F TROOP Fridays: "Old Ironpants" (1965)

F TROOP Fridays -- Number 22









F TROOP: "Old Ironpants" (1965 ABC-TV/Warner Brothers) Season One, Episode 8: Original Air Date November 2, 1965.  Starring Forrest Tucker as Sergeant Morgan O'Rourke, Larry Storch as Corporal Randolph Agarn, Ken Berry as Captain Wilton Parmenter, Melody Patterson as Wrangler Jane, Frank deKova as Chief Wild Eagle, Bob Steele as Duffy, James Hampton as Bugler Dobbs, John Mitchum as Hoffenmueller, Harvey Parry as Charley.  Guest Star: John Stephenson as General Custer.  Directed by Charles Rondeau.  Written by Arthur Julian.


While the cat's away, the rats will play.   Four score and seven weeks after his Fort Courage arrival, Captain Parmenter has been called away for a two week course in military strategy.  The absence of any supervision (however marginal it may be) inspires O'Rourke to add another side hustle to his Enterprises by getting into the mail order bride business.  

The men are in dress uniforms expecting the arrival of their blushing brides on the noon stage when they are greeted instead by General George Armstrong Custer--and his new protégé, Captain Wilton Parmenter!  Custer's en route to his new assignment at Little Big Horn(!) but Wilton is staying, and he's just not the same boy they sent to camp.  Sporting a Van Dyke and holding off Janie with his riding crop, Parmenter vows to close the saloon, banish town drunk Charley and turn Fort Courage into a real Army post. 

Ken Berry didn't technically get his stab at the evil twin trope until Wilton the Kid, but the personality change in Old Ironpants might as well qualify.  Besides, it is the funnier segment by far.  Custer did graduate dead last in his West Point class, so it isn't much of a stretch that the least of the Parmenters might bond with Autie, also promoted in "right place, right time" fashion.  While Wilton isn't able to grow those flowing locks in two weeks as well as the facial hair he impressively sprouts, he nails the lack of regard for input from subordinates down solidly. 

Apropos for an episode featuring the flamboyant Boy General, Rondeau directs exuberantly.  The impressive ballet-like letter reading in Bye, Bye Balloon is foreshadowed as our Custerized Captain hilariously lands on his feet in stride after a nasty-looking stumble across his porch, into a post and over the hitching rail--disciplined clumsiness!  Rondeau slyly fits more MAD-esque sight gags into his backgrounds.  To name two of the biggest guffaws, General Grant is subtly replaced on the Captain's wall and the water tower continuously gushes in the background for over a minute while a key scene continues.

"Now if you'd like to go for $25 attack, five Redskins bite dust!"

While taking a backseat to Parmenter's newfound rigidity, O'Rourke Enterprises is still alive, if not particularly well.  But it could be worse: the mail order bride expansion becomes an utter fiasco, but the all-important saloon is saved from Ironpants' planned closure.  The highlight is another negotiation with Wild Eagle, who milks that upper hand cannily.  Surely the Chief isn't promising literal corpses at a dollar a death, is he?  Or is he?

Sergeant O'Rourke's failed expansion aside, the wily President proves he hasn't lost his touch when it comes to putting one over on the "old man".  Got to admit the Sarge is taking a bit of a chance here with the Hekawi attack; what if a disciple of Custer doesn't see himself as the man he once was?  Fortunately, betting on the humanity underneath the facade works out and O'Rourke Enterprises remains unscathed.

Well, almost.  Harvey Parry makes the last of his three appearances as saloon staple Charley, so maybe Ironpants Parmenter did run the drunk out of town before his metamorphosis back to Wilton.  When Charley returned in the first season's finale, Frank McHugh took over the role. Custer's casting is a real treat for animation fans: he's played by John Stephenson, better known as the voice of Mr. Slate on THE FLINTSTONES and Luke/Blubber Bear on THE WACKY RACES, to name two of dozens.

