F TROOP Fridays: "Scourge of the West" (1965)

F TROOP Fridays: Number 11








F TROOP: "Scourge of the West" (1965 ABC-TV/Warner Brothers) Season One, Episode One: Original Air Date September 14, 1965.  Starring Forrest Tucker as Sergeant Morgan O'Rourke, Larry Storch as Corporal Randolph Agarn, Ken Berry as Captain Wilton Parmenter, Melody Patterson as Wrangler Jane, Frank deKova as Chief Wild Eagle, Edward Everett Horton as Roaring Chicken, James Hampton as Bugler Dobbs, Joe Brooks as Private Vanderbilt, Henry Brandon as the Shug Chief, Jay Sheffield as Lt. Hawkes, Louie Elias as Private Franklin and William Conrad as The Narrator.  Directed by Charles Rondeau.  Written by Ed James, Seaman Jacobs and Jim Barnett.


Happy 50th Birthday to F TROOP and to its debut episode, Scourge of the West!  Yeah, it's Monday, but hey, that's the day that the Fiftieth Anniversary of this pilot falls on.  Sorry to encroach on your day, MAVERICK.  Won't happen again, pinky swear.


In the "closing months of the War Between the States" the sonorious tones of William Conrad (CANNON himself!) are heard filling us in on the latest crisis to affect "a certain Union general" as he sits in his quarters near Appomattox, Virginia:

"Where's my laundry???"

Private Wilton Parmenter (Berry), Quartermaster Corps, the last and least of a proud Philadelphia family of career soldiers, is dispatched to fetch it.  While he may not look like much of a soldier....

Conrad informs us that he's been up to the "awesome responsibility" of "coming through with the underwear" numerous times.  This time, though, fate takes a hand, and Private Parmenter runs smack into an excess of pollen filling the air.  It triggers the usual involuntary response from the Private as he rides past a group of officers: they hear the sneeze loud and clear.

"You heard him, men!  CHARGE!!!!"  Well, loud, anyway.  The resulting offensive catches the Confederates completely by surprise, and within a matter of days, decisive victory is assured for the Union forces.  Wilton Parmenter has finally found his niche among the Majors, Colonels and Generals that make up his next of kin, and the newly nicknamed "Scourge of Appomattox" finds himself promoted to Captain, given a medal of honor.......

.....and a Purple Heart, which incidentally, not only made Captain Parmenter the first soldier to ever receive one, but the only recipient before 1917.  "The only soldier in history to get a medal for getting a medal."

While the hero is still recovering from his fresh wound, his superiors debate a proper assignment.  Midwestern Fort Courage is suggested.  "Sir, they've gone through three commanding officers in the past 18 months!  Two desertions and a nervous breakdown!"  Sounds daunting, but hey, how much more so can it be than coming through with Grant's starchless underwear?  Parmenter just might be the stabilizing influence the outpost needs, and he is given his new assignment: command of F Troop.

Wilton arrives at Fort Courage to much ceremony, and his very first cannon salute, to be set off by Bugler Dobbs (Hampton).  That is, if he can keep the fuse from burning out.  With the Private failing this simple exercise, the Corporal goes over to give the cannon a little nudge--well, more, accurately, he kicks the hell out of it.

And it does fire:

Needless to say, this won't be the last time that a detail will be assigned to rebuild the lookout tower.

After this inauspicious introduction, Bugler Dobbs (Hampton) displays his bugling talents the following morning, and they're on par with his cannon operation.  The new Captain is in his quarters when the two non-Coms we saw earlier, Sergeant O'Rourke (Tucker) and Corporal Agarn (Storch) report for duty, informing the new Captain that F Troop is ready for his initial inspection.

But Parmenter isn't.  He requires the Sarge's assistance with his gun belt, and the newly minted "Scourge of the West" wants to hang up the picture of his proud family---and to look up reveille in his Army Manual.  After Agarn is sent outside to call the troop to attention, and a couple more pratfalls (understatement of the episode from Wilton: "I fall down a lot.") it's time for Wilton to take command with some inspiring words.

"Men, you're in the Army now!"

After that rousing nugget of leadership, Captain Parmenter astutely notices that reveille takes place at 10 A.M. and asks the Sergeant why, for it was at 7 A.M. when he was in Quartermasters back East.  O'Rourke continues to be helpful while the inexperienced commander adapts.  "The Captain is forgetting--there's a three hour time difference."

