F TROOP Fridays: "Me Heap Big Injun" (1965)

F TROOP Fridays: Number 24








F TROOP: "Me Heap Big Injun" (1965 ABC-TV/Warner Brothers) Season One, Episode 9: Original Air Date: November 9, 1965.  Starring Forrest Tucker as Sgt. Morgan O'Rourke, Larry Storch as Cpl. Randolph Agarn, Ken Berry as Captain Wilton Parmenter, Melody Patterson as Wrangler Jane, Frank de Kova as Wild Eagle, Edward Everett Horton as Roaring Chicken, Don Diamond as Crazy Cat, James Hampton as Bugler Dobbs, Bob Steele as Duffy, John Mitchum as Private Hoffenmueller.  Written by Arthur Julian.  Directed by Charles R. Rondeau.


Corporal Agarn's enlistment is up in a week, and Sergeant O'Rourke sees an opportunity to expand business by allowing it to expire, giving O'Rourke Enterprises a civilian Vice President.  At first Randolph is hesitant: the Corporal is still a cavalryman at heart, and persuasive Parmenter almost has Agarn's name on the dotted line before the Sarge intervenes with the compromise idea of a one week furlough to clear Randolph's "confused" mind.

So what will Agarn's Enterprising assignment be during that well-earned leave?  A week in Dodge City to pick out dancing girls for the saloon?  No, Sarge has a stay-cation in mind, sending Randolph to the Hekawi camp to step up production.  Agarn gets a break from the rigors of Army life, the Sarge gets an onsite supervisor for the other half of the business, and after seven days the Captain gets his Corporal back.  Everybody wins, right?

Well, maybe not Agarn--relaxing Hekawi life still can't quite compete with the hustle and busts of Dodge.  Or can it?   O'Rourke arrives with reenlistment papers in hand, and finds his Vice President has gone Indian.  The newly christened "Leaping Lizard" takes his new duties to heart, seeking to make them permanent--and to renegotiate the 50/50 business agreement to 75/25 in favor of the Hekawis!

Cringe worthy title, and seeing Agarn take over negotiations for his blood brothers (shades of Nathan Algren) is uncomfortably paternalistic.  But look past the surface and Me Heap Big Injun has aged very well.  To 2020 eyes it's the most concise yet complete skewering of the White Savior Narrative that we're likely to ever see.  Most impressive considering the trope's worst offenders were still decades into the future in 1965.

Agarn is no more enthused about the limited assignment than Algren or Jake Sully initially, but the parallels end there.   Agarn faces no learning curve of his new culture: he is instantly the best archer and rain dancer in Hekawi history.  Algren and Sully earn grudging respect from initially distrustful natives: our Corporal goes from honorary Hekawi and appreciated business partner to major pain in the neck for Wild Eagle.  Instead of Agarn joining with the Natives to take on his former cavalry comrades, F Troop joins forces with the Hekawis to battle Agarn, who for all his effort becomes almost as despised as Bald Eagle.

"Scrappy little devil!"

In addition to bringing rain and marksmanship, Leaping Lizard exhibits courage that we never saw from Corporal Randolph Agarn.  Walking across burning coals, wrestling a rattlesnake, canoeing down treacherous rapids and--most impressively--killing a buffalo(!).  Liz may not impress his Chief, and becoming a true blood brother is still problematic, but you'll come away thinking the Leaping one could probably kick Billy Jack's ass.

Serves the Sarge right for this scheme to blow up in his face, after he dangled the dance hall carrot in front of Agarn only to give him the stick of the camp instead.  After successfully thwarting three Captains and a Major at the Fort, and countless officers visiting it, Me Heap Big Injun shows that the mighty O'Rourke Enterprises faces no greater threat than one from within.

And really, Sarge, why the chicanery with your V.P.?  The current business model seems foolproof when one gets a load of the supply list O'Rourke gets past Parmenter with nary a raised eyebrow.  Barley?  Must be for the horses.  Yeast?  "The hard tack could be fluffier."  With the Army subsidizing that much of the saloon's overhead, O'Rourke and Agarn have a great thing going.

