The Horn Section

Film Review: BRING ME THE HEAD OF DOBIE GILLIS (1988)

2012-01-23T05:11:00.000-08:00

"Why the Hell isn't THIS on DVD yet?" -- Number 73

BRING ME THE HEAD OF DOBIE GILLIS (1988 CBS-TV/Twentieth Century Fox) Starring Dwayne Hickman, Bob Denver, Sheila James Kuehl, Connie Stevens, Scott Grimes, William Schallert, Tricia Leigh Fisher, Kathleen Freeman, Steve Franken. Directed by Stanley Z. Cherry.

Hickman returns as the titular character from the 1959-1963 sitcom. Now married to Kuehl (as Zelda) and running the Gillis Grocery and Pharmacy, he no longer pines for a creamy, dreamy girl. Instead, newly widowed and wealthy Stevens (taking over for Tuesday Weld as Thalia) wants him---and wants him badly enough to single-handedly solve the town’s considerable economic woes if he’ll reciprocate. When Stevens is rebuffed, she puts a $50,000 bounty on his head, hence the title.

If that isn’t enough to send a man back in front of the town park’s statue of THE THINKER again, there’s the return of good buddy Denver (successful enough to have his own chauffeur) and the romantic entanglements of son Grimes. Grimes is truly a chip off the old block: chasing a blonde beauty while brainy Fisher, the daughter of wealthy banker Franken (Dobie-Do’s high school nemesis Chatsworth) chases him. Sound familiar?

The major strength of BRING ME THE HEAD OF DOBIE GILLIS is its faithfulness to the source material. After James Komack's thoroughly misguided 1977 attempt to revive the series, this second reunion benefited from greater creative control by Hickman (at the time semi-retired from acting as a CBS production executive). Denver, James, Franken and Schallert all returned, and while first choice Rod Amateau was not approved by Fox, director Cherry directed multiple episodes of GILLIS (and GILLIGAN'S ISLAND, with Denver).

The REAL "Bobby D". Take that, DeNiro!

As a result, the distinctive and familiar style of the 1959-1963 series returned intact. Hickman breaking the fourth wall, the malapropisms and bongos from Denver, the short clipped scenes...all here, along with the never ending battle over the cash register, handed down from father (Frank Faylen had passed away) to son. The plot itself is even lifted from the fourth season episode "A Little Murder Between Friends", which was Weld's swan song on DOBIE.

Weld was the lone living cast member (unless you count Warren Beatty) not to return, and while Stevens does a decent job, she isn't Tuesday. BRING ME THE HEAD OF DOBIE GILLIS also suffers from the feeling of being padded at 100 minutes, a common problem for all sitcoms with half-hour stories stretched out to feature length. Denver's hippy-dippy song is dopey fun, but Grimes' was already dated when the film aired and the proceedings get mighty silly during the final reel, even by the original series' often surrealistic standards. Speaking of Grimes, how did Dobie and Zelda produce a red-haired child? I know, I'm nitpicking.

As a one-shot reunion, this one is an agreeable time-passer. There was talk of reviving GILLIS on a weekly basis when the reunion aired in February 1988, but no revival came to pass, and BRING ME THE HEAD ended up being the show's final word. Probably just as well. After seeing Dobie as the quintessential romantic for 147 episodes in his youth, it would have been a little disheartening to see him lecturing son Grimes to "go for the money" on a weekly basis in his middle age. Plus a full-time revival clearly would have focused on the teenagers in the youth-obsessed prime time of its era.

So....why isn't this on DVD yet?

Probably the same thing keeping THE MANY LOVES OF DOBIE GILLIS itself off DVD: the Max Shulman estate and Fox haven't been able to come to terms. As is always the case in these situations, the fans are the losers.

Why it should be on DVD:

Okay, so BRING ME THE HEAD OF DOBIE GILLIS isn't any great shakes as a standalone movie and is overlong at 100 minutes. It's still a reasonably enjoyable visit with old friends, and if RETURN TO THE BATCAVE (the 2003 BATMAN reunion) can be released as a standalone while issues with the original series get sorted, why not DOBIE?

THE MANY LOVES OF DOBIE GILLIS itself in full season sets is a far better candidate for a DVD release. Since I brought that up, this reunion movie would be a perfect bonus feature for a season set. THE PATTY DUKE SHOW's third and final season included a similar add-on, with 1999's STILL ROCKIN' IN BROOKLYN HEIGHTS reunion telefilm included in the set.

Fox, surviving Shulmans.....get this resolved already! We DOBIE fans are getting tired of worn out VHS tapes and YouTube searches.

Film Review: WILD ON THE BEACH (1965)

2012-01-11T20:10:00.000-08:00

"Why the Hell isn't THIS on DVD yet?" -- Number 72

WILD ON THE BEACH (1965 Twentieth Century Fox) Starring Sherry Jackson, Frankie Randall, Booth Colman, Sonny and Cher, Gayle Caldwell, Russ Bender, Jackie Miller, Cindy Malone, The Astronauts. Directed by Maury Dexter.

California college student Jackson is left a beach house in her late uncle's will and intends to transform it into a boardinghouse for girls. Her motivation is twofold: to alleviate a campus housing shortage and help finance her tuition. Arriving to claim her inheritance, she learns that squatter's rights have already been asserted by Randall, who insists that Jackson's uncle gave him permission to turn it into lodging for the unnamed college's young men. None-too-alert Dean Colman ends up giving them both a permit, which ignites a battle of the sexes over the pad (since a co-ed living arrangement won't cut it with the bluenoses). While Jackson and Randall bicker their way to a mutual attraction, hip oldster Bender tries to woo the ladies by promising recording stardom and lots of swingin' musical acts play for the kids.

Randall and Jackson are cast as the ersatz Frankie and Annette in Dexter's second and last knockoff of A.I.P's BEACH PARTY series. Lovely Jackson, who began acting when she was seven, is appealing and assured in front of the camera. Randall, a musician by trade (he would make only one more film) isn't, which doesn't help the tired slapstick humor during Colman's house inspection or the sterile courtship scenes with Jackson.

Russ Bender SINGS! Crazy, man, crazy!

Dexter (SURF PARTY) again filmed in black and white, rare for a genre that usually relied on bright sunshine and bikinis. Usually, that is--not here. WILD ON THE BEACH might not be the absolute worst of the decade's BEACH variations, but it is almost certainly the cheapest. Forget about surfboards and bikinis. Unpopulated two-second establishing shots contain the only sands we see until after the one hour mark of this 77 minute quickie, and even then Jackson and Randall are fully clothed as they walk the seaside.

So, no skin (though Malone, playing herself, does look good in her turtleneck), no volleyball and even less sex than, say, BEACH BLANKET BINGO. While veteran ace Bender gives it the old college try, there's also lesser character actors overall than Paul Lynde or Morey Amsterdam. Is there anything here to keep the target audience from feeling ripped off? If there is, it's gotta be the music, highlighted by the screen debut of a future Best Actress winner.

Mary Ann and Gilligan...I mean, Sonny and Cher

You read that right, WILD ON THE BEACH boasts the first screen appearance of Sonny and Cher, but only to sing "It's Gonna Rain" from LOOK AT US, their first LP. They're backed by The Astronauts, who return from Dexter's SURF PARTY and get to perform four of their own songs, the best of which is "Little Speedy Gonzalez". Malone sings one song, Randall performs two, and even Bender surprisingly gets in on the act with the fun "Yellow Haired Woman". Take out the songs and the film would be about forty minutes, tops.

So.....why isn't this on DVD yet?

Despite the historical interest generated by seeing eighteen year old Cher making her big screen bow, WILD ON THE BEACH is cheap, forgettable and the title is blatantly misleading--there's no real wildness and barely a beach. For genre completists only.

Cher at 18

Why it should be on DVD:

I can't really make a compelling case for watching it more than once, but fans of The Astronauts will at least get to see a lot more of them here than in SURF PARTY.

Cindy Malone, one more time!

WILD ON THE BEACH occasionally airs on Fox Movie Channel.

Ringing in the New Year at Rupert Pupkin Speaks!

2012-01-03T07:43:00.000-08:00

Happy 2012 to all of my readers new and old!

Just in case the Mayans are right and I won't get a chance to do it again next year, I have accepted Rupert Pupkin's gracious offer to guest post my favorite older films seen for the first time in 2011. Last year I provided a list only, without further explanation, but this year I have provided short reviews of a dozen goodies ranging from 1935 to 2010 and from Israel to the African continent to Australia and ending up on Biscayne Boulevard in Miami. Please check out my musings here:

http://rupertpupkinspeaks.blogspot.com/2012/01/hal-horns-favorite-older-films-seen-1st.html

And while you're at Mr. Pupkin's excellent blogspot, please note that many reviewers shared similar lists with him, including Ned Merrill, Josh Johnson, Lars Nilsen, and B.T.S. Junkie. Most likely more will be sharing their lists in the coming days.

Happy reading! And have no fear, Why the Hell isn't THIS on DVD yet? will be back with a new entry very soon.

Film Review: THE GONG SHOW MOVIE (1980)

2011-12-19T19:50:00.000-08:00

"Why the Hell isn't THIS on DVD yet?" -- Number 71

THE GONG SHOW MOVIE (1980 Universal) Starring Chuck Barris, Robin Altman, James B. Douglas, Brian O'Mullin, Jack Bernardi, Jaye P. Morgan, Pat McCormick, Rip Taylor, Mabel King, Lillie Shelton, Phil Hartman, Murray Langston, Della Barris. Directed by Chuck Barris.

The host and creator of TV's highly successful GONG SHOW, Barris is on top of the game show universe. He seems to have it all, but there's a down side: constant battles with the network via Douglas (sort of a kinder, gentler version of PRIVATE PARTS' "Pig Vomit"), high-stress tapings of five shows at a time and virtually non-stop unsolicited public auditions. Eventually wife Altman gets fed up and walks out, adding to his cumulative stress. It's enough to make a man want to get away from it all, and Barris does---via a one way ticket to Morocco and the world's biggest desert.

Want me to show 'em?

1980 brought not one, but two variations on Fellini's 8 1/2, with Barris' far less cinematic GONG SHOW MOVIE beating Woody Allen's STARDUST MEMORIES to theatres by four months. Legendary game show producer Barris was directing a film for the first (and only) time, but ceded little control in bringing his most famous creation to the big screen. In addition to appearing in every scene, Barris cast real life wife Altman (her only imdb credit), executive produced, co-scripted (with PUTNEY SWOPE auteur Robert Downey Sr.) and composed the soundtrack for THE GONG SHOW MOVIE.

Yeah, Jaye P! Show 'em!

Okay, for his MOVIE, Chuckie Baby wore almost as many hats behind the camera as he did in front of it, but this isn't the ego trip that many detractors claimed. Over the course of ninety minutes Barris is insulted numerous times, misidentified, physically assaulted and even literally pissed on. He doles the biggest laughs out to his supporting cast (the best sight gag: The Unknown Comic's bedroom). The TV magnate cheekily kept his GONG SHOW unpolished and unprofessional, and it appears Barris' intent was to preserve those same qualities for the feature version, not to stake some claim to filmmaking genius. Wife Altman and daughter Della are both just as uncomfortable in front of the camera as the man himself.

This is not to say that being purposely slapdash makes THE GONG SHOW MOVIE some kind of lost subversive classic--just that it doesn't entirely deserve the outright savaging reviewers gave it. Certainly it was gonged for the wrong reason. My best guess is that the original idea was Barris and Downey teaming up to satirize the high-pressure showbiz world of films like ALL THAT JAZZ (as Barris' TV productions had done to various game show subgenres). However, the man without the filmmaking experience had (or took) total creative control, and the result seems more like one long montage periodically interrupted by a few minutes of plot. Kind of like ROCKY IV, only far less pretentious.

Speaking of the frequent montages: not the collection of the show's greatest hits that you might anticipate. Instead, you get the greatest misses---the acts that were then too raunchy for prime time, almost all including nudity or profanity. The editing of the bits also should have been much better. For example, the infamous Popsicle Twins (reportedly missed by the entire West Coast the first time) get less than ten seconds while other less notable (and G-rated) acts make it to the gonging. A better mixture might have made the videotaped Show footage more accessible for the uninitiated, but it is still fun spotting familiar faces like Kitten Natividad, Taylor Negron, Tony Randall and Vincent Schiavelli. And if you're wondering if you'll finally see Jaye P. Morgan's boobs: you do, and while they are real, I'll stop short of the other half of the famous SEINFELD quote.

Universal never allowed Andy Kaufman to realize his dream of bringing THE TONY CLIFTON STORY to the big screen at the peak of his popularity, but they spent $6 million bankrolling Chuck Barris two years past his. Go figure. Oh well, Barris courted audience rejection almost as brazenly as Kaufman, and while GONG SHOW MOVIE couldn't match the legendary Clifton screenplay in sheer surrealism, it did have its mind-bending moments. Not to mention more solid laughs than you'd expect underneath the wreckage. In its own way, THE GONG SHOW MOVIE defies criticism: made exclusively for fans of Barris and the show and more likely to bewilder newcomers than convert them. And really, critics, come on. "Worst Movie of All Time?" Hell, it wasn't even the worst movie released during that month (May 1980) IMO: that honor has to go to G.O.R.P.*.

So....why isn't this on DVD yet?

As noted above, GONG SHOW's moment had passed by the time this feature-length version hit the big screen. The show had been off NBC for nearly two years, and the syndicated version was only a few months from cancellation. Barris had created and produced several knockoffs (THE $1.98 BEAUTY SHOW, THE CHUCK BARRIS RAH RAH SHOW) in the wake of GONG SHOW's success, and all had come and already long gone. The overexposure meant that "Barris backlash" was in full force when THE GONG SHOW MOVIE premiered in 1980, so it was every bit as timely when it was released as COOL AS ICE and guaranteed a critical savaging. And, as mentioned a time or two, it is terribly made.

Why the Hell didn't we get more than 10 seconds?

Why it should be on DVD:

That was then, this is now. The show that Barris (THE DATING GAME and THE NEWLYWED GAME are his other, more durable hits as producer) is still best known for has maintained its cult following for 35 years now, and even picked up new fans during the past decade with GSN airing reruns and CONFESSIONS OF A DANGEROUS MIND becoming a well-received feature courtesy of director George Clooney. Barris, who wrote Freddy Cannon's hit "Palisades Park" in his pre-TV days, concocted the tunes himself. They're actually kinda catchy, especially the showstopping "Don't Get Up". Since Chuckie Baby wrote 'em all, music rights shouldn't be an issue.

Of course, it is possible that Barris himself would rather just forget about this venture. Assuming he doesn't, this one would likely find an audience today, and a commentary with the man himself and Downey Sr. would be one a must-listen if there ever was one. A DVD release would also be a great excuse to include a complete GONG SHOW episode or two as extras. What gives on this one, Universal? Inquiring dangerous minds want to know.

Film Review: LEADBELLY (1976)

2011-11-22T17:08:00.000-08:00

"Why the Hell isn't This on DVD yet?" -- Number 70

LEADBELLY (1976 Paramount) Starring Roger E. Mosley, Paul Benjamin, Madge Sinclair, Albert Hall, Art Evans, Lynn Hamilton, James Brodhead, John Henry Faulk. Directed by Gordon Parks, Sr.

Mosley is the titular blues legend, whose life is covered from the time he departs the family farm (one step ahead of the law) to his 'discovery' by musicologist Brodhead (as John A. Lomax) in prison a quarter century later. After bidding adieu to his parents (Benjamin and Hamilton) he finds a Shreveport benefactor in Madam Sinclair, who connects him with his first gigs. But Mosley isn't one to be a kept man. He leaves her and the red light district behind, drifting between Louisiana and Texas and incarceration and freedom in the segregated 1920's, with defiance, turbulence and music as the constants in his life.

Gordon Parks Sr. comes full circle with his final feature, LEADBELLY. In bringing Hudie Ledbetter's life to the screen, the director returned to the same time period he explored in his landmark debut, THE LEARNING TREE. While TREE was set in Kansas, LEADBELLY takes place in the South, and the guitar virtuoso confronts bigoted hostility in a two fisted style reminiscent of TREE's Marcus for much of the film. Racists aren't the only ones to run afoul of Mosley's hot temper. The high strung talent is willing to fight anyone over women, pride and music. Especially music---his introduction to Evans (as Blind Lemon Jefferson) is a near knife-fight after Evans trash talks Mosley's playing on a passenger train.

Yes, that close to a violent confrontation with a blind man. But seconds after he's poised to strike over an insult, he's laughing and forming a musical partnership with his would-be opponent. He may have a fiercely competitive nature, but Mosley repeatedly shows a healthy respect for his fellow musicians and impetuousness towards virtually everyone else.

WALK HARD: THE DEWEY COX STORY mercilessly skewered every time-honored cliche in the music biopic formula. Thirty years earlier, Parks painstakingly avoided almost all of them. There's no substance addiction for Mosley to overcome: those in the audience drink more than he does. Mosley doesn't leave home over parental rejection of his music: Benjamin sends him away to keep him out of jail, and later tries to ensure that the junior Ledbetter will always have his favored guitar. A tearful reconciliation with his family near the end? Nope. The aged Benjamin locates Mosley's prison, but leaves without seeing him once he learns it isn't possible to buy his son's freedom.

Parks eschews commercialized revisionism as decisively as the genre's conventions, so forget about finding the progressive white character who assists the protagonist. Mosley's Leadbelly encounters bigotry of some form from every Caucasian he meets. The only "friendly" white face is that of governor Faulk, and only outwardly so---his obnoxiousness and ignorance recalls Warren Oates' character in the same year's DRUM. Faulk allows Mosley to sing his way to freedom, thoroughly humiliating him in the process. This is the subtlest racism Mosley encounters. The rest is blunter (the confederate flag hangs behind one performance stage) and more often than not reinforced by shotgun. The Lomaxes? They're merely stone-faced song collectors on a mission.

The titular character's nomadic ways are interrupted only by legal trouble so covering his life requires LEADBELLY's episodic nature. As a result, this is Mosley's show all the way. He solidly essays Ledbetter's egotism, antagonism, and (after aging a bit) pragmatism in often demeaning situations. This is easily Mosley's best opportunity to carry a feature film, but he doesn't carry the tunes: his singing was dubbed by Hi Tide Harris. Sinclair, Benjamin and Evans have the most prominent supporting roles, yet all have less than ten minutes of screen time.

Parks' opportunity to direct came after a groundbreaking thirty year career in photojournalism. He was 57 when he brought his novel THE LEARNING TREE to the screen, 59 when SHAFT became his biggest commercial success. LEADBELLY was clearly a labor of love for its maker. Reportedly, his disappointment over Paramount's failure to promote it was a factor in Parks' disinclination to make another big screen project. It's a real shame it isn't better known. In its own way, LEADBELLY is as rewarding as his better known works. Executive produced by David Frost. Yep, that David Frost.

So....why isn't this on DVD yet?

Yeah, why the Hell not????

No earthly idea from me. Poor studio support was the major factor in the film's underperformance in 1976. Continuing interest in both Leadbelly and Parks would seem to ensure sales for a legitimate DVD as bootlegs have been plentiful in recent years.

Why it should be on DVD:

Gordon Parks Sr. made precious few films, and THE LEARNING TREE (preserved by the National Film Registry in 1989) and SHAFT are undisputed classics. LEADBELLY is his lone effort that is still missing from DVD, an oversight that needs to be corrected.

The extras alone would make a release more than worthwhile. A commentary with Mosley would be particularly interesting.

And now, one purely gratuitous reason. This is the most revealing outfit that Horn Section favorite Madge Sinclair ever wore onscreen. You'll never see more of her than you do in this film:

The great Madge Sinclair almost pops out of her top. But not quite. Dammit!

LEADBELLY is currently available for viewing at Netflix Instant.

You're a perv, Hal!

Ladies on the Lam: SAFE IN HELL and THE LEGEND OF BILLIE JEAN

2011-11-18T11:31:00.000-08:00

Put away your bootlegs: it's time for Missing No More! Two more of The Horn Section's past review subjects are now on DVD for the first time, thanks once again to our good friends at the Warner Archive. It's almost becoming a monthly occurrence.

While our two cult movies were released fifty-four years apart, they surprisingly have a lot in common. Both center around a southern girl who is tough as nails: one a Corpus Christi teenager, the other a New Orleans secretary. Both women suffer injustices at the hands of powerful males and financial hardship afterward. Both also draw the line at providing physical favors to the men who wronged them. When each lady defends herself, a felony is the (unintended) result, so both heroines end up running from the law.

That's a lot these two films have in common, despite the features taking place in very disparate eras: SAFE IN HELL (1931) is product of the "anything goes" pre-Code early thirties, while THE LEGEND OF BILLIE JEAN (1985) was produced in the middle of a decidedly conservative decade for Hollywood. Reflective of their respective periods: the bulk of the former takes place in a literally Godless atmosphere, while BILLIE JEAN's title character is inspired and empowered by SAINT JOAN. But hey, enough comparisons and contrasts. Let's get to the good news.

The folks over at the Warner Archive finally agreed that fair is fair and released THE LEGEND OF BILLIE JEAN on November 1st. Released through the label's Columbia Classics subdivision, it is reasonably priced at $14.96.

BILLIE JEAN's steady march to a loyal following didn't get off to a promising start, as it was an outright disaster at the box office in the summer of 1985 despite considerable promotion from MTV. BILLIE JEAN was lost in the shuffle at theatres during the summer of BACK TO THE FUTURE. It finally found its audience the way many initially overlooked movies did in the Eighties, via healthy home video rentals and saturation showings on cable.

THE LEGEND OF BILLIE JEAN did produce one immediate success, from its Chrysalis-heavy soundtrack: Pat Benatar's "Invincible", complete with the music video below featuring a healthy dose of clips from the film. Ironically, one person who isn't a fan is Pat Benatar, who reportedly to this day derides the film in concert as "the worst ever made" before performing her hit "Invincible", the smash hit from the film's soundtrack.

If this is true, then lighten up Ms. Benatar! It's been twenty-five years and you were ten years older than the target audience to begin with. In my review I noted that BILLIE JEAN has its problems script-wise, but it's also easy to see why this film strikes a chord with many. It's great to see it not only newly remastered, with including an all-new commentary as well. Way to go, Warner!

