mackaill, Nina Mae McKinney, Donald Cook, Ralf Harolde, Clarence Muse, John Wray, Morgan Wallace and Ivan Simpson. Directed by William Wellman.

Forced into prostitution after a blackballing from former boss Ralf Harolde’s jealous wife, Dorothy Mackaill is horrified to find that Harolde is her next client. She draws the line at servicing the man responsible for her loss of honest work, but Harolde won’t take no for an answer easily. In the process of defending herself and escaping she knocks Harolde unconscious shortly before a fire starts (from his cigarette). Learning she is about to be charged with murder and arson, Mackaill decides to go on the lam.

Before she can leave Mackaill is surprised by her ex Donald Cook, bearing gifts and a marriage proposal: after months at sea, he’s unaware of her forced change in profession. Faced with a quick decision to make as the police close in, Cook has her stowaway on his next ship assignment. Cook’s idea is to leave her at the first stop, Tortuga, a tiny Caribbean island with swarming insects and brutal heat, but also with no extradition treaty with the United States. Predictably, this means that she isn’t the only person hiding there, but despite the near-unbearable living conditions she agrees to wait there for Cook’s return--“safe in Hell”. This “safety” is a relative term with an island full of criminals and corrupt law enforcement, and becomes even more so after Harolde turns up alive!

As directed by William Wellman (PUBLIC ENEMY), SAFE IN HELL is one of the most downbeat films of the edgy pre-Production Code early thirties. Poor Mackaill is a female Job who simply can’t catch a break. She’s forced into hooking, then into warding off the unwanted attention of countless men, living in exile in nightmarish conditions. Cook is the “one decent man in her life” but even he slaps her when he finds out she’s been hooking in his absence. The mistakes she makes (accepting Wallace’s “help” and weakening to ‘join the party’ one night after weeks of isolation) are only human at worst given the circumstances.

The Tortuga presented here is anything but an island paradise---the heat is scorching, the air is thick with insects, the drinking water and peanuts both have worms ("you can swallow 'em or strain 'em out, your choice!"), and lascivious, unshaven criminals are everywhere. The island isn’t just a figurative Hell, it’s even “Godless”--- the only minister has been dead for months, and his death has gone completely unnoticed in town.

Twisting the tropical paradise concept isn’t the only way Wellman and the writers (Joseph Jackson and Maude Fulton) turn audience expectations upside down. The vicious criminals turn out to be honorable, practically harmless, even supporting Mackaill after Harolde’s arrival. Meanwhile policeman Wallace is the biggest menace of all. Setting much of SAFE IN HELL outside the U.S. also allowed African-American stars Nina Mae McKinney and Clarence Muse to thankfully avoid the stereotyped characters they were having to play in other films.

McKinney isn’t playing a nightclub singer or maid---she’s the hotel manager who befriends Mackaill after finding out their common ground (they’re both from New Orleans, and on the lam). McKinney was only 19 at the time, but demonstrates undeniable beauty and star quality. She’s also a fantastic singer; she gets at least one song in all of her films, here it’s “Sleepy Time Down South” (which was written by co-star Muse). One can only imagine what Hollywood squandered by not allowing her more opportunities to develop her talent. After SAFE IN HELL McKinney wouldn’t appear in another feature for four years.

Mackaill, a British-born starlet during the 1920’s, was also greatly underutilized in the sound era. In a role originally intended for Barbara Stanwyck, Mackaill is terrific. She takes no guff from anyone, but shows her sensitive side with Cook as well. Their scenes together at the deserted church and at the hotel are surprisingly touching in what is otherwise one of the most relentlessly unsentimental of all films, pre-code or otherwise.

How relentlessly unsentimental? Even SCARFACE and LITTLE CAESAR gave viewers some comfort: a happy ending in which the murderous protagonists pay for their crimes at the end. Here, Mackaill isn’t found guilty of any crime, and her actions are honorable, even courageous---but she's denied her happy ending anyway. Ultimately, she may be safer in the literal Hell than the figurative one.


So…why isn’t this on DVD?

Director Wellman is really the biggest name here. The film is 77 years old, and as stated above is quite a downer.