That explanation out of the way, Parmenter's inspection reveals a number of imperfections: Dobbs is missing a button ("keep looking, it's bound to be around someplace"), Duddleson (Ivan Bell) has gravy stains, and Swenson requires Agarn's very first attention getter.

Brace yourself!

Shouldn't he get two for flinching, Corporal?  Interesting notes: Duffy is nowhere to be found, Vanderbilt is unnamed (and not demonstrably blind yet) and while he and Duddleson will both return as part of the regular cast, neither has a speaking part in Scourge of the West.

Wrangler Jane (Patterson) rides through announcing mail call, which brings the inspection to an abrupt end.  Janey had that kind of effect on a lot of us teenage boys who were watching.

Miss Jane Angelica Thrift takes an immediate shine to the new Captain, betting a bucket of buzzards that they'll "be seeing something of each other."  That'll have to wait, though, as the Captain's very first letter informs him of an immediate inspection by Second Lieutenant Hawks of the I.G.'s office.  "I just got here yesterday!"  Assuring their CO one last time, the NCO's appoint the Bugler to be Parmenter's orderly while they set out to make everything "as slick as a greasy whistle" for the visit from the brass.

With their new Captain seen to his quarters by Dobbs, O'Rourke and Agarn are finally able to give us their unfiltered views.  If they were apprehensive about having a member of the esteemed Parmenter family as commander--and it sounded like they were, initially--those fears have been safely put to rest.  "I tell ya, Sarge, he's the pigeon that we always dreamed of!"

The Sergeant is in no mood for celebrating, though, and neither is his aide-de-camp.  They've been bad, bad boys: F Troop draws rations and pay allotments for 30 men, yet only 17 are actually stationed at Fort Courage.  Also, they reported knocking off two tribes in two weeks.

"If that Lieutenant finds out just how peaceful it is around here, there'll be no more Fort Courage!"  Nagging Question # 1: Wouldn't an uneventful stay for the I.G. be easily explainable by the fact that two tribes were supposedly wiped out recently?  Who would be left to attack, and if anyone was, wouldn't they be wary of doing so?
 

Never mind.  Suffice to say that the pending visit from the Inspector General is not desired, and when we reach their NCO Club (Privates Keep Out- Officers too), we find out a few more reasons why.  This is one impressive array of loot.  Two hundred genuine Hekawi war bonnets, two barrels of perfumed war paint, arrows, bows, quivers, shields, tomahawks....but one problem, only half a case of whiskey for their saloon.  Business partner Chief Wild Eagle (deKova) of the "bloodthirsty" Hekawis reported to Agarn that the still is busted.

Crafty O'Rourke--he was the man responsible for getting rid of two Captains and a Major, we learn--reasons that they ought to be able to handle one nosy Second Lieutenant.  They head up to the Hekawi camp to kill two birds with one stone: discuss the still, and secure an opponent to stage a phony offensive that the troopers (yes, even F Troopers) can easily fend off for the benefit of the I.G.

The Chief has a bone to pick before they get down to business, though.  He wants to address the "nasty rumor" that the natives aren't supposed to drink alcohol, a "nasty rumor" spread by his "blue-nose redskin" sister in law, Sparkling Water.  After Wild Eagle laughs at his own joke for the first (but again, not the last) time, O'Rourke gets to the point, suggesting that the cannon will be fired as a signal to commence the raid.

"Attack you?  You honorary Hekawi!"  Wild Eagle isn't too keen on the idea, until he realizes that a shutdown of O'Rourke Enterprises would mean the Hekawi go back to hunting, fishing--and weaving their own blankets.  "We fight!"  But first, the War Dance has to take place.  Too bad the "bloodthirsty Hekawi" have been so peaceful for so long that no one remembers how to do a War Dance.  Not even ancient medicine man Roaring Chicken (Horton).  "Very much like Rain Dance, only drier."  Well, it has been 42 years since he saw one.

42 years ago last August, to be exact.  So, August 1822?

Corporal Agarn seems to have more knowledge than anyone, so he leads the dance.  Kinda nimble on his feet, actually:

Next, we'll learn the Mashed Potato!

Unfortunately, they've got company: warriors from the Shug tribe--and O'Rourke doesn't have a treaty with them.  The Shug leader doesn't want to attack the Hekawi, even with two palefaces in uniform there.  Instead, they'll follow them back to the Fort--which the Shugs plan to ambush for real in the morning.