Old Ironpants nipped at RED SKELTON's heels when it aired, with the show's second best Nielsen to date at 23.0 with a 36.2 share.  In 22nd place for the two week ratings book, F TROOP was firmly established as ABC's first winner at 9 PM on Tuesdays since THE RIFLEMAN had reigned during 1959-60--amazingly, even one-time stalwarts like HAWAIIAN EYE had failed to make a dent in SKELTON (25.5/40.2 share) in the five years between.  With laugh filled installments like Old Ironpants, that success was deserved.

WHAT YOU LEARNED:

The troopers' respective tastes in women come to the fore when the brides are ordered.  Agarn and Dobbs think blondes have more fun, while old Duffy likes those redheads.  Hoffenmueller likes a little cushion for the pushin'--then again, since Dobbs specified "a whale of a figure" with the others in agreement, maybe all the troopers do!  Save Vanderbilt, who wants a girl named Shirley, Leslie Nielsen be damned.

NUMBER OF TIMES O'ROURKE COULD HAVE BEEN CHARGED WITH TREASON:

The Sarge does consort with the enemy on battle plans, but since it is to coordinate an eventual win for the troopers, he probably gets to slide this time.

WISE OLD HEKAWI SAYING:

"You show me squirrel with acorn, and I show you happy moose!"  Maybe the biggest non sequtiur yet.

PC, OR NOT PC?

Wild Eagle's quote in the review text is certainly the latter, though he won those negotiations with his soldier partners decisively.  And while the cameoing Custer isn't a bumbler, the script doesn't make him a hero either, with a parting line reminding us of his eventual defeat.

BOTTOM LINE:

Ken Berry's performance is one of his absolute best, pre and post indoctrination.  Rondeau's ebullient direction provides the best collection of sight gags since The Phantom Major came to Fort Courage.  Despite some verbal corn sprinkled here and there (a Julian weakness) Old Ironpants stays buoyant throughout, with something boffo always right around the corner.  (***1/2 out of four)

Television Review: LOVE THAT BOB: "Bob Meets Miss Sweden" (1957)

LOVE THAT BOB: "Bob Meets Miss Sweden" (Laurel-McCadden Productions/CBS-TV 1957) Original Air Date: April 25, 1957.  Starring Bob Cummings as Bob Collins, Rosemary deCamp as Margaret MacDonald, Ann B. Davis as Schultzy, Kathleen Freeman as Bertha Krause, Nancy Kulp as Pamela Livingstone, Ingrid Goude as Herself, Gordon Scott as Himself, Norman Alden as The Captain, Jimmy Murphy as Eddie.  Written by Paul Henning, Shirley Gordon, Phil Shuken and Dick Wesson.  Directed by Bob Cummings.


Series overview of LOVE THAT BOB a.k.a. THE BOB CUMMINGS SHOW previously published here for the one hundredth anniversary of the star's birth in 2008 at this link. 

It's National Secretaries Week, complete with a convention in Reno that Schultzy, Bertha and Pamela all plan to attend.  That is, once they convince Colonel Collins to fly them.  A fat chance that turns into a foregone conclusion once the shutterbug sees the morning newspaper.

Schultzy has invited 1956's Miss Sweden along on the flight as well, and our amorous aviator invites the convention's special guest to join him in the cockpit.  Loverboy Bob is undeterred by her (apparent) inability to speak English and his failure to locate a translator at the air base.  But a larger, younger obstacle awaits in the biggest little city in the world: Gordon Scott, the movies' newest Tarzan.

"You know, you'd be perfect for my husband.  You're just the type that he likes."

With those words in a Los Angeles department store from Mary Cummings (wife of Bob), titular beauty Ingrid Goude was cast as herself for what would become a two year recurring role on LOVE THAT BOB.  The first result of that chance meeting was the aptly titled Bob Meets Miss Sweden.
At this early stage Goude's accent is hard to understand at times and she has only a handful of lines in English, but the clever script gets consistent laughs out of this language barrier.  It's just one of the blockades facing our playboy this installment, however.

Having a quartet of chaperones (co-conspirator Margaret joins the secretaries on the flight) looks daunting, but only to Bob.  Even Schultzy largely steps aside, knowing that the 1956 Miss Universe finalist (third) is already wise to her boss' ways.  She's more interested in the hunky Scott, who gives a show's female fans more eye candy in his swimming trunks than the males will get from Ms. Goude's one piece bathing suit.  (Dammit!)

