MAVERICK Mondays: "The Day They Hanged Bret Maverick" (1958)

MAVERICK Mondays: Number 21








MAVERICK: "The Day They Hanged Bret Maverick" (1958 ABC/Warner Brothers TV) Starring James Garner as Bret Maverick, Whitney Blake as Molly Clifford, Ray Teal as Sheriff Tucker, Jay Novello as Oliver Poole, Robert Griffin as the Mayor, Burt Mustin as Henry, John Cliff as Cliff Sharp.   Written and Directed by Douglas Heyes.



Bret Maverick rides into Elbow Bend, New Mexico shortly after a mysterious gunman robs a Wells Fargo office of $40,000 in nearby Hallelujah.  The criminal kills the clerk as he rides off, then plants his gun, hat and a few small bills from the robbery in Bret's hotel room.  Maverick soon finds himself framed for the robbery and convicted on testimony from three eyewitnesses.  Bret's facing the gallows--but while Sheriff Tucker has his man, he doesn't have most of the stolen money, and the gambler's reticence in revealing its "hiding place" gives Maverick an ace in the hole.

Well, that and Tucker's greed.  Taking on coroner Poole as a third partner, the Sheriff strikes a deal with the tight-lipped gambler: he'll fake the hanging and allow Maverick to slip out of town in exchange for revealing the booty's location only to the two of them.  While Poole oversees the burial of the empty coffin, Bret escapes from his captor.  The two accomplices surely can't tell the townspeople the truth, and shortly after they arrive back in Hallelujah, Maverick's widow arrives to visit her husband's grave.

Douglas Heyes opened MAVERICK's second season with Bret's biggest pickle yet, and the elder Maverick sibling gets to show off his deductive skills away from the poker table.  The Day They Hanged Bret Maverick commences with a lengthy and largely wordless sequence (the only line, spoken by the Sheriff: "Any strangers ride into town tonight?") that ends with Bret behind bars and facing his final evening on earth. 

Bret takes that one opening from the dishonest Sheriff (ever-dependable Ray Teal) and escapes.  Knowing that Tucker and Poole are compromised allows Bret to return to Hallelujah in disguise in this segment's funniest scene--as his "shorter, less handsome'" twin brother.  Turns out that's a good thing, since Maverick learns that in death he's also taken on all of Cliff Sharp's crimes along with his identity.   "Bret Maverick" is now reduced to a murderer's alias, so clearing his name isn't just a desire--it's now a necessity.

Heyes' ingeniously plotted script gives Bret plenty of opportunities to adjust his tactics to changing game conditions.  Each new revelation makes tracking down the $40,000 that much more imperative: lest Bret spend the rest of his life looking over his shoulder, facing a hanging just about anywhere he goes if his "true identity" is discovered.  Mrs. Sharp mistakes him for a lawman, and in fact Bret basically is, having to play undercover detective in order to find the man who framed him and the money stolen by that man.  By the time all is said and done, Maverick's ability to read people has saved his life twice and taken him to the money that eluded the "real" law men.

The professional gambler having higher morals than the upstanding citizens?  It's a satirical well often mined by MAVERICK, and seldom more ironically than in The Day They Hanged Bret Maverick.  In one of Heyes' best bits of business, a betting pool emerges in Hallelujah's saloon on whether their doomed scapegoat will reveal the location of the loot before his last breath--with nary a voice in opposition.   The Sheriff also reveals that is heavenly Hallelujah's first court-sanctioned execution. implying that lynchings weren't uncommon before.  So much for there being "a little bit of good in the worst of us", as the Mayor says repeatedly.

As he often does, Bret Maverick gets to point out their hypocrisy in the end: it not for the greedy, corrupt officials who are now behind bars, an innocent man would have been hanged.  The Day They Hanged Bret Maverick ends with the Sheriff in jail for setting an innocent man free, and Molly Sharp is facing trial despite the fact that Cliff Sharp is dead and the money is returned, eliminating all possible charges.  "Now what's going to happen?" is Coroner Poole's frequent question, and whatever does apparently won't be dictated by any logic.  Hallelujah is no place for a poker player.  Little wonder Bret, Bart and the former's mustachioed twin all avoided it in future segments.

