The great Larry Storch turns 96 years young today! While he has his own saloon in New Jersey,a star on the Palm Springs Walk of Fame, and (according to MARRIED...WITH CHILDREN) the world's premier School of Acting, it just doesn't seem to be enough to properly honor him. There definitely needs to be a statue of this man somewhere. Preferably one at least as tall as the one of Sam Houston outside Huntsville, Texas along I-45.
Until some wise person makes that happen, we'll just have to celebrate by remembering just why Larry Storch is a national treasure. Let's take at look at some of his classic television moments apart from his best and most famous television role, that of the incomparable Corporal Randolph Agarn on F TROOP.
CAR 54, WHERE ARE YOU?: (1962-63)
It's hard to believe that Storch played Charlie the drunk on CAR 54 only three times; like Ernest T. Bass, it seems like he was there a lot more often. His drinking might have been overstated, since he could actually get drunk without drinking a drop. You don't believe me?
THE PHIL SILVERS SHOW: "Bilko Joins the Navy" (1958)
Sticking with Nat Hiken-land, Larry made two appearances on Hiken's 1950's classic, giving us a preview of the crying act that would become much more prominent in the next decade:
HOLLYWOOD PALACE (November 27, 1965)
Introduced by host Janet Leigh, Storch treats the prime time audience to some of his standup act. Forrest Tucker and Ken Berry joined in the fun, but Storch got this bit to himself:
THE ANDY WILLIAMS SHOW (December 4, 1966)
Still in F TROOP's heyday, and making the variety show rounds. Storch gets nine minutes this time!
KRAFT SUSPENSE THEATRE: "The Jack is High" (1964)
A dramatic role, with Edd "Kookie" Byrnes co-starring, and Storch bringing plenty of humor of his role in this tale that has echoes of OCEAN'S ELEVEN:
COLUMBO: "Negative Reaction" (1974)
Like his frequent co-star Forrest Tucker, Larry made only one COLUMBO appearance, but what a scene it was! Storch has the misfortune of being Columbo's driving instructor, and also has a field day with it:
There's many, many more classic Storch moments, but I don't want to spend the whole night on YouTube. Suffice to say, happy birthday, Larry Storch! Hopefully there's more television magic to come in the near future from the Storch---he is, after all, only semi-retired.
I'm not the only one who has been crushing on Ms. Gomez over the years. YouTube user Panama Red has posted highlights from her many guest appearances from the 1960's on series such as THE WILD WILD WEST, I SPY, and of course her most famous TV role, as Perlita on THE HIGH CHAPARRAL. With her show romance, Manolito (Henry Darrow) at a reunion a few years back:
And, at the height of her career on the show:
(YouTuber Panama Red has posted several Marie Gomez clips on the channel, but unfortunately has yet to share clips from her HONDO episode, Hondo and the Comancheros. Too bad. For now, you'll have to check out her catfight with Kathie Browne on getTV or on DVD.)
Two years before her prime time acting debut on DOBIE GILLIS and a full decade before BARQUERO, Ms. Gomez was a contestant on YOU BET YOUR LIFE. It is that full May 26, 1960 episode at the top of this post. The then-aspiring actress was teamed with 5'2" voice acting dynamo Daws Butler---and, at 5'6', towers over him. Marie identifies her heritage as French and Spanish an in accent distinctly leaning towards the former.
Groucho does the Bunny Hop, and longtime Milwaukee Braves manager Fred Haney appears in the opening minutes, but get real--Marie is the main attraction. Check out the whistles she gets in the finale--before she competes for the $10,000. Marie arrives at the 9:02 mark--enjoy!
Look for Marie Gomez as Perlita Flores on THE HIGH CHAPPARAL on INSP weekdays at 6 A.M. Central.
MAVERICK: Pappy (1959 Warner Brothers/ABC-TV) Starring James Garner as Bret and Beauregard Maverick, Jack Kelly as Bart and Bentley Maverick, Troy Donahue as Dan Jamison, Adam West as Rudolph St. Cloud, Virginia Gregg as Gida Jamison, Kaye Elhardt as Josephine St. Cloud, Henry Daniell as Rene St. Cloud, Chubby Johnson as Chester Miller, John Hubbard as Samson. Written and Directed by Montgomery Pittman.
Bret and Bart travel to Louisiana after learning from young Danny ("Dan!") Jamison that their Pappy is engaged to an 18 year old girl. With both Maverick brothers suspicious of this unusual and sudden wedding, Bart poses as Dandy Jim Buckley to help get to the bottom of things.