Why it should be on DVD:

This would fit in perfectly, and I mean perfectly, with the TCM Archives’ FORBIDDEN HOLLYWOOD collection of pre-code classics. Two FORBIDDEN box sets have already been released. SAFE IN HELL even airs on TCM about once a year---all the more reason to get it into Volume 3.

If not in a FORBIDDEN HOLLYWOOD collection, why not a Wellman box set? Either way, SAFE IN HELL is a tough, interesting film that needs greater availability and exposure---it was never even released on VHS to my knowledge in the U.S.

So what if the actors aren’t exactly household names today. Mackaill and McKinney certainly deserve greater notice. They're both very talented, and McKinney was arguably the most beautiful actress of the early 1930’s. Both had precious few good roles. SAFE IN HELL includes one of Mackaill’s best performances, and in fact, your only opportunity to see McKinney in a feature between 1929’s HALLELUJAH! and 1936’s SANDERS OF THE RIVER.

Until we get a DVD release, this one is well worth your DVR space next time TCM trots it out.

Film Review: THE CHICKEN CHRONICLES (1977)

"Why the Hell isn't THIS on DVD yet?" -- Number 23

THE CHICKEN CHRONICLES (1977 Avco Embassy) Starring Steve Guttenberg, Branscombe Richmond, Ed Lauter, Phil Silvers, Lisa Reeves, Meridith Baer, Gino Baffa, Kutee, Will Seltzer. Directed by Frank Simon.

Steve Guttenberg and Branscombe Richmond work at Phil Silvers' fast food joint and smoke a lot of joints in the weeks before their 1969 high school graduation. Guttenberg has a big problem to solve. No, not getting into college and avoiding Vietnam. Bigger than that. Although Guttenberg is a popular track star with a cheerleader girlfriend, a seemingly unlimited supply of pot, and the advantage of being in southern California at the start of the freelove era, he’s still a virgin.

Hmm. I suppose a slight leap of faith is required here.

Paul Diamond, son of the legendary Billy Wilder collaborator I. A. L., adapted his own novel for his first screenplay, a good example showing the transition teen films were taking circa 1977, from nostalgic AMERICAN GRAFFITI territory into more sex-oriented material (ANIMAL HOUSE was a year away). Because Guttenberg and Branscombe would go on to bigger and better things, their characters are realistically immature and even hot-headed, and there are script elements anticipating the direction coming of age films would take in the years ahead, THE CHICKEN CHRONICLES has a small but devoted following.

Unfortunately Simon’s film isn’t as compelling as GRAFFITI and isn’t nearly as titillating as SENIORS or H.O.T.S., stagnating somewhere in between. Later films such as PORKY’S and LOSIN’ IT would provide more laughs and plenty of nudity with the subject matter of losin’ it.

If I had to describe it within the context of another film, it might be most accurate to call it a PG HOLLYWOOD KNIGHTS—Guttenberg’s smartass expression rivals Robert Wuhl’s and there are several pranks on the bluenoses in charge. But even that funfest spent considerable time on more serious subplots (i.e. one character is actually on his way to the war). There’s one serious scene with Kutee being notified of her brother's death in Vietnam, and occasional references to Guttenberg’s alienation from his parents (they communicate almost exclusively via intercom), but very little true angst.

There's lousy motivation for some of the pranks here as well. For example, why would you steal the time clock (and risk expulsion and loss of college) for “unlimited hall passes” less than one month before you graduate? Unlimited passes for a year, maybe. But 4 weeks, considering the downside?

As was often the case with the late 1970’s raunchfests, superb veteran character actors help things out a great deal. Lauter plays his umpteenth authority figure, the Vice Principal, and best of all, there’s a rare latter-day appearance by the great Phil Silvers as the shady, lascivious old owner of Chicken on the Run. Essentially, he’s Bilko yet again (even using the old “Good Boy!” line a time or two) only this time, he’s Dirty Old Bilko (i.e. telling Kutee she needs some nookie!).