HOW'D BRET DO AT POKER?

No poker for Bret, though he plays solitaire in his jail cell and cuts cards once with the "widow" later.  Perhaps it's a good thing that Bret didn't make it to the table in the opener of MAVERICK's sophomore season, given the way his luck is going: a coin flip with brother Bart started him on his path to Hallelujah in the first place.  He doesn't start "running good" again until he wins the cut with Molly Sharp at the dinner table.

HOW MANY TIMES DOES BRET GET A GUN PULLED ON HIM?

Twelve, with nine of those being the posse from Elbow Bend that rouses him out of bed in his hotel room.  Not sure if that's a record; something new to start tracking?

NAGGING QUESTIONS:

Two stand out.  How did Bret fire seven shots without reloading at the farmhouse?  And, how did he get his hat back before he located Cliff Sharp?

WISDOM FROM PAPPY?

"There's more than one way to please a lady."  Not the wittiest Pappyism, nor the most profound.  But it certainly fits.  Bret's charm is a great equalizer against Cliff's combination of money and menace.

THE BOTTOM LINE:

Those two nagging questions aside, MAVERICK was a finely tuned machine at the outset of its sophomore season.  As was often the case with Heyes, his script stands up to repeat viewings, with many lines becoming funnier the second or third time around.  A solid tone-setter for not only this show's finest year, but one of the best ever for any scripted series.  (***1/2 out of four)


MAVERICK airs Saturday mornings at 9 A.M. Central on MeTV.

Television Review: GET CHRISTIE LOVE! "Pawn Ticket for Murder" (1974)

GET CHRISTIE LOVE!: "Pawn Ticket for Murder" (Universal/ABC-TV: Original Air Date 10/2/74)  Starring Teresa Graves as Detective Christie Love, Charles Cioffi as Captain Reardon, Andy Romano as Joe Caruso, Dennis Rucker as Belmont.  Guest Stars: Quinn Redeker as Lester Wheeler, Scott Brady as Sergeant Gus Marker, Dick O'Neill as Alex Dawson, Sid Haig as Nick Varga, Kenneth Tobey as Charlie Red, John Steadman (uncredited) as Tex Crandall, Richard Stahl as the Maitre D', George Ives as Butler, Al Stevenson as Max, William Bramley as Bartender, John Elerick as Policeman. Written by Joseph Polizzi.  Directed by Mark Warren.

Series overview for Get Christie Love! HERE 


Homeless wino Crandall is looking for a warm place to sleep it off and settles in the alley behind Dawson's pawn shop.  Unfortunately he ends up fatally stabbed as an accidental earwitness to the bookmaking business Dawson is fronting for the well connected Lester Wheeler.  After the derelict's body is found on skid row, his homicide is delegated to Detective Love by old-school Sergeant Gus Marker.  Legendary within the L.A.P.D. and more than a little sexist, Marker feels that the seemingly open-and-shut case is a perfect way to keep the "little girl" to "out of trouble". 

Postmortem lividity indicates that Tex was moved after death, his stab wound matches an expensive large Bowie knife and his body shows no signs of asphalt marks, pointing to a crime much less routine than Marker believes.  Dismissive of Christie's theories and preoccupied with his ongoing investigation of Wheeler's gambling ring, the Sergeant gives Love full authority to follow up on her intuition--not knowing that Tex's killing can be tied to the shady businessman he's targeting.

GET CHRISTIE LOVE! would soon become too sanitized for its own good, but Pawn Ticket for Murder is a solid example of David L. Wolper's original conception of the series.  Savvy and hard working, Detective Love mostly solves her cases through good old fashioned legwork.  However, this early installment (the fourth to air) doesn't skimp on the action, with Christie forced into a shootout with the same cleaner who murdered Tex while she's interviewing the late derelict's best friend.  (In keeping with Graves' desire not to have Christie kill anyone onscreen, the hitman is still alive after he's shot, and was apparently hit by fire from Love's backup.)