Perhaps even more impressive is the release of SAFE IN HELL (1931), which never saw a home video release of any kind before November 8th, when Warner Archive came through for us pre-Code aficionados and made it available for $19.95. Here's a few minutes from the film, as leading lady Dorothy Mackaill checks into the Tortuga hotel managed by Nina Mae McKinney:

It's a rare appearance by McKinney, who was only 19 at the time, and features the equally underappreciated stars Dorothy Mackaill and Clarence Muse. I have to say that in all my years seeking out obscure hidden treasures of cinema, SAFE IN HELL remains one of the most pleasant surprises I've ever stumbled across.

Directed by the great William Wellman (PUBLIC ENEMY, A STAR IS BORN), SAFE IN HELL offers McKinney and Muse non-sterotypical roles, all too rare for African-American actors in the Thirties. Wellman's underrated work is also tough and uncompromising right up to the less than happy denouement which is a surprise, even for pre-Code Hollywood.

If you haven't shopped at the Warner Archive yet, by all means browse the inventory, as they are adding new films weekly. Hey, if you're reading this blog regularly, you're probably interested in what they have to offer, right?

More reviews on the way, as always. In the meantime, how about a little more of THE LEGEND OF BILLIE JEAN's soundtrack? Here's the late Wendy O. Williams with "It's My Life":

Film Review: PATERNITY (1981)

2011-11-08T18:46:00.000-08:00

"Why the Hell isn't THIS on DVD yet?" -- Number 69

PATERNITY (1981 Paramount) Starring Burt Reynolds, Beverly D'Angelo, Norman Fell, Lauren Hutton, Juanita Moore, Elizabeth Ashley, Paul Dooley, Peter Billingsley. Directed by David Steinberg.

Reynolds is a single, successful Madison Square Garden manager who realizes at 44 that he wants a child to carry on his name. He also wishes to remain foot loose and fancy free, so he opts to hire a surrogate mother "with no strings attached". Friends Fell and Dooley help him interview prospective "applicants", with Burt eventually deciding that waitress D'Angelo is his best choice. Since D'Angelo is saving to move abroad and study music, she agrees--for $50,000 towards her goal. Burt continues to woo the likes of Ashley and Hutton while his bun is in the oven, but it soon becomes obvious to everyone that D'Angelo might be right for him in more ways than one.

The last of Paramount's "sensitive Burt" trifecta, PATERNITY was the least successful of the three with critics. As noted in the ROUGH CUT review, Reynolds alternated good ol' boy action films and chick flicks annually during the final years of his heyday. The former resulted in financial successes but critical brickbats while the latter succeeded on both fronts with STARTING OVER (1979) but struck out afterward. Despite a good supporting cast, PATERNITY is pretty tepid from the get-go. The cloying, Razzie Award winning song "Baby Talk" opens the movie--a harbringer of things to come.

On projects directed towards his female audience Reynolds almost exclusively worked with proven (and usually Oscar-nominated) directors: Don Siegel (ROUGH CUT), Blake Edwards (THE MAN WHO LOVED WOMEN), Alan J. Pakula (STARTING OVER) and Norman Jewison (BEST FRIENDS). By contrast, comedian David Steinberg was making his directorial debut with PATERNITY. Steinberg fails to build momentum in the hour and a half that precedes the curt finale. After one more failed feature (GOING BERSERK) he would find his niche on television, directing classic episodes of SEINFELD, CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM and Burt's own EVENING SHADE among many others. Screenwriter Charlie Peters (BLAME IT ON RIO) was also doing his first feature, and he saddles Steinberg with a script that is way too light on humor and presents Burt's character as unlikably narcissistic much of the time.

Reynolds had done the "selfish man seeing the error of his ways" bit a year earlier in a terrible fit for that subject matter, SMOKEY AND THE BANDIT II. While the sequel to Burt's biggest hit had a built-in audience that ensured brisk ticket sales, many moviegoers felt that SMOKEY II lost the breezy fun of the first film with the focus shifting to the Bandit's (rather sudden) egomania and insecurity. The attempt to present an often unsympathetic protagonist might have worked here with assured direction and a strong script, but PATERNITY lacked both.

Mr. Roper agrees. No marriage!

Burt Reynolds experimented far more during his career peak than he was ever given credit for, and the results were frequently interesting, but PATERNITY is a real snooze. By this time only his action comedies were making the top 10 grossers at year's end. He would return to critics' good graces with SHARKY'S MACHINE a few months later, but the film's mildly disappointing box office helped send him back to good ol' boy land. The resulting STROKER ACE was one trip too many to that well.

So...why isn't this on DVD yet?

PATERNITY is probably the most forgettable film of Reynolds' peak years, and the target audience is more likely to root for his comeuppance than for him and D'Angelo to get together.

Why it should be on DVD:

Even when not wholly successful, Reynolds' chick flicks usually had points of interest. Burt gave terrific performances in THE MAN WHO LOVED WOMEN and ROUGH CUT and both STARTING OVER and BEST FRIENDS are well crafted, funny films (the latter has some hilarious moments). But I can't make much of a case for PATERNITY, which is strictly for the actor's completists.

Film Review: SISTER, SISTER (1982)

2011-11-03T08:52:00.000-07:00

"Why the Hell isn't this on DVD yet?" -- Number 68

SISTER, SISTER (1982 20TH CENTURY FOX/NBC-TV) Starring Diahann Carroll, Rosalind Cash, Irene Cara, Paul Winfield, Dick Anthony Williams, Robert Hooks, Kristoff St. John, Albert Popwell. Directed by John Berry.

With both parents deceased, the three Lovejoy sisters have inherited the North Carolina house they were raised in. Carroll is the eldest, a prim, proper, conservative churchgoer who harbors feelings of guilt about concealing a relationship with her minister Williams (who has political aspirations and a divorce that is still pending). Carroll maintains the rules of the house with an iron fist in her late father's memory, but her younger sisters don't have such fond memories of him.

Self-described "prodigal daughter" Cash is a divorced mother returning home with her sassy son St. John's after many years of estrangement. At 20, Cara is the baby, resentful of Carroll's heavy hand and the knowledge that her father wanted a boy. Against Carroll's wishes, she dreams of pursuing a skating career. The vagabond sibling's return shakes up Carroll's orderly world as Cash urges Cara to live for herself and (unaware of her older sister's secret) makes a play for Williams.

SISTER SISTER was the first feature length solo teleplay by Maya Angelou (GEORGIA, GEORGIA) and reunited Carroll and Berry after their Oscar-nominated collaboration in CLAUDINE. The film also featured rising star Cara, hot off her success in FAME. NBC was perennially the last place network during the Silverman era, and with the talent involved you'd think SISTER, SISTER was welcomed to the airwaves as a prized sweeps event. Instead, it was produced in 1979 but inexplicably shelved for three years. When it finally aired the film was dumped onto the schedule in the summer of 1982, premiering in the midst of the reruns and busted pilots.

Carroll starred in two Angelou TV projects (the other was 1979's WHILE THE CAGED BIRD SINGS) back to back to close out the decade. Her role here bears similarity to Mary Tyler Moore's cold, fixated, but frail mother in the following year's Oscar-bait, ORDINARY PEOPLE. Carroll is repressed and controlling, unwittingly driving away many people she cares about with the latter quality. Guilt-ridden over her secret affair, she projects her image, protects her father's, and is in denial about both. Carroll's restraint anchors the film effectively.

While CLAUDINE brought Carroll an Oscar nomination in 1974, it curiously did not lead to further silver screen leads, just several TV movies with top billing, including this one. Both Cash (CORNBREAD, EARL AND ME, MONKEY HUSTLE) and Cara (AARON LOVES ANGELA, SPARKLE) actually appeared in more features during the latter half of the 1970's. A key theme in Angelou's script is small town relocation as an antidote to the more unsavory elements of a large city: a stated reason for Cash's return is her desire to get her son away from drug experimentation in Detroit. The author would return to this subject matter in her 1998 directorial debut, DOWN IN THE DELTA.

If SISTER, SISTER has a key flaw, it's the abrupt, too pat "happy ending", something that seems a little forced and was far too common for made for TV movies from the era. Not that this is a major gripe: there's fine work here from all involved. No getting around it, NBC dropped the ball big time in its reticence to air and promote SISTER SISTER. Both the film (Best Television Movie) and Cara (Best Actress) won NAACP Image Awards in 1982 and SISTER, SISTER found a loyal following almost immediately that has grown in the three decades since.

So....why isn't this on DVD yet?

It gets mentioned a lot around here, but made for TV movies from the 1970's and 1980's have a spotty history at best in making it to DVD, even some of the most acclaimed (see earlier reviews). But at least MY SWEET CHARLIE and TRIBES (to name two) received VHS releases. SISTER SISTER has never been released to home video in any format.

Why it should be on DVD:

It's long past time for Fox to rectify this well-loved sleeper's lack of availability: in spite of its lack of availability. SISTER, SISTER has many devoted fans who relate to its themes of sibling rivalry and family devotion. It is arguably one of the best-remembered chick flicks of the 1980's. Carroll, Angelou and Cara could all contribute to extras, which would be welcome. NBC's treatment of SISTER, SISTER was a puzzler, since Carroll was already a proven ratings winner for the network (JULIA spent two seasons in the Nielsen top 10).

She has less screen time than Carroll and Cash, but Cara gives the most critically acclaimed performance. At the time Cara seemed poised for major stardom as both a singer and actress, but she disappeared from theatres after a supporting role in CITY HEAT, the poorly received CERTAIN FURY (with Tatum O'Neal) and her 1986 marriage. SISTER, SISTER offers the opportunity to see her at her peak.

Film Review: SHOWDOWN (1973)

2011-10-26T09:32:00.000-07:00

Why the Hell isn't this on DVD yet? -- Number 67

SHOWDOWN (1973 Universal) Starring Dean Martin, Rock Hudson, Susan Clark, Donald Moffat, John McLiam, Ed Begley Jr., Charles Baca. Directed by George Seaton.

It's the old chestnut that's been around far longer than Hollywood itself: childhood friends Martin and Hudson find themselves on opposite sides of the law as adults. Masquerading as a lawman, Martin leads his gang through a successful train robbery. He is forced to thin the ranks by one in self-defense afterward and subsequently takes off with all the loot. The real sheriff is Hudson, Martin's lifelong best pallie, and D.A. McLiam fears that Hudson will let friendship get in the way of duty. It's up to Hudson to capture Dino and keep him alive for a fair trial. The latter isn't an easy task, as he'll have to get to him ahead of the surviving members of Martin's entourage (led by Moffat) AND keep the bloodthirsty McLiam at bay.

Frequent flashbacks flesh out the lifelong bond between the two friends and their friendly rivalry for Clark, who ultimately chose the safe Hudson, but wonders about the road not taken. She also worries about her husband, who can't match Martin's draw or marksmanship. In short, there's next to nothing in SHOWDOWN that you haven't seen dozens of times, and screenwriter Taylor even acknowledges the lack of freshness by having Clark reference Damon and Pytheus halfway through.

Taylor doesn't give him the greatest one-liners, but Martin still displays his usual effortless charm without being cloying. He even gets things off to a jovial start with a Jimmy Stewart impression while in disguise on the train. Like his SHOWDOWN character, Martin's personal life was going through a rough patch during production: the accidental death of his long-time horse "Tops" and the aftermath of his 1972 divorce being the contributing factors. With actor and character both facing midlife crises, there's extra depth to Martin's performance: lines like "nothin's gone right since I left here" carry more resonance than usual.

Since Martin has the showier role by far, Hudson is mostly required to be sturdy and bland. He's nevertheless solid and avoids being completely overshadowed, getting in some great moments of his own when concocting a story to potentially help Dino post-capture and silently reminiscing about their friendship.

Filmed entirely on location in New Mexico, SHOWDOWN was the final western for both stars and director Seaton's cinematic swan song. There's few surprises (if any) in the script and the teaming of Martin and Hudson isn't the big event it would have been a decade earlier. Still, contrary to what some have written elsewhere, no one involved is mailing this one in--not even Dino. Easy to forget afterwards, SHOWDOWN is also easy to watch and sufficiently entertaining with a number of poignant moments.

So.....why isn't this on DVD yet?

The film is more derivative than most, and while Martin and Hudson were still television A-listers, both had reached the end of the trail as box office attractions, leading to SHOWDOWN's disappointing receipts and ensuing low profile over the years. Within a year, Dino would even become a part timer on television. Hudson wouldn't star in another feature until 1976's EMBRYO.

Why it should be on DVD:

As probably the coolest Rat Packer of them all, Dino's appeal is timeless. Virtually any Martin vehicle is going to have a built-in audience, and this is the one time that he and Hudson co-starred. By 1973, he had little left to prove, so the highly motivated Dean Martin of RIO BRAVO and THE YOUNG LIONS was long gone. Still, biographer William Schoell (MARTINI MAN) opines that SHOWDOWN is one of Martin's best later features. IMO it is definitely a much better western than SOMETHING BIG (1971) for Dean's final bow in the genre.

Dino with Tops (R.I.P.) in the last western for both

If you'd like to check it out for yourself, SHOWDOWN airs on Encore Westerns this Friday, October 28th.

Film Review: DON'T WORRY, WE'LL THINK OF A TITLE (1966)

2011-10-03T00:56:00.000-07:00

Welcome to The Horn Section's contribution to The Dick Van Dyke Show blog-a-thon, celebrating the show's 50th Anniversary today and hosted by Ivan Shreve's Thrilling Days of Yesteryear. If you haven't checked out Mr. Shreve's blog yet, by all means do so--he offers an incredible wealth of information on classic film, television and radio. I could single out examples, but it would make this intro to the post prohibitively lengthy, so just check out Thrilling Days at your convenience and you'll see what I mean.

And now, without further ado, our feature presentation, which also serves as the latest edition of......

"Why the Hell isn't this on DVD yet?"-- Number 66

DON'T WORRY, WE'LL THINK OF A TITLE (1966 United Artists) Starring Morey Amsterdam, Rose Marie, Richard Deacon, Jack Heller, Carmen Phillips, Henry Corden, Michael Ford, January Jones (no, not that one). Directed by Harmon Jones.

Amsterdam, Marie and Jones work together in Deacon's diner, which is under surveillance by Soviet spies who are convinced that a "traitor" cosmonaut is hiding out there, since the defector is Amsterdam's doppelganger. After Deacon is on the receiving end of slapstick incompetence on his birthday, he fires all three employees, and they move on to work at a bookstore Jones has inherited. The foreign operatives trail them--and counterspies, robbers and beatniks end up tagging along as the communists attempt to apprehend Amsterdam for "Mr. Big" Heller.

Mr. Big!

I first became acquainted with THE DICK VAN DYKE SHOW in daily syndication as a child of the '70's. From the beginning, my favorite character was Buddy Sorrell, Rob Petrie's slightly sardonic, constantly wisecracking co-worker that Carl Reiner loosely based on his long-time collaborator Mel Brooks. Reiner cast Morey Amsterdam as Sorrell, and the character subsequently lived up to the veteran comic's real-life nickname, "The Human Joke Machine".

A skilled cellist and songwriter whose credits included "Why Oh Why Did I Ever Leave Wyoming" and "Rum and Coca-Cola", Amsterdam was also a standup comedian, author and frequent host on radio and TV. He was ubiquitous in the latter medium's infancy, starring in his own self-titled series (on Dumont) and for a time hosting NBC's earliest version of THE TONIGHT SHOW, BROADWAY OPEN HOUSE. At the time that VAN DYKE began its five-year run, Amsterdam was coming off his first dramatic feature role in MURDER, INC. During the show's run, he further boosted his silver screen profile with the recurring role of Cappy in the A.I.P. BEACH PARTY films and recorded several comedy LP's.

These projects had given Amsterdam (then in his mid-50's) his greatest visibility to date, and during the hiatus preceding VAN DYKE's fifth and final season in 1965, the comic furthered his reputation as a jack of all trades by adding producer and screenwriter to his resume with DON'T WORRY, WE'LL THINK OF A TITLE. The very first thing we see is the caricature of the star from his early TV ads:

Dick Van Dyke and Mary Tyler Moore didn't join Amsterdam on his summer vacation, but Rose Marie and Richard Deacon signed on as co-stars and Carl Reiner joined much of TV Land in contributing a cameo. We've all seen the usual results when the supporting players from a legendary TV classic get together to put on a show without the leads--think SANFORD ARMS or AFTERMASH, only this time on the big screen and for three times the running length. I'd love to tell you that ever-likable renaissance man Amsterdam bucked the "second banana curse" and triumphed in yet another field with an undiscovered cinematic treasure, but I can't. There's no way to sugarcoat it: DON'T WORRY, WE'LL THINK OF A TITLE is very poorly written and executed.

Not finding much to laugh about, eh?

A spy spoof ("James Bond" even voice-cameos via phone) by way of vaudeville wasn't a bad idea when DON'T WORRY was filmed in the summer of '65, and few people could rival Amsterdam's encyclopedic recall of jokes--his nightclub act was centered around it. Henny Youngman and perhaps Milton Berle (who cameos here) would have been the only people in the same ballpark. Unfortunately Amsterdam filled his screenplay to the brim with the oldest ones he knew. Literally. They had to be:

"I was up all night trying to get my window open."
"There's no window in that room!"
"No wonder I couldn't get it open."

"Why are you pulling that piece of rope?"
"Y'ever try pushing one?"

Amsterdam's film ended up delayed for over a year and barely released in 1966 after VAN DYKE had ended its run. By then GET SMART! had already spoofed the genre definitively for the target audience, even beating DON'T WORRY to the punchline of "Mr. Big" being played by a little person (Heller in this film, Michael Dunn in SMART!). Too bad, because the screenplay needed a surprise or two.

Maybe if I throw in a Tom Swiftie.....

Amsterdam, Marie and Deacon all take the opportunity to break the fourth wall. Repeatedly in Marie's case, and Deacon lets us know that he realizes he was playing a different role earlier in the picture. If Amsterdam was striving for a HELLZAPOPPIN' feel, he didn't succeed in making his film anywhere close to zany enough. If he was attempting a straight spy spoof, he didn't have the budget or collaborators. Harmon Jones had never directed a comedy before (unless GORILLA AT LARGE counts); January Jones (related to the director?) is "introduced" with a key role, but exhibits no comic timing or acting ability and even appears uncomfortable on camera. With maybe four sets to work with and a distinct lack of any espionage staples to tweak, DON'T WORRY has the look and feel of a lazy home movie, coming across like Morey Amsterdam and friends dabbling in movie making instead of having a truly inspired idea for a motion picture.

While it may not be funny or well-made, it is a veritable treasure chest of celebrity cameos. The production costs may not have allowed for any elaborate action or comedy setpieces, but lots of recognizable names and faces were willing to join in on the fun. For example, Moe Howard, who unfortunately didn't bring Larry or Curley-Joe with him:

I can't poke him in the eyes! He's wearing glasses!

Irene Ryan (THE BEVERLY HILLBILLIES) borrowed the Clampett truckster from Jethro to give our two leads a lift. Milton Berle (probably paying Morey back for a stolen joke) got the hoary aforementioned "rope" gag. Danny Thomas ordered a meal at the diner and Steve Allen dropped by the bookstore. Cliff Arquette joined his HOLLYWOOD SQUARES co-panelists, with no lines and two seconds of screen time, but distinctively playing Charley Weaver.

And, just to show you how persuasive Morey Amsterdam was back in the day, he even convinced The Greatest Actor Who Ever Lived to donate about a half hour of his time:

Mack Tuck!

Everything including the kitchen sink is thrown in, but to no avail: DON'T WORRY, WE'LL THINK OF A TITLE was barely a blip at the box office in 1966 and would be Amsterdam's only feature production credit and only screenplay. He, Marie and Deacon went back to television, where they all remained welcome guest stars and game show panelists, with regular gigs on MATCH GAME, HOLLYWOOD SQUARES and THE MOTHERS-IN-LAW respectively.

So.....why isn't this on DVD yet?

It more or less vanished after barely being released in 1966, and never even received a VHS release. Until well into the 2000's few had even heard of it. But TCM dusted it off a years ago, Netflix Instant added it in 2010 and now----MGM Archives has it available for pre-order. So....on October 11th, according to this link--it will be!

Why it should be on DVD:

It might not be a good movie, but it is a genuine artifact of its television era, and it does give three beloved character actors a moment in the spotlight. I'd say it's a must for DICK VAN DYKE SHOW fans to see at least once and any fan of 1960's television will probably find it worth a look as well.

As mentioned above, DON'T WORRY, WE'LL THINK OF A TITLE is available on Netflix Instant if you'd like to give it a look before shelling out the $19.95.

Happy 25th, SLEDGE HAMMER! (Part 2 of 2)

2011-09-24T00:05:00.000-07:00

SLEDGE HAMMER! - SEASON ONE (For PART ONE of our SLEDGE salute click here)

Episode by Episode mini-reviews of the 1986-87 season, with key episodes in yellow.

UNDER THE GUN (9/23/86) The pilot sets the tone perfectly, with Spencer really going for broke with his script and director Martha Coolidge really nailing the sight gags. John Vernon is on hand to play the mayor, who personally requests that Hammer be taken off suspension and assigned to find his kidnapped daughter. It is a crying shame Vernon never got to reprise the role; he's deadpan great. The shorter version (eliminating the interrogation scene with recurring stoolie Don Stark as Kurt Kruggle) actually flows better. ****-flawless introduction to Sledge, Dori and Trunk.

HAMMER GETS NAILED (9/26/86) Guest star Ronnie Schell as a hard-nosed investigative reporter, who can make or break the department's budget when he requests to ride with the cops for a day. Guess who gets the assignment? Sledge's sensitive side emerges when he's confronted with a hungry criminal, and----nah, I can't keep a straight face and finish that thought. *** Some classic moments in this one, but Schell isn't one of the more memorable guests.

WITLESS (10/3/86) With a mafia contract out on his life, Hammer is ordered "far away from the city". ***1/2 Arguably Spencer's funniest script, works brilliantly despite some of the more obvious network censorship. Al Ruscio's Godfather shtick is put to very good use.