Edward Everett Horton makes his fifth appearance in nine episodes to date as medicine man Roaring Chicken.  Don Diamond has no lines as Crazy Cat, so that changing of the guard is still in the future.  Joe Brooks is MIA as Vanderbilt, but Bob Steele has his usual line as Duffy, who we learn was supposed to be killed in action.  Hey, the Alamo had no survivors according to the history books.

HOW'S BUSINESS AT O'ROURKE ENTERPRISES?

Judging from that aforementioned supply list, it must be booming at the saloon.  Thirty wooden barrels?  Eleven barrels of yeast?  That's a lot of whiskey and beer for a town the size of Fort Courage.

WISE OLD HEKAWI SAYING?

"Cannot make fur coat from feather of goose."  Wild Eagle admits to being under terrible strain, offering this wisdom as evidence of it.

THE RATINGS GAME:

Suffering along with ABC's entire lineup on November 9, 1965 against NBC's airing of G.I. BLUES, Me Big Heap Injun posted a season low for the series: 15.6 rating, 27.1 share. 

NUMBER OF TIMES O'ROURKE COULD HAVE BEEN CHARGED WITH TREASON:

Once, when he joined the Hekawi as "Grizzly Bear".  And since his enlistment wasn't up, he could get desertion as well.  Since Parmenter would face those same charges, I still think he's safe.  The big news here: at one point, flustered O'Rourke is actually ready to make a treason charge--against Agarn!

PC OR NOT PC?

In addition to the comments above, let it be noted that Wrangler Jane comes up with the first logical solution to O'Rourke's problem, providing calm judgement while the uncharacteristically emotional Sarge is ready to make the arrest above.  Lest you fear that this gender role reversal is permanent, O'Rourke comes up with the final, successful scheme.  The smartest guy in F Troop had a shaky episode before it, though.

THE BOTTOM LINE:

One more segment I underrated in my 2006 review of the first season on DVD.  I probably gave it the short thrift since it doesn't burn quite as brightly as its second season flip side, Our Brave in F Troop.  Me Heap Big Injun doesn't reach that sublime level, but it is a sight more impressive than I realized then.  The title makes one wince but Me Heap Big Injun has improved with age--thanks in part to a tiresome trope that time has had the opposite effect on.   (*** out of four)

F TROOP is currently airing weekdays at 11 A.M. Central on Circle TV.

Television Review: GET CHRISTIE LOVE!: "A High Fashion Heist" (1975)

GET CHRISTIE LOVE!: "A High Fashion Heist" (Universal/ABC-TV: Original Air Date 3/12/75)  Starring Teresa Graves as Detective Christie Love, Jack Kelly as Captain Arthur Ryan, Michael Pataki as Gallagher, Dennis Rucker as Belmont.  Guest Stars:  Jaclyn Smith as Sari Lancaster, Woodrow Parfrey as Fallon, Marjorie Wallace as Jennifer Gillian, Don Galloway as Marty Hazard, Terry Meeuwsan as Susan, Mel Gallagher as Jimmie Bertleson, Robert Miller Driscoll as Lucius Crocker, Scott Peters as Valencia, Hanna Hertelendy as Andrea.  Written by Michael A. Hoey and B. Gerald Bell.  Directed by David Friedkin.


Introduction to the GET CHRISTIE LOVE! episode guide and review of the TV movie pilot at this link.


An Indian Prince's diamond collection is valued at seven figures plus and goes to auction in Losa Angeles.  Attempting to keep the gems secure for it, Christie goes undercover on the runway as one of eight high fashion models displaying the priceless antiques for potential bidders.  It's all for naught: immediately after the showcase, a masked robber succeeds in snatching the collection while the lovely ladies are removing the jewels.  He has to be a professional, knowing exactly where to strike and who to disarm, taking hostages while making his getaway.  Detective Love gives high speed chase to no avail.