Further bite is provided as Detective Love deals with discrimination based on gender and race in Pawn Ticket for Murder.   She brushes off the former from Marker with a few curt remarks initially.  When the Wheeler connection is discovered, the Sarge tries to pull rank and take over Christie's case--a definite no-go, Sugar!  Christie's pushback is inspired, actually using The Legend's sexism against him ("stealing cases from a woman!") to force the 50/50 partnership that she should have had all along.  

With good practical reason.  The script by Polizzi (Downbeat for a Dead Man) neatly sets up several situations for Love to infiltrate locales (the neighborhood bar, pawnshop, bookmaking operation) that her youth and femininity make her welcome in.  Sergeant Marker would stick out like a sore thumb.  For that matter, so would Reardon.

Graves and Stahl

But our heroine doesn't blend in everywhere, and Christie's opportunity to be conspicuous is the best scene of the installment.  GET CHRISTIE LOVE! was mostly colorblind, even when the Detective ended up in a small town (Highway to Murder).  But entering Wheeler's orbit requires gaining access to him during his downtime--at a clearly restricted (just not heavy-handedly stated as such) country club.  The bigoted maitre'd (superbly cast Richard Stahl) mistakes the Detective for the help, barely manages to stop himself before revealing the club's unspoken policy, and struggles mightily to keep his cool while Christie trolls him politely but mercilessly.  Subtle and hilarious, a perfectly executed scene by Stahl, Graves and director Mark Warren.

Not everything goes down as smoothly.  Hit man Nick Varga (the opening scene's stabber) observes Love probing the crime scene from a window and later witnesses her interrogations of the bartender and Charlie Red.  So shouldn't a savvy crook like Wheeler be especially suspicious that an African-American female seeking him out at that country club (or just showing up at the pawn shop, for that matter) just might be the investigating officer working undercover?  

Those nagging questions notwithstanding, Pawn Ticket for Murder mostly holds up until its finale.  A pit is far too conveniently located (making the planned 'accident' even more questionable than it already is--a bulldozer?) and Christie is left way too vulnerable to sniper fire before disappearing into the warehouse.  Seems uncomfortably like a set-up, but there's nothing nefarious going on internally--Detective Love has won the respect of her most hard boiled colleague long before she helps Marker nab his quarry of two years.  The Sergeant even sends roses in appreciation when all is said and done. 

The ubiquitous Sid Haig is largely wasted in his one-dimensional role as the fearsome henchman, but Kenneth Tobey (later seen in The Big Rematch) is effective as the victim's friend Charlie Red.  In keeping with everything else we see, Detective Love is the clear winner in the interrogation room: Red is much more responsive to Christie's compassion than Marker's forcefulness. 

*

---

For some reason, John Steadman (THE LONGEST YARD, CHEECH AND CHONG'S NEXT MOVIE) is uncredited as Tex Crandall.

ONE LUMP, OR MORE?

Just one, for Mr. Wheeler at his country club.  No martial arts, either, making this installment one that can do without the obligatory for the most part.

THE BOTTOM LINE:

Detective Love is mistaken for the mail girl inside her own department and "the help" outside of it.  She promptly solves the murder she was assigned and cracks a two year case that LAPD's top men had no answers for.  Christie efficiently helps the unit's Vice Squad with a major tip and handles prejudgments of all types with professionalism and charm.  The series would soon become way too tame for its own good, and the payoff scene really sputters, but prior to that letdown Graves converts several opportunities to elevate the material.  I went back and forth between two and a half and three stars on this installment, which despite its flaws comes closer than most to realizing the original conception of the show's heroine.    (*** out of four)

Television Review: HONDO: "Hondo and The War Hawks" (1967)

 




"Your lives are meaningless compared to HONDO!"







