F TROOP Fridays: "Johnny Eagle Eye" (1966)

F TROOP Fridays: Episode 16






F TROOP: "Johnny Eagle Eye" (1966 ABC-TV/Warner Brothers) Season One, Episode 30.  Original Air Date: April 12, 1966.  Starring Forrest Tucker as Sgt. O'Rourke, Larry Storch as Corporal Agarn, Ken Berry as Captain Parmenter, Melody Patterson as Wrangler Jane, Frank deKova as Chief Wild Eagle, James Hampton as Bugler Dobbs, Joe Brooks as Vanderbilt, Bob Steele as Duffy. Guest Stars: Paul Petersen as Johnny Eagle Eye, Cathy Lewis as Whispering Breeze, James Griffith as Sergeant Crawford.  Directed by Seymour Robbie.  Written by Stan Dreben and Howard Merrill.

Muster is delayed, first by a frantic search for Vanderbilt's ever-ineffective glasses, then by the announcement of an Army marksmanship contest coming up at Fort Bravo.  The men are nonplussed by the announcement, but Captain Parmenter sees an opportunity for F Troop to "carve a niche in military history"(!). 

The letter is signed by Inspector General Burton, so poor Major Winster apparently didn't last very long after his failed Hekawi invasion in The New I.G.   Parmenter dismisses Janie's eager offer to represent (civilians are ineligible) and announces "open competition" will follow to determine F Troop's finest marksman.  All that's left is Bugler Dobbs' attempt at Chow Call, during which Vandy's glasses are located--inside the bugle.  The lenses are a little cracked, but still intact to help Vandy correct that 20/900 vision.

Forgoing the mess hall, O'Rourke and Agarn are off in the wagon for what we learn is a long overdue check-in with business partner Chief Wild Eagle.  W.E. is unhappy, and not because his cohort is again peddling goods made in Jersey City.  We learn the saloon is very well stocked these days, since F Troop's enlisted men apparently haven't visited the Hekawi camp in at least 12 days (see below).  That's how long the Chief has been hosting relatives: his sister Whispering Breeze, a.k.a. Mrs. Sitting Bull, and her son, the Chief's nephew Johnny Eagle Eye.

Guest stars Lewis and Petersen were wrapping up long-running gigs on HAZEL and THE DONNA REED SHOW (275 episodes as Jeff Stone for the latter) respectively.  Cathy Lewis was most famed for her lengthy radio resume (she was Jane Stacy on MY FRIEND IRMA); sadly, Johnny Eagle Eye would be one of her final roles.  She died of cancer two years later at 51.

Whispering Breeze and Johnny Eagle Eye arrived at the Hekawi camp for the weekend-- "twelve days ago".  The Lakota holy man believes in separate vacations, and is presently in Arizona.  Mr. and Mrs. Bull are as progressive in parenting as they are in their union.  "Say no to boy, him feel unloved."  Raising him to be a gentleman includes indulging his passionate interest in shooting, so the hills are alive with the sounds of gunfire.  Wild Eagle seems to understand why Sitting Bull is taking a breather from the Mrs. and his crack shot son.

"Him not crack shot, him crack pot!" according to Wild Eagle, but the Mrs. won't hear of it.  She encourages her son's marksmanship, to the point of insisting that Johnny Eagle Eye be allowed to test his prowess in increasingly daring demonstrations.  He shoots a "17 jewel gold watch" out of O'Rourke's hand  ("THAT goes on your bill!" the Sarge informs the Chief) and more impressively, shoots a caterpillar off the branch of a faraway tree and a match out of the Chief's hand while he tries to light his pipe.  It's all making Wild Eagle a nervous wreck, but the ever-resourceful O'Rourke may have a way to calm his business partner's nerves.

Well, we all know where this is heading.  Sergeant Crawford at Fort Bravo is the overwhelming favorite in that upcoming contest, but O'Rourke senses a changing of the guard.  "Can you imagine how much we can win bettin' than a man from F Troop can beat Sergeant Crawford?"