Well, you got your attack now, Sarge!

Top billed Forrest Tucker was the extroverted leader of the cast offscreen as well, and he wisely told everyone to "think Bilko" while the pilot was in production.  For his part, Tucker brings a bit of that insincere flattery to the O'Rourke role, but tones down the blatantly bogus air around it ever so slightly.  Also, the 6'5" Tucker is much more physically imposing than the owlish Silvers, so he is much less animated when threatening to transfer everyone to "a fighting outfit" later--he correctly surmises that his rank and physical stature provides all the menace needed.  Even at this early stage, it's easy to see why Sergeant Morgan O'Rourke became the veteran actor's signature role.

Lieutenant Hawkes (Sheffield) arrives, and immediately notices the discrepancy between the rations and pay allotments (thirty men) and those assembled--seventeen, including Private Franklin (Elias) who has sentry duty, which apparently hasn't been assigned to Vanderbilt yet.  That must have been a Parmenter idea.  Oh, and by the way, since firing the cannon is the agreed-upon attack signal, I don't think I'd want to be in Franklin's boots.....

Anyway, the other thirteen men are "Indian scouts out on patrol" according to O'Rourke and Agarn.  Hawkes strangely accepts this explanation.  Then again, the Lieutenant mainly seems interested in inspecting Wrangler Jane instead of the Fort.

Pretty pervy look there, Lieutenant!  She doesn't return the interest, but verbalizing that to him will have to wait, since a flaming arrow comes flying past them, landing on the front door of the Captain's quarters.

While the ineptitude of the bugler and the cannon crew predated the Captain's arrival, Franklin's sentry duty is notably more accurate than Vanderbilt's would be in later installments.  The lookout correctly identifies the source as Indians instead of turkeys.  "The ferocious Hekawis are about to a-tack!"

Nagging Question # 2: thirteen scouts supposedly employed, and not a single one could tell you about a pending attack?  Gonna be awfully hard to keep those guys on the payroll, Sarge!

O'Rourke and Agarn are dismayed at the error by their business partners ("Nobody fired the cannon!") but nevertheless put the plan in motion, dutifully firing over the heads of the bloodthirsty "attackers".

However, Wrangler Jane is primed for action, darting to the parapets to join the seventeen F Troopers. Miss Thrift immediately shows us she's an ace with the pistol, knocking three Shugs off their horses and alarming O'Rourke, who wonders what he'll tell the Chief about the casualties.  In addition to performing such heroics while Annie Oakley was just barely out of diapers, Janey is also the first to recognize the invaders as the Shugs.  O'Rourke and Agarn were just a little late in not recognizing their business partners, despite a good clue:

"We're for real!  IT'S THE SHUGS!"  Meanwhile, the Captain is battling a couple of Shugs who scaled the wall near his quarters, and the Scourge of the West (accidentally) lives up to the reputation that has preceded him.  One is impaled while the Captain is trying to control his swinging saber, and while he attempts to get his weapon unstuck from the first, Parmenter accidentally stabs the second warrior as he finally frees the sword.  It may not look pretty, but hey, whatever works, works, right?

Once the Captain finally stumbles up on the parapet, he continues this impressive debut with a most unconventional weapon--a ladder.  A flaming arrow lands in the lookout tower, but miraculously does not cause this notoriously wobbly structure to fall.  However, it is still burning, and Parmenter grabs the ladder in an attempt to reach it.  And as has been the case with virtually every object he's encountered, he struggles to control it, ending up tumbling over the edge with it.....

.....at the precise moment that three Shug warriors attempt to scale the front wall.  When Sergeant O'Rourke warns Parmenter by name, we quickly learn that the Parmenter name carries a lot of weight with the Shug Chief.

"Scourge of the West!  RUN!"  And retreat the Shugs do, with the three clocked by the ladder bringing up the rear.

In the coda, Sergeant O'Rourke has added some new loot, "trophies of the Shug War".  Well, at least these souvenirs are genuine.  Meanwhile, the Captain gets the statistics, indicating it was a rout:  24 Shug casualties, none for F Troop.  Janey alone was responsible for 17 of the casualties, and we saw the Captain notch two inside the Fort, leaving five for his underlings.  Which was oh, roughly five more than we would see from the Troopers during the remaining sixty-four episodes.