HONDO: "Hondo and The War Hawks"  (1967 ABC-TV/MGM/Batjac Productions) Episode 7; Original Air Date: October 20, 1967.  Starring Ralph Taeger as Hondo Lane, Noah Beery Jr. as Buffalo Baker, Kathie Browne as Angie Dow, Gary Clarke as Captain Richards, Michael Pate as Chief Vittoro, Buddy Foster as Johnny Dow, William Bryant as Colonel Crook, Glenn Langan as Victor Tribolet.  Guest Stars John Carroll as Colonel "Buckeye" Jack Smith, Jim Davis as Krantz, Lawrence Montaigne as Soldado, Ed McCready as the Sergeant.  Written by Donn Mullally.  Directed by Michael D. (Mickey) Moore.


Series Overview for HONDO: TV's Unlikeliest Cult Hit at this link  


Hondo is giving the Apaches marksmanship lessons on order from Colonel Crook.  The purpose is twofold: to strengthen their hunting skills and Chief Vittoro's tribal leadership by discouraging any insurgency.  It's a controversial order within the confines of the Fort, though.  Captain Richards is none too pleased with it after he finds the entire Holbrook family dead, massacred by renegades led by Vittoro's would-be usurper Saldado.   Richards grows warier when Crook is summoned to Washington, D.C. and flamboyant "Buckeye" Jack Smith is his temporary replacement, an assignment arranged by well connected freighting magnate Victor Tribolet.

With his hand-picked commander on the way, Tribolet plots to engineer a full-scale war.  Relaying inside information on ammunition deliveries (via henchman Krantz) to the ambitious Soldado, Tribolet plans to freight firepower to both sides once hotter heads prevail.  After Smith imperils months of meticulously managed trust by ordering all Apaches to surrender their arms, Hondo disobeys the new Colonel's directive and rides to Tucson to retrieve Crook.  This insubordination lands Lane in the guardhouse just as Soldado sets a trap for Smith and Richards by volunteering to be the first to turn in all of his people's weapons.

An arrogant but accomplished senior officer arrives to threaten the uneasy peace in Arizona territory.  It's the same setup presented in Hondo and the Savage, but Donn Mullally's lone HONDO offers a much more nuanced script, realizing richer possibilities while offering effective (and timeless) political commentary.  Like General Rutledge, "Buckeye Jack" shows ignorance of the territory, but the relentless self-promoter (as Buffalo derisively details) Smith is the less humble--and therefore, more dangerous--of the two.  Rutledge arrived at Fort Lowell having "never fought" Native Americans before.  Smith, fresh off a successful campaign against the Sioux, is much more assured that he can bend any Apache to his will coming in.  Even moreso after Soldado's quick response to the Colonel's directive.

By bringing Vittoro (absent from Savage) back to the forefront, Mullally is able to present wide ranging points of view from both sides.  When Richards expresses displeasure with Crook's plan, the Chief points out to the skeptical Captain that his braves are also training to support Richards.  In the wake of back-to-back wagon attacks, Smith's order certainly seems understandable to an outsider (if not to Crook).  And given the history between the army and the Apache, even mutineer Soldado isn't entirely unjustified in his distrust of any reliance on the white man. 

While Soldado's following isn't insignificant (note the braves who depart with the renegade when he's ordered away by Vittoro), he lacks the numbers to overthrow his Chief.  Nevertheless, Soldado is a more formidable challenger than Silva--emboldened enough by his successes to brazenly call the Chief an "old woman" twice in front of Hondo and other tribal leaders.  It is arguable whose methods are less admirable (both kill unarmed settlers) but Soldado, who uses Buckeye's arrogance against him, bests Silva as a tactician.  Little surprise that his coup d'état comes closer to succeeding.

For all the shades of grey Mullaly provides, there's still a couple of one-dimensional villains in Hondo and the War Hawks. Victor Tribolet, making his first appearance as the brother of the freighting tycoon played in the pilot by Michael Rennie.  With Rennie unavailable for the series, a well-cast Glenn Langan (THE AMAZING COLOSSAL MAN) made the first of his five appearances, during which he would become a major thorn in Hondo's side, albeit one defined mainly by greed.  Tribolet was Langan's last television role, but he returned for a minor role in Fenady's feature CHISUM in 1970.