THEY SHOOT HAMMERS, DON'T THEY? (10/17/86) Guest star Jack Thibeau (ESCAPE FROM ALCATRAZ) is Hammer's old partner, who has broken out of prison and is spoiling for a showdown. The first episode to explore Sledge's background and tell us a little about his father, the late Jack Hammer. ***1/2 Thibeau's outrageously over the top performance puts this episode in the winner's circle. In addition to providing us with comedy gold, the psychotic character makes Hammer seem positively normal.

DORI DAY AFTERNOON (10/24/86) Sledge and Dori are taken hostage in a bank holdup. Attica! Attica! **1/2 Great opening gag, but pretty routine the rest of the way.

TO SLEDGE WITH LOVE (10/31/86) Sledge tries his own version of "Scared Straight" with some juvenile delinquents. *1/2 The first real clunker, with long stretches in between solid laughs.

ALL SHOOK UP (11/7/86) A serial killer is targeting Elvis impersonators, so Hammer decides to put on his blue swede shoes and go undercover. **** Alan Spencer wrote this one in tribute to his late friend Andy Kaufman, and created one of the best-loved and well remembered episodes. Deservedly so: inspired lunacy from start to finish.

OVER MY DEAD BODYGUARD (11/14/86) It's up to Sledge to protect mafia witness Captain Trunk, who has the added dilemna of a reconciliation with his ex-wife. ** Interesting to learn a little about the Captain's personal life, and guest star Tracy Reed (...ALL THE MARBLES) is always a welcome presence, but this is one of the less memorable episodes from a comedic standpoint.

MAGNUM FARCE (11/22/86) You knew it was only a matter of time before Hammer and friends gave us their take on the second Dirty Harry film, with David Leisure among the vigilantes. *** Fine spoof of the plot and politics of the original, right down to the identity of the vigilantes' leader.

IF I HAD A LITTLE HAMMER (11/29/86) "I deal in scumsuckers, not thumbsuckers!" Despite his protests, Dori gets the two of them assigned to a case involving babies being kidnapped for the black market. **1/2 Sledge + babies = more wonderfully outrageous un-PC humor.

TO LIVE AND DIE ON T.V. (12/13/86) Peter Marshall is a game show host who resorts to murder when a contestant gets uncomfortably close to a million dollar prize he can't pay off. **1/2 Very funny, but the forced change to a local, rather than network, show dilutes some of the intended edge. Censorship ended up hurting this one.

MISS OF THE SPIDER WOMAN (12/20/86) Hammer has 11 hours to find the antidote after being poisoned. ** Your one chance to see Hammer and Doreau at a mud wrestling match.

THE OLD MAN AND THE SLEDGE (1/3/87) Guest star Stephen Elliott plays Sledge's idol, who wants to prove he can still do the job at the retirement age of 72. ***1/2 Surprisingly genuine heart combined with side-splittingly un-PC humor; one of the season's best.

STATE OF SLEDGE (1/10/87) Sledge brings in the leader of a Satanic cult at the same time a by-the-book internal affairs officer reviews Hammer's file (brought in via wheelbarrow) **** Terrific script by Al Jean and Mike Reiss with some fine insight provided with the comedy. One joke after another hits the bulls-eye, and interestingly, validity is given at various times to both Hammer's P.O.V. and the I.A. officer's as well. The series had really hit its stride by this time. This was the first episode to air without the laugh track ABC initially imposed.

HAVEN'T GUN WILL TRAVEL (1/17/87) One of the series' very best. How does Hammer react when his prized Gun is stolen? Terrific guest appearances by Bernie Kopell and legendary comic Bill Dana. **** Non-stop hilarity in this winner. Kopell would return in Season Two for another great entry, LAST OF THE RED HOT VAMPIRES.

THE COLOR OF HAMMER (1/24/87) Sledge's favorite hanging judge (Allan Rich) disappoints him by being uncharacteristically lenient, then turns up murdered. It'll take a different kind of shooting to solve this case. **** Lots of expected slapstick and cliche-busting; I know, that's par for the course but some extra rapid-fire laughs here. In a series known for great guest stars, an extra half-star for gorgeous Bond girl Martine Beswick's comic turn.

BROTHER CAN YOU SPARE A CRIME? (1/31/87) Sledge's brother turns up out of nowhere, and proves to be the polar opposite of the Inspector, a ne'er-do-well with the ability to charm just about anyone. **1/2 Decent enough, but not as sharp as it seems it should be.

DESPERATELY SEEKING DORI (2/7/87) Dori emerges from a concussion acting and dressing exactly like Hammer, hampering their efforts to crack a counterfeiting ring. **1/2 Lots of the obvious here, which is amusing but doesn't reach the high gear of other episodes.

SLEDGEPOO (2/14/87) Scotland Yard and Kurt Kruggle help Sledge crack a cat burgling case. **1/2 Sledge's new hairdo is the funniest thing here. Rasche's knack for accents comes in handy yet again.

COMRADE HAMMER (2/21/87) Spencer and company had to get around to a Cold War episode sooner or later, and combine it with a trip to the Hitchcockian. *** Nicely done. The series would return to Hitchcock land in Season Two with the arguably better "Vertical".

JAGGED SLEDGE (4/21/87) Hammer's on trial for murdering a mobster, and after firing his crooked attorney ends up defending himself--literally. *** Sledge in a courtroom was a frequent occurrence, and our favorite rogue generally delivered the goods there. The season's penultimate episode is no exception.

THE SPA WHO LOVED ME (4/28/87) The season, and feared to be series finale, including guest appearances by Robin Leach and Mary Woronov and numerous other sure-fire ratings grabbers, topped by a cliffhanger that would make Nielsen rival J. R. Ewing green with envy. **** Lived up to the hype, and kept people talking about the show all summer back in '87. But you could take away the climax and you'd still have one riotous episode.

Happy 25th, SLEDGE HAMMER! (Part 1 of 2)

2011-09-23T00:05:00.000-07:00

SLEDGE HAMMER! (1986-1988 ABC-TV/New World Television) Starring David Rasche, Anne-Marie Martin, Harrison Page, Leslie Morris, Patti Tippo, Kurt Paul. Created and Produced by Alan Spencer.

Twenty-five years ago today at 8:30 P.M. Eastern Time, viewers who stayed tuned to ABC following the thoroughly conventional WHO'S THE BOSS witnessed the premiere of a truly different series that was very worthy of the overused phrase, "ahead of its time", SLEDGE HAMMER!

Starring David Rasche as the title character in what remains the best role of his career, SLEDGE HAMMER! gave us a hero who dealt with snipers (blowing up a building as the offender fired away from the rooftop) just as effectively as he handled purse snatchers (making the perp beat himself up at gunpoint). He also found time to give to his favorite charity (Toy Guns for Tots) and to read classics like WAR AND PEACE (stopping after the first half). Hammer occasionally revealed his sensitive side, but only to his most trusted confidante, his .44 Magnum named "Gun". He talked to it, slept beside it, and even showered with it.

Ready for that Friday night meeting with Mr. Ewing, Captain!

Alan Spencer's creation was DIRTY HARRY by way of GET SMART!, and, if you squinted, you saw a slight nod to HUNTER's pre-Roy Huggins setup: square-jawed unconventional cop, beautiful but tough female partner, and apoplectic superior officer. Anne-Marie Martin played Hammer's resourceful partner Dori Doreau, a martial arts expert ("I'd like to fight you sometime, Doreau") and Harrison Page (BEYOND THE VALLEY OF THE DOLLS) was Captain Trunk, who tried to harness Hammer and hypertension with equal futility. After a while, Trunk's desk literally gained a prescription each episode, with the work area completely obscured by bottles and vials by the end of Season Two.

Over the course of these two wonderfully silly seasons Hammer and Doreau took on kidnappers, vigilante cops, crooked politicians, identity thieves, cat burglars, and even crooked game show hosts in riotous fashion every week. Through it all, Sledge remained single-minded to a fault, but incorruptible and consistently quotable ("Trust me. I know what I'm doing!"). He also revealed an impressive arsenal of hidden talents when going undercover: perfect Aussie and Cockney accents, self-representation in court, proficiency at billiards, and perhaps funniest of all, the ability to impersonate Elvis Presley in "All Shook Up".

Those network schedulers are screwed in the head, I'm tellin' ya!

Like his (also hilarious) ABC cop brethren on POLICE SQUAD! before his day and THE JOB after, Inspector Hammer had a rough go of it in the Nielsens during his prime time run. SLEDGE had the longest network run of the three despite the roughest scheduling. For his first season, HAMMER! was literally caught in between Dallas and Miami, a "terrible place to be" (as he slyly noted in "All Shook Up"). CBS' DALLAS and NBC's MIAMI VICE converged at 9 PM ET on Friday nights for a head to head showdown, leaving little breathing room for SLEDGE HAMMER! opposite the top ten stalwarts. It didn't help that the audience most likely to be hip to HAMMER was likely already out on the town on TGIF.

Ratings improved a bit in mid-season with a move to Saturday night, though the latter problem remained and the series was against another firmly entrenched hit (227) with no help from its ABC lead-in (SIDEKICKS). Spencer also had to deal with weekly "input" from the network censors, which sometimes hampered the needed versimilitude--to name one example, a murdered informant in MAGNUM FARCE clearly doesn't have a scratch on him as he lays dying and supposedly bullet-riddled. Despite his uphill battles with TPTB on scheduling and network standards, Spencer and his collaborators (most frequently Mert Rich and Brian Pollack) provided a series that was not only true to the creator's vision but often side-splittingly funny, with numerous episodes that remain well-remembered despite the terrible time slots (the show was up against THE COSBY SHOW after yet another time slot change) and a lack of wide syndication since the show ceased production.

While Spencer assembled a lot of talent behind the camera (Leonard B. Stern, Jackie Cooper, Bill Bixby, Tino Insana and Robert Wuhl among the other culprits) it was the actors who really shined while delivering their witty lines week after week. David Rasche expertly walked a fine line, exaggerating his tough-guy squint just enough without ever becoming cartoonish or losing the hint of humanity (ever-so-slight, but yeah, it was there) under the tough exterior. He was ably supported by Martin, beautiful but never mere eye candy, and Page, who took one of the oldest cop movie cliches in the book and found several new wrinkles for it. His high-strung police captain stays in your memory more prominently than even Frank McRae's (48 HOURS) or John Amos' (in the aforementioned HUNTER)--no small feat.

Sadly, the 41st episode on 2/12/88, in which we finally meet the oft-referred to ex-Mrs. Hammer, (played by Heather Lupton, the real-life Mrs. Rasche) was the end of the line for the good Inspector. But the series lived on, sometimes in unexpected ways. SLEDGE HAMMER! clearly influenced Zucker, Abrahams and Zucker when they fashioned their similarly neglected POLICE SQUAD! into the NAKED GUN feature film franchise. Frank Drebin wasn't particularly trigger-happy when his adventures aired on ABC-TV, but he acquired this character trait in a big way for his cinematic adventures, along with several other shadings that appeared to be Hammered into him after the series. Vacationing in Beirut? Sledge beat Drebin to it by two years ("Witless"). Drebin laughing his ass off at PLATOON? Sledge's "favorite comedy" was THE DEER HUNTER. Involving a student driver in a high speed chase? Hammer had been there, done that one too ("Hammer Gets Nailed").

SLEDGE HAMMER! has yet to see its own sequel on the big or small screen, so loyal Hammerheads have had to make do with the "original 41" ever since, but the lack of a filmed reprise hasn't made the show's afterlife any less interesting or impressive.

New World released 4 episodes on VHS in 1991, and the solid sales resulted in plans to release the complete series on 10 two hour tapes. Unfortunately New World's financial difficulties resulted in the TV division being sold to Sony before the release came to fruition, and frustrated Hammerheads had to make do with bootlegs and memories for the next decade. But Alan Spencer (whose subsequent credits include THE NUTT HOUSE in collaboration with Mel Brooks and the feature HEXED) never stopped championing his classic creation or looking for a suitable distributor. Spencer's official website launched in 2002 and was quickly host to over one million unique visits while the out of print VHS tapes went for consistently high sums on ebay into the new millenium.

Finally, in 2004 Anchor Bay stepped forward to release SLEDGE HAMMER! SEASON ONE on DVD with extras including commentaries, a documentary with interviews of the principal cast, original advertisements and inserts. Perhaps best of all, the laugh track ABC insisted on for the first 13 episodes was removed entirely. Brisk sales for the set ensured that Season Two followed in 2005. Loyal Hammerheads also inspired the first, but probably not last, Sledge Fest just last October. It was a sold-out success. Well marketed too:

And how many SledgeFest tickets for you, Sir?

Sledge was prematurely cancelled, but these recent events prove that his show will never die. So happy birthday Sledge, and let us continue celebrating your ground-breaking humor and your Silver Anniversary all weekend. Coming up next, Part Two: an episode guide to the first season with mini-reviews of all 22 1986-87 episodes will follow later this weekend. Meanwhile, as Sledge himself once said, obey the penal codes.

"Every breath you take, every move you make... I'll be watching you. That's police talk." -- Inspector Sledge Hammer

Missing No More: NEIGHBORS (1981) and BLACK EYE (1974)

2011-09-14T17:52:00.000-07:00

DVD finally? No kidding?

This month's edition of Missing No More finds two more long-awaited releases finally making it to DVD, both starring major talents of the 1970's who left us way too soon.

John Belushi's final film, NEIGHBORS (1981) found the erstwhile Senator Blutarsky co-starring for the third time with Dan Aykroyd and the two SNL vets playing against viewer expectations. This time Belushi was the put-upon conservative suburbian and Aykroyd the wild, crazy rebel outsider who aggravates him. NEIGHBORS was probably the most anticipated release of the 1981 Christmas season, with Belushi and Aykroyd joined by an impressive list of heavy hitters on the other side of the camera: screenwriter Larry Gelbart, director John G. Avildsen, and producers David Brown and Daryl Zanuck.

The results are a mixed bag, with Avildsen (who once directed CRY UNCLE's edgy humor capably) proving to be a mismatch for the material, clashing with Belushi and ordering a soundtrack (by ROCKY's Bill Conti) that kills too many laughs--I always thought the TWILIGHT ZONE/horror music used in the TV trailer below worked better myself. It must have seemed like a bad re-run for Gelbart, who a year earlier saw his ROUGH CUT extensively rewritten and hampered by off-screen infighting.

While a missed opportunity, NEIGHBORS has its moments, and its release means that all three Belushi-Aykroyd features are finally available. NEIGHBORS was released last week by, who else, Warner Archive and is available for $19.95 through their DVD shop.

It was just last month that The Horn Section trumpeted the arrival of the second of Teresa Graves' three feature films to DVD when VAMPIRA (1974), her last and least, finally received a home video release. Tuesday, the Graves trifecta was completed when Warner Archive released 1974's BLACK EYE.

The Hammer

Starring Fred "The Hammer" Williamson, BLACK EYE is a routine but still fun action flick. Williamson plays a perpetually indebted ex-cop turned P.I. who tries to solve a puzzling new case while attempting reconciliation with his bisexual ex Graves. While The Hammer's other flicks of the era turn up frequently on cable, BLACK EYE has been rarely screened in recent years--I last saw it on TV One in 2008.

Worth checking out if you're a Williamson fan, and a must if you're a fan of Graves, who as mentioned only made 3 features before retiring to a quiet life devoted to her religion. Interestingly, she co-starred with Williamson twice: her debut was THAT MAN BOLT (1973).

And yes, that's right, two photos of Teresa Graves and only one of the top-billed Hammer. Hey, it's my blog dammit!

BLACK EYE is also available for $19.95 at the Warner Archive DVD shop.

More reviews to come!

Film Review: CALIFORNIA DREAMING (1979)

2011-08-24T18:05:00.000-07:00

"Why the Hell isn't THIS on DVD yet?" -- Number 65

CALIFORNIA DREAMING (1979 American International Pictures) Starring Dennis Christopher, Seymour Cassell, Glynnis O'Connor, Dorothy Tristan, Tanya Roberts, Stacy Nelkin, John Calvin, Jimmy Van Patten, Johnny Fain, Ned Wynn, Alice Playten. Directed by John D. Hancock.

Believing his life unfulfilled after the sudden death of his brother, Chicago nerd (and virgin) Christopher follows Horace Greeley's famous advice and ends up in Avila Beach, California to try out the surfer life that they both had always dreamed about. He finds a place to stay and a mentor in aging Cassell, who owns the local bar and clings to his long-faded glory days of swimming in the Olympics. Christopher's interested in learning how to fit in from the elder statesman and even more interested in making time with the ladies, particularly Cassell's daughter O'Connor. Christopher comes to believe that Cassell isn't quite the guru that he'd like to be and that the carefree west coast lifestyle isn't as romantic as it appeared from 1,700 miles away. Elsewhere, Roberts tries to get hedonistic boyfriend Calvin to mature and commit to her, and mechanic Wynn (who also scripted) tries to win a vintage car and the heart of a gold-digging waitress by living inside his clunker for six weeks.

With the demise of A.I.P. barely a year away, the studio that once rode the BEACH PARTY series to box office glory released a film that showed the flip side of its nonstop party 1960's films and "the surfer life". Your first clue that CALIFORNIA DREAMING isn't going to be a BEACH BLANKET BINGO for the late 1970's arrives in the opening credits. Hancock (BANG THE DRUM SLOWLY, BABY BLUE MARINE) is hardly the director you'd picture helming a comedy about the neverending summer. Surprising eroticism springing from Christopher's fish-out-of-water awkwardness (i.e. the hilarious and titillating slo-mo sequence in the theatre snack bar) is reminiscient of earlier coming of age films like OUT OF IT and only the completely unlikable Calvin doesn't long for something more in his life among the locals Christopher meets.

A hotbed of eroticism! The beach??

No, the movie snack bar!!!

OH YEAH!!!!!

For example, Fain's character. A professional surfer in real life (and in his mid-30's by this time), Fain was a very familiar face in the genre who appeared in 7 of A.I.P.'s Beach series. Fain did nothing but smile and surf in the likes of BIKINI BEACH and PAJAMA PARTY but here wishes to propose to Nelkin and open his own business, repeatedly declaring his weariness with surfing on a daily basis. Fain later breaks his arm on the pier: the perils of facing those gnarly waves aren't ignored.

Get off my beach!!!!

The perils of not growing up are personified by Cassell. The actor was already playing long in the tooth hipsters a decade earlier (FACES) and his "Duke" comes across as more than a little sad as he pontificates about the superiority of the "old days", manly surf boards, and volleyball as the ultimate way for Christopher to "get some ass". Unlike the shallow Calvin (who mocks both Cassell and Fain, his supposed best friend), Cassell actually experienced sporting glory. Tellingly, while Cassell is truthful about his Olympic achievements, he embellishes the year to cover up what he's really insecure about--his age.

CALIFORNIA DREAMING falters in the final third when it takes a melodramatic turn, and not every twist is entirely believable. The film also suffers a bit from characters who are difficult to warm to and the uninteresting subplot involving Wynn's character. This isn't the popcorn T and A flick you're expecting, but Hancock does provide a healthy amount of nudity from O'Connor (ODE TO BILLY JOE). CALIFORNIA DREAMING isn't completely successful but is worthy of Danny Peary's "sleeper" description; Hancock and Wynn deliver some surprises without turning too dark. And yes, the title song is performed, an excellent cover by America played over the end credits.

Tanya Roberts

So.....why isn't this on DVD yet?

Scarcity of characters you'd actually like to revisit; quite a few shallow folks here, hurting rewatchability. Cassell's character probably resonates the most, and only if you've reached a certain age first--you'll likely find him as obnoxious as the local kids do if you're still in your twenties. Also, it isn't your typical brain-dead summer flick, and came just before films of that type started their late night cable domination of the early 1980's.

Why it should be on DVD:

FilmFanatic.org states that the cult following is "probably" due solely to O'Connor's nudity, but I disagree. The same unusual qualities that likely caused it to fall through the cracks as "too serious" for the target audience also make it worth searching out as a change of pace.

CALIFORNIA DREAMING is currently streaming on Netflix Instant.

Missing No More: SUGAR HILL (1974) and VAMPIRA/OLD DRACULA (1974)

2011-08-18T20:10:00.000-07:00

We have Fox's MGM On Demand program to thank for the latest entries to move from "Why the Hell Not?" status to a release on DVD in the U.S. Both are from 1974, right in the middle of arguably the peak decade for American cinema. One is a long-awaited and particularly welcome arrival. The other? Eh, not so much, but it isn't without its points of interest.

The former is A.I.P.'s SUGAR HILL (1974), a gleefully ghoulish and campy variation on Pam Grier's revenge flicks for the studio, in which Marki Bey (THE LANDLORD) stars. Rather than open up a can of whoopass herself, Bey enlists the aid of Zara Cully and Don Pedro Colley (as the best Baron Samedi to date) and their zombie hit men to fight the mafia responsible for the death of Sugar's boyfriend. Bey is no Pam Grier or Tamara Dobson, but this wickedly humorous tale of evil colliding with evil is loads of fun in spite of its low budget and shortage of exploitation staples (it is rated PG). The original review is here.

SUGAR HILL may lack a "name" cast, nudity and gore, but is still fondly remembered. So much so that it has undergone a rediscovery in recent years, first with TCM Underground airing it in 2008-2009 and then more recently through streaming availability on Netflix Instant and Epix. Now you can take it home with you for the first time---SUGAR HILL was never even released on VHS. Movies Unlimited has this MOD available for preorder, with a release date of October 6, 2011--just in time for Halloween!

Already out is VAMPIRA (1974), retitled OLD DRACULA in U.S. theatres in an attempt to capitalize on Mel Brooks' smash YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN. As you can see from the review, I feel VAMPIRA is a missed opportunity. The intended comedy somehow has a much lower laugh count than SUGAR HILL despite a big star in Niven and a much higher budget.

Even taking into account its many flaws, VAMPIRA does have an awful lot of PLAYBOY product placement, enough that I suspected Hugh Hefner was the executive producer at first. The playmates are portrayed by several lovely actresses of the era who didn't make many films: Cathie Shiriff (in her debut, nine years before STAR TREK III); stunning Nigerian model Minah Byrd (PERCY'S PROGRESS) who tragically died young in 1995; and buxom Linda Hayden (TASTE THE BLOOD OF DRACULA). And we can't forget Jenny Linden, can we? The movie is also a must for fans of beautiful GET CHRISTIE LOVE! star Teresa Graves, who only made three feature films before retiring from show business at 27.