True, Johnny's not in the army, but the Sarge has a solution: put him in a suit of a buckskins, and he miraculously becomes an Indian Scout for F Troop.  Yes, the pilot episode taught us that Fort Courage already has 13 such scouts, but Johnny's prowess makes a 14th desirable.   And not just to the non-coms: Wild Eagle thinks taking Johnny away until Saturday is a great idea.  But Mrs. Bull is a tougher sell.  "He'll be a celebrity!  He'll come back with a medal from our leader!" O'Rourke declares.

"A medal from your President.  That I'll frame."  Momma warily lets the soldiers have their way.  It's on to the Fort, where O'Rourke and Agarn can take on the easier task of selling the Captain. 

As luck would have it, the Commanding Officer at Fort Courage already has the men mustered for qualifying rounds.  Apparently seniority is a factor, since Trooper Duffy gets first shot.

Duffy blows the dust of that rifle that appears to have been with him since his Alamo days.  "I haven't used it that much lately", he admits, and after he does, it's clear it's going to stay that way.

Before the next contestant can take a crack at the targets, O'Rourke, Agarn and Johnny ride into the fort, with the Sarge regaling the Captain with tales of the young man's heroism after the troopers were ambushed by Apaches.

Corporal Agarn can't decide if Johnny drove off ten, six or three renegades, but no matter.  The young man agreed on the spot to be a scout for F Troop, and Sergeant O'Rourke graciously offers to take care of all the necessary paperwork for the Captain.  All neat and easy---but hearing the word "bet" triggers Parmenter.  Wilton reminds the men that Section 6, Article 5 of the Army Manual absolutely forbids members of the Armed Forces to gamble. 

(Guess that would have been news to Sergeant Bilko.  Maybe it was repealed sometime after 1866?)

(R) Fort Bravo's Sgt. Crawford, the army's best marksman

At the saloon, Sergeant O'Rourke assuades the fears of the commanding officer.  "All right, none of you men do any gambling!  I'm covering all the action!"  Visiting from Fort Bravo, reigning champion Sergeant Crawford can hardly believe his luck.  "You're bettin' that a man from F Troop is gonna outshoot me?"  Crawford's Fort Courage counterpart assures him that it is no joke, and raises the stakes to $1,000 as proof.   Crawford can hardly contain his glee, and his literal parting shot ("the chip AND the moose--with one bullet!") does succeed in intimidating Agarn, who wants his .002 percent of the stake (a.k.a. $2.00) back.

The Sarge, however, remains undeterred.  "I'd bet my last dollar on it--in fact, I have!"  His musing is interrupted by an insistent Whispering Breeze, who has brought oatmeal cookies, extra blankets, and a warning: if her son is not back on Saturday night as promised, her husband will arrive with a standing Army of 10,000 Sioux braves for revenge.   "Crumble Fort Courage like this."

Pretty emphatic cautionary gesture there.  When's the last time you saw a mother waste one of her homemade cookies?  That warning becomes considerably more ominous after Mrs. Bull leaves, when Captain Parmenter arrives with splendid news: the winner of the contest will be transferred to The White House in Washington, D.C. for a permanent post as Bodyguard for the POTUS!

"Relax, will ya?  This is not a time for panic, it's a time for calm judgement!"  As usual, Agarn provides the former, so it's up to Sergeant O'Rourke to come through with the latter.  The Corporal is cogent enough to point out that a treason charge might actually be the bright side of things, since Johnny's trip to D.C. will also bring Alamo-like odds to the Troop once Sitting Bull arrives.  (At least Duffy has a history of surviving those, right?)

On the other hand, the price of losing the contest is the entire working capital of O'Rourke Enterprises.  Given the penalty for treason, it's truly a "your money or your life" moment for the Sarge, but he doesn't have to give it nearly as much thought as Jack Benny.  "We've got to lose the thousand dollars.  We have got to get Johnny Eagle Eye to go home."

But the Son of Sitting Bull is keen on proving he's the best in the West, and refuses to withdraw.  "Who going to make me?"

"2,000 miles away?"  Mrs. Bull is ready to call for her husband. (Actually, Washington D.C. is about 1,450 miles away from Sitting Bull's territory, and 1,100 miles away from Fort Courage, proving that parents have been exaggerating for literally centuries.)  Ever the cool head, the Sarge opines that they just need someone to beat the young scout. 