It's 5 PM, so it's time for retreat, which apparently isn't affected by that time difference that O'Rourke brought up earlier.  Only one problem: you fire the cannon during retreat, and there's that little matter of the Hekawis still awaiting that signal to begin their offensive.  Unfortunately, O'Rourke and Agarn are unable to stop this little military tradition.

The second attack of the day commences, and in a further setback for business, O'Rourke Enterprises suffers some heavy inventory losses from that same cannonball.  Well, hey, on this one day, at least the lookout tower durably remains standing in front of the brass.

PIONEERS OF INNOVATION:

The Hekawis would prove to be incredibly prescient over the course of the show's run, anticipating the rise of rock and roll and the need for a gentleman's club nearly a century before either became mainstream.  We learn here it started centuries before, since they invented the peace pipe.

NUMBER OF TIMES O'ROURKE COULD HAVE BEEN CHARGED WITH TREASON:

The fake Hekawi attack probably applies, and for sure, shooting over the heads of the Shugs intentionally fits the bill as well, so two.

PC, OR NOT PC?

Janey refers to an "injun" attack, and of course Wild Eagle uses "redskin" once as well, but this time the visiting officer isn't a war Hawke for once.  And really, how un-PC can that "redskin" be if her nose is blue?

BOTTOM LINE:

Hits the ground running with a superb pilot, establishing the situation very quickly, with a few of the usual awkward “introductory” speeches. They aren't too much of a distraction from the numerous belly laughs.  Scourge of the West doesn't quite have all the pieces in place yet, but Tucker, Storch, Berry, Patterson and deKova are all immediately comfortable in their respective roles, and the script is full of hilarious one-liners.  (***1/2 out of four)


F TROOP currently airs on Me-TV for a full hour each Saturday morning at 5 AM ET/4 AM CT and on Sunday mornings at 7 AM ET/6 AM CT.

Television Review: HONDO: "Hondo and the Superstition Massacre" (1967)

 "Your lives are meaningless compared to Hondo!" 








HONDO: "Hondo and the Superstition Massacre"  (1967 ABC-TV/MGM/Batjac Productions) Episode 4; Original Air Date: September 29, 1967.  Starring Ralph Taeger as Hondo Lane, Noah Beery Jr. as Buffalo Baker, Kathie Browne as Angie Dow, Gary Clarke as Captain Richards, Michael Pate as Chief Vittoro, Buddy Foster as Johnny Dow, William Bryant as Colonel Crook.  Guest Stars: Robert Reed as Frank Davis, Nancy Malone as Mary Davis, Willard Sage as Sergeant Able, Mike Lane as Moon Dog, Claude Hall as Unwashed.  Teleplay by Andrew J. Fenady.  Directed by Lee H. Katzin.


Series Overview for HONDO: TV'S Unlikeliest Cult Hit at this link


En route to meet Colonel Crook, Hondo and Buffalo are attacked by four renegade Pimas, with Buffalo suffering a gunshot wound to his right calf.  If Pimas are trespassing on Apache land isn't enough of a worry, Crook fears that rumors are fueling a potential gold rush on the Superstitions--which by treaty is Apache land.

With Chief Vittoro agreeing to a geological survey and Buffalo sidelined on crutches, Hondo is the only scout available to guide the party through the mountainous terrain.  However, when the surveyor arrives, Lane is none too pleased to learn that he'll be working with former cavalry Captain Frank Davis--the man responsible for the death of Lane's pregnant wife Destarte at the Raid at Willow Creek.

That look---when you realize Hondo is about to kick your ass

Hondo and the Superstition Massacre puts Fenady's past series further in the rearview mirror.  Johnny Yuma and Jason McCord were both still searching when THE REBEL and BRANDED ended: Hondo Lane catches up with the man he's sought for eight years in only the fourth episode (third produced) of HONDO.  But there's a surprise within the surprise as well.  The long-awaited confrontation doesn't provide the segment's climax--instead, Lane and Davis meet before the opening credits, with Emberato living up to his Apache name in the process.  Buffalo is the only person who knows just how to intervene.

And NOW lemme at those suits that put us opposite GOMER PYLE and STAR TREK!