Jim Davis returns from the two-part pilot as henchman Krantz, mainly to ask the questions answered by Tribolet's expository lines.  Krantz doesn't fare any better with his fists here than he did previously, though, remaining winless in the HONDO ring. Whether he faced former mining boss Gallagher, Buffalo or Lane, the result was always the same on this series--the future Jock Ewing got his ass kicked.  No wonder he didn't return after this third go-round.

Finally, Mullaly's ironic closing note is a perfect capper, keeping our true heroes unsung.  Proving that the squeaky wheel gets the grease, it's blustery Buckeye Jack who ends up with full credit for "diffusing a volatile situation" back in D.C., stealing Colonel Crook's medal out from under him in the process.  Arrogant myopia resulting in top honors and a cushy desk job in the nation's capital after royally screwing up and almost getting everyone killed--gee, good thing that could never really happen....

WHO'S THE REAL HERO HERE?

Chief of the Chircahua and Apache Nation Vittoro, makes his sixth appearance in the first seven shows (he would appear in only three of the remaining ten) and gets to ride to the rescue again--for the third time, after Hondo and the Eagle Claw and Hondo and the War Cry. 

HOW MANY CANS OF WHOOPASS?

Hondo gets the better of Saldado twice, needing only one punch the first time.  He also gets into a tag team battle against Tribolet's henchman, in which Lane knocks henchman Krantz into a watering trough before the fight is quelled.  And as usual, the battle royale was hosted by Fort Lowell's favorite thirst quencher.  Speaking of.....

IS THE CANTINA STILL STANDING?

Yes, but the front window was shattered during that donnybrook, which saw Hondo and Buffalo on one side and Tribolet's minions on the other.  A smashed window is always flashy, but all in all, there was less property damage than usual in the end.  Several tables and chairs were overturned but still intact.

A DOG'S LIFE:

Sam is present throughout, but for once he's just an observer.  He does get to hang back with Buffalo during Lane's trip to Tucson, and for once, the canine's presence in the watering hole doesn't start a fight.  We do learn Sam is apparently a teetotaler.

THE BOTTOM LINE:

A very well developed entry, probably the best illustrating the precarity of the Vittoro/Crook alliance.  Also commendably introducing another challenging obstacle to maintaining it in Tribolet.  Another of Fenady's intriguimg supporting casts: Langan's hissable villain became a frequent foil and Carroll's TV debut was also his first appearance onscreen in eight long years.  This installment's social commentary has aged every bit as well as its bitterly ironic coda.  (***1/2 out of four)



HONDO currently airs every Sunday morning at 6:30 AM Central on getTV. 

Film Review: POP ALWAYS PAYS (1940)

Why the Hell isn't this on DVD yet?--Number 99










POP ALWAYS PAYS (1940 RKO Radio Pictures) Starring Leon Errol, Dennis O'Keefe, Adele Pearce, Walter Catlett, Marjorie Gatesman, Robert Middlemass, Tom Kennedy, Effie Anderson, Erskine Sanford.  Written by Charles E. Roberts.  Directed by Leslie Goodwins.


Businessman Errol isn't wild about daughter Pearce's chosen mate, profligate O'Keefe.  To stop them from marrying, Leon lays down the law: he won't approve of the wedding until O'Keefe has one thousand dollars in a savings account (approximately $17,600 in today's dollars).  Underestimating the suitor's determination, "Pop" confidently offers to match the sum once O'Keefe reaches his goal. 

As you might guess, ol' Rubberlegs soon regrets that decision.  With Pearce's prodding, O'Keefe sells his overpriced car and frugally begins fattening his savings account.  Meanwhile, Errol experiences a severe financial slump.  Rejected for a bank loan and facing a forced merger with rival Middlemass, Leon resorts to a desperate measure--the attempted robbery of his own home.