It won't be easy--Johnny Eagle Eye only has ONE defeat in his short history, and that was two long years ago.  At the age of 12, to his father, which made the lad go "goony goony".  The sore loser held his breath, turned purple, threw a tomahawk, and ran away from home.  In other words, his mother has spoiled him rotten, just like Wild Eagle's son Bald Eagle.
  
The description of the temper tantrum sends O'Rourke and Agarn looking for another crack shot.  In this territory, there's only one.....

Janie is the best sharpshooter in the territory, but she isn't on board with the sleight of hand required to get her into this contest.  That is, until O'Rourke pulls out the one card that always plays with Wrangler Jane.  Yup,the Captain.  "The trusting type.  He let Johnny in as a scout, and...."  Well, his father's identity must be kept a secret, Jane.  The number of places that Wilton would be busted down and transferred to has varied throughout the season.  This time, it's Hoboken.  Far enough away to convince Janie to play along.

But Janie is right; they need someone in F Troop.  Who's the man to teach Johnny Eagle Eye a lesson in humility?

"Me???"

Yes, Vandy---you!   It takes a little convincing--tales of nearsighted marksmen in days of yore and a little bit of help during a card trick--but F Troop's sentry is eventually fired up and ready to challenge the young upstart. 

"What card???  Whose hand???"

That is, if he can find his way out the door.

Having the sentry in the contest conveniently frees the lookout tower for Janie.

(Here's hoping no one fires the cannon anytime soon.)

With Vandy and Janie on board, and Agarn securely out of view but able to tamper with the targets, all the elements are in place.

That Vandy!  What a jokester!

No wonder Johnny is incredulous when he sees his challenger.

But that long winning streak is coming to an end (with an asterisk, what with the cheating and all).  After starting off one inch off the bulls-eye, Johnny completely unravels against the "seasoned" Vanderbilt, missing all three bottles. 

By the time all is said and done, Vandy is offering handicaps, and Johnny is storming out the gate.  Hey, he ran away from home last defeat, and he's running back after this one!  It's another successful mission for the non-coms, but there's one Hell of a hangover...

Imagine: Vanderbilt shooting against Crawford.

"A thousand dollars down the drain!" 

Or is it?

"Awarded to F Troop, winner of Marksmanship Award!"   No joke, that's really what it says:

No, Vanderbilt didn't really BEAT Crawford.  The reigning champion was disqualified!  "They looked into his papers and found out his real name is Crow Foot!  He was never officially inducted into the Army--he was going to enter the contest under false pretenses."

For shame!  Leave it to the Sarge to sum it all up, and leave the Captain thoroughly impressed with the philosophical thinking: 

"Oh, what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive."

And with that out of the way, back to the normal, everyday deceptions at Fort Courage.  O'Rourke has plenty of profits to share with Wild Eagle in the coda, Johnny Eagle Eye has (finally) stopped crying, and the Chief starts once he learns that Johnny has taken up the drums and is staying for two more weeks for lessons.

Wow, a month away from his wife and son--and counting.  That Sitting Bull is one broad-minded husband and father!

NAGGING QUESTIONS:

Why didn't Vanderbilt get that transfer to D.C. that was promised to the winner?  (Imagine: Vanderbilt in charge of protecting Andrew Johnson....)  And since F Troop technically won, did O'Rourke double his money?  (Well, okay, $1,996 for O'Rourke, $4 for Agarn.)

NUMBER OF TIMES O'ROURKE COULD HAVE BEEN CHARGED WITH TREASON:

Yeah, Johnny's prospective arrival in Washington would have done the trick, and so would that background check if the O'Rourke Enterprisers had been unfortunate enough to actually send the young Bull to shoot.

But seriously--O'Rourke's so-called treachery utterly pales in comparison to what's going on over at Fort Bravo.  Not only is Indian Crow Foot actually in the army, but he's been there for quite some time, probably several years--long enough to get promoted to Sergeant (that took O'Rourke ten years!)!  He's also won this annual contest before, at least once.  I wonder how many co-conspirators over at Fort Bravo were executed over this scandal?

PC OR NOT PC?