Ralph Taeger was never considered a thespian of great range.  The taciturn star had expressive eyes but could sound strident when vocalizing excitement (e.g. his initial scene in THE CARPETBAGGERS).  But if this limited Taeger as an actor, it also made him a perfect choice to play Fenady's embittered and emotionally repressed Hondo Lane, since his outbursts are purely physical.  Keeping the audience on Hondo's side isn't an easy task after we see him attack Frank (and nearly beat him to death).  Still, Taeger manages to pull it off, with the completely unpoised quality of his performance only enhanced by his vocal restrictions.  Four episodes in, he's made the role originated by John Wayne his own.

Well, that cheered him up!

One can't help but be somewhat sympathetic once we learn the cruel outcome of Hondo's eight year pursuit of revenge.  General Sheridan gave us a shorthand version in Hondo and the Eagle Claw: "a northerner who joined the South" in the war between the states and "hurt the U.S. Army plenty during the War and himself plenty in the years since".  But in Hondo and the Superstition Massacre, we find out that Lane joined the Confederates specifically to hunt down a man who wasn't even in the Civil War at all.

Derisively referenced by Sheridan as being "one of those West Point types" in the series' opener, Captain Frank Davis had been out of the USMA barely a month when he ordered the Willow Creek attack.  In over his head on his very first command, Davis realized too late that his regiment was obliterating "a village of sick old men and helpless women, Mister" (as Lane reminds him).  This realization was enough to make Davis resign from the Army immediately, and the former Captain has been suffering from PTSD ever since--just like Hondo.  While Hondo has been self destructive in the years since, Davis has suffered recurrent nightmares and suicidal thoughts.

And yet, it isn't sympathy for Davis' torment that keeps Lane from taking vengeance, but rather his own realization that he could best honor his Destarte's memory by not allowing Mrs. Davis to suffer the same fate.  The ever-patient Mrs. Davis is the best half of her husband, and Hondo knows the same held true in his own marriage.  "I always said you were more civilized than I'd ever be."

Davis and the Mrs. are both dismayed to find Hondo Lane waiting for them when they reach Fort Lowell, so why would Davis take this surveying assignment so close to the scene of his crime?  Wouldn't there be a much better than average chance that either Lane or Vittoro (or both) is still there?  Whether a subconscious death wish took him back to Arizona or not, Davis needs closure badly enough that even dying seems preferable to persistent torment.  It's clear, for example, that guilt over his past actions keeps him from pressing charges against the scout after their initial "meeting".  Some HONDO guest stars chewed the scenery opposite Taeger's tendency to underplay, but Reed resists that urge.  The future BRADY BUNCH star is completely convincing as a man haunted by the single uncivilized decision of his life.

It's likely that Hondo and the Superstition Massacre (third in the production schedule but fourth episode aired) was pushed back to allow the show's hero a more positive portrayal in Hondo and the Singing Wire first.  After all, you already have a rough protagonist who will take some getting used to--you don't want the audience subjected to the disturbing impression Lane leaves in this teaser too early.  Fenady's script is gutsy and assured, in many ways completing a trilogy with the series' first two segments, and Katzin (Hondo and the War Cry) impressively stages all of the action sequences, most notably that one-sided Lane-Davis fistfight.

Interesting trivia:  If BRANDED had been renewed for the 1966-67 season, Fenady planned to change its format.  Jason McCord would have settled in one place (like Hondo Lane in this series) and would have become a surveyor (just like Frank Davis did after leaving the army).  Interesting commonality: all three characters reached the rank of army Captain before leaving the service for good.

HOW MANY CANS OF WHOOPASS?

Nothing could top the one he opened on Davis in the teaser.  Davis has reason to fear for his life, and several troopers, including Captain Richards, end up as collateral damage trying to stop the beating.  Impressively vicious for prime time in 1967.  Hondo next kayos an annoying drunk with one right cross in the cantina--while seated!  (More on him below) but by his own admission "wasn't doing so good" in his duel with Mad Dog.  To be fair, it was under Pima rules and Hondo was likely groggy from his second concussion in about three days.

IS THE CANTINA STILL STANDING?

To the delight of the owner of Fort Lowell's watering hole, not a single chair is harmed.  Hondo's epic takedown of Davis takes place outdoors, and Unwashed causes no damage when he falls to the floor unconscious inside it.

Yes, he's every bit as charming as he looks....