Along with Edgar Kennedy, Errol was a go-to guy for RKO short subjects for two decades, and the prolific comedian also frequently headlined "B" movies for the studio.  On its surface, POP ALWAYS PAYS appears to be a padded two-reeler sans the London Bridge theme song (sort of: Errol sings it briefly at once point).  But look deeper, and fans of the flexibly limbed star will find several atypical elements this time around.

No, there's no vodka in it!!!

For starters, you won't see that wobbling walk of the inebriated: Leon drinks nothing stronger than orange juice.  Philandering?  The only thing Errol is trying to hide from Gatesman is his face-saving attempt to pawn her jewelry.  Is she mad at him for that?  No, the Mrs. subtly and quietly nudges the supposed master of the house into the directions she desires (i.e. in favor of their daughter's marriage), playing chess to Leon's checkers.  The nominal head of the Errol household fares no better with maid Anderson, multiple firings and re-hirings notwithstanding.  Add in mooching next door neighbor Catlett, who--reminiscent of Jack Rice's brother-in-law in the Average Man shorts--essentially manages to stock his kitchen at Leon's expense, and POP ALWAYS PAYS more than lives up to its title, playing more like an extended version of a Kennedy two-reeler than one of Errol's. 

While a change of pace, POP ALWAYS PAYS is still a decent display of the man's genius even without Leon's regular shtick, providing him plenty of opportunities for impeccably timed comic denials and double takes as he weaves an increasingly tangled web of deception.  In another new wrinkle, it isn't Elisabeth Risdon or Dorothy Grainger playing Mrs. Errol this time.  Marjorie Gateson does the honors instead, with chemistry strong enough to make you wish they'd worked together more often.

Next door neighbor Catlett manages a seemingly impossible task: stealing a scene from Errol.  To be fair, Walter is playing a truly hilarious freeloader who doesn't even have a car and has been bumming rides from Errol for a decade.  Catlett invites himself over for breakfast, "borrows" sugar and two cans of coffee, and takes full advantage of a household distraction by making off with Leon's pot roast and noodles dinner--all in the first 15 minutes.   These two old pros went way back: Catlett teamed with Errol onstage in Ziegfield's SALLY (1924) and they later reunited for the RKO vehicles HAT CHECK HONEY (1944) and RIVERBOAT RHYTHM (1946).

Tom Kennedy

Catlett stays a step ahead of his old vaudeville pal, but that isn't the only running battle to maintain amusement.  Spendthrift O'Keefe also gets to indulge in double talk, usually directed at nemesis Tom Kennedy, a repo man who almost manages to seize the young man's vehicle multiple times.  Almost, but not quite--which leaves Tom sputtering and fuming nearly as much as his slow-burning namesake Edgar. 

O'Keefe and Pearce...at the time, anyway

The former Bud Flanagan was three years into his career as O'Keefe, but Adele Pearce would become much better known after changing her screen name to Pamela Blake a year later.  They're fine, but no match for the vaudeville vets.  Mercury player Erskine Sanford was making only his second film appearance at age 55; the next year, he appeared in the first of his five films for Orson Welles, CITIZEN KANE.  Frank Faylen (DOBIE GILLIS), Walter Sande, Vivien Oakland and Lester Dorr are among those who pop up uncredited.

He won't have to kill that boy for another twenty years

Speaking of uncredited contributions, writer Roberts reportedly relieved Goodwins in the director's chair when the latter fell ill during filming.  Both collaborated with Errol dozens of times during the star's RKO run and the three men were responsible for numerous two-reelers that provided several solidly funny moments in eighteen minutes.  With POP ALWAYS PAYS, they manage to sustain a similar ratio of laughs per minute for just under quadruple the running time.

SO...WHY ISN'T THIS ON DVD?

There's plenty of "B" movies just over an hour long from the 1930's and 1940's that aren't out on home video, so this RKO quickie isn't unique.

WHY IT SHOULD BE ON DVD:

As mentioned, we need all the Leon Errol we can get on home video.  His 98 RKO shorts (rarely aired these days) sadly lack a proper release, with only about a dozen available courtesy VCI.  While we did get the MEXICAN SPITFIRE collection out a few years back from Warner Archive, that still leaves plenty of Leon's best in limbo. 