Turns out those suspicious notions are well founded. Rene mysteriously insists on twenty witnesses for the engagement announcement and Rene (the father of the bride) offers "Buckley" $2,000 to kill Pappy with the stipulation that it happen in a "fair duel". To flush out the truth requires a second impersonation, with Bret assuming Pappy's identity and exchanging harsh words with "Dandy Jim" during an ensuing poker game.
With Pappy, new producer Coles Trapnell created some controversy with his very first episode after succeeding Roy Huggins. Huggins, who was forced to leave after the second season due to illness, complained the loudest. The series' creator explained that "Pappy" was intended to be heard (second-hand) but never seen, and in fact, in the show's earliest references to him seemed to have passed on.
Huggins' point is well taken: after hearing so much about Pappy and his proverbs, seeing the wise one in the flesh was going to be a letdown under any circumstances. Nevertheless, with Huggins out, Montgomery Pittman was the best writer to bring this idea (ill-advised or not) to fruition. Pittman, who penned the memorableSaga of Waco Williams (a parody of MAVERICK itself) during the second season, concocts a routine scamming plot that leaves plenty of room for both of the show's stars to engage in copious amounts of deceptive role playing. However, Pittman realized that fans of the series also expected some details on the fascinating history of the Maverick family, and provided several fun, insightful asides.
The very best MAVERICK episodes featured both leads, and in contrast to the situation in Shady Deal at Sunny Acres, Bret and Bart work together for much of Pappy. Garner seems to be having a lot of fun, and it is especially satisfying to see stuffed shirt villain Daniell taken down a peg--his utterly humorless approach is a perfect contrast to our heroes' drollery. Bart is inside a cell when we first see him. Like Uncle Joey Baines, Bart had better get used to the bars--he'll be thrown in jail repeatedly in the season that follows.
Trapnell apparently wanted to pull out all the stops while taking the reins on MAVERICK. As mentioned, Garner and Kelly both had opportunities to impersonate someone else while in character and to play a dual role for the first time. There's also a prominent role for rising Warners contract star Donahue (soon to hit it big in A SUMMER PLACE) and two minutes of delightful hamminess by Hubbard as Pappy's "personal physician", who attends to him after a duel. Sure, this is a gimmicky episode---how could it not be? In the end, Pappy didn't embarrass himself, though he did go back to being an unseen source of wisdom after Pappy.
HOW'D THEY DO AT POKER?
Bret leaves a game in the opening scene after Dan arrives, and is actually accused of a "hit and run" for once! His profit is unspecified but substantial enough to annoy his table foes. Bart suffers a loss to Bret (as Pappy), but there's likely no real money involved since the game is staged to set up the duel between "Dandy Jim" and "Pappy".
The biggest winner is, of course, Beauregard a.k.a. Pappy, who we see cleaning out a foe and ending a game with Broadway in his opening scene. Son Bret is no match for father in an ensuing hand, losing a couple hundred with three treys bested by a royal flush(!).
CONTINUITY SLIP-UP?
In addition to Beauregard's appearance alone contradicting those earliest indications about him, he informs us that he's raised "two" children already---but a third brother, Brent, would briefly appear nearly two seasons later as the show neared the finish line.
WISDOM FROM PAPPY?
You know good and well you'll have plenty in the titular character's sole appearance. We get a trifecta, one pearl each from Bret, Bart and Pappy himself.
Bret offers "The only time you quit when you're winnin' is after you've won it all!"
From jail, Bart counters with "The best time to get lucky is when the other fellow is dealin'."
And, for the only time in the show's history, one firsthand from the source: "If you're ever offered a rare steak that is intended for somebody else, don't bother with ethical details. Just eat as much as you can before the mistake is discovered."
Since this is in response to Bret's questioning of what will happen if his bride to be seeks a younger man later on, it is heartening to know that this one slipped by the censors in 1959.
Beauregard's intended bride. Bon appetit, Pappy!!
THE BOTTOM LINE:
Huggins complained that MAVERICK became too broad comedically during its third season, and fans opined that Huggins' departure was the beginning of the end, but in truth, Pappy got season 3 off to a pretty auspicious start. The tag that concludes Pappy is a stretch and a groaner, but Pittman's touch keeps this somewhat questionable idea from descending into camp until that coda. With West joining Daniell in providing stuffy villainy, and a plethora of disguises, Pappy manages to spin without wobbling for over three quarters of its running time. It may not quite be a top tier MAVERICK creatively, but Pappy is a welcome addition despite the conceptual drawbacks. (***1/2 out of four)
F TROOP: LT. O'ROURKE, FRONT AND CENTER (Season One, Episode 32; Original Air Date 4/26/66) Starring Forrest Tucker, Larry Storch,
Ken Berry, Melody Patterson, Frank de Kova, Don Diamond, James Hampton,
Bob Steele, John Mitchum. Guest Stars: James Gregory, Marilyn Fisk.