This one is already out and available at Amazon, under its U.S. theatrical title OLD DRACULA. Happy viewing, and as always there's more reviews forthcoming here at The Horn Section.

Film Review: THE CRAWLING EYE a.k.a. THE TROLLENBERG TERROR (1958)

2011-07-30T18:00:00.000-07:00

Welcome to The Horn Section's contribution to the 50's Monster Mash Blog-a-Thon at Forgotten Classics of Yesteryear! This is my very first blogathon in the five years I've been reviewing the overlooked and obscure, and what better debut than a tribute to a bona fide genre standard starring The Horn Section's number one icon?

Be sure to check out the other entries from the online film blogger community during this six-day salute to the classic monsters of the 1950's. There's 43 participants altogether, and this has been going on since Thursday morning! While you're there, note that this isn't the first time Nate's hosted a Blog-a-Thon; the Roger Corman showcase from June is also there for your perusal.

So is my site, while you're here. (hint) If you happen to be browsing The Horn Section for the first time, welcome! Feel free to sign up for notification via email (lower right column) or follow me on Twitter for future reviews and musings. (hint hint)

And now, with the commercials out of the way, our feature presentation.......

THE CRAWLING EYE a.k.a. THE TROLLENBERG TERROR (1958 Eros/DCA) Starring Forrest Tucker, Janet Munro, Jennifer Jayne, Laurence Payne, Warren Mitchell. Directed by Quentin Lawrence.

OUR HERO: By day, a mild mannered scientist hiding his alter ego behind glasses and scholarly reading material

Look! Up from the paper! It's a bird, it's a plane.....

No dude, it's Janet Munro fainting into your arms! Time for action!

The glasses come off, the paper vanishes, and out comes the flask! MACK TUCK has arrived!

The Alpine village of Trollenberg has been plagued by a series of fatal accidents on the town's namesake mountain. Numerous climbers have mysteriously vanished without a trace, and the only one who was found had been beheaded. A static, radioactive cloud near the peak is the common denominator in the deaths and Mitchell, believing alien forces are involved, has summoned colleague Tucker to help. Psychic sisters Jayne and Munro decide to tag along after the latter experiences a premonition on the train just before Tuck's scheduled stop there.

Called on because he and Mitchell witnessed similar lethal happenings in the Andes years earlier, Tuck is reluctant, for the prior fiasco almost ruined his career. But a geologist ends up as a second decapitation victim, an experienced climber turns into a dead-eyed zombie with his murderous sights on Munro, and reporter Payne observes all of it. The otherworldly creatures seem to be better acclimated to the conditions by the minute. With the entire village under assault and secrecy no longer an issue, Tucker takes charge and confronts his painful professional past.

HOW TOUGH IS HE? We learn that it's cold enough up there to freeze the blankets inside the cabin.....

But Tuck doesn't even need a HAT! You've had it this time, aliens!!

Unsubtly retitled THE CRAWLING EYE for its U.S. release, THE TROLLENBERG TERROR remains one of the most beloved sci-fi flicks of its decade. The nostalgia factor goes beyond one's fondness for otherworldly monsters and vintage black and white film. Pay close attention to the alcohol consumption by the characters: I'd say on a "drinks per minute" basis it's more than your typical DALLAS episode but less than an average BEWITCHED. TERROR is more than suitable for inventing drinking games of your own (I recommend the word "cloud" as the trigger to "down it"). Quentin Lawrence's work was an influence on THE FOG and THE MIST (both John Carpenter and Stephen King are acknowledged fans) and the film ended up as MST3K's premiere episode in 1989.

Don't let that last fact fool you, though. The film has been mocked for decades because of its blatant U.S. title, not a lack of quality. Director Lawrence builds a genuine sense of dread and is able to successfully hide his low budget until TERROR's final act, when he's forced to employ the best special effects the funding will allow (subpar, to put it kindly) and to finally reveal what's been hiding in that cloud. There's that word again--that's one gulp if you're playing along.

Glad t'see ya!

While THE TROLLENBERG TERROR is marred somewhat by the late breaking cheese factor, the flaw is nowhere near fatal. In fact, to modern eyes the shortcomings only add to the fun. It's also refreshing these days to see a reporter who isn't a sleazeball in his pursuit of the story and actually pitches in willingly at the climax instead of being a hindrance.

Elsewhere, Munro smiles and faints a lot. Jayne cuts loose with a good scream in the final act but is properly reserved otherwise, and Mitchell looks and sounds Einsteinian. But it isn't Mitchell who solves the problem--this is Tucker's show all the way. This was the second of three sci-fi starring roles for the action stalwart in the late fifties, and all were British productions (the third was the rarely seen THE COSMIC MONSTERS, which TCM dusted off just last month). After playing the greedy, unsympathetic "ugly American" butting heads with Peter Cushing in THE ABOMINABLE SNOWMAN, Tuck gets to play a more traditional hero this time out and delivers one of his most authoritative performances.

On top of that, it seems courageous enough for the guy just to climb up that mountain again after what happened to him in SNOWMAN and AUNTIE MAME.

What? She ended up with the reporter? You've GOT to be kidding!

Why he's Mack Tuck and you're not: he smoothly moves on to big sis without missing a beat! "Cigarette?"

"I've got a gal I met on the hill...she won't do it but her sister will...."

So...why didn't I ask: Why the Hell isn't this on DVD yet?

Because it IS--and it has been since 2001. The release of the widescreen European edition includes interesting liner notes (Tuck admitted he had trouble keeping a straight face when he saw the title monster) and the original U.S. theatrical trailer.

Missing TV from DVD: CRAZY LIKE A FOX (1984-86)

2011-07-19T07:55:00.000-07:00

Why the Hell isn't MY show on DVD yet???

CRAZY LIKE A FOX (1984-86 CBS-TV) Starring Jack Warden, John Rubenstein, Penny Peyser, Robby Kiger.

Five years ago today, we lost Roy L. Fuchs himself, the great Jack Warden. I won't go into detail about why this man was one of the very best character actors who ever lived, since I've already done that. Instead, I'd like to ponder why his best-remembered TV series, underappreciated in its day by its network despite healthy ratings, hasn't made it to DVD yet.

Warden had some success in prime time in earlier years, enjoying a second season with the decent cop show N.Y.P.D. (1967-69) and even the CBS version of THE BAD NEWS BEARS (1979-80), which somehow got renewed despite the fact that the movies had already run their course and you could forget about the kids spouting four-letter words during the three network era. But when CRAZY LIKE A FOX premiered in 1984, it appeared that Warden had finally found the vehicle to take him to TV superstardom.

Warden played Harrison Fox Sr., a freewheeling San Francisco private investigator who was nicknamed "Harry" to avoid confusion with his son Rubenstein, a straight-laced attorney. Senior was forever inadvertently dragging Junior into his latest case ("All I need is a ride! What can possibly happen?") and, naturally, whatever it was that could possibly happen, and go wrong---did.

Each week's adventure took some unexpected turns, but the well-traveled, disheveled, but wily old pro found the solution in the end. No long lost classic, just a funny, breezy show with Warden and Rubenstein showing solid chemistry from the pilot episode. If you can imagine Peter Falk and Alan Arkin in THE IN-LAWS as father and son with Falk as the father, that's a reasonable facsimile of what CRAZY LIKE A FOX was like.

The role of Harry Fox fit Warden like a glove. It was designed to. The series' creators (John Baskin, Frank Cardea, George Schenck and Roger Shulman) had Jack Warden in mind for the lead from the get-go, and researched and drew upon the actor's real-life experiences while fleshing out the Senior Fox, and the character ended up sharing Warden's WW2 experiences as a paratrooper and other real-life occupations of his youth (i.e. bouncer, lifeguard).

CRAZY LIKE A FOX was a midseason replacement in 1984-85 for CBS in the Sunday night slot between MURDER, SHE WROTE, which was in its first season, and TRAPPER JOHN, M.D., which in its sixth was starting to show signs of wear.   FOX was an immediate smash, ending the season at # 10 in the Nielsens. It was CBS' second highest ranked new show behind MURDER (8th) and the third highest rated new series of the entire season. So at age 64, Jack Warden finally had a long awaited and well deserved hit of his own--and an Emmy nomination for Best Actor in a Comedy (yes, really) Series.

So how on earth did CRAZY LIKE A FOX end up canceled just one year later, despite a second Emmy nod for its star? Well, CBS did what networks too often do. They tinkered it to death. In this case, they didn't tinker with the show creatively: the lighthearted cases of Season Two were every bit as entertaining as those from the first.  No, this time scheduling by ADD was the culprit. CBS preempted the show six times by mid-December, and making things worse for the cunning Foxes, running mate TRAPPER JOHN was severely weakened by age and cast defections and went into a ratings free fall.

The result was a drop from # 10 to a still respectable # 29, cause for concern, sure. A new running mate at 10 ET sounded like the logical choice (it was in the top 10 three months earlier), but instead CBS started playing musical time slots. Unfortunately the first move was opposite ABC's entrenched DYNASTY.  When that didn't work, the network tried FOX at 8 PM Thursday---yup, opposite COSBY. The 1985-86 season marked the end of a six year reign atop the Nielsens for CBS, and with moves like this to kill off promising shows, one can see why. I can only imagine the choice words Roy L. Fuchs or Jack Fine would have had for the programmers.

Predictably, CBS received some letters of displeasure from viewers, and the palpable fan interest led them to green-light a reunion movie during the 1986-87 season, STILL CRAZY LIKE A FOX, which delightfully played like a two part episode of the regular series. Set in England and co-starring Monty Python's Graham Chapman, STILL CRAZY was a ratings hit in the series' old Sunday time slot, ranking # 12 for the week ending April 5, 1987. There was talk that CBS would correct its earlier error and bring CRAZY LIKE A FOX back for the 1987-88 season. Alas, it was not to be. CBS scheduled more hour-long dramas than any other network but decided the likes of THE OLDEST ROOKIE and HOUSTON KNIGHTS were better bets than a proven viewer favorite headlined a two-time Emmy nominee.

CRAZY LIKE A FOX has virtually disappeared. It's hard to syndicate a show with only 35 episodes.  Still, this one is an ideal candidate for rediscovery on DVD, a fun, fondly remembered showcase for perhaps the quintessential character actor, Jack Warden.

Film Review: ROUGH CUT (1980)

2011-07-11T06:33:00.000-07:00

"Why the Hell isn't this on DVD yet?" -- Number 64

ROUGH CUT (1980 Paramount) Starring Burt Reynolds, Lesley-Anne Down, David Niven, Timothy West, Patrick Magee, Susan Littler, Isobel Dean. Directed by Don Siegel.

Retiring Scotland Yard Inspector Niven wants to go out in a blaze of glory by capturing wealthy restaurant owner Reynolds, who Niven suspects is moonlighting as the world's most successful jewel thief. Knowing his prey's weakness for the ladies, the officer blackmails gorgeous kleptomaniac Down into acting as the bait luring Reynolds into "one last job" for jewels worth $30 million--and Niven's entrapment.

ROUGH CUT's biggest strength is Burt Reynolds' performance. The star was at the peak of both his commerical and critical standing following a Golden Globe nomination for STARTING OVER. One brief "Burt laugh" early (as he leads Littler into his room) is his only moment of self-indulgence as he pays homage to friend Cary Grant (including a Grant impression in the first scene) and acquits himself nicely. Reynolds is suave and assured, with sprinkles of self-depreciating humor via his character's penchant for (mediocre at best) impressions and disguises. Surprisingly, it is Down and not Reynolds who leads the police through car chases in England and France.

It certainly appeared in 1980 that producer David Merrick (SEMI-TOUGH) had a sure thing with the talent assembled behind the reigning box office king and leading lady Down (UPSTAIRS, DOWNSTAIRS). Venerable Oscar winner Niven was cast as Burt's adversary, and Don Siegel directed, fresh off ESCAPE FROM ALCATRAZ and working with Burt for the first time. Larry Gelbart (M*A*S*H) scripted, and Nelson Riddle provided the classy score.

Unfortunately Merrick didn't leave well enough alone, butting heads with most of the above. He ordered numerous rewrites and ultimately fired Gelbart, who ultimately removed his name from the credits. Merrick also had creative disagreements with Siegel, who came on board after the project was initially developed with Blake Edwards in mind. Siegel was actually fired at one point and replaced by Peter R. Hunt but Reynolds reportedly intervened on Siegel's behalf. Still, the finale was directed by an uncredited Robert Ellis Miller--meaning that neither the screenwriter nor the director had anything to do with ROUGH CUT's conclusion. Reportedly, this was the fourth time the ending was changed.

With the dizzying number of changes its no surprise that ROUGH CUT falls short of its potential. It's hard to say that any of the script doctoring was helpful. The heist itself is routine, not terribly involving, and it takes half the film just to get around to recruitment for the caper. Down's kleptomania is apparently cured after the first 20 minutes, as her condition never comes into play again despite numerous potential temptations. Reynolds and Down should be bantering effortlessly but after awhile too many lines come across as both characters pressing to sound clever.

Things perk up considerably when Reynolds and Niven meet face to face. The two legendary raconteurs spar delightfully and it is a real shame that they share barely two minutes of screen time in the finished product. Niven's role was cut substantially in the alterations: even he was at odds with Merrick, suing him after the film's release for $90K in salary he was owed (Merrick settled out of court). Niven appears frail at times (he was diagnosed with ALS in 1980 and passed away three years later) but retains his considerable charm. It's to his credit that he's able to sell the tacked-on final twist as well as he is.

One can see glimpses what might have been--ROUGH CUT clearly would have benefited from a single director's vision from beginning to end (whether Edwards, Siegel or Hunt) and Gelbart's final draft was likely far more interesting than the repeatedly revised shooting script. The overall results are middling, but Reynolds' strong effort in this atypical role is worth tuning in for.

So....why isn't this on DVD?

You can't really blame Reynolds' later career troubles or the film's box office failure for the lack of a DVD release--after all, out and out flops like STROKER ACE, STICK, HEAT and MALONE are among the Burt Reynolds vehicles of the Eighties that have made it. One of the very few Reynolds flicks of the period to just slip through the cracks.

Why it should be on DVD:

The change of pace setting and role makes ROUGH CUT something of a sleeper for Burt's fans. It's ironic that the star's choice of STROKER ACE over TERMS OF ENDEARMENT for a 1983 project is cited as the beginning of the end for him when you consider that his 1980-1982 "chick flicks" (ROUGH CUT, PATERNITY, BEST FRIENDS) were all medicore box office performers while the actor had runaway hits each year with his "good ol' boy" efforts (SMOKEY II, CANNONBALL RUN and BEST LITTLE WHOREHOUSE). It might not excuse the STROKER ACE decision, but the context at least makes it a little understandable.

Just a little, mind you.

Missing No More: SKIDOO (1968) and CHAINED HEAT (1983)

2011-07-02T09:06:00.000-07:00

Two more Horn Section favorites and review subjects are coming to DVD in July!

In the case of CHAINED HEAT (1983), which was reviewed here as part of our Tamara Dobson 65th birthday Salute, you'd better hurry. Courtesy of the one and only Mr. Skin, CHAINED HEAT is arriving on July 12th as part of a WIP Triple Feature along with RED HEAT (1985) and JUNGLE WARRIOR (1984).

It's a bit pricey at $29.98 if CHAINED HEAT is the only title you want, but there's excellent value for the money: interviews with actresses Stella Stevens and Sybil Danning (who co-starred in all three films) and the very first UNCUT release of CHAINED HEAT ever; at 98 minutes this release is three minutes longer than the theatrical release and will contain nine full minutes of footage missing from both the VHS release and the print that recently made the Showtime/TMC cable rounds a couple of years back.

Where to order this long-awaited must see? Synapse Films has it available for pre-order now and, of course, so does Amazon. As I stated above, you'd better hurry, as rumor has it that the rights will expire at the end of 2011, so this is truly "available for a limited time only". Is CHAINED HEAT worth the rush, and the price?
Well, let's see: Linda Blair, John Vernon, Henry Silva, Tamara Dobson, Sybil Danning.....I could go on, but why not just read the review and decide for yourself?

CHAINED HEAT isn't the only long-awaited DVD release this month. On July 19th, SKIDOO (1968) will be arriving via Olive Films, after years of being out of circulation. In fact, this late 1960's Otto Preminger experiment was never released on VHS and was long-rumored to be withheld for the longest time by the late director's estate. It isn't a success, but it isn't that big of an embarrassment either.


The Riddler on acid!

It's hard to describe SKIDOO in a concise manner. So hard that it probably holds the record for The Horn Section's lengthiest review of a film. (Yes, I'm aware I get long-winded doing the QUINCY, M.E. recaps. But they ain't films!) If you have a few days to kill, here's the original review, which was posted when TCM originally dusted SKIDOO off in 2008 for a run on TCM Underground.

More recently, the venerable hippie-era relic made the rounds on Showtime and Flix this Spring, and now it is available for pre-order from, where else, Amazon.

Not much I can add to the review except this, the trailer:

Enjoy! More reviews to follow, including The Horn Section's participation in a blogathon later this month. Happy 4th!

THE HORN SECTION SALUTES: Don Diamond (1921-2011)

2011-06-23T13:44:00.000-07:00

Don Diamond (right) with Frank deKova

Very sad news to report from Los Angeles this week, as the Horn Section must blow taps for actor Don Diamond, who passed away Sunday just 15 days after celebrating his 90th birthday.

The son of Russian immigrants, Diamond, who was fluent in Yiddish and Spanish, began his acting career in 1946 after four years of service (and a First Lieutenant commission) in U.S.A.A.C. He quickly found success on television, co-starring in 3 long-running successes: THE ADVENTURES OF KIT CARSON (1951-55, as El Toro), ZORRO (1957-59, as the beloved Corporal Reyes) and as Crazy Cat in the show for which he is best remembered, by both the general public and The Horn Section, F TROOP.

Diamond was not a regular when F TROOP premiered on September 14, 1965. In fact, he didn't make his first appearance until the sixth episode ("Dirge for the Scourge") and was a secondary character, taking a backseat to Hekawi Chief Wild Eagle (Frank deKova) and the elderly medicine man Roaring Chicken (Edward Everett Horton). But, proving the old axiom that there are no small roles, Diamond made a vivid impression on viewers and within a couple of months was promoted to his rightful position as Wild Eagle's ambitious "Assistant Chief". Crazy Cat constantly and heartlessly longed for the "sad, sad day" that Wild Eagle would ascend to the "happy hunting ground" and the Hekawis would rally around their energetic new Chief, much to Wild Eagle's chagrin.

F TROOP subversively parodied most of the cliches of television and motion picture Westerns, and Diamond's contribution was creating a comically high-pitched voice for Crazy Cat, twisting the long-standing and even then tired Hollywood stereotype of the deep-voiced Native American "warrior".

Diamond's career spanned 41 years until his retirement from acting in 1987. He was married to wife Luisa from 1966 until his passing. R.I.P. Mr. Diamond, and let us remember you with this classic scene:

Film Review: G.O.R.P.* (1980)

2011-06-20T18:37:00.000-07:00

Why the Hell isn't this on DVD yet? Number 63

GORP (1980 American International) Starring Michael Lembeck, Fran Drescher, Dennis Quaid, David Huddleston, Rosanna Arquette, Philip Casnoff, Julius Harris, Debi Richter, Lisa Shure. Directed by Joseph Ruben.

Lembeck and Casnoff are college students who spend summers working in the mess hall of summer Camp Oskemo, which caters to a Jewish clientele. While competing for the ladies (virginal Shure and sexually aggressive Drescher) they witness everything we fear goes on inside the kitchen, declare war on tyrannical boss Huddleston, and pull pranks on him, snobbish parents, and snitches. In order words, yep, wacky hijinks ensue.

The year 1980 was probably the zenith for raunchy "snobs vs. slobs" comedies in ANIMAL HOUSE's aftermath, and that same year saw a number of "summer camp" films hoping to duplicate the grosses of 1979's surprising MEATBALLS. GORP falls into both categories, and mainly demonstrates why the aforementioned films were so much better their imitators. The poorly thought out script by Jeffrey Konvitz (his third and last screenplay to date) is the chief culprit, as the writer apparently had no idea what made the films he was emulating successful.

Huddleston lacks any real power to lord over his youthful charges, unlike John Vernon's Dean Wormer. Vernon could threaten the Deltas with expulsion from college and draft eligibility. What can Huddleston do? Fine them when they're being paid peanuts and primarily there to get laid anyway? Fire them from a summer job they all treat as elective at best? The Murray-Makepeace relationship balanced the crazy pranks in MEATBALLS with a little heart and also helped give that largely plotless film some structure. By contrast GORP has literally no mentoring or character growth of any kind, and little motivation beyond libido for much of anything. We never get to know any of the campers or junior wait staff as anything more than comic props.

In the cases of the camp nurse and the orange haired answer to "Spaz", GORP has some decidedly undeserving recipients of unfunny, mean-spirited humor. The situations presented are consistently uninvolving. A good example is a bet between Casnoff and Drescher, with potentially rich comic possibilities from Drescher's side of it. As LITTLE DARLINGS showed, you can successfully center an entire film around a similar plot point. Here, the wager is resolved off-screen in less than 10 minutes and the result is quickly forgotten. Konvitz just moves us on to the next derivative caper.

So, with the lack of a solid opposing force for Lembeck, Casnoff and crew to go against, little nudity (the raunch is mostly limited to toilet humor) and no conflict or characters for the audience to care about, GORP is left to rise or fall exclusively on the value of its gags--and the quality is lacking. The setpieces all seem to be familiar and done much better elsewhere, right up to the finale in which Quaid somehow appropriates a tank to help demolish Oskemo. The Faber parade it ain't.