THE MYSTERIOUS "UNWASHED":

Character actor Claude Hall has a twenty second (and about fifty word) cameo as Unwashed, that chatterbox drunk mentioned in the previous paragraph.  He had a minor career in the mid-Sixties and must have been an acquaintance of Fenady's, since he had small guest parts in all three of the producer's series.  Hall disappeared from Hollywood altogether shortly after Hondo and the Superstition Massacre, and was apparently much worse than annoying off-screen.


WHO'S THE REAL HERO HERE?

Buffalo saves Hondo from a murder charge early and a Pima ritual late.  Not bad for a guy who got a hollowed out leg in the opening minute. 

Uh, you might want to feed him, Hondo...

A DOG'S LIFE:

Sam is chided for being a bit slow to sniff out the Pimas in the teaser, but he more than redeems himself later by fetching help from Fort Lowell that arrives in a nick of time.  While Hondo still won't let Mrs. Davis feed Sam table scraps, the canine does manage to steal two of Mrs. Dow's homemade apple pies before his human can get to them.

Well, you did tell him to get his own food, Hondo.  You didn't specify where......

THE BOTTOM LINE:

A gutsy script is solidly directed and acted, with no shortage of action or emotional resonance.   With a fair number of surprises in store for us, Hondo and the Superstition Massacre perfectly caps a trilogy with the two part pilot.  Certainly one of the series' finest hours.     (**** out of four)


HONDO: THE COMPLETE SERIES is currently streaming at Warner Archive Instant. 
And starting September 19th, 2015, HONDO will air Saturdays on getTV at 3:30 PM Central.

The HORN Section Salutes: Melody Patterson (1949-2015)

This one hurts, just a couple of days after we learned that Yvonne (BATMAN) Craig had succumbed to cancer at age 78.  Already in 2015 we've also said goodbye to Christopher Lee, Theodore Bikel, Dick Van Patten and HONDO himself, Ralph Taeger.  Now we learn that Melody Patterson, F TROOP's beloved Wrangler Jane, has passed away at age 66.

Born in Inglewood, California on April 16, 1949 (some sources initially gave 1947, but--see the next paragraph), Melody Patterson studied at the American Academy of Dramatic Arts in New York City and appeared as a guest star on a 1964-65 episode of George Burns' WENDY AND ME prior to winning the role of sharpshooter Jane Angelica Thrift, proprietress of Fort Courage's general store and girlfriend to the "Scourge of the West", Captain Wilton Parmenter.

On the cover of TV GUIDE, 49 years ago last week

I'm sure you've heard the incredible story that Melody was only 15 when she won the role for the F TROOP pilot that ABC later picked up for its Fall schedule in February 1965.  Back in the day, she was able to hide her real age until several weeks into filming, when several episodes had already aired and the show had already become one of ABC's very few bright spots that Fall.

After the truth came out, Patterson explained that she had been turned down for a number of roles when she gave her real age--she specifically mentioned the regular role on NBC's HANK that ended up going to Linda Foster.  So, the ambitious actress began lying about her age.  (Her F TROOP co-star Forrest Tucker had done the same thing in 1934 at the same age, first to get a job in a burlesque club and then, in a bit of foreshadowing, to join the U.S. Cavalry.) 

Guest starring on the second episode of ADAM-12, 1968

A bold move that worked for the teenaged actress, since Patterson ended up being so perfectly cast that it is hard to imagine anyone else playing Wrangler Jane.  The athletic starlet (she bowled and practiced yoga in her spare time) learned how to ride, shoot and rope for the role--which ironically lasted until her 18th birthday.  The same month that Melody turned legal, Warner Brothers pulled the plug on a third season for F TROOP in April 1967 after the sale of its TV division to Seven Arts.  ABC almost certainly wanted the show back for 1967-68: it was the network's second highest sitcom in the Nielsens behind BEWITCHED at the time.

On THE MONKEES in 1968

Patterson had lent her singing talents to both F TROOP (That's Show Biz) and SHINDIG and appeared to have a very bright future in the industry.  Instead, after leading roles in the features CYCLE SAVAGES (1968) and BLOOD AND LACE (1971) and a number of TV guest shots (ADAM-12, THE MONKEES) she ended up putting her career on hold for marriage to HAWAII FIVE-O co-star James MacArthur.  Patterson did guest star three times on her husband's series but was otherwise inactive onscreen for the rest of the Seventies.  Unfortunately, her career never regained the lost momentum after this long hiatus.