Directed by David Alexander. Written by Arthur Julian.
Major Duncan (James Gregory) arrives at Fort Courage, carrying his usual saddlebag full of trouble from territorial headquarters. A lack of candidates for commissions elsewhere has him visiting each Fort in his jurisdiction for "officer material". The Major's plan is to conduct a series of military exercises to evaluate enlisted personnel for commissions in the field. After all, Captain Parmenter (Ken Berry) was commissioned in the field at Appomattox, something that the Major is well aware of. "But we're going through with the scheme anyhow," Duncan grumbles.
One man who won't be seeking a commission is Sergeant O'Rourke (Forrest Tucker) who explains it succinctly to Agarn, citing the income from O'Rourke Enterprises that would cease as a result of the promotion. "If they made me a General I'd be taking a pay cut!"
Before we resume, I must say that while F TROOP gets a lot of flak for historical inaccuracies, they were on solid ground with the payroll distribution during THE PHANTOM MAJOR (ep. 3). O'Rourke got $17 and private Dobbs $13, which is historically accurate based on this link. So what would General O'Rourke get paid? Assuming he's a one star or Brigadier General, his salary would increase nearly twentyfold, to $315.00 per month. With 17 privates, 2 enlisted men and Captain Parmenter ($115.50 per month) that's only $51.50 short of what all of F Troop earns in a month. Legal or not, O'Rourke Enterprises is apparently one ass-kicking business.
And so the Major's search for authority figures will begin with a fitness test. Based on that pay scale from the link, you'd think everyone else would be very interested, with the possible exception of the Vice President of thriving O'Rourke Enterprises, Corporal Agarn. But, no, the words "fitness test" and "simulated battle conditions" are sufficient to trigger a parade of exemption requests. Duffy (Bob Steele) cites his old wound at the Alamo for about the 847th time, Hoffenmueller (John Mitchum) cites an ankle problem (in German) and Dobbs (James Hampton) cites a series of "dizzy spells" lately.
All those ailments will be joined by headaches, as Agarn gives them all a whack over the head with his hat. This is followed by Parmenter and Duncan demonstrating "tip top" physical condition with some obvious slapstick. Sgt. O'Rourke has the task of motivating the men into the test. "All right you yellowlegs-- this is an obstacle course and you are gonna run it!" He barks out each stop of the course at length, barely pausing for breath before ending with "and you can start now, Dobbs!".
With the obvious limitations of the era and prime time TV guidelines, Forrest Tucker can't possibly match (say) R. Lee Ermey's impressive harangues. Still, like Ermey, Tuck really did know his stuff from experience and his service background obviously paid off for scenes like this. It's true: Tuck really did serve in the U.S. Cavalry, at Fort Myers, Florida during the 1930's. And like his F TROOP co-star Melody Patterson, Tuck lied about his age to enlist. Unlike Patterson (who got to keep the role of Jane with so many episodes already in the can), Tuck was discharged when his real age was discovered. He also worked in burlesque (at the Old Gaiety in Washington, D.C.) before his 18th birthday as well. When you're 6'5", I guess it's easier to look legal.
Anyway, Dobbs is first to go, and gets off to an inauspicious start, failing to jump over the hitching rail and damaging his bugle in the process.
Hoffenmueller and Vanderbilt also fail to hurdle the hitching rail, with the latter falling into the horse trough and panicking over his inability to swim. Parmenter and Duncan fire "live arrows" during the test, but they aren't needed as the results never rise above dismal. Major Duncan calls off the test, calling it the "biggest defeat for the United States Cavalry since Bull Run".
All is not lost, however. At least not to the Major. Duncan feels that F Troop has one man "very well qualified" to be an officer: Sergeant Morgan Sylvester O'Rourke!
That night, O'Rourke brainstorms with his second in command over a way to get the promotion rescinded. Obviously, General Grant's wild success proves that drinking alone won't be enough to disqualify him. However, as it often does, Agarn's wording ("an officer and a gentleman") gives the Sarge his idea, since it's a gentleman's club circa 1866 that will be the center of the plan.
Over at the Captain's quarters, Parmenter is already in his pajamas and nightcap at 7 P.M. Preparing his mousetraps before bedtime, he's caught off guard by Wrangler Jane's visit. Hey, it makes sense. She can't close the General Store much earlier than that. The men are nowhere to be seen, so there's no worry about Jane wanting hanky panky in front of them this time.