GORP arrived in May 1980 with one claim to historical significance: it was the very last release by American International Pictures. Michael Lembeck, son of A.I.P. icon Harvey (biker Eric Zon Vipper in seven BEACH PARTY films) was the nominal head of the youthful ensemble, and in a further nod to A.I.P.'s past, the campers screen I WAS A TEENAGE WEREWOLF. Unfortunately GORP itself was a forgettable swan song for Arkoff's company, and barely met 1/6 of the Arkoff Formula (the last "F"--despite the lack of nudity).

So.....why isn't this on DVD yet?

It doesn't matter whether you're listing "summer camp" movies or grossout comedies: GORP will be at or near the bottom of either list. It bombed when it was released in May 1980, and with good reason.

Why it should be on DVD:

Really, the only people likely to be interested would have to be A.I.P. completists, or fans of the young actors (i.e. Arquette) on their way to better things. Even those in the latter camp would be hard-pressed to find much of interest here though, for if you want to see Quaid or Drescher on the make there are better youth comedies available from the same era: THE SENIORS and HOLLYWOOD KNIGHTS respectively. In Drescher's case, KNIGHTS was released the same month as GORP.

GORP has been out of circulation for some time but is currently available for streaming at Netflix Instant.

Film Review: WITHOUT WARNING (1980)

2011-06-13T17:46:00.000-07:00

"Why the Hell isn't THIS on DVD yet?" -- Number 62

CAMP CLASSIC EDITION!

WITHOUT WARNING (1980 Filmways) Starring Martin Landau, Jack Palance, Larry Storch, Cameron Mitchell, Tarah Nutter, Christopher S. Nelson, David Caruso, Neville Brand, Kevin Peter Hall, Ralph Meeker, Sue Ann Langdon, Lynn Thell. Directed by Greydon Clark.

In a Midwestern forest area, tentacled green bloodsucking creatures about the size of a sponge are ambushing and killing would-be hunters and campers. Among the victims: gun enthusiast Mitchell, Cub Scout leader Storch, and a teen couple, Thell and Caruso. After the demise of the daters, their friends Nelson and Nutter seek help in a secluded local diner, but they're only able to come with two strange locals, Palance (as the requisite "creepy gas station owner") and battle scarred Vietnam vet Landau. The four of them set out to find and destroy the alien(s) behind the gooey, gory attacks.

Barely noticed during its 1980 release, WITHOUT WARNING has developed a devoted cult following in the three decades since, thanks mainly to two factors: its unavailability, and Arnold Schwarzenegger himself crediting the low-budget horror film as an inspiration for his smash PREDATOR. Operating with only a $150,000 budget, Greydon Clark (JOYSTICKS) nevertheless manages to put together some memorable visuals despite inconsistent pacing.

It was Clark who suggested the change to the spinning, appendaged attackers (in the original script alien Hall used a bow and arrow) and they provide some gleefully disgusting moments.  When airborne they appear to be spheric, then rectangular. Finally, when one lands on a windshield we can determine it is pentagonal. For some reason, their attacks are limited to grown humans, as they let Storch's troop flee the area unharmed while draining only the hapless scoutmaster. Why? It's never explained. Just go with it!

Clark also manages to put together a name cast for the dollars, though Storch, Mitchell, Brand and Meeker probably all spent one day apiece on the set, tops. As for stars Palance and Landau, few viewers seeing their work here would have thought they were watching two future Academy Award winners. Palance smiles continuously, Landau stays wide-eyed and tightens his jaw. Both are shamelessly hammy, and their wild overplaying helps keep things afloat during an extended dull stretch in the second half.

Strangely, WITHOUT WARNING has probably become overrated due to its scarcity at this point.  Practically every film blog out there has covered it in the past few years, including A.V. Club and Film Fanatic. (Yeah, I'm late to the party. So sue me.) While it may not be a high point on anyone's resume (except maybe Clark's) it is more impressive when taking the budget (half of which went for Palance and Landau) and influence into account. PREDATOR lifted the premise and 7'2" actor Hall (who played the alien in both films) from this little-seen, very silly, sometimes boring, but also pretty funny and fondly remembered little horror flick.

So....why isn't this on DVD?

It's a ridiculous low budget horror film that isn't scary at all and loses momentum halfway through.   Filmways was defunct less than two years later (absorbed into Orion Pictures), which may or may not have impacted the video availability of WITHOUT WARNING, though it probably didn't help.

Why it should be on DVD:

Any time a film this obscure has such devoted advocates, the filmmaker was obviously doing something right. He was indeed: giving us the aliens and expirations that stick in one's memory, and especially hiring the veteran character actors, who energetically give this flick much of its heft. Landau! Palance! The also crazed Mitchell! The wobbly Meeker! The legendary Storch, who was the only intentional comic relief ("They were a, uh, bean growing tribe.")! Not to mention David Caruso making a screen debut he'd probably rather forget.

WITHOUT WARNING made its MGM HD premiere in the summer of 2010 and has been repeated, so that's your channel to schedule check when seeking this one out.

Film Review: subUrbia (1996)

2011-06-08T18:15:00.000-07:00

"Why the Hell isn't THIS on DVD yet?" -- Number 61

subUrbia (1996 Sony/Warner Brothers) Starring Giovanni Ribisi, Nicky Katt, Steve Zahn, Jayce Bartok, Parker Posey, Ajay Naidu, Dina Waters (Dina Spybey), Amie Carey, Samia Shoaib. Directed by Richard Linklater.

Five young adults in fictional Burnfield spend evenings hanging out together, mostly outside the convenience store managed by Shoaib and Naidu. They're a disparate bunch: Zahn's a fun loving and immature slacker, Katt's a violent and possibly alcoholic ex-military man, and Ribisi's the intelligent cynic finding fault with any form of accomplishment. Ribisi's girlfriend Carey isn't, and she'd like to leave and pursue her art career. Recovering addict Waters is the clique's recent addition, and they all await the triumphant return of Bartok, the nerd from high school who found success as a rocker. In town for a concert, Bartok decides to visit the old gang and brings publicist Posey back home with him.

Boomer Eric Bogosian (TALK RADIO) adapted SUBURBIA from his stage play of the same name which was based on his own experiences in suburban Massachusetts. However the resulting film is much more identified with its director and the "Gen-X film" subgenre of the Nineties. As was the case with his earlier cult favorites (SLACKER, DAZED AND CONFUSED) Linklater filmed in Austin, Texas and turned out yet another film taking place over the course of one day, following verbose characters around the city. However, that's about it for this trilogy's common ground.

Linklater penned the screenplays for SLACKER and DAZED himself and provided insight while largely avoiding the angst that characterized (and has in many cases dated) other 1990's touchstones like REALITY BITES and SINGLES. Despite its title SLACKER subversively celebrated the resourcefulness and self-sufficiency of its eccentrics, and Linklater makes subtle statements about freedom and individuality in both films (i.e. Randall "Pink" Floyd's refusal to sign the pledge). But while SUBURBIA's Ribisi pointedly insists that he can do anything he wants, he's all talk, still living in his parents' garage in his mid-twenties. This is the pessimistic B-side of SLACKER: formerly creative, offbeat youths have hardened into cynical, frustrated underachievers in just a few years. It is telling that, unlike its Linklater predecessors, SUBURBIA takes place almost entirely after dark.

Bogosian's troubled, high-strung dialogue often doesn't mesh well with Linklater's laid-back storytelling. Most of the characters wear out their welcome by the one hour mark, though your mileage may vary on Ribisi's indecent exposure. We keep expecting an explosion out of this volatile mix, such as Bartok finding out you can't go home again (a la Mellencamp's FALLING FROM GRACE). Or Posey biting off more than she can chew due to her case of bad-boy syndrome. Characters tiptoe to the edge several times only to have nothing come of it.

For a while SUBURBIA is fascinating and avoids the expected. Unfortunately the overwrought conclusion really detracts from Bogosian's point, verbalized by Naidu: that (in the eyes of an immigrant especially) Ribisi and company are throwing their lives away. Naidu's words would have been more effective without the literal evidence; ironically, if the film ended with "just another day" in the books (like Linklater's aformentioned screenplays) it could have driven Bogosian's message home more forcefully. While Naidu's last word may not resonate, he still gets the film's most memorable line, in retort to Zahn's proud announcement that he is moving to L.A. ("They have lots of convenience stores for you to stand in front of.")

Katt (whose character is considerably more intelligent than most of his words and actions) and Zahn (hilarious one moment and exasperating the next) are in particularly fine form; the latter was a holdover from the original stage cast. SUBURBIA has its perceptive moments, but in the end the whole is less than the sum of its parts and it falls short of the filmmakers' other works.

So.....why isn't this on DVD yet?

Despite the involvement of Linklater, Bogosian and several up and coming young actors, SUBURBIA was barely a blip at the box office in 1996. SLACKER was fresh and new in 1991 but "slackers" were fully played out five years later, with the aforementioned BITES and Kevin Smith's CLERKS and MALLRATS among the many films covering this subgenre in the interim. As is the case with many films arriving late in a particular wave, SUBURBIA has been lost in the shuffle.

With its basically unlikable and often annoying characters (arguably the lone exception is the tentative Waters) and downbeat ending, SUBURBIA isn't that rewatchable. In fact, it can be a chore to sit through. By contrast, each viewing of DAZED AND CONFUSED is like visiting an old friend.

Why it should be on DVD:

Okay, it isn't quite the "before they were famous" smorgasboard that DAZED is, but Zahn, Katt and Ribisi were among those headed for bigger things, and cult fave Parker Posey is the Queen of the Indies.

Potentially interesting extras; ideally, we'd get a commentary from Bogosian and Linklater together, and find out what each thinks of the adaptation fifteen years later.

SUBURBIA is currently available at Netflix Instant.

Happy 25th, THUNDER RUN!

2011-05-30T00:10:00.000-07:00

Twenty-five years ago today: May 30, 1986. Having already given us new releases starring Lee Marvin (THE DELTA FORCE) and Charles Bronson (MURPHY'S LAW) earlier that year, Cannon further cemented its credentials as the home of the geezers of action with the great Forrest Tucker's final theatrical film, THUNDER RUN.

Reviewed here at The Horn Section for its 20th Anniversary back in the early days of our blog, THUNDER RUN remains unavailable on DVD in the U.S. It's still a shame.

True, THUNDER RUN had plotholes Tuck could have driven "Thunder" through. For example, no one noticed the pickup truck in the back of the 18 wheeler while loading the cargo? Director Gary Hudson also spent way too much time on the unrelated hijinks of his more youthful cast members before giving us what we really wanted: Tuck taking on scar-faced, heavily armed terrorists on a lonely desert road.

Doesn't matter. The gloriously goofy and action packed second half more than makes up for the flaws. Where else will you see an 18 wheeler jumping a train, or VW dune buggies armed with heat seekers? Enjoy the trailer full o' cheese above, and hope that THUNDER RUN either finds its way to DVD or Netflix Instant soon so we can all rediscover it.

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Film Review: HAVE ROCKET, WILL TRAVEL (1959)

2011-05-22T10:41:00.000-07:00

No DVD yet? Why I oughta....

"Why the Hell isn't This on DVD Yet?" -- Number 60

HAVE ROCKET WILL TRAVEL (1959 Columbia) Starring The Three Stooges (Moe Howard, Larry Fine and Curly Joe DeRita), Jerome Cowan, Anna-Lisa, Robert Colbert. Directed by David Lowell Rich.

Inept NASA janitors Moe, Larry and Curly-Joe decide to help scientist Anna-Lisa after her latest failure at developing a fuel formula. The bumbling custodians wreak havoc on the mission rocket and end up accidentally launching themselves as America's first space travelers. After landing on Venus, they encounter a friendly talking unicorn, a fire breathing tarantula, and the planet's computerized leader. The latter clones our heroes, setting up a battle with their evil robot replicas. Finally the maintenance men make it back to Earth, returning to a hero's welcome and a high society party. Uh oh.

With short subjects no longer in production and the Three Stooges hotter than ever in 1959 thanks to television, Columbia fulfilled one of Moe's longtime wishes--a legitimate shot to make full length features. HAVE ROCKET, WILL TRAVEL was obviously rushed out to capitalize on the Stooges' resurgence and perhaps as a result many longtime Stooge collaborators are nowhere to be found. The sci-fi spoof is written by Rafael Hayes and directed by David Lowell Rich (A LOVELY WAY TO DIE); both specialized in westerns and crime dramas and neither had much of a background in any comedy, much less Three Stooges comedy.

At a short 76 minutes HAVE ROCKET, WILL TRAVEL feels more like three different two reelers shown in sequence than a standalone feature. Specifically, it's as if two slightly below par Curly shorts are bookending one of the better Joe Besser sci-fi efforts. The opening third at the space center is reminiscent of any number of Curly/Shemp shorts with the trio being employed as handymen, with particular homage paid to A PLUMBING WE WILL GO. It's familiar but executed well enough. The Venus section is loaded with cheesy charm if lacking in fresh gags.

The film is topped off with a truncated celebration much like the party in HOI POLLOI, which was already long past its first remake (HALF WITS' HOLIDAY, Curly's 1947 swan song), and it had to be disappointing to kids in 1959 to see this setup without the obligatory "pie fight" payoff. Despite this oversight (gotta keep the running time short enough for a double feature, eh Columbia?) there's more slaps and headknocking in HAVE ROCKET WILL TRAVEL than the aging Stooges would have in their subsequent movies (Moe was 62 and Larry 57)--in fact, this film probably contains the very last eye poke from Moe, as that part of the routine was soon retired due to fears of children imitating it.

Curly Joe DeRita

This was Joe DeRita's debut as the third Stooge. While his attempts to imitate Curly's vocal mannerisms are ill-advised, they are brief and would (thankfully) be missing from the rest of the team's comeback efforts. DeRita was still settling into his role at the time of HAVE ROCKET and while he's no Curly (who could be?) he proves to be a solid old vaudeville pro who fits well overall with this more mature version of the Three Stooges and reestablishes some of the chemistry sorely lacking in the Besser shorts.

With Anna-Lisa

The Three Stooges took a couple of tries to really hit their stride in the Curly Joe era. After the big-budget misfire SNOW WHITE AND THE THREE STOOGES (1961), longtime Stooge collaborators such as director Edward Bernds, screenwriter Elwood Ullman and ace utility player Emil Sitka were brought aboard and the stories became more appropriate for feature length while continuing to liberally lift gags from the team's heydey. None of these films quite reached the level of the Curley two reelers (i.e. the boring romantic subplots continued), but the four flicks from 1962 to 1965 are all worth watching, with the 1965 finale THE OUTLAWS IS COMING! being probably the best of the bunch and allowing the legendary comedians to go out on a high note.

So---why isn't this on DVD yet?

This one is a puzzler, because virtually everything Stooge related is available, including all of the Columbia shorts and the other five Curly-Joe full length features. HAVE ROCKET, WILL TRAVEL stands alone, undeserving of its isolation.

Why it should be on DVD:

Okay, so there's the creative missteps, the rushed quality and the lack of longtime Stooge cohorts. On the plus side HAVE ROCKET, WILL TRAVEL also has the least intrusive romantic subplot of the Curly Joe era. Neither the best nor the worst latter-day effort from the team, it would certainly be welcomed to DVD by Stoogemaniacs--much more than the awful and demeaning "Fake Shemp"/Joe Palma concoctions and the mostly subpar Besser two reelers.

Film Review: THE BIG BOODLE (1957)

2011-05-06T10:27:00.000-07:00

"Why the Hell isn't THIS on DVD yet?" -- Number 59

THE BIG BOODLE (1957 United Artists) Starring Errol Flynn, Rossana Rory, Gia Scala, Pedro Armendariz, Louis Oquendo. Directed by Richard Wilson.

Flynn is a blackjack dealer in Batista-era Havana who unwittingly accepts phony pesos from player Rory. He is late realizing the error, and she leaves him high and dry, holding the funny money and fully responsible for it under casino rules. Flynn's bad night gets worse: he is attacked on his way home, and cop Armendariz accuses him of counterfeiting after finding the boodle on him. Now unemployed yet prohibited from leaving the country, Flynn attempts to clear his name with the help of banker's daughter Scala---who, it turns out, is also Rory's sister.

THE BIG BOODLE is often cited as "feeble", "emphasizing Flynn's career decline" and "sad", with various reviews describing the star as "flabby", "indifferent" and "wasted". Okay, it's no classic. The story is as predictable as it gets, and direction by Richard Wilson (AL CAPONE) is strictly routine despite his fine lensing of the locale (the film was shot entirely on location in Cuba). But while the film is mostly forgettable, it's nowhere near as disastrous as you've been led to believe, and while Errol Flynn is given some sadly ironic dialogue ("For me to reach 67, it's going to take a lot more than Jai Alai") he wasn't in grave condition just yet.

It is sad to see the former Captain Blood requiring a very obvious stunt double for an undemanding hotel struggle. But after watching this film, I can't imagine anyone (well, okay, maybe the always hyperbolic Charles Higham) describing Flynn using the terms above. He looks battered for much of it, but hey, he's supposed to--he is attacked repeatedly and also beaten during an interrogation. Taking that into account, Flynn merely looks his age (47) here; Charlie Sheen looks worse in recent photos. If his days as a matinee idol are over, it only makes him more convincing as an everyman. Looking the part helps a great deal as Flynn gives a professional but not terribly inspired performance: he's clearly coasting on his considerable screen presence here.

Gia Scala

Okay, so there's nothing special about the script, direction or performances, and there's no freak show attraction either, since Flynn's Brave Last Days were a couple of years away (in fact, a Hollywood comeback in THE SUN ALSO RISES was just around the corner). So who's going to be interested besides Errol Flynn diehards? Well, for fans of Rory and Scala, two lovely Italian actresses, THE BIG BOODLE is a must. Striking blonde Rory had only a few opportunities as a leading lady and made barely a dozen films before retiring. The equally beautiful Scala (who sadly suffered from depression and committed suicide at 38) was a few months away from her breakthrough role in DON'T GO NEAR THE WATER. Flynn personally chose both for his film, and it's easy to see why.

THE BIG BOODLE also offers late-Batista era Havana itself, with plenty of beach scenery and a little bar and casino hopping too. It is one of the last opportunities to see a U.S. picture filmed in Havana, as the embargo was only three years away. Ironically, THE last U.S. picture filmed there was an embarrassment to Flynn and everyone else involved: CUBAN REBEL GIRLS, in which the star truly is on his last legs physically and the entire project is as amateurish as can be. Perhaps reviewers are confusing the two films when they savage this one. THE BIG BOODLE is ordinary, but it's an acceptable little flick that is a painless watch for Flynn's fans.

So...why isn't this on DVD yet?

Well, it finally will be on May 17th, so I'm cheating a bit on this one. MGM Screen Archives has it available for pre-order. With Warner Archive starting to get to Flynn's post-World War II output for his longtime home studio, one of the biggest stars of the 1930's and 1940's is finally getting his due and his long-neglected later vehicles renewed visibility.

Why it should be on DVD:

Rory and Flynn

The opportunity to get a good, 90 minute look at scenic (and in parts, seedy) Havana, the "The Latin Las Vegas" prior to the Castro revolution. THE BIG BOODLE also boasts an interesting cast, with the rare opportunity to see beautiful Italian actress Rory (who retired at 35 after barely a dozen films); the stunning, but troubled Scala; and of course, Flynn. If you're a fan of any of them or the locale you'll want THE BIG BOODLE in your collection. If you'd like a sneak preview, it's currently available on Netflix Instant.

Film Review: THE WHOLE TOWN'S TALKING (1935)

2011-04-29T13:31:00.000-07:00

"Why the Hell isn't this on DVD yet?" -- Number 58

THE WHOLE TOWN'S TALKING (1935 Columbia) Starring Edward G. Robinson, Jean Arthur, Wallace Ford, Donald Meek, Arthur Hohl, Arthur Byron, Paul Harvey. Directed by John Ford.

Robinson is "Jonesy", a milquetoast who works at Harvey's accounting firm and has an unrequited crush on co-worker Arthur. He's such a straight arrow that he not only has zero absences for 8 years, he's never even been late to work. But Jonesy's attendance record is broken when the incompetent police apprehend him one morning, mistaking him for the town's most notorious criminal Mannion (also Robinson), his doppelganger. Achieving some measure of celebrity from this coincidence, Jonesy is pursuaded by his boss to begin ghost-writing Mannion's "autobiography", not knowing that the racketeer has learned about his "dead ringer" and plans to frame his mild double for crimes upcoming.

John Ford was known for his westerns, Robinson for his serious mafiosos. These unlikely sources teamed to tweak Robinson's image and gangster films in general, both of which were ripe for it by 1935. It would be a mistake to say it is all fun and games (it is chilling to realize Jonesy is actually ordering a hit while impersonating Mannion) but any serious undertones are presented very subtly. Predictably the timid accountant finds his assertive side as his lawless double, and uses this newfound assuredness only to woo Arthur and pursue his dream vacation with her (Shanghai).

Robinson is marvelous in his dual role, and his performances here and in THE MAN WITH TWO FACES (1934) proved the actor was far too talented to be pigeonholed as a gangster. Arthur's role here was also a breakthrough, as not only the first of her many screwball comedies but her screen debut as a blonde as well, a look she would keep for the rest of her career. Arthur had been directed by Ford in her very first film a dozen years prior, in the silent CAMEO KIRBY (1923).

Ford was a few months away from the first of his four Oscars (THE INFORMER) and maximizes the script's comic potential while deftly keeping your mind off the wild implausibilities. Ford does show that even the greatest aren't perfect with one very noticeable continuity goof, as Jonesy should be returning to a flooded apartment after that closeup on the still-running faucet as he leaves. But yeah, I'm nitpicking. Three of Hollywood's all time greats teamed up to really put on a show here, and it's another in the TCM rotation that is well worth your DVR space.

So.....why isn't this on DVD yet?

Beats me. It undoubtedly would be if it were Warner's property, but Robinson was on loan to Columbia for this crowd pleaser, and so it remains inexplicably missing, with only a VHS release to date.

Why it should be on DVD:

Robinson. Arthur. Ford. All in top form, with Eddie G. and the old master doing so while giving their fans a change of pace. Enough said. This one richly deserves wider availability.

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Missing No More: DON'T MAKE WAVES (1967) and NEVER SAY GOODBYE (1946)

2011-04-13T14:22:00.000-07:00

The Missing No More list grows larger, thanks to the Warner Archive.