Without the customary boozing and marital misunderstandings, POP ALWAYS PAYS avoids the repetition that plagued the Errol shorts from time to time.  While no classic, it is a fun way to spend an hour.  It aired on TCM in November and is worth DVR'ing if and when it returns.

The introduction to our Leon Errol Salute series is at this link.

F TROOP Fridays: "Play, Gypsy, Play" (1966)

F TROOP Fridays: Episode 14







F TROOP: "Play, Gypsy, Play" (1966 ABC-TV/Warner Brothers) Season One, Episode 24: Original Air Date March 1, 1966.  Starring Forrest Tucker as Sergeant Morgan O'Rourke, Larry Storch as Corporal Randolph Agarn, Ken Berry as Captain Wilton Parmenter, Melody Patterson as Wrangler Jane, Frank deKova as Chief Wild Eagle, Bob Steele as Duffy, James Hampton as Bugler Dobbs, Don Diamond as Crazy Cat.  Guest Stars Zsa Zsa Gabor as Marika, Jackie Loughery as Tanya, Angela Korens as Sonya. Lee Meriwether as Lily O'Reilly.  Directed by Gene Reynolds.  Written by Arthur Julian.

This week's F TROOP Fridays entry is in memory of the episode's Special Guest Star: the late Zsa Zsa Gabor, who passed away from a heart attack last Sunday at age 99.  R.I.P.


Captain Parmenter receives word that a wagon has been separated from its train in hostile Indian territory.  Sgt. O'Rourke is ordered to take a four man detail to search for it, leaving Vice President Agarn temporarily in charge of O'Rourke Enterprises.  With added incentive from the new "employee profit-sharing program", Agarn goes to talk business with Wild Eagle and Crazy Cat.

During the ensuing powwow, that missing wagon turns up at the Hekawi camp, carrying three singing Gypsy sisters: Marika, Tanya and Sonya.  Eager to make his mark as acting President, Agarn arranges Fort Courage protection for the Hungarian ladies and negotiates a 50/50 split with leader Marika on sales of souvenirs, palm readings and goulash. 

The Captain soon regrets this decision, with Hoffenmueller soon sporting earrings on sentry duty and Dobbs playing Reveille on the mandolin.  Once Parmenter informs him that the ladies have worn out their welcome, Agarn settles up--and finds himself identified by Marika as Prince Igor: the long lost successor to Laszlo, King of Hungary.  Since that's a higher rank than Corporal or Vice President, Agarn is ready to leave the fort behind.  Then Janie receives new information via telegraph indicating the "lost wagon" wasn't lost after all.

What if Corporal Randolph Agarn were running his own business?  Play, Gypsy, Play explores this hypothetical for the first time, and much like a backup quarterback who is exposed after the league gets some tape on him, Randolph gets off to a solid start but can't sustain it. 

For awhile, though, Agarn sure does his due diligence: seeing the possibilities of business with the gypsies, negotiating a fair deal, adeptly getting the Captain's approval and carefully tracking all sales to ensure that shifty Marika doesn't cheat him.  Entering Act Two, it's as if the Sarge never left.  The first crack in the Corporal's armor is his inability to prevent Parmenter from ordering the gravy train to leave, but Agarn nevertheless collects $22 in profits before the policy change.  All in all, we still appear to have a strong depth chart at O'Rourke Enterprises.

And then......

The Corporal unravels.  Surprisingly,he's done in not so much by Marika's charm, but from his own greed.  The thought of receiving his weight in gold seems to have even more sway than the power of a kingdom ("Mine, you hear?  All mine!") with the marriage to a beautiful Romani girl appearing to be a distant third.  Agarn is so preoccupied with his impending riches, he even lets Parmenter snooker him out of his earnings before Marika can!   If Wilton Parmenter is putting one over on you, well---hey, some guys are VICE President for a reason.