Even with that frequent concern of his out of the way, the Captain is as virginal as ever. He covers up and resists Jane's offer to "tuck him in"(!). Parmenter is even undeterred by advice from Jane's wise old grandmother: "If you go to bed with the setting sun, you'll surely miss a lot of fun!" No offense to Benjamin Franklin, but Jane's grandmother sounds a lot more convincing on that "early to bed, early to rise" topic.
Wilton finally convinces Wrangler to leave (as the boys watching yell "Why??") and speaks sternly to her when he hears another knock a few seconds later. But this time it is the returning Major Duncan, who doesn't buy Parmenter's claim that "Jane" is his horse. Duncan's twinkling "sure you do" response and his anecdote regarding his "wise old grandmother" indicate to us that Major Duncan's gruff exterior while he's on duty is at odds with his personality in private. Duncan is no humorless ramrod like THE NEW I.G.'s Chester Winster. He'd be just as disappointed as we are in Wilton if he'd seen her send the lady away.
As it is, what he does see from Parmenter is enough of a letdown to him: mild scolding for tracking mud, borderline O.C.D. cleanliness, and most painfully, mousetraps on the windowsill. It's enough to make you realize O'Rourke and Agarn are on the wrong track with this scheme, something they'll have to find out the hard way. The frantic Corporal comes in to let Duncan know that he has something "urgent" to show him as Act One comes to a close.
Act Two fades in on the Hekawi camp and that urgent matter: their Playbrave Club. Corporal Agarn and Major Duncan note the goings-on with the expected astonishment.
A beautiful "Playbrave Squirrel" dances onstage to the lively sounds of The Tomahawk Trio while Crazy Cat (Don Diamond), menu in hand, greets the newest customers. Also notable is the tobacco selling Squirrel Girl, played by Marilyn Fisk, who was Mrs. Forrest Tucker from 1961 to 1985.
Mrs. Tucker also appeared in THE NEW I.G. (uncredited) and WHAT ARE YOU DOING AFTER THE MASSACRE? during Season Two, and had lines in all three episodes (her only screen acting credits per imdb). She met Tuck while both were touring in THE MUSIC MAN in 1961, and the 24 years that they were married surpassed the length of Tuck's other three marriages combined.
As the band plays on, Major Duncan reminds us that he's no Major Winster. "I'd sure like to help that little squirrel gather acorns for the winter!" Suffice to say I think he'd have been far more receptive to a maiden's kiss than Winster was. Parmenter too for that matter. But leave it to Agarn to ruin the Major's fun, since his "role" is to play the killjoy. "We are here to arrest Sergeant O'Rourke!"
Leave it to Chief Wild Eagle (Frank de Kova) to explain. "Sergeant in here every night! He has membership card Number One in Playbrave Club!" Now, I'm calling B.S. on the first statement. If he's there every night, then who's watching the saloon? Is Good Old Pete the bartender entrusted with it night after night? Knowing the Sarge, I doubt it. He's a hands-on executive from every indication.
Perhaps the Playbrave Club was createdjust to fool Major Duncan? I kinda doubt that. This is the first time we've seen it, but it has all the earmarks of a legitimate Wild Eagle brainstorm (swingin' band, scantily clad Hekawi ladies). But shouldn't the Sarge be sharing in the intake, since he and Wild Eagle are partners? And wouldn't this venture be cutting into the saloon's night time profits?
Well, thinking it over, this is far from the first Hekawi business venture we've seen that appears to be independent of O'Rourke Enterprises. And come to think of it, while we see dancing girls and tobacco sales, we notably don't witness any alcohol sales or drunkenness. That would explain why it wouldn't be in direct competition with the saloon, and also why this Major wouldn't have a problem with the club. Regardless, the Playbrave Club didn't last long--only this one episode--so maybe expenses (or prohibition) did it in. I will say I'm sorry we never saw it again....
Back to the action, as Agarn justifies his snitching to the Sarge: "I'm a buddy second, but I'm a soldier first!" Sergeant O'Rourke stands ready to take his punishment.....
And ends up commissioned Second Lieutenant O'Rourke. Duncan explains that leadership is the reason. "Any man who can lead me to a place like this is officer material!" The Major also drops a, well, major hint in O'Rourke's lap when the Sarge gently protests and cites Parmenter as an example. "The Army is looking for men, not housekeepers!" The usually sharp Sarge is too stunned to notice the answer right in front of him, so there's nothing to do but enjoy the dancing Squirrels as the band plays on.
The next day, Lt. O'Rourke's is less than 24 hours away from what has to be at least a 70% pay cut. Sergeant Agarn's words of comfort: "We know different--but the Major thinks you're great"! No time to ponder the success of an "Agarn Enterprises" or whether Corporal Dobbs might get in on the business. While waiting to see the Captain and make a last minute plea to stay, O'Rourke and Agarn overhear the conversation that shows them the error of their ways (and the clue both missed the night before).