Mrs. Bull describes her parenting as progressive, and the rest of Johnny Eagle Eye follows suit. Two Native Americans are the best marksmen in the entire Army, far outclassing any white man.  Johnny Eagle Eye's only legitimate loss ever came to his father (of course, another Native) and the only sharpshooter in his class, civilian or otherwise, is female.  And, while it took a bit of chicanery, Private Vanderbilt scores one for the differently abled as the new best shot in the army (at least, officially).  Un-PC?  F TROOP gets a bum rap, I tell ya!

THE BOTTOM LINE:

The incredible sprint to the first season's finish line continues, as Johnny Eagle Eye is F TROOP at its subversive best.  The Captain remains clueless, and the "sinners" don't just go unpunished: they are rewarded handsomely. O'Rourke and Agarn either make a lot of money (the stage came in with a lot of tourists, we learn in the tag) or a LOT of money (if the "bet" stood)--downright earthshaking karma for the sitcom world of 1966.  Even if you aren't reading that much into this, Johnny Eagle Eye is one more loopy winner from Dreben and Merrill.  The laughs are plentiful and Robbie brings them home with fervor.  Longtime radio star Cathy Lewis gives a highly enjoyable performance--sadly, one of her last..  (**** out of four) 

Leon Errol Series: DEAL ME IN (1951)

DEAL ME IN (1951 RKO Radio Pictures Short) Starring Leon Errol as Leon, Wendy Waldron as Wendy Errol, Harry Harvey as Harry, Emory Parnell as McCormack, Harry Hayden as Jamison, Lyle Latell as Sergeant Billings, Ralph Hodges as Bill.  Written by Hattie Bilson.  Directed by Hal Yates.


Introduction to the Horn Section's Leon Errol Salute Series at this link.

In an effort to finagle a big contract out of poker fiend McCormack, Leon hosts an all night card game at his house, inviting the financier, McCormack's associate Jamison, policeman Billings, and Errol's business partner Harry.  Gambling?  Only on that business deal.  Leon intends to lose money now to get it back tenfold later when McCormack signs, and even fouls Harry's full house to grease the wheels.

Alas, the game breaks up at 3 A.M. and Leon will need to keep it going the following week if he wants contract signed.  The game ends just in time for Errol to catch his daughter Wendy sneaking in from her date with Bill.  Despite the poker plans, the ever-watchful Dad demands that Wendy Errol stays in the following weekend, unknowingly creating an obstacle to his riches.   Harry creates a second one when he disinvites Billings.

Deal Me In is the sole Errol entry credited to Hattie Bilson, wife of George, the producer of numerous two-reelers in the series from 1944 to 1951.  Mrs. Bilson wrote several Pal shorts for RKO's canine star Flame (the Wonder Dog), and her contribution marks quite a departure from the norm for Leon.

Mrs. Errol is nowhere to be found and unmentioned throughout, making Leon a single parent--no wonder his mind is on making the most of his business.   The unsupervised Mr. Errol shows atypical self-discipline, totally avoiding alcohol and women.  The only person sneaking into the Errol household at three in the morning is Wendy.  Okay, technically he is gambling, but the (rigged) card game is merely a means to an end.  This Leon Errol is a sober, responsible parent, but don't worry.  He still produces a lot of laughs.

Since Wendy is confined to the home, Bill comes to see her, with both planning to disrupt the game enough to free Miss Errol from her house arrest.  Trick decks, "innocent" hand reveals, temperatire malfunctions and fine feathered visitors are among the annoyances to follow, with the septuagenarian star given the opportunity to show he's still a nimble physical comic.  While that trademark rubber legged walk is AWOL in Deal Me In, Leon's anomalous antics include disguising himself as a vase(!), mimicking his sneaky offspring, and arguably the highlight, attempting to apprehend that pigeon who has stolen Jamison's toupee.