Once her fair complexion and blonde hair is properly lampshaded ("We're from the northern part of Hungary, dahling!"), Zsa Zsa Gabor's Marika proves to be quite a formidable conwoman.  She doesn't even split with her sisters, and both are puzzled at her willingness to accept a 50/50 division with Agarn.  But Marika is thinking ahead, and she ends up having the last laugh, getting away from Fort Courage with her half of the profits intact.  It's the sisters' fourth consecutive success story at a military outpost.

So, does Zsa Zsa's Marika surpass Lily O'Reilly and happy go lucky widow Hermoine Gooderly as the best female adversary to visit Fort Courage?  Maybe, maybe not.  Despite her success here, it's undeniable that facing the second stringer made her task far easier.  Since O'Rourke was immune to the charms of the other two, it seems likely the Sarge could have resisted Maygarian wiles also.

Then again, O'Rourke re-emerges in the tag with a "new" line of souvenirs he found on his travels that had already saturated the Fort Courage market in his absence.  Better hope for some tourists who have yet to encounter that nomadic wagon, Sergeant!

Forrest Tucker has barely a minute of screen time in Play, Gypsy, Play.  The reason for Tuck's extremely limited participation?  Filming took place during the Bing Crosby Pro-Am at Pebble Beach (January 20-23, 1966), a tournament that the longtime Lakeside member (and 1947 Frank Borzage champ) had his own furlough approved for.  (Trivia: Texan Don Massengale was the winner, his first PGA title.)

L to R: Angela Korens, Jackie Loughery, Zsa Zsa Gabor

Speaking of champions, two former beauty pageant winners are visiting Fort Courage this segment, with glamorous Miss Hungary of 1936 Gabor overshadowing 1952 Miss USA Jackie Loughery.  Play, Gypsy, Play was Loughery's penultimate performance: after a 1969 guest appearance on MARCUS WELBY, M.D. she retired from the screen.  Ms. Loughery only has a few lines here: for much more of her (she turns 87 next April), check out these two appearances of hers on LOVE THAT BOB).  Third sister Sonya is played by Hungarian immigrant Angela Korens, who also appeared on TEMPLE HOUSTON and I SPY during her brief acting career in the mid-1960's.  Korens died in 2012 at age 75.

THINGS YOU LEARNED:

The Tuwatsi tribe is a neighbor to the Hekawis.  "Always dancing" per Chief Wild Eagle.  Despite that annoyance I'd assume they are better neighbors than the Shugs.

Agarn weighs a svelte 155 lbs., but has been up to 200 before.

Continuing to demonstrate that he is a talented musician, Dobbs sounds pretty good on the mandolin.  So Private Dobbs can effectively play the flute, drums and mandolin--just not the bugle.

HOW'S BUSINESS AT O'ROURKE ENTERPRISES?

Agarn earned about two months' pay in just a few days under the profit-sharing plan before it all slipped away from him. 

WISE OLD HEKAWI SAYING?

Not this time, all of the wisdom is Hungarian.  And plentiful, since Marika ends up doing 28 palm readings that we know of.

NUMBER OF TIMES O'ROURKE COULD HAVE BEEN CHARGED WITH TREASON:

Zero, partly because he was barely around.   In fact, this entry was largely free of violations, though we did temporarily face a potential war with Hungary over the release of Prince Agarn/Igor from the U.S. Army.

PC OR NOT PC?

Well....I'll just present this exchange without further comment:

MARIKA: Chief, dahling, you want your palm read?
WILD EAGLE: (looking at it) It already is.

THE BOTTOM LINE:

I guess I could nitpick and point out that the immigration of Hungarian Slovak Gypsies to the United States didn't start until about 20 years after the Civil War, but why bother?  Play, Gypsy, Play is a very amusing and sometimes surprising look at Randolph in charge, with Zsa Zsa Gabor's larger than life persona fitting in perfectly for a Fort Courage visit.  Arthur Julian's sharp dialogue helps Storch and Berry a great deal as they capably shoulder the comedic load in Forrest Tucker's absence.   (***1/2 out of four)