"There's another Officer I can bunk with, Parmenter--Lieutenant O'Rourke! He's a man's man. You can be sure he won't be greeting me in his nightcap with a feathered duster in his hand!"
Oh, really? Think again, Major!
Tuck's ability to overact with style is well documented throughout F TROOP's run, but his ability to underplay effectively gets overlooked. Here, he completely transforms himself into a taller and gentler Parmenter. Soft-spoken, rapidly mopping up after Major Duncan, beaming as he wears Lieutenant's bars on his night shirt ("I'm just so proud") and letting Duncan know that his wise old grandmother told him "cleanliness is next to Godliness".
And of course, rebuffing the Major's idea that they should go up to the Playbrave Club. Mousetrap? No, the Sarge isn't troubled by mice. Only bears.
"I'd let you lie on the bed, Major, but I just made it." It's enough to get those pesky Lieutenant's bars off his shoulders for good, sending Duncan back to spend the night with "Captain 'Blood n' Guts' Parmenter"! All that's left is a coda the next morning, in which Agarn, Dobbs and Hoffenmeuller are also relieved of their temporary promotions, once again bringing F TROOP full circle so we can finish where we started. FIVE THINGS YOU LEARNED:
Wrangler Jane's grandmother was Dodge City's highest paid Dance Hall girl. Who wishes they could have seen her act? (Raises hand)
In addition to legal blindness and hearing problems, Private Vanderbilt also suffers from "horseshoe pitching elbow".
The Tomahawk Trio was held over for four weeks at Little Big Horn. Obviously, snagging them for the Playbrave Club was a real coup. I wonder if they ever crossed paths with The Bedbugs?
Major Duncan sawed the rockers off his grandmother's chair as a boy. The reason why almost makes you wish they'd given him a spinoff series. James Gregory did return in Season 2 as "Big Jim" Parker at least.
And, as mentioned earlier, we now have a confirmed minimum that the President of O'Rourke Enterprises earns in a given month. We saw the impressive payroll in THE PHANTOM MAJOR but heard no specifics, other than that it surpassed the Army payroll(!).
WISE OLD HEKAWI SAYING:
Surprisingly, none this time. All the wisdom is left to the wise old grandmothers of Captain Parmenter, Wrangler Jane, Sergeant O'Rourke and Major Duncan. We got four sayings in all. Jane Angelica Thrift's grandmother would likely have the most popular advice.
NUMBER OF TIMES O'ROURKE COULD HAVE BEEN CHARGED WITH TREASON:
Surprisingly for Season One, also none this time. Frequenting the Playbrave Club won't hurt him either, not with the Major there as Wild Eagle's honored guest.
PC, OR NOT PC?
Depends on how sexist you find the Playbrave Club and its squirrels. Hey, at least the ladies aren't being called the other word that starts with the letter "S", right?
BOTTOM LINE:
The terrific run of episodes closing out Season One continues. However, the conclusion seems a little too pat, with Major Duncan awfully quick to conveniently give up on O'Rourke's promotion (the denouement in TOO MANY COOKS SPOIL THE TROOP worked better IMO). That said, you could give this an extra half star for the riotous Playbrave Club alone, and Wrangler Jane is far more risque than usual with Wilton. If they didn't quite "go yard" to straightaway center with LT. O'ROURKE, they did get it well inside the left field foul pole at least five rows into bleachers. (**** out of four.)
F TROOP currently airs on Me-TV Monday through Thursday at 9:30 ET/8:30 CT
YOUTUBE BONUS: While we're highlighting the second (and first credited) of her three F TROOP appearances: Did you know there's a six part interview with Marilyn Fisk Tucker from 2012 on YouTube? Here's Part One:
And regarding the Forrest Tucker question that everyone wants to hear answered, that's below, in Part 6. Needless to say, Not Safe For Work:
The YouTube link in the prior post featured Ms. McKinney's fabulous vocal from "Pie, Pie, Blackbird" (1932). SAFE IN HELL (1931) features more singing from lovely Nina Mae, who sings Clarence Muse's "Sleepy Time Down South" in that pre-Code classic. Nina Mae sang in most of her 1930's films, and it was always a highlight:
YouTube has more Nina Mae McKinney treasures, including her full-length 1939 feature THE DEVIL'S DAUGHTER, which was filmed in Jamaica and co-starred Ida James:
If you enjoyed the clip of McKinney's rendition of "Everything I've Got Belongs to You" in my first Salute to Nina, here's the musical short PIE, PIE, BLACKBIRD (1932) in its entirety. Nina Mae and the young Nicholas Brothers are joined by the Eubie Blake Orchestra for 11 amazing minutes:
And, finally, with the backing of Curtis Moseby's legendary Blue Blowers, here's Nina Mae at age 17 in her debut film, HALLELUJAH (1929):
Nina Mae McKinney passed away in 1967, but a hundred years after her birth, her legend is still growing. Stephen Bourne (author of the excellent Butterfly McQueen Remembered) wrote the recently released Black Garbo, an equally informative book about Ms. McKinney's career and the obstacles she faced as a charismatic African-American star in a far less enlightened era. Both books are highly recommended by yours truly.