It's a bit ironic that a teetotaling Errol ends up in jail (pissing off a detective isn't a good idea when there's gambling going on) while the plastered version usually ends up making it home, but even the pokey doesn't stop the poker.  While Deal Me In wouldn't exactly be one of my choices as an introduction to the Leon Errol two-reelers, it's a solid change of pace for inveterate viewers of the durable RKO series.  (**1/2 out of four)

Television Review: GET CHRISTIE LOVE!: "The Big Rematch" (1975)

GET CHRISTIE LOVE!: "The Big Rematch" (Universal/ABC-TV: Original Air Date 2/19/75)  Starring Teresa Graves as Detective Christie Love, Jack Kelly as Captain Ryan, Michael Pataki as Gallagher, Dennis Rucker as Belmont.  Guest Stars: Bobby Riggs as himself, Rosemary Casals as herself, Ken Tobey as Sheriff Baxter, Phil Pine as Emmett Reese, Fred Holliday as Monty, Hunter von Leer as Deputy, Sandra Giles as Reporter, Keith Atkinson as Miles, Rick Jason as Walt Harris, Karen Machon as Elaine Harris, James G. Richardson as Joe Madison. Written by Howard Berk.  Directed by Gene Levitt.

Series overview for Get Christie Love! HERE 


To get the office maverick out of his hair for a few days, Captain Ryan loans Christie Love and partner Gallagher out as crowd control during the anticipated "Battle of the Sexes" rematch between Bobby Riggs and Rosie Casals at the Palm Valley Tennis Club.  The prize: $250,000, winner take all.

That is, if the cash makes it to the match.  Promoter Walt Harris is as compulsive a gambler as Riggs, and heavily indebted to loan shark Reese.  Reese's threat to torch the resort has Harris going along with a scheme to stage an armed robbery of the quarter million, but both the robber and the robbed are planning a double cross--in partnership with Mrs. Harris! 

Unfortunately for the shylock, she turns out to be a loyal wife, so Reese ends up dead and his unsuspecting driver Madison makes a perfect patsy after he drives away in panic and crashes the car.  The money's "missing" and the explanation seems to add up--to everyone except Christie, who is willing to give Joe Madison the benefit of a doubt.

The Big Rematch is partial wish-fulfillment for guest star Bobby Riggs, who never succeeded in getting Billie Jean King back on the tennis court but at least got this fictional do-over against her longtime doubles partner with a prize dwarfing the original's ($100,000).   Riggs might have missed out on that six figure reward, but in the years that followed the Astrodome debacle he made a mint playing himself on prime time in series ranging from JIGSAW JOHN to MCMILLAN AND WIFE.

As was the case with his memorable 1973 ODD COUPLE installment, Riggs' hustling prowess is preserved on film for posterity, with the tennis legend winning a match in scuba fins while carrying a parasol.  But the cartoonish chauvinism from that sitcom appearance is missing from Riggs' persona in the CHRISTIE LOVE universe.  Bobby limits his quips to the "you know she wants me" variety as Casals frequently rolls her eyes and makes the obvious retorts.  And, so much for male supremacy--Riggs even offers the very female Love a full-time gig as his bodyguard.  Don't worry about our boy going soft, though--he proves his newfound "commitment" to Women's Liberation by sticking Rosie with the dinner check.

The tennis Hall of Famers might not be professional actors, but their verbal sparring keeps The Big Rematch amusingly watchable for its first half.  Unfortunately, Riggs and Casals vanish around that point, forcing our attention towards a murder/robbery lacking both suspense and logic. 

Without the luck of an automobile accident that would have been impossible to foresee, the Harris's scheme would have had little to no chance of success.  Writer Berk seems to realize the weakness, even having Mr. Harris lampshade it by admitting his uneasiness with having his partner identify Madison as the assailant. 

More puzzling is the couple's plot to eliminate Detective Love permanently.  The timing makes no sense: Christie was just dressed down by the Sheriff and her boss right in front of them, with the latter ordering her back to L.A. the next day.  Why reignite a fire that seems to be fizzling with a sudden death that would arouse suspicion?   Not only is the timing highly suspect, but Mr. Harris goes into Love's conveniently unlocked(!) hotel room sans mask or gloves, leaving fingerprints galore on the fireplace he's sabotaging.  Amateur hour describes not only the scheme, but Machon's flat performance as the supposed mastermind.  In a series still digesting Glen Larson's mid-season changes in cast and tone, you need all the verisimilitude you can get.

Those adjustments (introduced in The Deadly Sport) in the supporting cast show mixed results in The Big Rematch.  Jack Kelly's more expressive Captain Ryan is an upgrade over Charles Cioffi's Reardon, with the former Bart Maverick capably wringing chuckles out of Ryan's annoyance with his subordinates.