In BLOOD AND LACE (1971)

Melody Patterson was interviewed by Tom Lisanti for his book Drive-In Dream Girls (a book I consider a must-read, by the way) and wrote a column, "Wrapping with Wrangler" for Wildest Westerns magazine in recent years.   The aforementioned and thoroughly insane BLOOD AND LACE, which I consider to be her best role outside of F TROOP, is coming to Blu-Ray and DVD on November 24 of this year.  That film is also highly recommended by yours truly.

And for a recommendation to check out Melody's comedic talent in her most famous role, her best F TROOP showcase is in the riotous first season entry, The Courtship of Wrangler Jane, in which O'Rourke and Agarn attempt to help her realize her dream of becoming Mrs. Wilton Parmenter.

R.I.P. Ms. Patterson.  You can check out her work each weekend!  F TROOP currently airs on Me-TV for a full hour each Saturday morning at 5 AM ET/4 AM CT and on Sunday mornings at 6 AM ET/5 AM CT.

Television Review: QUINCY, M.E. "To Clear The Air" (1982)

QUINCY, M.E. : THE HILARIOUS YEARS -- Number 6: "To Clear the Air" -- Season 7 (1982)








Starring Jack Klugman as Quincy, Robert Ito as Sam, John S. Ragin as Astin, Val Bisoglio As Danny, Joseph Roman as Brill; special guest stars Stephen Elliott as Craddock, Joan Pringle as Dr. Ruddy, Joby Baker as Sabarosa, Ronald G. Joseph as Ruben Cardenas, Frank Marth as Ed, E. J. Andre as Sy Schuster. Directed by Lester Wm. Burke.  Written by Sam Egan.


Since it's been awhile, here's the introduction and overview to our affectionate tribute to QUINCY, M.E.: THE HILARIOUS YEARS (a.k.a. The Soapbox Years, if you prefer) at this link.  Please see the links under the photo of the great Jack Klugman on the right side of the page for previous installments.  Also, please note that I'm not deconstructing each episode scene by scene anymore.  Quite frankly, it takes too long for me to write and you to read.  So, in hopes that it doesn't detract from the fun, I'll just give you a review instead.


77 year old emphysema patient Sy Schuster is out for a morning walk with his wife while Los Angeles is under a smog alert.  Not a good idea, and he ends up on Quincy's slab without finishing it.  Turns out the treatment clinic for lung patients is virtually next door to Frontier Oil Refinery.  When the Big Q learns that they've been in violation of clean air regulations, he declares air pollution as the cause of Schuster's death.  Bad publicity?  It's the Chronicle's top story!

(It probably topped the front page over at Lou Grant's Tribune too, I bet.)

Frontier Oil President Craddock predictably brushes off the coroner's findings.  After all, Mr. Schuster had plenty of complicating comorbids and was aged.  But then a tweener asthma patient at the same facility collapses outside (also after being warned not to go out there!), making Quincydamus' dire prediction of a death toll closer to reality.  Quincy's willingness to go out on a limb also captures the attention of activist Dr. Ruddy, who informs Q-Man that the Clean Air Act is in peril with the new Congress, and it may be, since it turns out that Craddock isn't content to just thumb his nose at the current rules.

During its first act, To Clear the Air has all the makings of a Hilarious Years classic a la Bitter Pill, Dead Stop and the piece de resistance of the soapbox era, Next Stop, Nowhere.  We open on stacks polluting the air a la COLD TURKEY's closing shot, with several shots of people out and about, wearing bandanas (over their noses and mouths) and smoke protection masks while bicycling and roller skating on the sidewalks.  Meanwhile, a voice over radio announcer wishes us good morning thusly: "And a smoggy one it is!  Fourth day in a row of ninety plus temps and second stage alerts!  And, sorry to say, no end in sight.  Not much of anything in sight, for that matter!  Visibility is zilch!" 

Uh, I think we get the point......

Next, our weekly villain Craddock refuses to make adjustments on the sulfur levels--it's profits over people again!  Well, OK, he does cite the people at Frontier who would be laid off if production fell.  Schuster collapses and dies in eye-popping fashion immediately after, sending Quincy on his usual mission for statistics ("The refineries were supposed to cut back 20%").  The officials at AQMD bemoan a go-to QUINCY, M.E. reason for lack of enforcement:--"there's only 86 of us for 70,000 sources to watchdog!"  Act One ends very promisingly, with Dr. Astin aghast at reading the headline-making proclamation above.