Another inspired idea was getting both Freeman and Kulp co-conspiring with usual suspects Davis and de Camp, a rare treat that would only be repeated once (Collins the Crooner).  All four are on board, en route for the entire first act, and Bob's kisses for "good luck" (Richard Dawson must have taken note) provide one of the biggest belly laughs.  We all know Bob's reason for this set-up, and can safely guess that it won't go according to his plan.

After an airborne first act, we settle in the famed divorce capital for the second, as a game but hopelessly outnumbered Collins struggles to get Miss Goude alone at the swimming pool, Lake Tahoe, or anywhere that he might have a chance to put his well-honed sales pitch over.  Alas, Bob is unable to shake the quartet of duennas here, and for half a dozen installments over the 1957-58 season Goude remains that one unattainable for "The King".

But the business-savvy Mrs. Cummings (who handled the star's, um, affairs until their acrimonious divorce in 1970) was proven correct: Goude was an inspired addition to LOVE THAT BOB.  The limited but poised beauty queen gets several laughs in her debut, and director Bob again proves his talent for working with novice actors.  Goude's English improved and she was given much more to do in subsequent installments (i.e. Bob Wins the Olympics) but as mentioned above, Collins never did make that to-do list.  He just had to settle for Shirley Swanson and Collette duBois, poor guy....

"All movie actors look tall and husky.  It's done with elevator shoes, pancake makeup and papier-mache muscle!"

Gordon Scott doesn't get the girl either, but he does get a special plug from announcer Bill Baldwin for his sophomore effort as Tarzan over the closing credits.  TARZAN AND THE LOST SAFARI was released the same month that Bob Meets Miss Sweden premiered, the first color film of that venerable series.  The 6'3", 218 lb. Scott would remain in the role for four additional films through 1960.

Getting extended time in the air and in Reno gives the festivities a solid shot in the arm, and if the conclusion was crystal clear in the opening minutes (Ingrid learned about "wolves" on her first day in America), Cummings helms a journey to it that flies as dependably as his Beechcraft.

WHO WAS BLOCKING?

It isn't often we say this, but it's Bob!  He's blocking Gordon Scott from his scheduled date, gaslighting not only him but the Colonel's fellow Airmen stationed in Reno as well.  Shame on you, Bob.  Your comeuppance is deserved this time, pal.

DID BOB SCORE?

Nope, not unless he lowered his sights and went after Pamela or Bertha, which ain't likely.

THE BOTTOM LINE:

Goude gets several laughs in her debut, and director Cummings is once again aces while working with inexperienced actors.  For my money, the best creative combination of LOVE THAT BOB's run consisted of the star directing scripts by the Henning/Gordon/Wesson trio (with Shuken pitching in occasionally) and this combination would be largely undisturbed for the next forty segments--IMO, the show's peak.  Kulp and Freeman are always welcome, and the inspired heights of the airway are sustained once we're grounded in Reno.  Sharp one-liners abound.  Great fun. (***1/2 out of four)

Want to see Bob Meets Miss Sweden for yourself?  Here's the link:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=1367&v=QWVeep58nNg

Television Review: LOVE THAT BOB: "Grandpa Moves West" (1958)

LOVE THAT BOB: "Grandpa Moves West" (LaurMac/NBC-TV 1958) Original Air Date: December 30, 1958.  Starring Bob Cummings as Bob Collins and Grandpa Joshua Collins, Rosemary deCamp as Margaret MacDonald, Ann B. Davis as Schultzy, Dwayne Hickman as Chuck MacDonald, Lyle Talbot as Paul Fonda, Joan Tabor as Gretchen (Miss Holland), Murray Alper as Milburn the Cabbie, Charles Cantor as the Hotel Manager, Isabel Withers as the Manager's Wife.  Written by Paul Henning and Dick Wesson.  Directed by Bob Cummings. 


Series overview of LOVE THAT BOB a.k.a. THE BOB CUMMINGS SHOW previously published here for the one hundredth anniversary of the star's birth in 2008 at this link. 