Happy Birthday Nina Mae, and as always there's more reviews to come here at The Horn Section.
This is The Horn Section's offering to theClassic Movie Dogathon, which ishosted by a blog that is one of my frequent online visits,Classic Film and TV Cafe.We contributing bloggers are paying tribute to our favorite cinematic canines, so if you're a dog lover or a film lover, be sure to check outall the moviesfeaturing memorable moments from man's best friend!
"Peanuts" per the credits, but known and loved to film cultists everywhere as "Toby".
Participating in the Classic Movie Dogathon gives me the opportunity to wax poetic on the film I consider to be thefunniest movie ever made. Yes, my favorite comedy of all time, a film I've watched literally one hundred times without ever getting sick of it. Yet this is the first time I've blogged at length about director Robert Zemeckis' 1980 masterpiece, USED CARS.
Notice I said, "at length". Long time Horn Section readers (or those scanning "Divvying up the Posts") will notice I did post about the legendary Marshal Lucky commercial in a 2008 post. (WARNING: The video clip of said commercial ain't safe for work!) I shouldn't be calling attention to this because I didn't deliver, but I kinda sorta promised a detailed review at the end of that post. I know you're wondering what excuse I have for not coming through.
Toby wants to know why you didn't write it, don't you Toby?
Well, for one thing, it was available on DVD long before I started blogging in 2006, happily making it unnecessary for me to ask "Why the Hell" it isn't. For another, I don't think I could improve on the many reviews that are already out there. Click on these links for two terrific takes on USED CARS: from Marty McKee at Johnny LaRue's Crane Shot and Ivan Shreve of Thrilling Days of Yesteryear.
Those two reviews pretty much covered most of my thoughts on the greatness that is USED CARS, but I'll add one. It seems appropriate that a film that repeatedly tweaks the corruption of the political process by money is strengthened by spreading its laughs out so democratically. Everyone gets multiple punch lines from the uproarious Bob Zemeckis/Bob Gale script. If it seems like Jack Warden gets a few more, keep in mind that the great character actor was a master improviser,responsible for much of his own dialogue during the "landscaping" scene as well as his true feelings about the camel assisting him with his "good old fashioned, homespun entertainment".
While USED CARS had a highly quotable script, it also had a tremendous contribution from a character with no lines at all. Unless "woof" counts. Yes, I'm talking about Toby (credited as "Peanuts"), the beagle owned by the late Lucas Fuchs, proprietor of the New Deal Used Car lot.
Hitchcock's philosophy is invoked early on in the DVD's commentary track, that being that the audience can identify with any character if he's good at his job. Well, being a dog, Toby has a built-in lovability already, but he also fits the criteria set forth by the old master of suspense. In addition to being a damned good watchdog (watch him protect the territory repeatedly from Roy L. Fuchs, the Evil Twin brother), Toby proves himself equally adept at assisting mechanics and car salesmen.
In fact Toby is performing the former duty when we are introduced to him, dutifully responding to Luke's request for a Phillips screwdriver. The little fella isn't infallible, as he comes back with a flathead on his first trip before correcting his error. It's still an impressive feat for a pooch, and it took trainer Tony Shields two months of work with Toby before that trick was ready for filming. After the first of two legendary setpieces involving illegal (and FCC violating) commercials, every available man is needed to help sell cars on the packed lot the following morning, Toby is ready for action, teaming up with Gerrit Graham to help put a family in their dream station wagon. Rather than try to describe it, I'll just let you witness Toby's most famous scene:
Of course, no acting animal could possibly play that dead that convincingly without a helping paw, and Zemeckis admitted Toby waslightly sedated for the scene (with the Humane Society monitoring filming and a DVM on set at all times). Juiced a little, sure, but that hasn't wiped Canseco's home runs or Clemens' K's off the books yet, so it certainly shouldn't negate Toby's spot-on support of Graham's salesmanship.