No, they haven't been perfect; they still haven't put MAVERICK out in single season sets yet, only a 3 episode sampler. With THE PHIL SILVERS SHOW now out there, MAVERICK and LOVE THAT BOB! are unquestionably the 1950's series most in need of the Complete Season treatment.

Television quibbles aside, the folks at Warner continue to make us happy with their film selection, bringing for the first time to DVD two more longtime M.I.A.'s reviewed during The Horn Section's debut year online in 2006.

Warner Archive's latest release is 1967's DON'T MAKE WAVES, reviewed at the Horn Section here. The late Tony Curtis was reunited with his SWEET SMELL OF SUCCESS director Alexander Mackendrick in what would sadly turn out to be the latter's swan song. It was arguably Curtis' last good comedic role as a leading man (unless you want to count William Girdler's legendary THE MANITOU) and probably Sharon Tate's best performance. The term "eclectic cast" was meant for films like this: Claudia Cardinale, Mort Sahl, playmate China Lee (at the time Mrs. Sahl), Robert Webber, Dave "Mr. Universe" Draper, Edgar Bergen, and, playing themselves, Jim and Henny Backus!

Comedy was never considered Errol Flynn's forte, but the action star acquitted himself well in NEVER SAY GOODBYE (reviewed here) despite a weak script. Warner Archive has been releasing much of the star's neglected post-WW2 output, and while GOODBYE isn't a great film, it does have several points of interest: Forrest Tucker showing off his comedic chops long before AUNTIE MAME, the eternally gorgeous Eleanor Parker as the lady both men are wooing, and Oscar winner Hattie McDaniel.

Two down, but many more out there...Number 58 is on the way.

Film Review: HELLZAPOPPIN' (1941)

2011-04-09T10:41:00.000-07:00

"Why the Hell isn't THIS on DVD yet?" -- Number 57

HELLZAPOPPIN’ (1941 Universal) Starring Ole Olson, Chic Johnson, Shemp Howard, Elisha Cook Jr., Martha Raye, Mischa Auer, Hugh Herbert, Jane Frazee, Robert Paige, Richard Lane, Clarence Kolb. Directed by H. C. Potter.

Olson and Johnson return to Tinseltown with the longest running musical in the history of Broadway with HELLZAPOPPIN’, but Universal insists on changing everything while translating it to the silver screen. “This is Hollywood. We HAVE to!” Thus the literally plotless play must now have structure. For starters, this means dual love stories crafted by writer Cook: for Raye and Auer, and for Frazee and Paige. Meanwhile Olsen and Johnson resist the studio impositions in their unique way, shouting their own instructions at hapless projectionist Howard.

This quintessential Olson and Johnson vehicle is often compared to other kitchen-sink comedies: from the pre-Code DUCK SOUP and DIPLOMANIACS to the more modern groundbreakers BLAZING SADDLES and AIRPLANE!. However HELLZAPOPPIN' is the most anarchic and surrealistic of them all. Breaking the fourth wall? It never really gets established here. Screenwriter Nat Perrin had the requisite background (he got his start working with the Marx Brothers) and Olsen and Johnson appear only too happy to be skewering Hollywood and the conventions of film. The suits out west never really got their unrestrained comedy, and the team had been rejected by movie audiences for a decade.

“Any similarity between HELLZAPOPPIN’ and a motion picture is purely coincidental.” Potter, Perrin and company take all of five seconds to demonstrate this. The film opens with your normal production number with costumed dancers meticulously making their way down stairs...which quickly flatten, causing everyone involved to slide all the way down to Hell! Which is, of course, a Poppin', with devils canning males and females until a taxi arrives to drop off Olson and Johnson. "The first cab driver to go straight where I told him to!"

Whether making sly allusions to then current films like CITIZEN KANE, getting creative digs in at the Hays Office, or making subtle points about the merits (superior in the team's view, clearly) of a live performance, HELLZAPOPPIN' is consistently mind-bending and inventive for a just-right 84 minutes. When Olson and Johnson are watching themselves onscreen and commenting with their backs to us, it's hard not to think of MST3K.

HELLZAPOPPIN' is helped considerably by musical numbers that are actually enjoyable. Whitey's Lindy Hoppers all but steal the show with a truly amazing number, even by the Hoppers' standards. But the other songs are also enjoyable, and typically serve as backdrops to the continued lunacy, such as a deliveryman's incessant attempts to deliver Mrs. Jones' new potted plant and messages for children in the audience. By 1941 standards, Mother probably didn't want them watching this anyway.

So....why isn't this on DVD yet (in the U.S.)?

Apparently only one reason: legal issues. Specifically, over the rights to the play and film versions and. apparently, between the Olson and Johnson estates. The latter is especially disappointing, not to mention short-sighted, as this is the team's signature work and deserves a wider audience.

Why it should be on DVD:

Well, OK, it is--in the U.K. and Australia only. But everywhere else, HELLZAPOPPIN' is largely unknown 70 years after its release. The legal issues have kept the film off cable television and off VHS and Laserdisc for decades. While the film stays in obscurity, so does the comedy team of Olson and Johnson, which is a real shame. If the story of feuding between the estates is true, someone get these folks together! It has to be easier than your typical sports labor deal.

A lost comedy masterpiece, and by far the prime example of "anything goes" film comedy in the period between the pre-Code early Thirties and the Mel Brooks and Monty Python era forty long years later.

The jaw-dropping, gravity defying performance by Whitey's Lindy Hoppers (billed here as the Harlem Congaroo Dancers) which is arguably the best dance number ever committed to film. The Hoppers were great in A DAY AT THE RACES (which had the added bonus of vocals from the great Ivie Anderson) and the Nicholas Brothers were fabulous in STORMY WEATHER, but the HELLZAPOPPIN' jitterbug probably tops them all.

Bottom line: make this lost classic available in the U.S. on a remastered DVD! Currently available at Amazon Instant for a fee.

Film Review: CHILDREN OF TIMES SQUARE (1986)

2011-03-28T21:14:00.000-07:00

"Why the Hell isn't this on DVD yet?" -- Number 56

CHILDREN OF TIMES SQUARE (1986 Made for TV/ABC) Starring Brandon Douglas, Joanna Cassidy, Howard E. Rollins Jr., David Ackroyd, Jason Bernard, Silvana Gillardo, Larry B. Scott, Annie Oringer, Mars Callahan. Written and directed by Curtis Hanson.

Fifteen year old Pennsylvanian Douglas runs away from his mother (Cassidy) and stepfather (Ackroyd) and takes the bus to New York. His money doesn’t last long and he ends up in Times Square, potential prey to flesh peddlers or, if he’s luckier, drug dealers. Given this choice, Douglas joins Brooklyn counterpart Nucci in working for Rollins' cocaine selling Leopards. Meanwhile Cassidy races against time to find her son.

The cautionary tale for teens was a TV-movie staple throughout the Seventies and Eighties from 1971’s MR. AND MRS. BO JO JONES to 1988’s SHATTERED INNOCENCE. CHILDREN OF TIMES SQUARE is a cut above the norm, thanks largely to director/writer Curtis Hanson. In his only telefilm to date, the future Oscar winner (L.A. CONFIDENTIAL) does a fine job establishing the seediness of the locale and fleshing out his youthful characters. Feeling unwanted is Douglas' motivation: his father abused him and Ackroyd is nonplussed to inherit the task of raising a teenager. Refreshingly, Douglas is no angel--he smokes pot, leaves his infant half brother unattended to go to a concert, and steals money from his mother’s purse. Ironically street life gives him the responsibility he lacked at home; he becomes arguably Rollins' most conscientious and hard working peddler.

While Douglas sees the Leopards as a means to survive, Nucci simply wants to help to his hard-luck, overworked mother Gallardo. Hanson's script also provides plausible backstories for hard luck streetwalker Oringer and Rollins' street leader, Scott. Then 24, the latter is convincing playing a character nearly a decade younger and very effective in a role far different from his comedic turns in FEAR OF A BLACK HAT and the REVENGE OF THE NERDS series.

The late Rollins (memorable in RAGTIME and FOR US THE LIVING) was also given a chance to play against type here as the Faginesque adult (one of his deliveries is to a "C. Dickens"), but unfortunately he turns in an uneven performance in THE CHILDREN OF TIMES SQUARE. At times he's suitably menacing, but in other moments that call for subtlety (i.e. reassuring a Leopard after a beating and robbery, the firing of "sucker" Callahan) he's as theatrical as Michael Caine in ON DEADLY GROUND and temporarily brings in the cheese factor Hanson was painstakingly trying to avoid. This notwithstanding, the film stays afloat until the final quarter, when the script requires Rollins' character to take chances that he's been established as being far too intelligent to risk, in the name of giving us a happy (network imposed?) ending.

It isn't the definitive film on the subject (that would be 1984's heartbreaking documentary STREETWISE, also sorely missing from DVD), but CHILDREN OF TIMES SQUARE is probably about the best TV Movie possible about street runaways.

So......why isn't this on DVD yet?

Made for TV movies about social issues from the "three network" era tended to age quickly (i.e. the Times Square presented here was gone less than a decade later) and usually need a big current 'name' for DVD release. In this case, the biggest name (since Rollins is no longer with us) is behind the camera and his last hit was 8 MILE in 2002.

Why it should be on DVD:

It would make a fitting twofer in tandem with the aforementioned STREETWISE (one of the most glaring omissions of the 1980's IMO, and a future review here) and there's admirable talent involved here on both sides of the camera. Douglas, a familiar face who had few opportunities to carry a film, makes the most of this one.

Hanson's upcoming TOO BIG TO FAIL will be his first made for TV movie since CHILDREN OF TIMES SQUARE, which is currently available at Netflix Instant.

Netflix Instant Spotlight: Horn Section favorites

2011-03-13T18:54:00.000-07:00

"Why the Hell isn't THIS on DVD yet?"

It is the most frequently asked question here at The Horn Section, and the films that provoke it are often rarely scheduled on cable and/or very hard to locate on VHS.

With the new, improved and greatly expanded library at Netflix, they couldn't help but hit a few Horn Section favorites. Here's a partial list of blasts from Horn Section past now available for streaming: (you can read the original reviews by clicking the titles):

BLOOD AND LACE (1971): Never officially released on either VHS or DVD, but very influential. Fans of NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET and the original HALLOWEEN will see that director Philip S. Gilbert managed to beat Craven and Carpenter to the punch on elements of his only feature. And how many chances will you get to see Len "Uncle Leo!" Lesser as a creepy handyman, Vic "stow it!" Tayback playing the ass kicking hero, and Melody Patterson still trying to look underage five years after F TROOP....all in the same place!

FAST BREAK (1979): And you thought the greatness of Gabe Kaplan was confined to the small screen and the poker felt. Think again! As far as film coaches go, Mr. Kaplan can go toe to toe with Walter Matthau, Ken Howard or anyone else you want to name. Gabe leads his team, including Bernard King and Mavis Washington, to new heights, but hey, who wouldn't be inspired by the man who put Robert Conrad in his place?

CALIFORNIA PASSAGE (1950): Forrest Tucker, the man the Academy Award should really be named for, teams again with Adele Mara, his best leading lady. As was usually the case with Republic, a top notch supporting cast and solid action. Estelita Rodriguez has two songs and makes you wish there were more films to remember her by.

SUGAR HILL (1974): It's a cast of familiar, rather than big box office, names in this sleeper, but it is still a lot of fun, with delightfully menacing performances from Don Pedro Colley (his Baron Samedi tops Geoffrey Holder's IMO) and Zara Cully.

ST. LOUIS BLUES (1958): Eartha Kitt, Nat King Cole, Cab Calloway, Pearl Bailey, Mahalia Jackson, 11 year old Billy Preston(!) and Ella Fitzgerald all in the same film. Need I say more? If you're a fan of Kitt's, you'll want to see her finest screen performance, and while this bio of W. C. Handy gets carried away taking dramatic license at times (far from the only music bio to do so) it's still a must see for the cast, which also includes Ruby Dee and Juano Hernandez.

THE LANDLORD (1970): Here's the DVD success story of the bunch, and Hal Ashby's debut is available for streaming too. Was unfairly neglected for a long time, but now looks better with each passing year. So does Diana Sands' performance. Also with Beau Bridges, Oscar-nominated Lee Grant, Pearl Bailey, Mel Stewart and SUGAR HILL's Marki Bey.

A much more comprehensive list of Netflix Instant goodies can be found at Rupert Pupkin Speaks. He's at 14 posts and counting! Happy streaming. Number 56 is up next!

Film Review: BOEING BOEING (1965)

2011-02-27T12:37:00.000-08:00

"Why the Hell isn't THIS on DVD yet?" -- Number 55

BOEING BOEING (1965 Paramount) Starring Tony Curtis, Jerry Lewis, Thelma Ritter, Dany Saval, Christiane Schmidtmer, Suzanna Leigh, Lomax Study. Directed by John Rich.

American correspondent Tony Curtis lives in Paris with three different female flight attendants (and fiancees!): one French, one British, one German (and all blonde). Each stewardess is completely unaware of the other two as they work different timetables for three different airlines and Curtis deftly arranges everything to a "T" (with the help of housekeeper Ritter) to keep it that way. Curtis has it made in the shade with his harem ("Air France" Saval, "British United" Leigh and "Lufthansa" Schmidtimer) until a couple of curveballs upset the applecart. First professional acquaintance Jerry Lewis learns of the arrangement and blackmails Curtis into a temporary room. Then plans are announced to put the new, faster BC-10 into service, which will result in faster flights---and shift changes for the mile high trio.

The Hollywood version of a French stage smash that flopped on Broadway, BOEING BOEING turned out to be a sexless sex comedy, less risque than your average episode of LOVE THAT BOB. The potentially smutty setup turns out to be all talk and seperate bedrooms, a perfect illustration of why the Motion Picture Production Code was so creaky entering its fourth decade. It's also a prime example of what second-wave feminism would be protesting a couple of years later. Objectification? The three lead actresses have their measurements listed under their names in the opening credits, and are (to put it charitably) naive enough to have nary a suspicion of Curtis' trigamy.

Changing standards aside, the fatal flaw with BOEING BOEING is an unexpected one: it’s impossible to buy matinee idol Curtis as a ladies’ man here. The role of the scheming playboy would seem to be tailor made for the actor (DON’T MAKE WAVES, SWEET SMELL OF SUCCESS) but with the script requiring him to be constantly manic and anal, there’s little about him that’s either suave or romantic. Any of these ladies wanting to marry him is simply too hard to swallow, much less all three.

Not to say that BOEING BOEING is a complete loss. The atypically laconic Lewis essentially plays the straight man and does a nice job, as he often did when subdued (i.e. THE KING OF COMEDY). He's bested by the consistently harried Ritter. Granted she could play this role in her sleep by 1965, but the six-time Oscar nominee is still in fine form as she weathers the confusion, quits her job continuously, gets raises, and wearily goes back to weather the constant confusion again. Director John Rich (ALL IN THE FAMILY) does his best to eliminate staginess, but as both an adaptation of the play and an example of mid-sixties pseudo-smut BOEING BOEING is lacking. You'll have better luck with GUIDE FOR THE MARRIED MAN or KISS ME STUPID if you're seeking the latter.

So...why isn't this on DVD?

The so-called "in" comedy of "Nineteen Sexty-Sex", BOEING BOEING was already a dated artifact within a few years of its release.......

Why it should be on DVD:

.....or was it? The play was successfully revived for Broadway in 2008 with a touring production following, and the film has actually been remade in India in 1985 and 2005. In the age of MAD MEN, maybe I'm off on this one. The next remake, slated for 2025 if past is prologue, might well be Hollywood's long overdue second stab at it.

Film Review: PAPER LION (1968)

2011-02-19T05:42:00.000-08:00

"Why the Hell isn't THIS on DVD yet?" -- Number 54

PAPER LION (1968 United Artists) Starring Alan Alda, Lauren Hutton, Joe Schmidt, David Doyle, Alex Karras, Karl Sweetan, Pat Studstill, Milt Plum, Roger Brown, John Gordy, Lem Barney, Frank Gifford, Vince Lombardi, Mike Lucci. Directed by Alex March. Written by Lawrence Roman (from the book by George Plimpton).

Alda is author George Plimpton, who owes SI publisher Doyle six more magazine articles to satisfy his current contract. With prior literary efforts chronicling his attempts at professional boxing (a knockout at the hands of Sugar Ray Robinson) and baseball (pitching to a team of National League All-Stars, with no greater success) Alda decides to try his hand at the NFL, posing as a rookie quarterback trying to make the team.

After getting several doors slammed in his face and a suggestion from Packers coach Vince Lombardi to "try the AFL", he finds a taker in the Detroit Lions. Alda introduces himself as a Harvard alum and starter for the semi-pro Newfoundland Newfs, but the ruse lasts less than an hour: It is quickly revealed he doesn't know how to put on his hip pads or take snaps from center.

Fully capturing the flavor of Plimpton’s classic book on film is probably impossible. There's no painful roster cuts and even a generous (for the era) 107 minutes isn't enough time to retain the detailed portraits of lesser known players such as the late Lucien Reeberg. Instead director Alex March keeps his focus on the opening rigors of camp, the camaraderie of the Lions in the ultimate team sport and the preparation (mental as well as physical) for not only a typical game, but an entire season.

In his first big screen lead, Alda is appealing, and oddly, at a lanky 6’2”, he looks more like a professional quarterback than many actors not playing the role for laughs (I.e. Mac Davis, Adam Sandler)---that is, before he drops back to pass. Hutton would go on to probably the most successful acting career of any supermodel, but she’s just appealing eye candy here (her debut). The 1967 Lions went on to a mediocre 5-7-2 record, but coach Joe Schmidt and rookie Lem Barney ended up in Canton, and Alex Karras certainly would have joined them by now if not for his gambling suspension in 1963. Always a maverick off the field, Karras is the most natural of all the players in front of the camera, and acting would prove to be a perfect fit for him (BLAZING SADDLES, PORKY'S) in the years to come.

The book's climactic scrimmage was changed to a preseason game for the film’s finale, just one of many wise cinematic enhancements. Another was March’s use of actual game footage from NFL films. The humorous side of Alda’s quest remains on the front burner throughout. There's no villain in this football film--not even Lucci, who looks the part. As a result PAPER LION is both consistently amusing and educational. It’s a time capsule look at a National Football League that was on the verge of drastic change. Within a year, Joe Namath’s Super Bowl guarantee signaled that the AFL had gained equality with the NFL, not only making Lombardi’s dig at the junior league obsolete, but also marking the beginning of an era with more outspoken players and fewer autocratic coaches like the Packers' legend.

So...why isn't this on DVD yet?

It wasn't just the NFL that was facing drastic changes in 1968: MPAA standards were about to change films as well. At the time PAPER LION was released, Hollywood wasn't quite ready for a football film with the frank language of THE LONGEST YARD or the pain-killing injections shown in NORTH DALLAS FORTY. As a result, the film dated quickly and PAPER LION ended up having its thunder stolen by more graphic depictions of the sport.

Why it should be on DVD:

In spite of the above PAPER LION is still one of the funniest football films, and also offers probably the best cinematic look at the pre-merger NFL of the 1960's, when coaches still ruled with absolute authority, year-round conditioning was unheard of and the off-season job was still a way of life for players.

Alan Alda's first lead and the acting debut for Lauren Hutton. Several Lions are more than credible playing themselves, including Karras, who would have a long and successful acting career after his playing days ended. Karras' future broadcast partner Frank Gifford is also on hand (in a swingin' club!) to join Lombardi in discouraging the author. If you don't blink early, you'll also see a young (and uncredited) Roy Scheider.

PAPER LION is currently available for streaming on Netflix Instant.

Film Review: HELLFIRE (1949)

2011-01-20T21:32:00.000-08:00

"Why the Hell isn't this on DVD yet?" -- Number 53

HELLFIRE (1949 Republic) Starring Wild Bill Elliott, Marie Windsor, Forrest Tucker, Jim Davis, Paul Fix, Grant Withers, Emory Parnell, H. B. Warner. Directed by R. G. Springsteen.

Elliott is a crooked cardsharp whose life is spared when minister Warner takes a bullet meant for the gambler. In gratitude Elliott vows to honor Warner’s dying wish: that he not only raise the funds needed to build Warner’s church, but do it strictly “by the Good Book”. Meanwhile female bandit Windsor is being sought by marshal Tucker and vengeful Davis with a $5,000 reward on her head.   Elliott sees the reward money as the means to his goal, but his newfound vow requires non-violent, persuasive methods of capture, limitations her other pursuers don’t have.

“Man by his misdeeds kindles his own hellfire”. So begins this unusual western that combines born again Christianity with secular feminism, personified respectively by the two leads.   One of the most popular stars in the genre throughout the 1940’s, Elliott wasn’t the most versatile actor, but his screen presence was undeniable. He made a living playing “peaceable” men who were forced into violence; the twist in HELLFIRE is that Elliott is far from it at the outset. In fact, he is seen throwing the first punch before AND after his awakening; becoming peaceable is a constant struggle for the reformed gambler.

The role of outlaw Doll Brown normally would have gone to an actress already under contact to Republic (I.e. Adrian Booth or Adele Mara) but Marie Windsor was cast at Elliott’s insistence. An expert horsewoman, she did most of her own stunts. Windsor normally played beautiful bad girls. In HELLFIRE she’s been pushed to the wrong side of the law in her quest to find her sister who, unbeknownst to her, is married to Tucker.   Windsor looks decidedly unfeminine at the outset, “rides alone” by choice and proves she’s the equal of any man on horseback and with a gun ( i.e. killing Davis’ brother).   Windsor finally flashes her charming side to evade the marshal when he tracks her down, and screenwriters Dorell and Stuart McGowan make the point that going straight is especially difficult for a female outlaw. Her attempt to reform consists of “honest” work singing and dressing suggestively in a saloon (“where else would a single woman find employment?").

A western about an outlaw who gets religion sounds like a preachy, tiresome endeavor, but director Springsteen and the McGowans deftly evade the potential pitfalls. Elliott is no more successful as raising donations from townspeople than Warner is, with his fundraising attempts meeting indifference and contempt in roughly equal measure for most of the film. The reception improves by film‘s end, but the church remains unbuilt.   The influence of Christianity is shown to be positive--Elliott's life is definitely improved for the better--but limited. He abandons liquor and gambling, but not his gun.