Less successful is the switch from Andy Romano's stoic, reliable Caruso to Michael Pataki's animated, garrulous Gallagher, which gained some smiles but lost sorely needed credibility.  Frustrated writer Gallagher works on scripts while he's on the clock, blurts out inside information on the investigation on TV, and generally makes you wonder how the Hell he keeps his job.

So, who wins the big match?  Unfortunately, we don't find out, as Riggs and Casales are still competing at the final freeze frame.  But we do get a doubles match earlier, with Casals/Love besting Riggs/Gallagher.  Proving she's no Oscar Madisoy, Christie gets the match point past the great hustler herself.  It's too bad this competition only gets about a minute of screen time, since Graves looks phenomenal in her tennis outfit.

FORESHADOWING:

Prize money being used to satisfy mafia debts eerily anticipates the controversy that would engulf The Battle of the Sexes four decades later.  More uncomfortable: the plan to use a malfunctioning fireplace to murder Christie--star Teresa Graves would meet her untimely demise in a house fire in 2002.

ONE LUMP, OR MORE?

Just one, Sugar--following Christie's declaration to the thieves that she never bluffs.

The enduring, seemingly timeless fascination with Bobby Riggs and tennis' Battle of the Sexes makes The Big Rematch an entertaining period piece for its initial half, but a consistent lack of plausibility hurts badly once the sparring ITHOF'ers exit and the sloppy heist takes over for good.  A letdown from usually reliable writer Howard Berk, who was responsible for first-rate installments of THE ROCKFORD FILES (Counter Gambit) and COLUMBO (By Dawn's Early Light) elsewhere during that 1974-75 season.  (** out of four)

Television Review: CRAZY LIKE A FOX: "Fox and the Wolf" (1986)

CRAZY LIKE A FOX: "Fox and the Wolf" (CBS-TV/Sony 1986) Original Air Date: January 5, 1986.  Starring Jack Warden as Harry Fox, John Rubenstein as Harrison Fox, Penny Peyser as Gail Fox, Robby Kiger as Josh Fox, Patricia Ayame Thomson as Allison.  Guest Stars:  Gene Barry as Nicholas Roland, James McEachin as Briggs, Charles Levin as Sidney, Katherine Moffat as Courtney, Lora Staley as Bonnie, Anne Howard as Juliet, Byron Morrow as Littlefield, Lillian Muller (credited as Yuliis Ruval) as French Maid, Joyce Meadows as the Clerk, Traci Rae as Gillian, Kelly Andrus as the Fencer, Joseph Whipp as the Detective.  Written by Steve Greenberg and Aubrey Solomon.  Directed by Paul Stanley. 

Introduction to the 1984-86 CBS series CRAZY LIKE A FOX is at this link.


Flamboyant, free-spending movie star Nicholas Roland faces a competency hearing forced by his daughter, and his estate lawyer Harrison has the exasperating task of keeping the legendary actor out of the tabloids until the controversy is resolved.   Keeping an eye on Roland proves to be a task challenging for even the senior Fox, who finds the schedule (including fencing, spa days and mysterious private trips every Thursday) exhausting.

"Nick" manages to persuade his new keeper to stay after Harry solves his staged kidnapping, but the star's eccentric behavior is increasingly hard to explain, even for longtime chauffer Briggs.  If the threat of losing his financial independence isn't enough to start the explanations coming, the murder of Roland's business manager will have to be.

Opening with a montage establishing Nicholas Roland as Hollywood royalty of several decades, Fox and the Wolf is CRAZY LIKE A FOX at its breeziest.  Gene Barry's bon vivant effortlessly sweeps every lady he meets off her feet and pampers himself and those around him, putting Harry in the unfamiliar position of mother hen.  And the equally foreign position of quitter.  Yes, bulldog Harry Fox gives up--not once, but twice!  Fortunately the emergence of a baffling mystery--even more enticing than Roland's promise of weekly manicures--keeps the grumbling old Fox around.