He may have consistently struck out with Miss Sweden, but Bob has a pending turn at bat with Miss Holland, who he's been hired to photograph.  That is, if he doesn't have to fly back to Joplin to keep Grandpa out of the clutches of a much younger gold digger who has moved in.  Margaret is alarmed when he shuns her holiday invite.  The senior Collins' reason for staying in Missouri?  He doesn't want to leave Alice.

Bob is dismissive of his sister's concern until he gets the eldest Collins on the phone and finds him thoroughly smitten with his acrobatic house guest.  Alice has conned the old codger out of a complete new wardrobe, sounds like an alcoholic, and tries to literally to steal his watch as they're speaking.  After Grandpa takes Alice's side when Bob protests, all afternoon appointments are off: Bob has the Beech preflighted for an emergency trip.

While the shutterbug is away, the wannabe wolf Paul Fonda schemes to take his place in the studio (stealing the idea from nephew Chuck!) and on Mulholland Drive that night with the ravishing Dutch pageant winner.  Unfortunately, Grandpa's attachment is more reassuring than originally thought--that "drunken carnival contortionist" is actually a chimp, which Bob only realizes after he's landed in Missouri.

Grandpa Moves West gives us another instance of foreshadowing Paul Henning's later and biggest hit THE BEVERLY HILLBILLIES, which mined humor from Elly May's pet chimp "Cousin" Bessie throughout its nine year run.  Alice gets plenty of screen time interacting with our star in both of his roles: walking the high wire, drinking a cola, and (best of all) giving the tired airman an unexpected co-pilot.

"He couldn't get a picture of an Indian in Albuquerque!"

Less gimmicky comedy comes from Paul Fonda's rather transparent attempt to join Bob in the studio--just to help out, of course.  There's no evidence that any photographs were taken in Collins' absence, but we have Fonda's word that he got the Dutch damsel to Mulholland.  Lyle Talbot is at his smarmy best in his penultimate appearance as Fonda, whose name was yet another in-joke: the real Paul Fonda was a friend of Paul Henning's from the producer's days at CBS Radio.

1957 Deb Star and April 1959 ESCAPADE cover girl Joan Tabor was a popular guest star through the mid-Sixties, but this was her only BOB CUMMINGS SHOW.  The Sioux Falls native and future Mrs. Broderick Crawford (talk about a guy outkicking the coverage!) tragically died young, of an accidental overdose in 1968.  Murray Alper practically made his living playing cabbies, and in fact had played a truck driver in one of Cummings' most enduring films, SABOTEUR (1942).

Grandpa's coastal flights were a grave concern in Bob in Orbit, so it's a tad jarring just seven episodes later to see the octogenarian encouraged into the air by the entire Collins family.  I guess it's less of a threat than a gold digger displacing reliable, age-appropriate Dixie (unseen here, but we're told that Alice attacked her!).

With the loss of Shirl Gordon reducing the writing team to a duo for most of this final season and 150 episodes in the can, inspiration was frequently starting to run low.  Grandpa Moves West chugs along agreeably, but never comes close to the comedic heights of the previous week's Bob Plays Margaret's Game, a knockout that can stand with the best of any season.  The addition of Tammy Marihugh (LOVE THAT BOB's Cousin Oliver, basically) to the cast was only seven segments away.

WHO WAS BLOCKING?

I guess you could say Margaret was by insisting that Bob fly to Joplin, but it certainly wasn't intentional on her part (for once).  The same can't be said for Paul Fonda, who for once truly seems like the wolf Bob always claims him to be--deflection, no doubt.  In a twist, the comeuppance here is all Paul's.

DID BOB SCORE?

Not during the running time of Grandpa Moves West, but he was on his way to try to get Miss Holland to Mulholland at the conclusion.

THE BOTTOM LINE:

Some nice moments with Talbot put to especially good use, but belly laughs are notably absent.  Still, the smiles come at an acceptable pace and the contrivances involving Alice aren't groan-inducing.  Thoroughly average installment, which is considerably better than many that would follow in the fifth season's home stretch.  (**1/2 out of four)

CHECK OUT "GRANDPA MOVES WEST" FOR YOURSELF, BELOW!