Genre stalwarts Tucker, Davis, Fix and Withers provide fine support, but this show belongs to Elliott and Windsor, and it’s easy to see why both cited HELLFIRE as a personal favorite. According to Springsteen, Elliott told him HELLFIRE was “the best picture I’ve ever done”.   I agree, and I also feel that Windsor joins him in giving a career-best performance. In the end it‘s left up to the viewer whether Windsor‘s life was saved, or just or soul.

So....why isn't this on DVD yet?

As I noted in reviewing ROCK ISLAND TRAIL and CALIFORNIA PASSAGE, Republic's westerns of the late 1940's and 1950's remain largely unreleased on DVD, despite fairly frequent showings over the past decade on Encore's Westerns Channel.

Why it should be on DVD:

Puzzling why it isn't. It is arguably Elliott's best remembered and most popular film with modern audiences, and one of Windsor's as well.

It may not be available on DVD yet, but this Trucolor western is now available for streaming on Netflix Instant. Well worth watching, HELLFIRE is a true gem and arguably the most glaring DVD omission from Republic.

Guest Posting at Rupert Pupkin Speaks, Deuxième Partie

2011-01-11T19:38:00.000-08:00

As always, I am honored to be invited by my good friend Rupert Pupkin to participate as a "guest poster" on his blog. Especially this time, since he's doing something a little different than just inviting his fellow film buffs to list their favorite films of 2010.

Instead, Mr. Pupkin asked me to provide a list of interesting films I saw for the first time IN 2010, which gave me a much more interesting list to compile. I limited my list to films released prior to 2010, and found that my list had lots of obscurities, cult classics, bona fide classics, and a couple of baddies that were released between 1933 and 2009.

So, check it out. And while you're there, partake in Mr. Pupkin's January archive, where you'll find similar lists from lots of other film bloggers who love digging for hidden cinematic treasures almost as much as I do.

Number 53 is next....and thanks again for the invite Rupert!

The Horn Section Salutes: Butterfly McQueen (1911-1995)

2011-01-07T22:42:00.000-08:00

Today is the 100th birthday of the late, great Thelma "Butterfly" McQueen. Born in Tampa, Florida to Wallace and Mary MacQueen, she is best known for her portrayal of Prissy in 1939's GONE WITH THE WIND. Unfortunately, her magnificent performance only led to more stereotypical 1940's film roles that were far beneath her talents in the unenlightened film industry of her day. Butterfly McQueen was the antithesis of such characters offscreen.

Remembering one particularly insulting line she was asked to deliver in 1943's I DOOD IT, Ms. McQueen said it best: "I didn't mind playing a maid the first time, because I thought that was how you got into the business. But after I did the same thing over and over, I began to resent it. I didn't mind being funny, but I didn't like being stupid."

Unlike many in the same position, Butterfly McQueen announced she would no longer accept such parts in 1946 and then left Hollywood the following year. Although McQueen's career had (and would continue to) encompass radio, stage and television, it also led to some lean years for the actress. At various times after her greatest screen success she would work as a tour guide, Macy's employee, dishwasher, waitress, dance teacher, community theatre manager and paid companion for an elderly woman.

Butterfly McQueen enjoyed a career resurgence in the late 1960's onstage with roles in CURLEY McDIMPLE and the Broadway productions THREE MEN ON A HORSE and THE FRONT PAGE, then resumed her film career with small roles in THE PHYNX (1970) and AMAZING GRACE (1974). The year after appearing in GRACE, she earned her Bachelor's in Political Science from New York's City College---at age 64. More stage roles followed (the national tour of SHOW BOAT in 1979-80) along with plum roles in the made for TV productions POLLY (1989) and SEVEN WISHES OF JOANNA PEABODY(1978), for which Butterfly McQueen won an Emmy.

There's a lot more to be said about Ms. McQueen, and as has been the case on other salutes, a mere blog post is insufficient space. I highly recommend Stephen Bourne's excellent book Butterfly McQueen Remembered to learn more about this talented and unique actress, singer, dancer and social activist.

Happy 100th Butterfly, and R.I.P.

Film Review: THE COMIC (1969)

2011-01-04T21:01:00.000-08:00

"Why the Hell isn't THIS on DVD yet?" -- Number 52

THE COMIC (1969 Columbia) Starring Dick Van Dyke, Michele Lee, Mickey Rooney, Cornel Wilde, Pert Kelton, Nina Wayne, Gavin MacLeod, Barbara Heller, Jeannine Riley, Ed Peck. Directed by Carl Reiner.

Ex-vaudeviller Dick Van Dyke (as Billy Bright) takes 1920’s Hollywood by storm, first by stealing the show in director Cornel Wilde’s two-reelers, then by stealing leading lady Michele Lee away from Wilde. With cockeyed second banana Mickey Rooney and Lee providing able support, Van Dyke starts his own production company. Rapidly rising from two-reelers to features, Van Dyke is the hottest comic in the land by 1926, but it all comes crashing down on the talented but self-destructive comic.   Lee divorces Van Dyke for repeated infidelities (taking his infant son) and after this drives him to alcoholism, Hollywood divorces him for erratic behavior (on and off the set), myopia and creative stagnation. After fading into obscurity, Van Dyke gets a second chance at stardom late in life, but the passing of 40 years doesn't help his humility or perspective.

With THE COMIC, the star and director are most successful in creating a long, superb montage of “classic” silent two reelers with titles like SAVED BY A SAP and MAIN STREET MENACE. Van Dyke’s athleticism and pantomime skills give reason to believe he might have become an even bigger star if he‘d been around in the twenties. Particular homage is paid to Van Dyke’s idol Stan Laurel; one short clearly recalls Laurel’s DR. PYCKLE AND MR. PRYDE, and check out the “freak” ending (a Laurel and Hardy staple) in NOTHING BUT THE TOOTH.

Teaming for the first time (three years) after THE DICK VAN DYKE SHOW, Van Dyke and director Carl Reiner also show a mutual desire to present more provocative material than television allowed them. Just a year later, Reiner would push the envelope much further with WHERE’S POPPA?, and Van Dyke would further attempt to redefine his Disney-friendly image with Norman Lear’s COLD TURKEY.   Billy Bright may have been created as a tribute to Keaton, Laurel and Langdon, but he’s far more flawed than any of them offscreen. Actually that’s an understatement--Van Dyke’s Bright has literally no redeeming qualities.

From the moment of his Hollywood arrival, Bright is self-centered, stubborn, ill-tempered, opportunistic and consistently thoughtless regarding others' feelings. After being granted a second chance in his senior years, he obnoxiously blames everyone but himself for his fade into obscurity and even provides thoroughly self-serving spin doctoring from the coffin (i.e. “I allowed people to walk all over me“) that is always contradicted by what we’re seeing onscreen. Other than one throwaway line early referencing Bright’s father (an alcoholic who ended up poor), there’s no attempt by the screenwriters (Reiner and Aaron Ruben) to probe the cause of the comic‘s faults. While it’s commendably fresh that the audience is never really supposed to like (or even pity) Bright, in making him so relentlessly rotten Van Dyke and Reiner also create a one-note character who wears out his welcome before the closing credits.

While not entirely successful, THE COMIC remains intriguingly unique and well acted by a solid cast. In addition to excelling at the silent slapstick, Van Dyke proves that he’s up to the challenge dramatically. Unfortunately the execution is marred by old age makeup that ranges from somewhat unconvincing (Van Dyke’s) to almost nonexistent (Lee and Wilde).   Only Rooney’s looks right. The modern audience may also be put off by a (needlessly) stereotypical portrayal of Bright Jr. (also Van Dyke) which seems to serve no purpose other than to allow a lame punch line from Bright Sr.

So…..why isn’t this on DVD yet?

Van Dyke’s attempts to move into edgier fare failed at the box office in 1969-1971. Ironically, he would have his first bona fide success in this vein after moving back to TV---in the ABC Movie of the Week THE MORNING AFTER (1974).

The film was originally titled BILLY BRIGHT after its protagonist before being changed to the thoroughly pedestrian THE COMIC. The more distinctive title may not have helped, but it couldn’t have hurt.

Why it should be DVD:

THE COMIC isn't fully realized, but the montage of Billy Bright’s creative peak is lovingly created and is itself worth the price of admission.

Van Dyke fans will see his finest dramatic performance, and he is very well complemented by beautiful Michele Lee as his wife and irreplaceable screen partner and a great Mickey Rooney as the Ben Turpin-inspired “Cockeye” Van Buren. Watch closely for Mantan Moreland and a pre-JEFFERSONS Isabel Sanford.

Film Review: BLOOD FEUD (1983)

2010-12-26T20:57:00.000-08:00

"Why the Hell isn't this on DVD yet?" -- Number 51

BLOOD FEUD (1983 20th CENTURY FOX/ Operation Prime Time) Starring Robert Blake, Cotter Smith, Ernest Borgnine, Jose Ferrer, Seymour Cassel, Michael Lerner, Danny Aiello, Brian Dennehy, Forrest Tucker, Sam Groom, Edward Albert. Directed by Mike Newell.

Robert Blake is James Riddle Hoffa, Cotter Smith is Robert Kennedy, and BLOOD FEUD begins in 1956 when both are on the rise: Kennedy the new chief counsel of the Senate Permanent Subcommittee on Investigations and Hoffa aspiring to usurp the presidency of the Teamsters from Dave Beck. Hoffa initially thinks RFK will be an ally. After all, he’s going after the corrupt Beck too, and Kennedy's father knows that "eventually everyone does business with everyone". But once Hoffa takes over the union, he finds himself in RFK’s crosshairs and in a tricky situation regarding the many favors he owes to organized crime.

Jimmy Hoffa has proven to be fascinating, if infrequent, film subject. Jack Nicholson’s mannered 1992 take on Hoffa was praised by critics, and Sylvester Stallone made a thinly veiled Hoffa his first project post-ROCKY (1978’s F.I.S.T). Both big-budget features pale in comparison to the much lesser known, made for television BLOOD FEUD, which is anchored by the best performance of Robert Blake’s career.

The perpetually troubled Blake was forced to put his BLOOD FEUD salary in escrow, collectible only if he stayed drug-free for the duration of the production. He responded with a performance that perfectly captured all sides of Hoffa: loyalty (to a fault), stubbornness, obnoxiousness in and out of court (count the times he refers to himself in third person) and competitiveness that hinted at a Napoleon complex. As the heat increases, so does Hoffa’s paranoia, and Blake is positively chilling after deciding that his office is bugged or that the Kennedys have planted female spies at the Teamsters convention. Evoking defiance, desperation and ultimately realization, Blake presents the most well-rounded and formidable screen Hoffa to date.

Blake is center stage but the acting is uniformly solid, with then-unknown Cotter Smith’s RFK matching the star in all areas except experience and charisma. Smith presents the less likable aspects of Kennedy’s crusading, including an obsessive competitiveness that matches Hoffa’s--at least, until the assassination of his brother. Ernest Borgnine is an inspired choice to play J. Edgar Hoover. Like Hoffa, he combats RFK’s antagonism, and, also like Hoffa, underestimates Kennedy considerably. Borgnine is good enough to make you wish he’d had the opportunity to play Hoover as the central subject of a film. Also particularly deserving of kudos: Brian Dennehy (as informer Ed Partin) and Danny Aiello (as a character clearly based on Hoffa loyalist and successor Frank Fitzsimmons).

Despite being talky and clocking in at 3 hours 15 minutes, BLOOD FEUD remains compelling throughout its runtime. Sure, there’s some dramatic license taken, but not in intrusive fashion. Probably the biggest stretch is Hoffa’s Hail Mary of a phone call to RFK from a phone booth, but the scene is more than saved by Blake’s intensity. Contrary to one reviewer’s comment, the print I saw recently did not include a scene of Hoffa’s lieutenants celebrating Oswald’s murder as covering up their involvement in...well, you know. And yes, RFK’s reaction to Hoffa’s "burning the midnight oil" has a factual basis. The opening half hour is a little slow, but BLOOD FEUD rewards the patient viewer.

So…..why isn’t this on DVD yet?

I have no earthly idea. Honestly. Given subject matter that was considered worthy of feature films in both 1978 and 1992, and the ongoing fascination with Hoffa’s fate and all things Kennedy, this one is a head scratcher that I have no explanation for.

Why it should be on DVD:

This made for television miniseries surpasses both F.I.S.T. and HOFFA in all aspects: better scripted (by DOCTOR DETROIT‘s Robert Boris!), directed and acted. BLOOD FEUD might not have a Nicholson or Stallone at the top of the bill but arguably has the best overall cast.

Best of all is Robert Blake and BLOOD FEUD is a reminder of just how good he could be, IMO surpassing his Oscar nominated performance in 1967’s IN COLD BLOOD. Fox Movie Channel occasionally airs this one, which was originally shown as a two parter in syndication, presented by Operation Prime Time. It’s well worth 3 ½ hours of your time.

Film Review: BLACK EYE (1974)

2010-12-19T00:04:00.000-08:00

"Why the Hell isn't this on DVD Yet?" -- Number 50

BLACK EYE (1974 Warner Brothers) Starring Fred Williamson, Teresa Graves, Rosemary Forsyth, Cyril Delevanti, Teddy Wilson, Richard X. Slattery, Richard Anderson, Floy Dean, Joanne Bruno, Nancy Fisher, Bret Morrison. Directed by Jack Arnold.

As the titular P.I., The Hammer is former cop Shep Stone, suspended from the force for strangling a pusher after his sister’s overdose. When his prostitute neighbor Fisher is murdered, presumably over the theft of an antique walking cane, Williamson’s investigation leads him to a porn studio and a drug ring. The situation is complicated further when Anderson hires him to find his runaway daughter who has joined a religious cult.. Meanwhile, Williamson faces unexpected competition for his sexy girlfriend Graves in the person of rich, powerful lesbian Forsyth.

The always in control Williamson of BLACK CAESAR, BUCKTOWN and THAT MAN BOLT is only occasionally in evidence here. BLACK EYE is a change of pace for the star, who is self-depreciating while dealing with his personal and professional struggles. He’s perpetually in debt but affable, not unlike Jim Rockford. Actually Rockford was better off financially. working out of his trailer---Williamson’s “office” here is a neighborhood bar. This Hammer is also less than assured in his love life: Williamson is geniunely confused by Graves' bisexuality, which he treats as something to cope with rather than an opportunity for a threeway (as say, Tommy Gibbs would have).

In addition to the atypical role for its star, BLACK EYE is also notable for a rare feature film appearance by the beautiful and talented Teresa Graves. The Houston-born star got her start with a self-titled LP and a regular gig on LAUGH-IN after Goldie Hawn's departure, rapidly moving up to her own series (GET CHRISTIE LOVE!) and three supporting roles in features. As Williamson's liberated lady, she's given insufficient screen time and saddled with some stilted lines to explain her preferences, but still exhibits undeniable charm and screen presence. Sort of a Dolores Hart for the 1970's, Graves retired from show business at age 27 to devote her life to her religion just a year after BLACK EYE's release. She'll likely get her own salute here at some point: suffice to say she was definitely headed for bigger things if she'd continued her Hollywood career.

Old pro Arnold (CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON) was primarily a TV director by this time, save for the two features he did with Williamson (the other was BOSS NIGGER, also rarely seen, for more obvious reasons). He does a credible job staging the action, including a car chase (complete with Mustang) that borrows more than a little from BULLITT and several solid scenes of fisticuffs.

BLACK EYE will disappoint fans reading the story elements and anticipating copious amounts of nudity and violence. For example, when Williamson visits the set of an adult film, the action stays off-screen. As a result of its well-deserved PG rating and California locations, BLACK EYE doesn't look that much different from the Barettas and Rockfords populating network TV at the time. Still, with a solid story, interesting cast, and the star's willingness to tweak his screen image, it's a rarely seen changeup that is worth searching for.

So.....why isn't this on DVD yet?

Wasn't a hit when released, in part due to misleading marketing by Warners. It was originally titled SHEP STONE but changed in an effort to capitalize on a Blaxploitation trend that was already fading when the film was released.

Why it should be on DVD:

The rare opportunity to see Teresa Graves, whose only other big screen appearances were in the aforementioned THAT MAN BOLT and VAMPIRA (aka OLD DRACULA). The latter is also not on DVD, albeit for good reason (see review).

Also a chance to see Williamson in a slightly different light. The ball is in Warners' court on this one, and since the long overlooked CLEOPATRA JONES AND THE CASINO OF GOLD recently saw DVD via the Archive, there's hope for the similarly unsung but deserving BLACK EYE.

Film Review: MALIBU BIKINI SHOP (1986)

2010-12-07T21:45:00.000-08:00

"Why the Hell isn't THIS on DVD yet?" -- Number 49

THE BIKINI SHOP (a.k.a. MALIBU BIKINI SHOP) (1986 International Cinema/Wescom) Starring Michael David Wright, Bruce Greenwood, Barbara Horan, Debra Blee, Galyn Gorg, Ami Julius, Frank Nelson, Jon Rashad Kamal, Kathleen Freeman, Rita Jenrette, Harvey J. Goldenberg, Jay Robinson. Directed and Written by David Wechter.

Recent college graduate Wright has decided it’s hip to be square, with a social-climbing marriage and cushy job all lined up for him by future father in law Robinson. Before he can say “I Do”, news of his Aunt’s passing takes him to Malibu, home of slacker brother Greenwood and the bikini shop Wright just inherited. With his prudish fiancee Blee wanting nothing to do with the West Coast, Wright instructs Nelson to help find a buyer, while Greenwood sees an opportunity to run his dream business. With Horan taking an immediate shine to the reserved newcomer, guess who eventually wins the struggle for Wright’s soul? You’re right---and it doesn’t sit well with the jilted Blee or her powerful father.

The “raunchy teen comedy" cycle was a good three years past its peak when MALIBU BIKINI SHOP had its limited theatrical run in the fall of 1986. This slight film follows the genre’s conventions: liberation of the repressed (not humorless Blee, surprisingly), plenty of shapely females in (and out of) bikinis and the usual surfeit of sexist humor. For example, Greenwood‘s use of unreliable clothing stitches and a two way dressing room mirror. And of course, the slobs beat the snobs in the end. As was the case from the earliest genre entries like H.O.T.S. and THE SENIORS, old pros like Robinson, Goldenberg and Nelson are on hand to provide the genuine laughs. Matter of fact, the funniest thing in the film is probably Nelson’s toupee (with Robinson's combover a close second).

There’s literally a hundred out there like BIKINI SHOP but it will satisfy your craving for old school late night T&A comedy. It certainly holds it own in the eye candy department (for guys, anyway); Jakowpck, Julius and especially Gorg all look stunning doing dance routines in their swimwear. Hairstyles and songs are solidly of the era, and director-writer Wechter provides an above average soundtrack despite the lack of hits or “name“ artists. In particular, the cover of “Girls of Rock and Roll” and Diana DeWitt‘s “You Make me Nervous” (which is way too close to Pat Benatar for comfort, especially with that title) stick in your head longer than anything else in the film will. The latter was obviously considered to be a potential single, complete with rotation ready video featuring Gorg in a camoflage bikini.

The key difference between this and a PORKY'S? The sexual embarrassment here is all on one gender. Bikinis are designed by Greenwood to disssolve on contact with water, and everyone laughs, with nary a lady objecting to this entirely planned wardrobe malfunction (or to Greenwood's aforementioned mirror). When Blee's dress is ripped in two by skateboarders while she's wearing it, her father's only concern is the cost of the dress(!). The lack of equality and memorable intentional laughs means that there’s better examples of the genre and better 80's period pieces, but there‘s also far worse--GIMME AN “F“, anyone?

To sum it up, you had to be there. And a guy. If you were, and you are, you would probably welcome the arrival of MALIBU BIKINI SHOP to DVD.

So….why isn’t this on DVD?

As a film, largely unremarkable and came too late in the T&A cycle to be as well-remembered as a H.O.T.S., PRIVATE LESSONS or SPRING BREAK. While those films reached a wide audience on late night HBO and Skinemax in the early 1980’s, MALIBU BIKINI SHOP was most often aired edited on USA’s UP ALL NIGHT late in the decade. Also, the humor in this one is solely for the guys; Hell, even H.O.T.S. had a jockstrap raid.

Why it should be on DVD:

Okay, so it doesn’t have the future superstars a la Tom Cruise in LOSIN’ IT, Johnny Depp in PRIVATE RESORT or Dennis Quaid in the aforementioned SENIORS. BIKINI SHOP still boasts a rather eclectic cast. Beautiful Galyn Gorg would later appear on practically every cult sci-fi series for the next 20 years. April 1981 Playboy centerfold Jenrette (the ill-fated Aunt Ida) wrote a best-seller about her married life with a congressman. Buxom Blee (HOT DOG THE MOVIE) plays against type as Wright's shrill fiancee. And the late great Frank Nelson was saying “Yeessss!” to his final film; he passed away the same month BIKINI SHOP was released.

In addition to being your last chance to see Nelson, it’s your only chance to see Christie Jakowpck. I’ll let you decide if she’s reason enough. MGM owns the rights, and after a long cable absence BIKINI SHOP (as retitled) has been making the rounds on Showtime recently. They just don't make 'em like this any more.

Film Review: GLORY DAYS (1988)

2010-11-22T22:29:00.000-08:00

"Why the Hell isn't THIS on DVD yet?" -- Number 48

CAMP CLASSIC EDITION!

GLORY DAYS (1988 Made for TV/CBS) Starring Robert Conrad, Jennifer O’Neil, Shane Conrad, Ed O’Ross, Stacy Edwards, Pamela Gidley. Directed by Robert Conrad

Robert Conrad is a self-made businessman who has been successful beyond his wildest dreams, able to retire in his early fifties. Perhaps inspired by Rodney Dangerfield, he elects to rectify his biggest regret and go back to college with his son, Shane Conrad (imagine that). He immediately gets the hang of it--as he explains, U.S. tire regulations are a lot more confusing than the classwork. The elder Conrad elects to emulate Thornton Melon further by joining his son athletically on the football team, which seems to be about as successful as Grand Lakes University’s diving team. That is, until injuries force the elder Conrad into action as the team’s new starting quarterback. The team goes on a winning streak as Robert threatens the league’s passing record(!), and charms the comely Gidley in the process, putting a strain on his marriage with O’Neil.