Captain Ryan recognizes the M.O. as that of slippery pro Marty Hazard.  After returning the merchandise through a broker (minus a commission and a "finder's fee"), Hazard consistently avoids capture while making a solid profit.  After all, there's never enough evidence and the resolution always leaves everyone satisfied.  Everyone except Detective Love, who still sees a crime going unpunished.  Ryan gives Christie the diamond-hot assignment and she sets out to find loose ends before they're tied up yet again.  Suspicion soon falls on inside help, which leads a reluctant Christie toward her old school friend Sari, another of the aforementioned models who seems to be living really well.

The Glen Larson/Ronald Satlof episodes of GET CHRISTIE LOVE! are filled with casting hooks, ranging from Bobby Riggs and Rosemary Casals playing themselves in The Big Rematch to the LAUGH-IN reunion in Murder on High C.  To the modern eye, a pre-CHARLIE'S ANGELS Jaclyn Smith is the biggest name in A High Fashion Heist.  But while Smith has the largest supporting role, she wasn't the star attraction at the time: Miss World and Miss America were sharing the runway.

Marjorie Wallace, Miss World 1973

Miss World 1973 Marjorie Wallace had the second (and penultimate) acting role of her brief career, with the same role she had in BARETTA a month earlier: the crook's girlfriend.  Wallace was the first Miss World crowned from the U.S., and one of the most controversial: romantically linked with George Best, Tom Jones and (then-recently deceased) Peter Revson, Wallace was stripped of her title after only 104 days, becoming the first of the pageant's winners to lose her title.  She's improved from her first role here, but would remain better known for her offstage notoriety.  1975 brought her first and last TV roles.

Terry Meeuwsen, Miss America 1973

1973 Miss America Terry Meeuwsen ended up having far more staying power in front of the camera than anyone else in the cast.  She's been co-hosting THE 700 CLUB since 1993.   However, this was the lone acting appearance of her career, and she has a mere two lines--clearly her niche was hosting religious programming.  (Incidentally Wallace also hosted a long-running syndicated staple, albeit briefly: she was the original 1981 co-host of ENTERTAINMENT TONIGHT, pre-Mary Hart.)

Back at the station, Pataki's Gallagher continues to be used as comic relief, and again commits a major boo-boo when he accepts a meal from elegant suspect Crocker.  This time he has a tad of redemption when his basement research (itself a punishment from the Captain) finally connects Christie with her perpetrator.  The exasperation that Gallagher continually gives Jack Kelly's Captain Ryan provides a spark of life largely missing from the earlier Charles Cioffi/Andy Romano episodes, though you still wonder almost every segment how the Hell Gallagher keeps his job.  Dennis Rucker's Belmont survived the midseason changes, and Scott Peters wrapped up his acting career with the recurring role of Detective Valencia.

I couldn't find any information on co-writer B. Gerald Bell, but Michael A. Hoey wrote only a handful of teleplays.  Most of his TV credits were behind the camera (FALCON CREST), but Hoey was best known for THE NAVY VS. THE NIGHT MONSTERS.  The duo provides veteran director Friedkin with a decent script, and Friedkin gets around content restrictions by having a fairly spectacular (by prime time standards anyway) novelty death at an electrical plant.  The scene is marred by what would seem to be a severe overreaction on the part of the accomplice, but the flaw isn't too distracting all in all.

A High Fashion Heist goes down easy, with Jaclyn Smith's early appearance holding the most interest for audiences today.  One can see why she'd be a major TV star just a year later.  It's fun to wonder if Graves might have gotten a call from Aaron Spelling if she'd stayed in show biz--he practically needed a new ANGEL every other season--but since the GET CHRISTIE LOVE! star was only two episodes away from ending her own television career, A High Fashion Heist is as close as we got to that scenario.

ONE LUMP, OR MORE?

Just one "Sugar" for the mastermind himself.

THE BOTTOM LINE:

Graves, Smith, Meeuwsen and Wallace.  Casting gimmicks take the vavavoom factor off the charts, and the episode itself is solidly directed and decently written.  A High Fashion Heist focuses on the heist more than the fashion, but remains entertaining while doing either.  (*** out of four)