Other sites identify Graham's superstitious Jeff as Toby's owner instead of my assumption that it is Luke. Granted, Toby seems to be best buds with Jeff during the bulk of his screen time, but I base my theory on the fact that Toby is with Luke Fuchs at the outset and only bonds with Jeff after Luke demonstrates that $50 (well, that and a perilous ride with his brother's henchman) can kill somebody. Toby is also noticeably upset later when Luke is truly about to drive over the curb for the last time.
Truthfully it's hard to say who's right on this. It is never revealed which man is truly Toby's best friend in the Gale-Zemeckis shooting script, and the DVD's otherwise highly informative commentary track is no help either. It remains one of the mysteries of USED CARS, right up there with the source of Jim the Mechanic's legal expertise ("That's the most blatant case of false advertising I've ever heard!") and how workaholic Roy has the time to follow routine cases like the People v. Billy Joe Washington. Toby's second most famous scene is the setpiece fight between Roy L. Fuchs and Jeff after "Marshal Lucky" goes huntin' high prices at the lot across the highway. The surviving Fuchs brother is outraged enough to temporarily overlook his fear of Toby (not to mention the possibility of a trespassing arrest) and invades the New Deal lot. Unfortunately for Jeff, his loyal four legged friend ends up locked in a room and unable to help while Fuchs completely routs him. In a display of Toby's extraordinary intelligence that is often overlooked, he manages to open the window.
Jeff is unconscious, Rudy is away, so mechanic Jim (who deals with threats ranging from Roy's henchman to protesting nuns) is the only person to go to for help. Jim is in the garage sleeping off a bout of post commercial battle fatigue (PCBF?). Face licking doesn't wake the slumbering giant played by former Chicago Bear DT Frank McRae (48 HRS.) so Toby has to kick it up a notch. I'll be as tactful as I can:
No, Toby didn't really tee tee on him. This was another clever trick Shields taught Peanuts, working with him to just stand on one hind leg, then run off. Zemeckis ran the film in reverse to get the desired effect. In a subsequent display of more beagle brilliance, check out this reaction shot. Many human actors can't get the point across as effectively.
Toby consistently exhibits the traits we recognize in all our wonderful dogs. Loyalty, bravery, affection, communication....but Toby goes above and beyond in all categories, impressing and occasionally amazing with his acumen. I could go on all day about USED CARS and Toby, but it's about time for me to wrap this up.
I know, I know, but there's only so much time in your day to check out the other posts, right? And not only do I think you should check out the rest of the films in the Classic Movie Dogathon, but Tobydoes too, don't you Toby?
Episode by Episode mini-reviews of the 1986-87 season. Key episodes in green:
UNDER THE GUN (9/23/86). ****-flawless introduction to Sledge, Dori and Trunk. The pilot sets the tone perfectly with Spencer really going for broke with his script and director Martha Coolidge nailing the numerous sight gags. John Vernon is on hand to play the mayor who personally requests that Hammer be taken of suspension and given the assignment of locating his kidnapped daughter. It's a shame Vernon never got to reprise the role; hes deadpan great. The sorter version (eliminating the interrogation scene with recurring stoolie Don Stark as Kurt Krugle) actually flows better than the DVD version.
HAMMER GETS NAILED (9/26/86) Guest star Ronnie Schell as a hard-nosed investigative reporter, who can make or break the department's budget when he requests to ride with the cops for a day. Guess who gets the assignment? Sledge's sensitive side emerges when he's confronted with a hungry criminal, and----nah, I can't keep a straight face and finish that thought. *** Some classic moments in this one, but Schell isn't one of the more memorable guests.
WITLESS (10/3/86) With a mafia contract out on his life, Hammer is ordered "far away from the city". ***1/2 Arguably Spencer's funniest script, works brilliantly despite some of the more obvious network censorship. Al Ruscio's Godfather shtick is put to very good use.
THEY SHOOT HAMMERS, DON'T THEY? (10/17/86) Guest star Jack Thibeau (ESCAPE FROM ALCATRAZ) is Hammer's old partner, who has broken out of prison and is spoiling for a showdown. The first episode to explore Sledge's background and tell us a little about his father, the late Jack Hammer. ***1/2 Thibeau's outrageously over the top performance puts this episode in the winner's circle. In addition to providing us with comedy gold, the psychotic character makes Hammer seem positively normal.
DORI DAY AFTERNOON (10/24/86) Sledge and Dori are taken hostage in a bank holdup. Attica! Attica! **1/2 Great opening gag, but pretty routine the rest of the way.
TO SLEDGE WITH LOVE (10/31/86) Sledge tries his own version of "Scared Straight" with some juvenile delinquents. *1/2 The first real clunker, with long stretches in between solid laughs.