Sadly, Silvers suffered a stroke in 1972, and the effect on his speech and timing is sometimes noticeable. But whether he’s trying to fraudulently “return” burned chicken to competitor KFC, disguising himself as an Arizona cowboy or longing for the return of actress Dolores Hart, he still provides the best laughs to be had here and reminds us that he was one of a kind.

THE CHICKEN CHRONICLES does have a few grossout gags concerning the handling and preparation of food at “Chicken on the Run” (based loosely on the chain Chicken Delight, where Diamond worked as a teen) and one can see an influence on many of the teen films that would follow. The young actors are appealing. Likely, inexperience was the main culprit for the film’s shortcomings: this was Diamond’s first screenplay, and Simon’s first and last dramatic feature. Ultimately, THE CHICKEN CHRONICLES is neither funny enough nor serious enough to be anything but a late 1970’s curio.


So….why isn’t this on DVD?

Made little impression at the box office when released in 1977. In addition to the problems listed above, the film was before its time, about a decade too early for the late 1960’s nostalgia boom.

While Guttenberg would become a big star in the 1980’s with POLICE ACADEMY, COCOON and THREE MEN AND A BABY, he hasn’t been a box office draw since that decade so interest in his early roles isn’t what it was when this received its VHS release (1987, fresh on the heels of the latter).

Why it should be on DVD:

Well, it is Guttenberg’s first lead, and he’s an engaging presence in the role. Branscombe Richmond (RENEGADE) was also at the beginning of his career, and he’s a riot as Guttenberg’s pothead, skirt-chasing pal. Matthew McConaughey's Wooderson had nothing on this guy.

Kutee is, well, a cutie. Really. A more compelling question would be, why the hell didn’t she make more films? Also, why the hell didn’t Guttenberg chase after her instead of the cheerleader?

Seeing the great Phil Silvers in action, even at less than 100%, is worth it.

To name one example of this film's possible influence: AMERICAN PIE borrowed the main premise, and the pre-graduation timeline...then added the needed laughs and sex to create a film that would stand up to repeated viewings. It's fun to compare CHICKEN CHRONICLES to the films that would follow, if only to wonder what might have been.

As if More Proof was Needed...

How does one truly describe the greatness of AC/DC? To sum it up: so great, they can toss songs like THIS ONE aside!

Betcha haven't heard this song from the masters before. It's "Down on the Borderline" recorded in 1988 but left off BLOW UP YOUR VIDEO, despite the fact that it totally kicks ass. If I'd been in charge of the decisions, this would have been track 9 on that record, and "Two's Up" would be the rare B-side...but that's just my opinion.

And since you're reading this, you are hereby inflicted with my opinion. So there!

With the confirmation that Angus, Malcolm, Brian, Cliff and Phil are in Vancouver recording a NEW ALBUM as I write this, what better way to whet the appetite than to hear this rarity.

Enjoy....new film reviews coming within a week.

Number 6 Revisited -- Forrest Tucker vs. Rocket Launching Beetles!

(To read the original review of THUNDER RUN, please click the MAY 2006 archives on the right)

They might say it about a number of Presidential candidates, but no one could ever accuse the late, great Forrest Tucker of being soft on terrorism. There's no limit to what Tuck will throw at evil, bloodthirsty terrorists: Molotov cocktails, extended stacks, good old Number 4 and Space Age Plastic, Son!

THUNDER RUN remains criminally unavailable on DVD in the U.S. but at least we can watch one of its chase sequences through the magic of YouTube while we wait for MGM to come to their senses.

Number 15 Revisited - What You See is What You Get

(To see the original review of DARKTOWN STRUTTERS, "Why the Hell isn't THIS on DVD yet?" Number 15, please click the FEBRUARY 2007 archive to your right.)

Just in case you thought I was exaggerating, here's a trailer for DARKTOWN STRUTTERS created exclusively for a recent midnight screening at the Silent Movie Theatre in Los Angeles.

The star of our show is the long legged lovely in yellow, Trina Parks. Parks' flair for comic insanity is evident throughout this film---she could have been the Regina Hall of the 1970's with more opportunities.

You'll also see familiar faces like Roger Mosely, Zara Cully and Dick Miller--whatcha see is whatcha get!