Which can't be easy, since Fox and the Wolf is Barry's show, with our usual exasperator Harry elbowed out of the way to become one more exasperated adult in Roland's life.  He joins his own son, Roland's two daughters, and the star's accountant in that category--only chauffer Briggs takes everything in stride.  We learn very early that the shoe will be on the other foot, with Roland actually asking Harrison "what could possibly happen?" in his first scene.  The hammy actor even bests Harry behind the wheel, escaping his watchdog and triggering that second resignation from the elder Fox.  Not that this change of pace is a bad thing: the ever-versatile Warden handles his one-time switch to straight man smoothly, and the role of Roland fits the always debonair Gene Barry like a glove.

It doesn't hurt that this especially poised episode has several enjoyable left turns and a mystery that holds water.  Seeing Harry more ruffled than Harrison for a change is just icing on the top.

While on the topic of added bonuses, Nicholas Roland is constantly surrounded by beautiful women, and we can be just as impressed as Harry is.  Teri Hafford and Theresa Ring are among those attending to our men in the spa (and yes, Mr. Fox has a smoking cigar sticking out of the towel on his face--what else did you expect?).  Kelly Andrus is Roland's fencing coach, and best of all, 1976 Playmate of the Year Lillian Muller (credited here as Yuliis Ruval) is the movie star's French maid.

In a season that saw the premieres of THE GOLDEN GIRLS and THE EQUALIZER and highly rated reunions for PERRY MASON and THE ANDY GRIFFITH SHOW there was much written about the "graying of prime time".  Seeing a 67 year old Gene Barry plausibly woo over a half dozen women half his age while swashbuckling his way through this highly enjoyable hour epitomized the venerability of 1985-86 television as well as any of those success stories. 

While Fox and the Wolf ranked a very respectable 24th in the weekly Nielsens (19.0 rating, 27 share), it came in second in its time slot to the highly promoted opener of BLACKE'S MAGIC, which starred two more of those comeback veterans: Hal Linden and Harry Morgan.  Sadly, it would be the final Sunday airing for CRAZY LIKE A FOX, and not coincidentally the final time that the show placed in the top 25.  Too bad, because the one-time Amos Burke was a prime candidate for a repeat visit to the Fox universe.  This fast-moving, highly enjoyable outing from TV lifer Paul Stanley (HAWAII FIVE-O) is one of the season's best.  (***1/2 out of four)

Television Review: HONDO: "Hondo and the Comancheros" (1967)

"Your lives are meaningless compared to HONDO!"







HONDO: "Hondo and the Comancheros" (1967 ABC-TV/Batjac/MGM) Episode 10: Original Air Date: November 10, 1967.  Starring Ralph Taeger as Hondo Lane, Noah Beery Jr. as Buffalo Baker, Kathie Browne as Angie Dow, Gary Clarke as Captain Richards, Buddy Foster as Johnny Dow, William Bryant as Colonel Crook, William Benedict as Willie.  Guest Stars: Fernando Lamas as Rodrigo, Marie Gomez as Teresa, Glenn Langan as Victor Tribolet, Bruno VeSota as Biddle, Tom Hennesy as the Poker Player, Makee D. Blaisdell as Paco, Kelton Garwood as Kyle, Peggy Stewart as Mrs. Malcolm, Jerry Brown as Kruger.  Written by Frank Paris.  Directed by Michael D. Moore.


Series Overview for HONDO: TV's Unlikeliest Cult Hit at this link  

Acting on an erroneous tip from henchman Kyle, Comanchero leader Rodrigo attacks a stagecoach thought to be carrying a gold shipment.  But bullion isn't included in the cargo: just Angie Dow, Hondo Lane and D.C. emissary Biddle, en route to Fort Lowell.  After killing Biddle and the driver, Rodrigo decides to salvage something from the failed mission by holding Angie a ransom of $3,000, payable to him at his natural fortress in Val Verde Canyon.

"I don't have the authority!"

An international incident is a concern, as Captain Richards is disallowed under U.S. treaty with the Mexican government to cross the border with troops.  With extradition even for Biddle's murder out of the question, Hondo gamely tries to raise the seemingly impossible amount.  Meanwhile, Buffalo rides to Tucson for a direct appeal to Colonel Crook, and Rodrigo insinuates to his captive that he isn't planning to honor his own terms.

"She belongs to somebody, eh?  Maybe you, amigo?"