Very few things in this world are funnier than a vanity project that gets out of hand. Witness the word of mouth that caused 2003’s barely released THE ROOM to become a sensation as possibly the worst film of the 21st century so far. Yes, I realize that Dangerfield saved the day in BACK TO SCHOOL, but that film was played completely for laughs. Conrad’s serious! In GLORY DAYS, the erstwhile Eveready spokesman asks us to believe that he can play quarterback in college at 5’7” AND (at least) his early fifties, with a throwing motion that makes Charlie Hough’s look like Dan Marino’s. And not just playing, mind you, but establishing himself as conference MVP despite not picking up a football for 30-odd years. The WILD, WILD WEST star is a much better actor than director, as he fails to make any of the football sequences look any more convincing than his passing.

No worries about going “middle age crazy” or letting the adulation get out of hand, though. He might be the savior of the coach, team, school and the oldest B.M.O.C. in history, but his essential morality wins out. Conrad bypasses a chance to prove he’s still “got it” with Gidley and elects to stay, not stray. Jennifer O’Neil fans can rest easy. Then with his son sufficiently recovered from the injury, Robert graciously walks to the sideline, a few yards short of the record, to let the younger Conrad (then 17 and just starting his own acting career) take his turn in the spotlight. Tough, talented, athletic, agelessly virile, a terrific student---and humble. What a guy!

In a world where misfired vanity projects provide copious amounts of unintentional hilarity, GLORY DAYS deserves rediscovery. Although he co-directed THE BANDITS in 1967, DAYS remains Conrad’s only feature-length effort as solo director. Aside from this one telefilm his efforts behind the camera would be limited to his numerous series (BAA BAA BLACK SHEEP, HIGH MOUNTAIN RANGERS). It’s easy to see why when giggling your way through this one.

So…..why isn’t this on DVD?

Movies made for television in the 1970’s and 1980’s continue to have a low batting average in getting released, even the high quality productions.

Going back to college in your late middle age ain't easy, at least not in DVD land. Dangerfield's BACK TO SCHOOL is available, but Bing Crosby's HIGH TIME (1960) joins Conrad's effort on the sidelines.

Conrad had a long, successful run on the small screen, but has been absent from it completely in recent years since an unfortunate automobile accident left him with serious injuries in 2003. He does have his own radio show, which from the link sounds like an excellent weekly listen with guests like Barry Corbin, Dwayne Hickman and Ernest Borgnine stopping by in recent months.

Why it should be on DVD:

It's comedy gold, people! Name any unsuccessful attempt at looking like a quarterback you can think of: the aforementioned Sandler (THE LONGEST YARD), Charlton Heston (the awful NUMBER ONE), even Alan Alda as George Plimpton in PAPER LION. Conrad provides more laughs than any of them without even trying. To be fair, he was by far the oldest of the bunch, 59 at the time of filming. (According to court documents from his 2003 trial).

Acting, directing, producing. About the only thing Conrad didn’t do in this one was go out for the track team and avenge his BATTLE OF THE NETWORK STARS loss to Gabe Kaplan, but I guess you can’t have everything. Still, GLORY DAYS is recommended for those of you who love finding humor in unlikely places.

Film Review: COCKEYED CAVALIERS (1934)

2010-11-11T23:24:00.000-08:00

"Why the Hell isn't this on DVD yet?" ---- Number 47

COCKEYED CAVALIERS (1934 RKO) Starring Bert Wheeler, Robert Woolsey, Thelma Todd, Dorothy Lee, Noah Beery, Robert Grieg, Henry Sedley, Franklin Pangborn, Jack Norton. Directed by Mark Sandrich.

In 16th century England, Wheeler and Woolsey sneak a free carriage ride but end up locked in the village stocks thanks to kleptomaniac Bert, who attempts to steal the coach afterwards. Disguised as a stable boy(!), Lee helps the penniless pair escape a vegetable pelting by hiding at the local pub, but Bert’s habit flares up again, forcing the desperate duo into disguises. Specifically, as the personal physicians of Grieg, the Duke. Complicating matters, Grieg’s niece Todd takes a shine to Woolsey while Lee’s growing feelings for Wheeler threaten her own masquerade, which is necessary to avoid an arranged marriage with Grieg!

COCKEYED CAVALIERS was Wheeler and Woolsey’s last undisputed triumph, for the Hays Production Code was about to blunt the edge of the sarcastic wise guys known for the era’s bluest humor. It’s a shame because CAVALIERS is not only their best film, it’s a minor masterpiece. As I stated while reviewing DIPLOMANIACS a while back, Bert and Bob may not be the Marx Brothers, but their best films hold up solidly. In fact, the side-splitting CAVALIERS is funnier than the Laurel and Hardy period piece (THE DEVIL’S BROTHER, also with Todd) that no doubt inspired RKO to send W & W back a few centuries.

Working with the boys for the second and (sadly) last time, Todd is inspired, joining their perennial leading lady Lee (co-star a whopping 13 times) to give us our two romantic complications to resolve, and the perpetually pained Beery ( as Todd's husband) and lecherous Grieg make great foils. While even the best Wheeler and Woolsey films have their dull spots and a few too many groaners, COCKEYED CAVALIERS is the exception to this rule. Briskly directed by Sandrich (TOP HAT), the film has two memorably amusing and clever songs, “Dilly Dally” and “Big Bad Wolf” and remains fast, clever and consistently funny from the gossipy sing-song opening to the inevitable and wild carriage chase finale.

Wheeler and Woolsey lacked the distinctive screen personas of the other leading comedy teams of the 1930’s, and they made plenty of clunkers both before (DIXIANA) and after (MUMMY'S BOYS) their 1932-1934 peak, but their current obscurity is due more to bad luck (the aforementioned Code, Woolsey’s untimely death in 1938) than a lack of talent. COCKEYED CAVALIERS is the best supporting evidence. It’s a shame the team never again worked with Sandrich, who, like Woolsey and Todd, died way too young. His other W & W flick, HIPS, HIPS, HOORAY, is also worth a look. One can only wonder what might have been if RKO had kept this promising creative team together for a few more films.

So…….why isn’t this on DVD yet?

Warners owns the rights, and the Archive gives us hope, but for the longest time Wheeler and Woolsey have been perhaps the ultimate DVD evaders. Until very recently only public domain copies of the likes of HOOK, LINE AND SINKER (far from one of their best, and very poor quality typical of PD bootlegs) and DIXIANA (embarrasingly creaky) readily available out of their 21 as a team. However, this may finally be changing....see next section.

It’s a minor gripe, but this is one film in which Woolsey’s catchphrase, “Whoa-ohh!” is overdone. I counted seven.

Why it should be on DVD:

A very well done period comedy, Wheeler and Woolsey’s finest cinematic hour, and yet another reminder of just how sexy AND hilarious Thelma Todd was. I mentioned that I prefer it to DEVIL’S BROTHER, and IMO it’s also arguably better than Laurel and Hardy's later BOHEMIAN GIRL.

Here’s hoping that the Warner Archive is eventually able to get this one out on DVD: I mean, if MEET THE BARON and SPEAK EASILY (just to name two) are available, there certainly should be room for this one. As Brian Paige astutely noted in the comments below, Warner has started the long-overdue process of getting W&W's peak period out with the double feature GIRL CRAZY/PEACH O'RENO, the first "official" DVD release. Hopefully there's a couple more to follow.

Bottom line, COCKEYED CAVALIERS is one the three funniest films of its year, high praise when the other two are TWENTIETH CENTURY and IT'S A GIFT.

Guest Posting at Rupert Pupkin Speaks

2010-10-14T13:00:00.000-07:00

You'll remember a short time back that I awarded one of the coveted Zombie Rabbit awards to Bob Freelander over at Rupert Pupkin Speaks, one of my favorite film blogs. While preparing more reviews of the obscure, Bob invited me to provide a guest post of my 10 favorite underrated horror films. I was honored to do so. Check it out here, and scroll down for the choices of some other film bloggers. You'll recognize a couple of my choices as previously reviewed here at The Horn Section....and sadly, still not on DVD. But well worth searching out!

Missing No More: PRETTY MAIDS ALL IN A ROW (1971)

2010-10-11T22:30:00.000-07:00

Man, the folks at Warner Archive are really outdoing themselves lately. Hot on the heels of their long-awaited release of CLEOPATRA JONES AND THE CASINO OF GOLD last month comes a Warner Brothers release that, if anything, folks have been clamoring even louder for over the years.

The truly bizarre, hilariously dark Gene Roddenberry/Roger Vadim collaboration (!) PRETTY MAIDS ALL IN A ROW has finally made it to DVD via the Warner Archive! Reviewed here originally as Number 7 in our series, this 1971 film was way ahead of its time. Mainly because its time has yet to arrive.

But here it is, with Angie Dickinson as a MILF 28 years before AMERICAN PIE gave us the term, Rock Hudson as the most progressive guidance counselor you'll ever see, the late John David Carson (who passed away just last year) as Coach Hudson's pet project, and a dazzling array of gorgeous Pretty Maids: Aimee Eccles, Margaret Markov (BLACK MAMA, WHITE MAMA), Brenda Sykes (MANDINGO), June Fairchild (the immortal Ajax Lady from UP IN SMOKE) and Joy Bang (NIGHT OF THE COBRA WOMAN).

Roddy McDowall (LORD LOVE A DUCK) is on hand to remind us that the school has a lot of great little cheerleaders, while Telly Savalas works around the clock to locate the killer.

Highly recommended here at The Horn Section, there's also a limited number of collectible copies out there autographed by Angie Dickinson that are sure to be fetching high prices on ebay in the coming years.

No, I haven't forgotten, I've just had a full plate lately. Number 47 is next post!

Missing No More: CLEOPATRA JONES AND THE CASINO OF GOLD (1975)

2010-09-14T16:45:00.000-07:00

Tamara Dobson's sequel is now out on DVD!

The Warner Archive strikes again and makes us all happy here at The Horn Section with today's DVD release of Number 32 in our series, CLEOPATRA JONES AND THE CASINO OF GOLD (1975).

Reviewed here last year as part of our tribute to the late, great Tamara Dobson, CASINO OF GOLD has been arguably the most glaring absence from the blaxploitation era. It's certainly been a long time coming. An exciting mixture of James Bond, Run Run Shaw and the aforementioned blaxploitation, it may be flawed, but it is never boring.

You'll join me in wishing that Cleo had at least as many sequels to choose from as Rocky Balboa and Paul Kersey, and you'll also get to see Norman Fell flashing his famous grin into the camera and playing Cleo's boss, "Stanley"---foreshadowing the signature TV role on THREE'S COMPANY that would follow his fine work here.

Here's hoping the Warner Archive keeps up the fine work, as they've now brought three of the Horn Section's most wanted to DVD for the first time in the past year alone. Next up, number 47!

The Zombie Rabbit Awards

2010-09-03T16:56:00.000-07:00

A short break in between reviews to thank Don Guarisco over at Schlockmania! who has awarded The Horn Section the prestigious Zombie Rabbit Award.

Many thanks, Don! I am honored, and also pleased to have the opportunity to share the wealth with other blogs out there consistently providing worthy reads. Without further ado, The Horn Section's Zombie Rabbits:

Rupert Pupkin Speaks -- Lots of films to rate and debate here. Whether you want to discuss your favorite John Carpenter films, your favorite made for TV movies, or (perhaps my favorite) your favorite "killer robot" flicks, here's a site that has a list for every film fan.

Cinema du Meep -- Michael shares my affinity for discussing those films that haven't found their way to DVD yet in his DVD Evaders series, and provides especially interesting material for those of us who grew up on the films of the 1980's.

Television Obscurities -- You'll get week by week historical Nielsen ratings (currently covering the 1972-73 season), lots of short-lived but interesting series (most recently, the wonderful one-season wonder My World and Welcome to It), and, oh, yeah, they talk about F Troop too, which is reason enough for a gold star, right?

Blaxploitation Pride -- Very informative site that only highlights classic 1970's films that fall under the blog's title description, but their soundtracks, TV series such as Sanford and Son and Good Times, and documentaries. Occasionally ventures outside the 1970's as well. If you enjoyed the reviews of THE MUTHERS, CLEOPATRA JONES AND THE CASINO OF GOLD, THE LANDLORD and SUGAR HILL by yours truly, you'll find more information on those films and many more at the Blaxploitation Pride site.

Mr. Peel's Sardine Liqueur -- Probably deserves an award just for referencing the now-forgotten BIG TROUBLE in its title. No, not the Tim Allen flick. The interesting failure from 1986 that re-teamed Peter Falk and Alan Arkin but failed to recapture the magic of THE IN-LAWS (1979, not the lousy 2003 remake) in the midst of production troubles. He has over 400 posts of happy cinematic reading to browse through over the last 4 years, covering all genres.

Congratulations to all of our winners, and I hope I've steered you to some wonderful reading while taking this breather. The 47th review in our never-ending DVD series is next, just in time for a brand new NFL season. That's your only hint.....

Film Review: THE PACK (1977)

2010-08-29T21:05:00.000-07:00

"Why the Hell isn't this on DVD yet?" -- Number 46

THE PACK (1977 Warner Brothers) Starring Joe Don Baker, Hope Alexander-Willis, Richard B. Shull, R. G. Armstrong, Ned Wertimer, Bebe Besch, Paul Willson, Sherry Miles. Directed by Robert Clouse.

Seal Island is a popular but isolated tourist destination with once-weekly ferry access, a handful of locals, and unfortunately a couple of dozen dogs who have been cruelly left to fend for themselves by vacationers returning to the mainland. Starvation has turned man's best friend into rabid, bloodthirsty enemy. With the next boat several days away and the loss of radio access to the mainland, locals Baker, Alexander-Willis and a host of visitors find themselves under siege and next on the menu for The Pack.

Martial-arts film specialist Clouse, best known for the genre classic ENTER THE DRAGON, directed (and also scripted, from David Fisher's novel) his one outright horror film with THE PACK. Unfortunately it's a horror film that doesn't really pass the scare test. Perhaps Rotweillers, Pitbulls and Dobermans gone mad might have seemed terrifying. But Collies? Dalmations? The supposedly famished canines curiously bypass some easy prey on occasion, such as ignoring a dozen live chickens and going straight for Alexander-Willis while she hides in her Volkswagen.

Despite the implausibilities Clouse does a good job getting impressive performances from his pooches, helped considerably by trainer Karl L. Miller. He also succeeds in building suspense where the prior year's DOGS failed, with the island a more convincingly remote atmosphere than a campus on the mainland.

Unlikely leading man Baker usually played heavies, but he had about a five year window of opportunity for heroic roles in the aftermath of WALKING TALL. Playing a marine biologist who owns his own loyal German Shepherd, Baker provides the needed sturdy-yet-compassionate presence. Capable character actors are cast in the supporting roles such as Wertimer (the immortal Ned the Doorman from THE JEFFERSONS) and Willson, at the time a dead ringer for the BOOGIE NIGHTS-era Philip Seymour Hoffman.

Underneath it all, there's even a worthy message in THE PACK about responsible pet ownership. But don't worry, Clouse is commendably subtle. He sidesteps preachiness throughout and also avoids the maudlin until the closing minute of the film. Hope that isn't too much of a spoiler, folks.

So...why isn't this on DVD yet?

While Clouse's film is interesting and well-made, it just isn't very scary. That's the main reason THE PACK has faded from memory.

The plot and setting recalls the camp classic THE KILLER SHREWS, but without the unintentional humor that makes that film so memorable, unless you want to count Willson's sprint in slow-motion.

Why it should be on DVD:

Arguably best film of the "dogs attack!" sub-genre IMO; certainly the best made. The others include the overrated CUJO (1983), the more credibly humorous MAN'S BEST FRIEND (1993) and the frankly lousy DOGS (1976).

Provides a very worthy, still relevant message regarding humane treatment of animals and responsible pet ownership and doesn't hit the viewer over the head with it.

PIRANHA, GRIZZLY and the other mid-1970's "nature attacks!" films have made it to DVD as have the aforementioned films with the exception of the abysmal DOGS. THE PACK may not be a classic, but it is the most overlooked flick of its subgenre, which ought to mean something.

Film Review: THE OSCAR (1966)

2010-07-29T20:50:00.000-07:00

"Why the Hell isn't THIS on DVD yet?" -- Number 45

CAMP CLASSIC EDITION!!!

THE OSCAR (1966 Embassy) Starring Stephen Boyd, Tony Bennett, Elke Sommer, Jill St. John, Eleanor Parker, Milton Berle, Ernest Borgnine, Broderick Crawford, Peter Lawford, Edie Adams, Walter Brennan, Ed Begley, Joseph Cotten. Directed by Russell Rouse.

Stephen Boyd is a barker at a gentleman's club, St. John is his stripping girlfriend, Bennett his best friend/lackey and St. John's ex. At the outset, at least. After getting stiffed for performance fees and arrested, Boyd's "Frankie Fane" (yes--really) decides they should hitchhike to New York City where he plans to put his talent to use. While said talent is never apparent to the viewer, he becomes a successful actor once he gets a private audience with Parker. Boyd eventually ends up in Hollywood when honest, scrupulous agent Berle decides to represent him on Parker's recommendation. A user, womanizer and borderline psychotic offscreen, Boyd moves from St. John to Sommer and experiences a meteoric rise. His fall is harsh, though, and just when he's about to submit to the ultimate indignity for a "big star"--a television series(!)--he gets word from ever-loyal Bennett that he's about to receive his first Oscar nomination. Seeing the opportunity to get back on top of the "glass mountain", Boyd decides to stack the odds in his favor.

Oh, Lord. THE OSCAR is one of Hollywood's most notorious messterpieces, as beloved by bad movie buffs as the following year's VALLEY OF THE DOLLS or any of the countless all-star "disaster films" of the 1970's. The notoriously inept screenplay is famed for jumping from one implausible situation to another and for the strained attempts at hip dialogue and hard hitting narration. Creating your own lingo is terrific when it works (i.e. OCEAN'S ELEVEN, CLUELESS) but positively painful when it doesn't. Who thought "birdseed" as an expletive would elicit anything but giggles, or that "bustin' thumb" had a shot at catching on as slang for hitchhiking?

That aforementioned narration is given to first-time screen actor Bennett in another of the highly questionable decisions made by the filmmakers. Bennett may be the epitome of cool on the concert stage, but he's completely lost trying to play "Hymie Kelly" (yes, really!), Boyd's socially inept but sensitive conscience. Bennett is not only wooden, but clearly uncomfortable with his lines, delivering them rapidly with little inflection. Not that the crooner should feel too bad about his debut. There's plenty of seasoned veterans making fools of themselves in THE OSCAR, including real-life Oscar winners Brennan, Borgnine, Begley and Crawford (as the bigoted "redneck sheriff"). Worst of all is the scenery-devouring Boyd, as the thoroughly uncompelling lead character--he's a heel (or, in this film's vernacular, isn't it a "fat honey dripper"?) in the beginning, a heel at the end, and a heel in between. At least he's consistent. To be fair it can't be easy playing a one-note character in one unrealistic, melodramatic scene after another. Especially when you're forced to deliver howlers like:

"You got a glass head. I can see right through it! It's how I know you're stupid!!" Or: "Will you stop beating on my ears! I’ve had it up to here with all this bring-down!" Or perhaps: "You’re making my head hurt with all that poetry!"

Just to name three out of two hundred or so. Perhaps even more puzzling than all the wasted talent in front of the talent is the appalling screenplay that somehow came from 11-time Hugo winner Harlan Ellison and former Oscar winners Rouse and Clarence Green. Then again, Ellison's greatest triumphs came in science fiction and Rouse and Green won for the light comedy PILLOW TALK. Maybe each was, like Bennett, just out of his respective element here. Boyd's reign of terror (i.e. ruining lives, ruining careers, causing a then-illegal abortion) results in a "comeuppance" that doesn't even seem like a slap on the wrist in comparison, but he looks ready for an institution regardless.

THE OSCAR might be the biggest career destroyer in Hollywood history. It effectively ended the careers of Rouse and Green--Oscar be damned, THE OSCAR was the penultimate feature for both. Ellison continued to win awards by the armful for his short stories, teleplays and novellas, but THE OSCAR would be his lone screenplay. Bennett would never again play anyone but himself in a feature, and Boyd's big screen career fizzled quickly following the one-two punch of this film and THE POPPY IS ALSO A FLOWER. Surprisingly, it is Berle who gives the film's best performance. He often succumbed to hamminess in comedies, but Berle was effective in his infrequent dramatic roles (i.e. LEPKE). He's a model of restraint here (certainly compared to Boyd) as the agent with a heart of gold, "Kappy Kapstetter" (yes---really. Was there a plausibly named character in the entire film?).

An embarrassment to almost all involved, THE OSCAR didn't come close to winning any Oscars but did get some Golden Turkey Awards love. Still, that was 30 years ago, and this legendary baddie has slipped through the cracks since, while VALLEY OF THE DOLLS, THE SWARM, and the AIRPORT sequels continue to soak up the bad-movie love. This is a wrong that should be righted: this oldie-but-baddie can stand toe to toe with any given year's Golden Raspberry nominees. And so what if it's just two hours about a louse with no central theme? According to Danny Peary, so is RAGING BULL--and this one's a hell of a lot funnier.

So.....why isn't this on DVD yet?

THE OSCAR had the misfortune to be released just before film language became more frank and honest ("Birdseed"???), the studio system became obsolete (BONNIE AND CLYDE and EASY RIDER were both less than 3 years away) and the aforementioned, flashier DOLLS assumed the all-star baddie throne of the 1960's.

Why it should be on DVD:

It may have been dated the moment it was released, but that only enhances the "appeal". THE OSCAR, long out of print on VHS, deserves more than just the occasional airing on TCM. There's more than enough overwrought, badly delivered dialogue, ripe melodrama, and ridiculously named characters to keep a bad movie buff in glee for evenings to come. It's also been way too hard to find for way too long. Stop trying to sweep this one under the rug, Hollywood! It's comedy gold, I tell ya!!