ALL SHOOK UP (11/7/86) A serial killer is targeting Elvis impersonators, so Hammer decides to put on his blue swede shoes and go undercover.**** Alan Spencer wrote this one in tribute to his late friend Andy Kaufman, and created one of the best-loved and well remembered episodes. Deservedly so: inspired lunacy from start to finish.
OVER MY DEAD BODYGUARD (11/14/86) It's up to Sledge to protect mafia witness Captain Trunk, who has the added dilemna of a reconciliation with his ex-wife. ** Interesting to learn a little about the Captain's personal life, and guest star Tracy Reed (...ALL THE MARBLES) is always a welcome presence, but this is one of the less memorable episodes from a comedic standpoint.
MAGNUM FARCE (11/22/86) You knew it was only a matter of time before Hammer and friends gave us their take on the second Dirty Harry film, with David Leisure among the vigilantes. *** Fine spoof of the plotandpolitics of the original, right down to the identity of the vigilantes' leader.
IF I HAD A LITTLE HAMMER (11/29/86) "I deal in scumsuckers, not thumbsuckers!" Despite his protests, Dori gets the two of them assigned to a case involving babies being kidnapped for the black market. **1/2 Sledge + babies = more wonderfully outrageous un-PC humor.
TO LIVE AND DIE ON T.V. (12/13/86) Peter Marshall is a game show host who resorts to murder when a contestant gets uncomfortably close to a million dollar prize he can't pay off. **1/2 Very funny, but the forced change to a local, rather than network, show dilutes some of the intended edge. Censorship ended up hurting this one.
MISS OF THE SPIDER WOMAN (12/20/86) Hammer has 11 hours to find the antidote after being poisoned. ** Your one chance to see Hammer and Doreau at a mud wrestling match. THE OLD MAN AND THE SLEDGE (1/3/87) Stephen Elliot plays Sledge's aging idol, who wishes to prove he can still cut it at age 72. ***1/2 Surprisingly genuine heart combined with side-splittingly un-PC humor; one of the season's best.
STATE OF SLEDGE (1/10/87) Sledge brings in the leader of a Satanic cult at the same time a by-the-book internal affairs officer reviews Hammer's file (brought in via wheelbarrow) **** Terrific script by Al Jean and Mike Reiss with some fine insight provided with the comedy. One joke after another hits the bulls-eye, and interestingly, validity is given at various times to both Hammer's P.O.V. and the I.A. officer's as well. The series had really hit its stride by this time. This was the first episode to air without the laugh track ABC initially imposed.
HAVEN'T GUN WILL TRAVEL (1/17/87) What happens when Sledge Hammer loses his prized gun?**** Non-stop hilarity in this winner. Kopell would return in Season Two for another great entry, LAST OF THE RED HOT VAMPIRES.
THE COLOR OF HAMMER (1/24/87) Sledge's favorite hanging judge turns up murdered. ***1/2 Lots of expected slapstick and cliche-busting; I know, that's par for the course but some extra rapid-fire laughs here. In a series known for great guest stars, an extra half-star for gorgeous Bond girl Martine Beswick's comic turn.
BROTHER CAN YOU SPARE A CRIME? (1/31/87) Sledge's brother turns up out of nowhere, and proves to be the polar opposite of the Inspector, a ne'er-do-well with the ability to charm just about anyone. **1/2 Decent enough, but not as sharp as it seems it should be.
DESPERATELY SEEKING DORI (2/7/87) Dori emerges from a concussion acting and dressing exactly like Hammer, hampering their efforts to crack a counterfeiting ring. **1/2 Lots of the obvious here, which is amusing but doesn't reach the high gear of other episodes.
SLEDGEPOO (2/14/87) Scotland Yard and Kurt Kruggle help Sledge crack a cat burgling case. **1/2 Sledge's new hairdo is the funniest thing here. Rasche's knack for accents comes in handy yet again.
COMRADE HAMMER (2/21/87) Spencer and company had to get around to a Cold War episode sooner or later, and combine it with a trip to the Hitchcockian. *** Nicely done. The series would return to Hitchcock land in Season Two with the arguably better "Vertical".
JAGGED SLEDGE (4/21/87) Hammer's on trial for murdering a mobster, and after firing his crooked attorney ends up defending himself--literally. *** Sledge in a courtroom was a frequent occurrence, and our favorite rogue generally delivered the goods there. The season's penultimate episode is no exception.
THE SPA WHO LOVED ME (4/28/87) .**** Lived up to the hype, and kept people talking about the show all summer back in '87. But you could take away the climax and you'd still have one riotous episode.