During the series' all-too-brief fun, Hondo Lane dealt with three different kidnappings involving those closest to him, with Angie Dow's abduction in Hondo and the Comancheros being the first.    Fortunately, Buffalo can help here, with both the fundraising and the personal appeal to Colonel Crook.  And while Captain Richards' hands are tied militarily, he still contributes his own money to the cause--as do his subordinates, who all gave "what they have, and some they didn't".  Even town drunk Willie (one of four HONDOs for long-time Bowery Boy Billy Benedict) is willing to forego his next three drinks for the cause.

"I got a lucky feelin', Mister."

While this isn't quite the helpless and urgent situation Hondo would face in Hondo and the Gladiators, it's still a dicey one.  The time allotment is only marginally more favorable (roughly 36 hours--"tomorrow before sundown"), and $3,000 is an impossible amount given the window and location.  With Rodrigo, the latter is almost certainly intentional.

"It's a large tent, amigo!"

Frank Paris' script has some racy elements for the series (and the era).  Rodrigo's avarice isn't limited to money: in fact, he hints strongly that he'd prefer a nightly threesome with the widow Dow and his buxom girlfriend Teresa to the sizable ransom.  Rodrigo even implies that Angie might become the "new number one"--but only when he's out of Teresa's earshot.  With good reason: Teresa responds to Rodrigo's suggestion in predictable fashion ("I will not touch her!!") and the jealous Latina becomes the biggest threat to Angie's safety.  Suffice to say that Lamas is the show's lustiest villain.  Well, verbally, at least.  (The only close competition is Nick Adams' almost mute Apache Kid.)

Fernando Lamas puts his effortless charm to good use here as Rodrigo, whose perpetual smile brings little comfort--he drops it to send a message (by murdering Biddle) for only a few seconds, then flashes it again once the body hits the ground.  We keep expecting his carnal desires, greed or arrogance to be his undoing, and Paris keeps you wondering which character flaw will ultimately be the fatal one for Rodrigo.  Lamas' jovial menace was also memorably effective a month later in one of the highlights of THE HIGH CHAPARRAL's first season, The Firing Wall.

"All it takes is money.  And we won't have to beg for it."

Lamas and a reliably fiery Gomez are the obvious front-runners in the larger-than-usual guest cast.   Glenn Langan returns as Tribolet, making the same snarky comments about Hondo's relationship with Mrs. Dow and adding a curt dismissal about Lane's lack of collateral. 

For the only time, Tribolet doesn't meet the chief antagonist, but they'd have gotten along swimmingly--Tribolet's money hunger far outstrips even Rodrigo's.  Curiously, Benedict is uncredited, a fate that often befell longtime stuntman Tom Henessy, cast here as a burly cardsharp.

HOW MANY CANS OF WHOOPASS?

Emberato punches heartless Victor Tribolet after the freighter, sensing a great opportunity to pick up the Dow store, refuses to loan him the ransom money despite having it many times over.  Later, the attempt at raising the funds brings Hondo Lane to the poker game, where he is forced to kick the living crap out of that poker cheat at Joe's.  Speaking of...

IS THE CANTINA STILL STANDING?

For once, Joe the bartender actually complains about the damages, which is odd because his watering hole is pretty much unscathed but for a single broken chair--probably the brawl requiring the least furniture replacement to date!

A DOG'S LIFE:

Hondo restricts Sam to Fort Lowell for the duration, to serve as Johnny's therapy dog during his mother's absence.

KATHIE BROWNE, OR MARIE GOMEZ?

Long-time Horn Section readers know how yours truly feels about the latter, but there is no wrong answer to this one, right guys?

Hmm...Marie might disagree.

I keep reading that we're currently enjoying the Golden Age of Television, but on a Friday night in 1967 you could watch Marie Gomez and Kathie Browne have two catfights within an hour--with bosomy Ms. Gomez throwing in a sexy flamenco dance for good measure.  If that doesn't prove there was must see TV a half-century ago, I don't know what would.  Fernando Lamas excelled at bringing smiling scoundrels to life, and his flamboyant performance further enhances this entertaining segment.  (*** out of four)

HONDO airs every Sunday morning at 10:15 AM Central on getTV.  The complete HONDO series is also now available on DVD through Warner Archive.

Oh, and Happy 50th, HONDO!  The first episode aired on ABC-TV fifty years ago this Friday!