Looks like a Quincy Comedy Classic in the making, right?

Wrong!

After this auspicious beginning, the three following acts mostly disappoint.  Our courageous coroner has a sanctimonious sentence or two, but never raises the decibel level while delivering them.  That's right--not even one Outrage! this time.  Does he take over the jobs of others (i.e. directing the toxic waste disposal team in Dead Stop)?  Well, Quince tags along for the inspection at Frontier Oil, but only as an observer.  He never directly confronts Craddock or any of the underlings at Frontier--no shouting, no face to face space invasion--doesn't even wag his finger at them!

I wonder if she's ever been on a houseboat......

Most damaging of all to that Big Q reputation, he has that look in his eyes after meeting Dr. Ruddy (and he should, since she's played by Joan Pringle) but nope, no sly attempts to get her to Danny's for dinner or a drink.  He just gives low-key testimony in front of Congress at Ruddy's request, and cedes center stage to her at the hearing.  It's like watching an episode of BATMAN in which Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson never go "to the Batpoles!"

To Clear the Air seemed tailor made to give us that Soapbox Quince we know and love so well.  What happened?  Writer Sam Egan also scripted Bitter Pill, Next Stop Nowhere and Never a Child, so he had no problems taking us over the top elsewhere.  Director Lester Wm. Berke, on the other hand, was helming a television episode for the first and only time in his long career.

Berke's only other credit as director was the 1958 feature THE LOST MISSILE, a project that he took over when his father William Berke (a veteran with nearly 100 direction credits) passed away unexpectedly on the first day of shooting.  The younger Berke made his name as a producer, and he was in charge of QUINCY, M.E. during the 1979-1983 seasons.

Whaddya mean, I'm overacting?

So the director of To Clear the Air was THE boss during The Hilarious Years---why was this episode so low-key and lacking in unintentional humor in its final three Acts?  Since Berke rarely helmed a project himself, did he just lack the assured flamboyance of (say) Ray Danton?  It's entirely possible that Berke intentionally dialed things down, sensing that the histrionics of Dead Stop and Bitter Pill were turning his show into a comedy.  Along those lines, it's very possible is that air pollution was a topic near and dear to the show's producer, and he wanted to ensure the most earnest treatment possible by directing this lone installment himself.  In my opinion, this is the most likely reason.  Berke was no novice, and the ominous montages of a smog-ravaged Los Angeles remain ubiquitous from beginning to end.

Fresh off his quintessential rich asshole role in CUTTER'S WAY (1981), Stephen Elliott gives To Clear the Air most of its spark.  With his controlled glee at outwitting the inspectors and callous disregard for the two deaths, he's in fine form.  But even with the knowing reference to the lack of AQMD manpower, his Craddock is a far cry from the one dimensional villains of the aforementioned issue episodes.  Pep pill proprietor Zagner was just a really, really bad guy with no redeeming qualities, but Craddock is fiercely loyal to Frontier Oil's employees: he's even put the son of his "right hand man" through college and given him a job afterward.  These shadings keep him from being a cartoon, but when coupled with his lesser qualities, add to the stagnation of To Clear the Air between comedy and tragedy--The Hilarious Years needed those cartoonish villains, dammit!

WHO'S THE REAL VILLAIN HERE?

For about the 174th time in the show's run, Quince makes poor, deprived Sam break a date in order to stay late and do extra lab work.  The almost sadistic smile Quincy gives when the perennially disappointed Sam turns away is kinda hard to take here.  C'mon, Quincy, don't you ever get tired of cock blocking this overworked and undersexed man?  I'll bet Craddock lets his employees get laid once in a while......

THE BOTTOM LINE:

This one could use either a more subtle visual approach or some scenery chewing, one or the other.  Berke's sober, low-key treatment is undercut by the ubiquitous and giggle-worthy montages, while an atypically subdued Quincy removes most of the unintentional jollies for those of us who tune in to see our beloved coroner in superhero mode.  Ironically, on this series, excessive melodrama usually proved more effective at sticking a worthy issue in the viewer's mind than putting The Big Q under wraps (like Berke does here) did.   A letdown.  (** out of four)  

QUINCY, M.E. airs weekdays on MeTV at 10 A.M. Central and 11 A.M. Eastern.